Part 2:
(continued from first part)
"As far as we're 'discerned', kid, you have no rights!" spat Smartass, as he slammed the doors shut.
"That's it!" I hollered. "I've had enough of you weasels! When I get out of here, I'll... I'll-"
"Save your breath kid. It ain't gonna do you any good to yell at them." said Eddie, a few inches away from me.
The ride to wherever- it- was they were taking us was hot, and stuffy, and smelled of old cigarettes and cheap whiskey. Smartass' erratic driving only made the trip worse, so when the time came for us to stop, I didn't think I was in any condition to do anything, let alone be interrogated by that gargoyle of a judge. It didn't help one bit that Wheezy, Psycho, Slimy and Flasher were taunting us in the back The taunting ebbed and flowed as they ran out of names to call us, and nasty things they said they'd do to us, so Eddie and I finally managed to have a conversation:
Despite that, Eddie was, for the first time since I knew him, petrified. Ignoring the weasels, I said, grumpily, "Well, this was some plan."
"What are you talking about? Everything was going fine! You saw what happened. I could have handled them! And what were you doing there?"
The ride to wherever- it- was they were taking us was hot, and stuffy, and smelled of old cigarettes and cheap whiskey. Smartass' erratic driving only made the trip worse, so when the time came for us to stop, I didn't think I was in any condition to do anything, let alone be interrogated by that gargoyle of a judge. It didn't help one bit that Wheezy, Psycho, Slimy and Flasher were taunting us in the back The taunting ebbed and flowed as they ran out of names to call us, and nasty things they said they'd do to us, so Eddie and I finally managed to have a conversation:
Despite that, Eddie was, for the first time since I knew him, petrified. Ignoring the weasels, I tried to break the tension and said, "Well, this was some plan."
"What are you talking about? Everything was going fine! You saw what happened. I could have handled them! And what were you doing here?"
"I was trying to help you! Listen, I know what's going on: this is way bigger than just the murder of one old jokester."
He said, "What could you possibly know about my case, kid?"
"Plenty! I know the connection! Cloverleaf wants to get a hold of Toontown. That's why Maroon plans to sell his studios to them. So Cloverleaf can take over Toontown and destroy-."
"You do realize that Cloverleaf industries is a mega automobile manufacturing company, right? Why would they want Toontown? Or a cartoon studio? It makes sense why they bought out the Red Car line, but not why they'd want Toontown or a cartoon studio,"
"It's the only thing that makes sense Cloverleaf bought the Red Cars to put them out of business to-'' He cut me off.
"I don't think money laundering has anything to do with this. And, besides, why would Judge Doom and his goons be so concerned about this?"
"Shaddap!" growled Wheezy, who then broke into a massive couching fit.
I ignored him."They're in on it, Eddie! They….that is, Doom… Doom ki-." I almost told him the truth about Doom right then and there, but that was the last thing in the world they needed to hear right now.
He made a small noise of exasperation and pinched the bridge of his nose. I said, "Look, Eddie, I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I do know that Cloverleaf, Maroon, Acme, and Toontown and Judge Doom are all connected. It seems to me like you could have used all the help you could get back there!"
"By that way of thinking when we get out of…whatever it is that these damned ferrets have planned for us, help me!"
"Hey!" exclaimed Slimy, his voice figuratively oozing contempt and literally oozing slime everywhere else (hence his name), "We ain't no ferrets! Now you just quit flapping your gums before I make you!"
I talked over him as if he'd said nothing. " I'm not cut out for this kind of work. I could never replace Teddy."
"So that's why you…. Look, I'm not worried about that, kid. I'm not looking for a partner; I'm looking for help, and you're to the only guy I could trust now. Since you claim to have all the answers, it only makes sense that-"
"I really can't, Eddie. You don't understand. I'm just a kid; not a film noir detective. I'm not chickening out, Eddie, but I simply can't help and I'm scared out of my mind, and I'm lost…and…and… I just want to go home," I said, miserably. "I'm not like you. You're a survivor. There's a reason you last name is Valiant and why my last name isn't."
"So much for what you said back to me in the cemetery, kid!"
I said, self-deprecatingly, "I know, but this is something I can't do. I have a feeling this could end very badly if I were to join in on all this so late in the game. It's just not meant to be. You and Roger are the only ones who can do this and succeed. I'm sorry, Eddie, but I can't help you now."
