Chapter11
(Jacob)
"I love you more," I replied. My heart was hanging on by a thread, an agonizing sting accompany to its every beat.
Rejection never hurt so badly.
Pain, embarrassment, regret, and humiliation were only a few of the emotions that forced my chest to swell and compelled my eyes to water. My vision was blurred, whether from boiling tears or pure disappointment I had no idea.
Still, above all, the one emotion underlying my every breath was relentless love, infinite adoration.
The urge to change was unyielding. My instincts ticked in every crook of my body, begging for an essential release. I clenched to my self control, squeezing it with everything I had.
I couldn't panic her by changing; she would never forgive herself if she knew that she caused me that type of pain. It takes a lot to faze me, and her denial was the worst daunt I had ever experienced.
I never imagined what it would feel like to actually have your heart broken in a matter of a few seconds, because that's all it took.
And then I heard it, her illusory, desperate scream.
I knew that scream.
Time came to an abrupt halt.
Her final growth.
Everything after that started happening so fast. Seconds were split in half while I scooped her into my arms.
Her howls left no room in the world for me to be attentive to anything besides her. Gravity directed all of its force to the writhing, wailing girl in my arms. Nothing else mattered.
I hugged her closer to me and sprinted off of the roof into the forest, not knowing what else to do. Each of her shrieks torturing me mercilessly. I tried to block out the intensity of them, but they were impossible to ignore. I flinched while she gnawed my shoulder.
The deep gash healed before she had a chance to tear open the flesh next to it. I overlooked her projectile vomit, saturating the both of us now.
It didn't matter. Not while she was suffering.
I called Edward as I ran, cursing his name when it went through to his robotic answering machine.
I called Bella. No Answer.
I called Carlisle. No Answer.
I called Alice. No Answer.
Jasper, Emmet, Seth, and then finally resorted to Blondie.
No Answer.
I didn't want to have to worry Esme. But I ended up calling her anyways when the others didn't answer, only to be slapped in the face with another automated voicemail.
My frustrated scream reached volumes I hadn't thought possible, while I sped through the maze of trees.
I lost control, and exploded into my ball of fur, not even caring what form I was in anymore. I doubted that she would notice anyways.
I ran her to the damp of the meadow.
I knew how much it calmed her down. Maybe subconsciously she would perceive the change in surroundings over the inferno I knew was surely turning her inside out. Maybe she would subliminally calm down?
I used my now shredded shirt to clean the regurgitation off of her snapping mouth.
She struggled with everything she had to get out of my arms, twisting and turning ferociously with every stride I took. She was animalistic; a slave to the pain.
I set her down in the wet grass, uncontrollable.
I wish I would have had at least a few answers for the thousands of questions circling my head, invading all other space.
How do I calm her down?
How can I make the pain go away?
How long is this going to last?
Should I be taking any precautions?
Terror took over while I starred at her, helpless. Helplessness was the worst feeling, being powerless. I wasn't able to make the pain go away, pain that she didn't even need to be going through. She couldn't help what she was.
Another howl penetrated my already raw throat at the sight of her whipping body, eyes rolled back into her head, the silver of the venom streaming out of her mouth.
Turning away from her, unable to look, unable to do anything to stop what was happening, I kept one wiggling hand in both of my paws.
This pain was obviously far worse than anything she had ever endured before.
I thought back to her first real growth, hating myself more with each passing second I sat, immobilized.
***
Edward and Bella barged into the main house; a howling and thrashing monster bundled under blankets in their arms. They were racing, panicked, their words coming out too fast for me to understand.
Instinctively, I was worried.
"Bella! What is that?" I asked Bella, standing to get her attention, I directed my eyes to the bundle of evil in her arms.
It was wild; whipping back and forth, screaming, crying.
There was something demented about something so small making such a commotion.
I wanted to know what was happening.
"Bella!" I called. She sprinted past me, a blur of speed, not even aware of my presence.
"Edward?" I called again, now trying to distract Edward from whatever he was doing in the kitchen to make so much noise.
Carlisle soon joined the frenzy, setting up different machines in the living room while Bella unmasked the stranger in her arms.
I was more petrified than anybody in the room at that moment, the earth could have slid off its axis and I wouldn't have known the difference.
The monster fighting out of a cocoon of blankets was my 4 month old ball of beautiful. White foam was swallowing her screams while she flopped like a wild shark at warped speed.
My little Loch Ness.
I ran to Edward, our faces both a mix of the same type of helpless concern.
"WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER?!"
I hadn't meant to yell, but before I could process the words, they were already in the form of rushed screams. I had no control over this fear.
He scowled and turned away from me. I wouldn't have that, not when the purpose of my existence was foaming at the mouth.
My flesh tore into wild bushels of hair while I cornered Edward against the wall, viscously growling at him, my now black lips pulling against snapping teeth.
Renesmee's cries took over the background.
Edward pushed against me, snapping the couch in half in the process. I sprang back up, snarling. Before we had time to think about it, we were rolling around the living room, attempting to calm down the other with painful bites and pointless punches.