"That's it!" shouted Wheezy, "I've had enough of you two yapping! Don't you two know that you're supposed to be prisoners fa Christ's sake?"
Psycho giggled insanely. "Can we gag them now, Wheezy? I wanna gag them!
Wheezy was about to say something, when, just then, the car came to a screeching halt, and the four Weasels in the back flew against the back doors and were literally flattened. They peeled off like old strips of wall paper once the doors opened. It was night-time where we were, but we were parked directly under a streetlamp, and the sudden light nearly blinded Eddie and I.
Plainly, from the merry sounds of laughter and the dreamy, pastel night sky, with its laughing moon, we were in Toontown. "We can handle these weasels." I faltered, as Eddie was dragged out of the van.
A gag was promptly placed over my mouth, and I, too, was dragged into the dingy jail building. Like all the buildings in Toontown, it was angular, with a face incorporated into its design. The two large windows in front shone with a burning red light, suggesting menacing eyes, and the extended front entrance with windows of graduated sizes, suggested a leering grin. The whole building was an ugly shade of gray, and the interior was no better. The offices had furniture with blinking eyes that followed the weasels and myself, followed up in the rear with Judge Doom, his outdated Inverness cape billowing in an unseen breeze.
The core 5 weasels shoved me in a rickety chair that I wasn't certain could fully hold my weight, and saw my wrists being bound together by Stupid. We must have been in Doom's private office. There were all sorts of blueprints on his antique oak desk, and the filthy walls were covered in photos of all the Toons he'd dipped in his five year reign of terror as Toontown's hanging judge.
Judge Doom (Hiram L. Doom, according to the nameplate on the battered old door) was almost identical to the way he was portrayed in the film, except he carried a large black doctor-style bag, and had a Toon vulture-Voltaire, his name was- perched on his shoulder. I cringed, because I couldn't un-see the image of him dressed as Doctor Emmet Brown from "Back To the Future" (Another film that Christopher Lloyd, who played Judge Doom in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"). The real Doom and his actor counterpart were 100% identical.
He sat in front of me on a sagging, dusty loveseat which literally groaned when he sat in it. The carved lion's paws on the legs of the chair flexed their toes in protest.
"Tell me, young man, what were you doing spying on us? And what exactly is the nature of your relationship with Mr. Valiant? My men observed you talking intimately with him at Marvin Acme's funeral."
I felt that the truth would help better than nothing, so I said, "I first approached him a few days ago looking for a job. He turned me down, but we bumped into each other earlier today at Acme's funeral, (Ok, here, I lied) and then earlier today when he stopped by at my Uncle George's house- that's George Kreisl, the animator and artist, mind you- to see if I wanted the job after all. I turned him down, because I will be leaving the city sometime soon," I said, trying to sound calm, but only ended up sounding like what I was: a seventeen-year-old scared out of his mind, and being interrogated by a truly evil man.
All those daydreams where I'd pictured myself in a similar situation, and I act unafraid in his presence, and tell him I know everything weren't even worth the brain power I used to think of them. I was in way over my head and I knew it. He could sense I was scared stiff, too. You could see it in that reptilian smile he had plastered on his face.
"I see," he said, coldly, his glasses glinting. The vulture on his shoulder squawked at me, and Doom smiled evilly. "Would you like to know what I have to say about that?"
He opened his black bag, and out hopped twelve Toon mother kangaroos. Twelve joeys came out of their pouches with letter placards, which, between the twelve of them, spelled out, "Y-O-U-A-R-E-G-U-I-L-T-Y." A genuine Kangaroo court. Would ya look at that!
"That," sneered Doom, "is what I have to say about your story. There is something you are not telling us, and until you feel like telling us exactly what, you will stay here. Slimy and Flasher will watch your every move, so I doubt you'll be able to escape."
"Don't worry, Judge," said Slimy. "We'll watch the kid. We'll make sure he don't escape!" Man, this guy needed a box of Kleenex. Badly, too.
"I have no doubt that you will," said Doom. To the remaining weasels, he said, "Let me know when you're through interrogating Valiant, men, as I have other business to take care of. Now, I-"
I cut him off. "You can't just leave me here," I said, "I haven't done anything wrong!"