My teeth just barley began to penetrate the granite of his skin when I felt Carlisle pinning my ravenous body up against the fireplace.
Bella's scream brought me back to reality.
"THAT'S FUCKING ENOUGH!"
Her voice shattered every piece of glass in the room, knocking the TV on the wall to the floor with a bang. Her strong, small arms holding Edward back. His black eyes bore into mine from across the room.
"SHES GROWING JACOB! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!" The mirror in the bathroom fell victim.
I quivered out of Carlisle's arms, and ran to the couch. Sitting, staring, nothing in my eyes but grief, at the little angel on the couch, turning blue with her screams.
"What do you mean?! She's always growing!" I shouted back at a raging Bella. Her façade broke, and she collapsed to the floor, shaking with dry sobs.
"I don't know, Jacob. I have never been more scared in my life. I don't know what to do for her." She buried her head in her hands. "I am her mother, and I don't know how to help her."
Of course, Edward was at her side within milliseconds of her crying.
His inattentiveness to Renesmee was not helping me get back to my regular form. Bella is a grown woman crying like every other mother would. Yet, a wailing baby is ripping open the floors with torture.
I wanted to throw him against another wall.
I turned to Carlisle, annoyed.
"What do we do?"
He sat kneeled next to me in front of Nessie, cupping her tiny head in his massive hands, attempting to massage the temples on her head, whipping in every direction.
"There's nothing we can do. This is the first of many natural processes she will go through to control her rapid growth. It's her body's way of getting in check. Like a menstrual cycle."
"How long," I called over the screaming.
"Each growth could last maybe from a few hours to a few days, depending on her body's equilibrium. They are going to happen at least twice a month, for 7 years."
I tried to take her in my arms, maybe cradle her into a more of a comfort zone. She wiggled away from me as fast as she could, and went back to bite into the couch.
"She's trying to protect you. She doesn't want us here to see her this way." Edward whispered, still holding Bella.
"Im not leaving," I stated, harsh, not taking my eyes from my angel. "I don't care what she wants."
"I know." He replied, carrying Bella upstairs.
This time, I wasn't upset. I wouldn't want to see this either if there was nothing I could do about it. The feeling of complete helplessness was the worst part.
I wanted to leave, but couldn't bring myself to.
There was nowhere else to go.
***
Nessie fell unconscious and thankfully, so did her screams. I cradled her to my side, trying to ease her constant twitches with my warmth.
We laid there for hours, in the grass, under the stars. She would occasionally shudder, and I would have a panic attack at every move or grunt or cry she would make.
The pack had already come to check on us and fortunately brought me a change of clothes.
I told them to leave; I needed to be alone with her.
When her screams finally stopped, I was able to calm myself down into my human form, witch I was appreciative for. It made it easier to be with her.
I didn't care how pathetic it was, but when I had her with me in the middle of this meadow, the stars my only light, I was happy. Despite the fact she didn't want me; I still wanted her, in any way, shape, or form. This was enough for me, and I hated it.
I have invested my entire life into a girl that doesn't want me. I had basically wasted my time into a relationship that would never happen for me. I should have been upset, but of course, I couldn't be. Not when she was so vulnerable like this. Not when I could feel the rise and fall of her breath. Not when I could count the light freckles scattering her nose.
When I had her in my arms; when I saw her smile; even when I saw her cry; it wasn't even remotely close to a waste of time.
I've said it before, and ill say it forever; she's everything.
She doesn't want you.
She doesn't want you.
She doesn't want you.
I would make it okay.
I could just keep building on the brotherly relationship if I had to. Everything would just stay the same. We could still be as close as we always were.
What would be the sacrifice?
Love? No.
Sex? Yes.
Family? No.
Kids? Yes.
How much would I be willing to sacrifice?
It isn't even my choice.
Even if she didn't want me, it's not as if I could just run to the next girl I see, or any girl I see. She could run to whoever she wanted.
Subconsciously, I held her closer.
***
I opened my eyes and mercifully, the flames had been extinguished. The sun was just peeking over the horizon while I stood.
The first thing I noticed was my hair. It had grown into rivers over my hips, down my thighs. I groaned when I saw how long my fingernails had gotten, they were bitches to trim. My legs and armpits were embarrassingly furry, a very uncomfortable type of furry. Hopeful, I glanced down my shirt. I chuckled, proud of my new-fangled "lady lumps."
I heard a deep guffaw to my left, and turned to a happy Jacob.
Everything came rushing back; an awkward silence followed my revelation.
I broke the tension before it had enough time to build. I was absolutely desperate not to ruin this moment with him; it would set the basis of our friendship for the rest of our lives.
"How long was I out?"
"Only 4 hours actually," he said, hands in his pockets.
"Not too shabby."
"I would say so."
I wondered if it was as uncomfortable for him as it was for me. I felt like running and hiding in the first hole I saw. I could feel the blush covering my entire body, there was no possible way he didn't see it.