"That is entirely up to me to decide, young man. I am a judge, after all, and I say that you're impeding an official investigation into the murder of Marvin Acme. Obstruction of justice, liable for a lengthy prison sentence."
"I'll get out of here, and when I do, I'll tell everyone who you are and what you're planning!"
He whirled around and stormed closer to me. "What did you say?" he demanded, his voice steely calm, but radiating with anger.
"I know your secret, Judge. And not just the business about the freeway, either. I know who you really are, you vile old-"
"Now, that will be enough of that! Flasher," Doom called over to the trench-coated weasel, "Gag him."
I moved my head this way and that, struggling to avoid getting gagged saying, "Why do you never blink? Ever? Why is there a breeze that always tugs at the hem of your cape, even indoors? Why do you wear gloves, and those tinted spectacles?"
"I'm afraid I don't know what you're implying." He said, slowly, drawing out the sentence stonily.
"You know darn well what I mean. You're a Toon in a mask. You framed Roger Rabbit for Marvin Acme's murder!"
He said nothing, so I continued, "That would have been right around the time that the First National Bank of Toontown was broken into. You stole that moved to bribe your way to the post of chief jurist of Toontown, but not before you killed Theodore Valiant! And then you hired the Weasels, forming the Toon Patrol, and you've been reigning over Toontown for 5 years! You know that I'm right, VonRotten." I challenged him, looking directly into his bright, unblinking eyes.
I saw a small flicker of fear flash across his face, but he simply said, "Absolute nonsense. You say you're related to an animator? The…zaniness of his working with Toons all day long must have rubbed off on you."
He called over to the remaining Weasels, who were watching in the door. "Come, men, you've got a detective to interrogate! And I …." He said, taking a sinister pause, "have some urgent matters of business to attend to." With a flourish of his heavy cape, Doom and the Toon Patrol left the office and headed down into the bowels of the jail to do who-knows-what to Eddie.
"Somebody ought to give you a pat on the back!" I called over to the Judge. "With an axe." I added.
He didn't even turn around.
"Save the one liners for the funny pages, chump!" called Smartass over his shoulder.
Hours turned into minutes, and the Toon moon in the window started to yawn and grow dim. As the sun rose on August 16th, I was kept under constant surveillance by the remaining weasels, and I was trying, and slowly succeeding to undo the knot. Luckily, it wasn't done too elaborately and slowly but surely, I untied myself. When I finally freed myself, I kept my hands behind my back, and called over to Slimy, "Hey, you got any booze in this dump?"
"Got a craving, huh, kid? Ain't you a little young to be an alcoholic?" sneered Slimy, pouring a drink into a shot glass from a dusty decanter of single malt whiskey.
"I don't drink alcohol: I drink distilled spirits. So therefore I'm not an alcoholic- I'm a Spiritualist." So far, my plan seemed to be working. If I was right, and these guys handled their liquor the way Roger could- which was not at all….
"Well, Spiritualist or whatever you call yourself, I got news for ya, kid: that drink is all mine!" Slimy gulped down the shot.
You could see the liquid go down his skinny throat as his Adam's apple moved along with it, but then he dropped the glass. "Aw….shi-" He muttered, as his face slowly became red, like a rising thermometer. It contorted and turned green and blue and his eyes popped out of his head. The sound of a steam whistle grew louder and louder, and Slimy shot up in the air like a rocket, smoke blowing out of his ears. A gale-force wind shook up torrents of dust in the room, and I leaped the door in the flurry of papers, leaving Slimy still up in the air.
I crept out of the jail, quietly and uneasily. All the eyes in the furniture were following me as I tip-toed out the main entrance. The only soul who looked up as I passed was a very bored looking Toon secretary who paused from her game of Solitaire only for a moment to see me.
Since it seemed to be a habit of mine lately to do stupid things, I climbed into the back of the Toon Patrol's van, making triple sure that nobody was going to come bursting out of the jail, screaming "Somebody stop that kid!". I didn't exactly relish the thought of climbing back into that hot and musty car again, but since I knew what would happen next, I figured I'd take advantage of it: the Weasels brought me here, and whether they knew it or not, they were going to get me out of here, too!