"So, I kinda reek." I began, walking towards the woods in a hurry, my words a jumble. "And im all hairy, and I need to clip my nails and brush my teeth. And I think im just gonna head home. You know, and you can like…just go home and ill go to my house, alone. And you can go to your house, alone." His face was lit with sarcasm, he sensed my nerves. Fuck. "So yeah, thanks for tonight, thanks for staying with me and stuff. Love you."
My throat was dry, my eyes were wet, my knees were wobbly, my stomach was stuffed with balloons, and I was self-conscious of my thick breath. I felt bad for being so short with him, but I needed to get home before I threw up. Again. Oh god, I threw up on him during my change, didn't I? Ugh, that's probably why he's in different clothes. Oh my god. I needed to get home.
"Ness-"
I took off running before I could hear the end of his sentence. I couldn't even handle to hear him talk, the embarrassment was that bad.
Finally, I was home.
I hurdled myself straight into my shower, not holding back with my abundance of assorted shampoos, body washes, and exfoliating soaps. I shaved over my entire body, cut every nail, mid-exfoliation, and even went to the lengths of brushing my teeth at 5 minutes intervals. I felt that gross.
I toweled myself dry, and brushed through my immeasurable strands of hair before pulling it into a messy bun on the top of my head. I would wait for Alice to come home and cut it; she would crucify me if I did it I myself. I slipped into a pair of shorts and my favorite of Moms battered t-shirts.
Throughout my entire post-growth cleansing process, I did everything possible to stop myself from thinking of Jacob.
I was physically and emotionally worn-out.
Nothing would stop me from curling up in my bed and going to sleep…Besides the one thing that could stop me from curling into my bed and going to sleep; Jacob, sitting in front of my bedroom door.
I internally groaned.
"I refuse to accept your friendship." He said. His eyes were bold, relentless.
"I suppose your about to explain to me what you mean by that."
I was too tired for any of this. I just needed to go to bed; my mood was bitchy enough without Jake being confrontational.
"You and I both know that there is no way we can be just friends. There is more, so just get over it."
I groaned out loud this time.
I marched forward and pinned him against the door, surprised by my new-found strength when the door creaked under the pressure.
My lips found his. His warmth was fast and eager against my cool, relaxed rhythm. I pulled away, indifferent.
"Nothing," I said, shaking my head, frustrated. Every type of exhaustion was beginning to make my eye-lids heavy.
Jake opened my door before throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me to my bed. He laid me down more gently than he picked me up. I crawled under the covers, relief laced within the familiar silk. Jacob sat beside me, his hands burning the scarlet of my cheeks. I didn't even want to look to see the emotion that I knew was blazing in his eyes, so I kept mine closed, also not wanting him to read the wrong way into whatever was in mine.
At this point I was so unsure.
This time, his lips brushed mine with a respectful type of patience. His tongue traced my bottom lip with fortitude, a type of resilience that I admired. He knew what he wanted, and that above anything, was the most reassuring thing about the entire situation.
I skeptically opened my mouth, new to this entire kissing ritual. I knew what came next, but was still nervous to see what it would be like.
His breath was hot inside my mouth; the feeling went straight to my stomach. Butterflies escaped the deadlocked cage inside of me, and I wilted against the sheets, pulling Jake with me.
I smiled against him while our tongues danced in synchronization.
He rolled and pulled my body on top of his. I felt every rigid curve of his sculpted physique, and I adored every single chisel.
The fire coursing through me was, indescribable.
Wow. Lust.
I was his. He had changed my life with one slip of the tongue. I giggled, and honestly, it was out of pure bliss.
Why hadn't this happened earlier?
He pulled back, his face smug.
"I told you." He whispered, kissing my nose.
Internally, my diabolical wheels started turning, thinking of dozens of different ways I could twist and turn this situation to make it a hilarious embarrassment on his part.
I could bluff, and claim the kiss meant nothing, claim that my innards weren't an inferno of awkward teenage desire. He would walk out, and I would go after him tomorrow, after he stayed up all night thinking of how that kiss wasn't perfection, turning his little head upside-down to find the reasoning to my rejection, only to find that it was all a front.
But I was too tired, and instead of weaving a whole other kind of web, I just cuddled to his side, pulling the blanket over us while he kicked off his shoes.
"You were right." I yawned, placing a kiss on his chest.
Why was this all happening so fast?
It didn't seem right.
I feel asleep trying to remember a time when I felt this happy, even though I had always been happy. I feel asleep trying to piece together why I felt so complete, even though I had never been broken. I feel asleep next to my only love, trying to understand why it was fair for me to be so blessed.
Fate would get even with me sooner or later.
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AuthorsNote: Suuuup. I really hope you liked it (: Sorry it was kinda predictable. I would have loved to have been cooler and fucked everything up, but than the whole story would be ruined.
& plus, they need to be together.
I would be challenging mother nature if I denied that.
& she seems like a fickle bitch so, fuck that.
Ya, im going to bed.
REVIEW!