I clambered behind some bags of dirty laundry (manly mountains of dirty socks that I could only hope weren't toxic enough to make me faint. I only had to wait. It was about three minutes until the doors opened and Eddie was tossed in. The car rumbled to life, and we were speeding out of Toontown very soon.
They stopped almost at the mouth of the tunnel that led to Toontown, and the doors opened once more. I crept out while the Weasels were busy with Eddie. I could only silently watch as Eddie was dragged out of the van, and was drop-kicked, flying out of the entrance to the tunnel with a sack over his head. I knew what this was: the infamous deleted pig-head sequence.
"Kinda stubborn, wasn't he, boss?" I heard Greasy chuckle, and Smartass said, slyly, "Kinda pigheaded, I say! I think it's safe to 'presume' he got the message!"
So Eddie, hearing this, took off the sack they had covering his head. He wondered what they were laughing about, and felt where his head should be. Of course, he felt the giant cartoon pig's head. The open mouth revealed his face. It was smiling stupidly, had floppy ears and was wearing Eddie's fedora on his head. An image of a roasted pig with an apple in its mouth came to mind.
Once Eddie realized what they did to him, he began running down the street screaming "AH! I've been Toon-a-rooed!" I knew, from watching the rest of the deleted scene that he'd be ok. He'd wash it off in the shower using turpentine. Then the whole "I'm not bad" thing would happen. Hopefully, this doesn't change things too much… But I didn't have time to worry about that.
I snuck into the bushes as the Weasels headed back into Toontown, and made my way, slowly, back into the city limits. The first telephone booth I saw, I used to call Uncle George. I said nothing as he picked me up, still very shaken by what just happened, and once we got home, I collapsed onto the bed, not even bothering to fully un-dress, even though it was early morning.
I woke up to find myself covered with a blanket. Margaret must have done it. How sweet of her, I thought, as I drifted to sleep again. When I woke up for good, I quickly showered and got dressed. I was dismayed to learn that it was almost 8 pm! I slept over 12 hours!
I was nearly in full panic mode when Aunt Margaret walked in, dressed in a coat with broad shoulders, and a kerchief tied around her hair.
"Let's go, Adam!" she cried. "Or else it'll be too late to save Toontown!" She was so agitated that she almost tripped while walking over to her car. "Hop in! I'll take you as far as Toontown!"
I wasted no time climbing in the car. "Uncle George told you?" I asked, incredulously as she sped down the road.
"He told me everything, yes!" she shouted over the noise of the highway. "You're making me proud to be your great-aunt, now."
I reddened. I certainly wasn't expecting that! But what did I do to deserve that kind of praise? I needed to do something real this time, something that will actually help, for once.
Slowly, as we were entering LA, a plan began to form in my mind. Something I really could do to help! And I knew just what to do!
"We're here!" She called, as she pulled to a stop in front of the mouth of the tunnel to Toontown.
I got out of the car, and she said, "I hear a car coming."
"Go, Aunt Margaret. Drive back home."
"But-… but don't you need me?"
"I have to do this alone. It's going to be dangerous. You need to be there for Uncle George."
"All right…." She hesitated before turning the key in the ignition. "Promise me you'll be safe."
Look at me. A big noble hero… I'm almost embarrassed I said any of that to her. It wasn't like I was going to die!
"I will!" I called over. Just then, I saw the Judge again, waiting underneath the streetlamp with a barrel of Dip (for those of you not in- the- know, it's a mix of paint thinners. The only thing that can kill a Toon. That's how Smartass is later killed, by the way, after the other Weasels die of laughter in the big showdown in the Acme Factory).
I ducked out of the way and hid behind the Hollywoodland Realty sign across the street. Just as Eddie and Jessica drove by in Benny the talking cab (the attitude of a cabbie and a cab rolled into one) Doom kicked the barrel of Dip over, spilling it out into the street and severely damaging Benny's wheels.
I could only watch helplessly as the Weasels pulled up and dragged them off to the Acme factory.
I needed to act fast! Benny was unconscious, and he would later accompany Roger to the Acme factory once he came to, so I left him alone for now. Once the Weasels drove off, I realized something crucial: I didn't know where the Acme factory was! But as I began panicking all over again in the middle of the street, I was nearly run over by a familiar looking '41 deep-turquoise Ford Deluxe Coupe. It looked like it was chewed; swallowed and spat back out of the mouth of Hell, but it was still easily recognizable as Eddie Valiant's car. The top had been sheared off and dangled like a paint chip stuck in a spider's web, most likely because the driver of the car was Roger Rabbit, himself.
"Jeepers, buddy!" he exclaimed, "I almost hit you!"
He pulled over to the side of the road and hopped out towards me. "Say, do I know you? I'm Roger," he exclaimed, grabbing my hand with both of his and shaking it up and down rapidly until his arm literally wiggled like spaghetti. "Roger Rabbit."
It was an incredible moment, shaking hands with him. He had a definite weight to him, and you could feel it. It was about the same weight as your average handshake. I felt his fur, and it felt like real rabbit fur, but didn't look like my brushing my hand against his arm had any effect on its surface. The cloth of his gloves had a satin-y feel to them, but didn't look textured. I almost expected him to have no weight at all, but here he was, all three-and-a-half feet, and 35 pounds of Roger Rabbit, standing before me.
When he moved, he wasn't two-dimensional, in the sense that I could see the contours that formed his body, and the wrinkles in his red overalls, and the highlights and the shadows. It was like looking at an action figure or a comic book character: they look flat on the screen or in the drawing, but in person, they have shape, and substance and contours. Does that make sense?
This was when I knew I wasn't in Kansas anymore, so to speak. This was my defining moment. To have a living, breathing, talking creature made of celluloid, paint and ink right there with me, and shaking hands with him was life-changing. I'm not kidding.
"Nice to finally meet you. Look, Mr. Rabbit, I-"
"Call me Roger, p-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-lease, "he said, sputtering out the "P" in "Please". He smiled warmly. "So what's a human doing all the way out here, anyways?"
"I… the Toon Patrol, and Doom and… they -."
"What does the Toon Patrol want with you?"
"Well, you see-"
"I hate those guys! They're after me, too!"
"Yeah, I-"
"You don't think I did all those bad things they say I did in the papers do ya?"
"No, Roger, I-"
"Phew!" he wiped a hand across his forehead." I'm glad that somebody's on my side! Because I didn't kill Acme! I can't hurt a fly! I won't and shan't hurt a fly! You gotta believe me!"
"I do, and -"
"I couldn't hurt anybody like that! I only want to make people laugh! I couldn't kill anyone! Period! "
He thought for a moment, and continued, "Exclamation point, question mark, semi colon, and lastly, comma!" he said, with a flourish of his yellow gloved hands.
"I can see that, Roger, and-"
"So how'd you escape from the Toon Patrol?"
"I made one of them drink whiskey-"
"It's that kind of comedy that's not in the entertainment business nowadays. I mean, look at my boss, R.K Maroon. He doesn't have a sense of humor! And then there's my buddy, Eddie Valiant! Ever hear of him? He's-"
"I know who he is. He and I are…..acquaintances. You can't exactly be friends with Eddie Valiant."
"Oh I know! He's a real, genuine, one-hundred-percent hardboiled private eye! You know, I never met one before I met Eddie! Man, if there was ever a guy who needed a laugh, it's Eddie!"
"I know, I know, I know. I heard about his brother." Would he just quit it already? We both had places to be!
"But what I was saying before about the entertainment business…did you hear about this new fuss everyone's making over television sets? It's like a movie theater right in your own home! This isn't good!"
That jolted me out of my flurry of panic. "Why not?"
"This'll be the end of cartoons being shown before films! I'll be out of work!"
"Oh, no you won't! Maybe they'll show your cartoon skits on TV. You never know. This'll be the wave of the future!"
"You really think so?" he looked up towards me, hopefully.
"Sure! What with your…..talents, " I said, not saying what I really wanted to say, which was "hyperactivity levels that rival a hummingbird after eating too much sugar", "I'm sure you'll do fine. There's always work for comedians."
"That's super, buddy! I knew talking to you was a god idea! Now, I-"
I cut him off, "Don't you have some running away to do?"
His eyes widened. "Oh you're right! I can't stay here! Not with the weasels after me! Do you need a ride? I can drive, no problem! I'm the best driver I know!" he said, a smile beaming on his face.
Yes, I thought. That's why the car looks like it lost a fight with a can opener.
I weighed my options. A car ride with Roger Rabbit that would most certainly bring on imminent death, or a car ride with Roger Rabbit, the title character of my favorite movie. I decided on the second choice, and hopped in Eddie's car.
"Where to? I know this city like the back of my paw!" he said, indicating the back of his left paw. He peered at it closely, "Say, is that a new splotch?"
I might end up regretting this. "J-just drop me off at the Terminal Bar on 6th and South Hope."
"Okey-dokey!" he said, driving away from Toontown at breakneck speeds. I gripped the door handles do hard that my knuckles turned white. Roger Rabbit was definitely a lead-foot driver if I ever saw one.
This car ride was even worse than the trip with the Toon Patrol. It must be something with Toons that makes the majority of them such awful drivers.
We turned a sharp corner and Roger nearly flew out of the car. "Where did you get your license?!" I screamed over the noise of the wind, "Out of a cracker jack box?"
"No, silly! That's where I got my social security card!" he hollered, narrowly avoiding crashing into a lamp post, "I got my license at the Toontown Department of Motor Vehicles!" he laughed. "See for yourself!"
He took out his wallet, not focusing at all on the road, and showed me his license, which had a goofy headshot of him, cross-eyed.
With a gloved hand, still not looking at the road, he tapped the bottom of the card, "It says here that I'm an organ donor, too! But the joke's on them, since I only have a piano! Whoo-hoo-hoo!"
I tightened my grip on my seatbelt. For about the fifteenth time hat day, I wondered what the heck I'd gotten myself into.
We arrived at the Terminal Bar, and it was very late. Almost 11:20. I was shaking like a Chihuahua, when Roger pulled to a stop.
He finished a joke that I could hardly hear over the chattering of my teeth, saying, "And then I said to Benny, 'Who says I'm a bad cook? You haven't tried my cereal yet!"
"Ha-ha," I muttered flatly, too shaken up to at least manage a fake chuckle.
He hopped out of the car and opened my door. With a sweeping flourish of his hands, he said, "Okay, buddy! Here we are! Thanks for using Roger's Car Company! I'll see you around! I gotta head back to Toontown!"
"Wait!" I called over to him as he hopped –literally- into the car. "Don't forget to check on Benny! I saw him on the side of the road by the tunnel to Toontown!"
"Oh, that isn't good! I gotta go help my buddy!" he called. "So long, pal!" He sped off towards Toontown, leaving me wanting to kiss the ground with relief for no longer being in that death-trap of a car. Needless to say that was kind of a deterrent for learning to drive.
I shakily walked up the steps, and not surprisingly, the bar was still open. They had a late-night happy hour. Dolores was wiping down the counter, and there were a few people sitting around the tables.
"You again?" asked Dolores, with a sour frown. "Shouldn't you be in bed, or sneaking out to go to the late-night movies with a girl or something?"
I said, sarcastically, "Your concern is appreciated, Ms. Verne. I was just kidnapped by the Toon Patrol yesterday, and got a lift here, courtesy the world's worst driver." I plastered a fake smile on face, "How was your day? Did you have fun stuffing olives and pouring martinis?"
She blinked a few times. She was still wearing her red suit that I remembered from an earlier scene in the film, but had removed the jacket and the purple straw hat. She was wearing a white tailored blouse with shoulders padded like a lunatic's cell.
"And I thought my day was rough," she said, wringing out her rag in the sink. She whirled around and asked, "Say, have you seen Eddie? He just stormed out of the movie theater with Roger with some crazy idea in his head about how to crack this case of his."
"Oh, so I see Eddie has told you about me. And I did see him. He was in Toontown, actually. He and Jessica are heading to the Acme Factory-"
"Oh, her. That painted hussy, "she scowled, the dislike evident in her voice, "But what would they be doing in the Acme Factory?"
"I don't have time for this! They were kidnapped by Doom and his Weasel thugs! Doom's behind all of this!...Are you shocked?"
"Not especially. That Nazi of a judge would sell his own mother to get what he wants," said Dolores, stepping around the back of the bar and sitting next to me. "Assuming he hasn't already."
"Assuming that gargoyle even has a mother," I said, cynically. "So what exactly has Eddie said about me?" I asked, not really sure I wanted to know what the answer was. I mean, this was Eddie we're talking about.
"He said that you talked when you were at Acme's funeral. You helped him a lot, you know. He said you told him to finish this case, and even though he started to give up, I could see that whatever you said to him made a difference. I haven't seen him look like that in years. Not since his brother died. Whatever you said, it was a wakeup call. I'm just happy he hasn't touched a drop in two whole days," she said, rolling her eyes slightly.
"I really am glad that I could help Eddie," I said, truthfully, but urgently. I need to am-scray. I gotta go help if I can!" I rose from my seat, and was swept up in a quick hug from Dolores. She whispered, "Thank you." Her eyes glistened a bit.
She sniffled, and asked, her voice suddenly urgent as she processed what I said "Would you like a ride back to the factory? It's late, and I don't want you walking alone. Besides, the Red Cars don't run this time of the night."
"Thanks Dolores. After the day I've had, I don't think I could handle walking."
Just as we were about to hop in Dolores' car, Aunt Margaret and Uncle George pulled up beside us.
They rushed out of the car, and after I explained what happened, Aunt Margret cried, "I'm so glad that you're safe!" and she gave me a surprisingly strong hug for a woman her size. "I wouldn't forgive myself if anything happened to you."
"I'm beginning to regret ever drawing those damned weasels," muttered Uncle George from his seat on the dining room chair. "But speaking of drawing things, if you'll come here, I have the spats I promised you."
From the pocket of his bathrobe, he withdrew a pair of gray Toon spats and handed them to me. "You can go home," he said, softly.
"We even have your suitcases ready." He added, reaching into the back of Margaret's car and handing them to me.
I looked back at Dolores and Aunt Margret, and then turned to look at Uncle George. Strangers who took me in and made me feel like family when I really needed it. I couldn't leave any of them without doing something to repay that debt.
"I won't be leaving yet. You've all been so kind, all of you, and I can't thank you enough. I have something that I need to do first to repay you guys."
To Dolores, I said, "Could you give me a lift to Toontown? It's urgent."
"Sure," she said, not fully understanding why. "I thought you wanted to go to the Acme factory, but ok. If you think this'll help."
Margret and George hugged me goodbye. I dropped my suitcases in surprise, matter of fact.
"I'll stop by again." I drew in a deep breath, and it shakily came out, "I really will miss you both so much." I sniffled a bit.
"It was nice having you visit," said Margaret, a bit sadly.
George said, a bit awkwardly at first, since he wasn't the type for sappy goodbyes, "So long. It's been a very interesting visit, I'll say." He smiled a bit. "I really do hope we see each other again, someday."
"I do too. You guys helped me more than you know, really."
I saw them waving from their as we rounded the corner, as I got into Dolores' car.
When we had reached the entrance to Toontown, it was fifteen minutes to midnight. I told Dolores to wait outside, and that I would be heading into Toontown alone, and leaving from there.
She sighed, but managed a small smile. "I guess this is goodbye, kid, huh?"
"Yeah.. it is. But I'll be back before you know it. I promise I will." I said, as I started to climb out of the car.
"Oh…Dolores?"
"Yeah?"
I smiled. "Thank you."
With that, I entered Toontown on foot, all alone.
I thought of what Eddie said to me earlier, and I realized that I needed to do something, anything, to help, no matter how insignificant it seemed.
I gathered up all the Toons I could find and told them to wait by the wall that separated Acme's factory from Toontown. I figured that, however small a thing it was, it was a way of restoring the hope of the Toons. They would soon know that their home wouldn't be destroyed. Of course, I didn't tell them that. I would let them find that out when Roger read Acme's will. My hope was restored when Uncle George helped me to get back home, so it was the least I could do to give back a little of what I got. It's corny, I know, but it's the truth.
My Big Moment happened when I told the operators of the Toontown Express, a train that goes around the perimeter of Toontown, to make a last minute alteration to the route.
"What are you talking about, kid? Why should we?" demanded a Toon bulldog in a railroad worker's jumpsuit.
"If you want Toontown to be saved, you'll pull that switch so it goes past the Acme Factory!"
"Forget it, kid! We ain't doin' that!"
I'd had enough of this, so I ordered, "Oh…Move over!" and, with all my might, pulled the leaver by the tracks that would alter the route of the train from going diagonal, to going straight. It would collide with the Dipmobile- Judge Doom's homemade tank that would spray 5,000 gallons of superheated Dip, enough to erase Toontown in a matter of minutes. It would be destroyed beyond repair after that.
At exactly 12:05 am, Sunday August 17th, 1947, the Dipmobile crashed through the brick wall separating the factory from Toontown, and I watched with a small smile on my face as the speeding Express collided with the Dipmobile, destroying it forever. Toons poured into the factory, all wondering who, or what Doom really was.
Once I heard the announcement that the Acme's will was found (Roger had it all along, but due to the fact that it was written in disappearing ink, he thought it was blank paper, and wrote his wife a love letter on it)
I felt very much relieved and ridiculously happy, and a little bit sad, because I would genuinely miss this place.
When it was all finally over, I put on the spats Uncle George gave me, and picked up my suitcases. I caught Eddie's gaze, and he looked at me for a moment. He mouthed "Thank you" to me.
I walked over to Roger, Jessica, Dolores and Eddie, after Roger waved me over there, and I said, "You know, this isn't goodbye forever, guys. I'll be back again sometime."
Roger started sobbing, hugged me tightly, and through his tears, said, "I'll miss you buddy! Please come back! P-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bleaseeee!"
"You've only known me for about half an hour, Roger!" I said, laughing a bit.
"Yeah," he sniffled, "But I'll miss you! You were a good listener." He blew his nose on Eddie's tie, and Eddie scowled.
Eddie said, gruffly, "It's been nice knowing you … you helped me a little."
"Oh, you old faker!" chided Dolores, elbowing him across the ribs, "Thank the kid properly!"
"Oh, all right…," he said, sighing, "Thank you, kid. For telling me what I really needed to hear. I couldn't have finished this without what you told me. And maybe there is something to laughs being our only weapons in life."
Roger instantly stopped blubbering and said, "Hey wait a minute! That's what I said!"
"Yeah," I said, "Laughter can be a powerful thing. Sometimes in life it's the only weapon anybody has. It's an inspiring quote."
He beamed up at me. "See, Eddie? I inspired someone! I'm not just good for comedy!"
Looking off into the distance, he said, dramatically, "I can see it now: "Roger Rabbit- The Philosopher!"
"Yeah, yeah," said Eddie, smiling and shaking his head. "You may have helped to save Toontown, kid, but don't let your ego get inflated just yet. There's still the book signings and movie deals to look forward to."
This earned a chuckle from everyone.
I could tell he was joking. Besides, I hadn't mentioned a thing to anyone about the movie except for George and Margaret.
"But I will be back. This isn't goodbye forever." I said. "I'll miss you guys. Now, go and enjoy your carrot cake, guys. I have bigger fish to fry."
I watched them wave and call out their goodbyes as I walked back into Toontown. Then, Smartass' pink fedora blew by my feet. It must have blown off before he was kicked into the vat of Dip.
I picked it up, and I thought how if it wasn't for this nasty, vile little weasel throwing away his spats, I never would have discovered all of this. In a way, I owed him something, too. I thought how I may not have done quite what I'd always imagined I'd do if I ever got stuck in this movie/back in time (I'm still not fully sure which one happened), but I felt like things would be all right now. I may have done very little to change things, but the look on Eddie's face told me that my talk with him back in the cemetery helped, just as Dolores said. Or maybe it was just the thought of him becoming a metaphorical pickle if he kept on drinking that did the trick.
I clicked my heels, and closed my eyes, wanting to savor that last memory. I opened them up again, and was back in my room. I was home. And it was about a few minutes after I'd originally left.
That was a few months ago, in mid April. I didn't tell my parents yet, but I did decide to do something to record this extraordinary set of events.
I opened up a word document, and I began to type. Now, I type the final words. I'll be sure to visit them all again, sometime, now that I have both the spats that would get me home and take me there.
You know…I learned a few things from this trip. I learned that you have to stop worrying about the past. It will keep you from thinking about the future. Most important of all, I think is that laughter is the most important thing we have. Those are some of the real messages of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit". So now, I'm going to laugh often, and I'm going to try focus on the future. I've got a whole lot of the past to think about thanks to this trip, and God knows I don't need any more!
That's all, folks!