Hey everyone! Sorry for the very long delay. Had a bunch of work I had to get done. The next few updates should be more frequent. Hope you enjoy this one! Thanks for all the awesome feedback- it's always encouraging when people find time to leave comments and critiques!
After putting Noah to bed, Olivia finds Barba sitting up in bed- his laptop on his lap.
She looks at him disapprovingly as she changes into an oversized t-shirt and slips into bed beside him. "I thought we promised no case work in bed."
Barba continues to stare intently at the screen. "Did you know the baby already has a heart? It's the size of the head of pen but has a heart" He seems in awe. She grins at him.
She should have known the first thing he'd do was research. He was a nerd at heart- and research was how he dealt with everything. He hated not knowing all of the details about anything he was involved in. She secretly suspected that was part of what made him so good in bed- his ability to patiently study something until he got it just right. When he'd first joined SVU- he was at nearly every one of Olivia's seminars- soaking in as much information about the victims he'd be fighting for as possible. Although, now that they were together, Olivia suspected he may have had more than just thirst for knowledge drawing him to the long-winded conferences.
He turns and grins at her, "Next week- it'll probably even be beating."
She smiles back and leans in to give him a quick kiss. "Enough research."
He closes the laptop and puts it on his bedside table as she lies back on her pillow. He props himself up on one elbow and looks down at her, excited. "I was thinking- we should invite everyone for dinner Saturday to tell them."
"We can't-"
"No, right- we should tell my mother first or she'll kill me. Next week, we could-"
Olivia props up on both elbows and faces him. "No, Rafi, we can't."
He looks at her perplexed. "At some point I think they'll figure it out."
She smirks at him, "Yes, I know. We just need to wait until the end of the first trimester to share it with anyone."
"What happens then?"
"Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester. Because of our ages- because of my age, we're more at risk than most people. I just want to wait until we're on safer ground."
All the worry from the afternoon floods back in. Olivia sees dread come over Barba's face. "Miscarriage?"
"Chances are, everything will be fine. It's just a precaution." He's lost in thought so she pauses and dips her head to bring his eyes back to hers. "Rafael, trust me. It does us no good to worry about something that probably won't happen. Everyone waits to tell people."
He nods and gives her an uncertain smile. She's right- he's sure she is. But his stomach is in knots.
She lies back on her pillow again and looks up at him, "We have an ultrasound in three weeks- lets look forward to that, huh?"
He finally gives her a genuine smile and reaches over her to turn out the light. She turns onto her side and he snuggles into her back- throwing a protective arm over her and drawing her close. He kisses the side of her neck and whispers, "Te amo."
"Love you, too."
She's asleep nearly instantly. He waits for a few minutes after her breathing changes before disentangling himself from her- grabbing his computer and heading out to the living room.
At 2 am, Barba is still combing over article after article in the living room when he hears Olivia pad softly to their bathroom and close the door behind her. He closes his laptop and leaves it on the coffee table. He needs to stop this anyway, he's only working himself up.
He goes to the fridge to retrieve some ice chips before following Olivia into the bathroom- where he finds her once again retching. He grabs a cool cloth and takes his usual post on the side of the bathtub. "You OK?"
Olivia nods and leans back against the wall. "Very ready for this part of the fun to be over."
Barba answers with a sympathetic grin. "You could take tomorrow off too."
Olivia shakes her head. "I don't want them thinking something's really wrong. Especially, if I won't be able to tell them the real cause for a little while."
Barba looks at her concerned. He reaches up and grabs the ice chips from the counter and holds them out to her. "So I did some research and-" Olivia quirks an eyebrow at him and he pretends not to notice. "And stress is a major contributor to complications. You know if I give up my apartment- we could afford a bigger place on my salary alone. Maybe you could- maybe stay home for a few months."
"Are you suggesting I quit working at SVU?" He's clearly saying this out of concern so she does her best to keep her anger at the suggestion in check but some of it manages to spill over.
He winces a bit but presses on, "Liv, it's not just about the baby. This pregnancy puts you at risk, too."
His distress is evident- she tries to put herself in his shoes, she fears losing him just as much.
She reaches out and takes his hand, "Rafi, I know you're scared. So am I. But chances are- everything will be fine. We can't live in fear of what might happen. Let's just take this one day at a time, OK? Business as usual until the doctor tells us otherwise. In 8 months we'll have a tiny little person turning our life upside down- lets not do it prematurely."
Barba smiles at her- accepting her premise. He'd never understand why he can be so calm and collected about anything until she's involved- at which point he turns into a panicked hothead.
"Alright." He considers her a moment. "Sure I can't convince you to take tomorrow off?"
"Barba" It's her Lt. voice and he knows to give in.
He smiles at her. There was something calming about her determination to go about their lives as if nothing was different.
She smiles back but is immediately interrupted by a need to vomit once again. He sighs and places the cool washcloth on the back of her neck.
The next morning, Olivia is greeted by the smell of bacon and eggs when she exits the shower. She gets dressed and walks out to find Noah already dressed and Barba at the stove putting breakfast on plates. He holds one out to her.
She smiles at his thoughtfulness. "This is very sweet but I'm not sure I can stomach eggs after last night."
Barba furrows his brow, "You should eat something though. Fruit? We have bananas. I think there's still some cereal."
She throws him a look as she takes a small plate to Noah's highchair. "Are you going to be like this the whole time or do you think this will eventually subside? Because at this rate you're either going to have a coronary or I'm going to kill you before the baby comes."
He pretends to ignore her and hands her a glass of orange juice before stating, very matter-of-factly- "There's also oatmeal."
Olivia smiles at him and takes a sip of her orange juice before lifting Noah into his highchair.
Barba's eyes grow wide and he nearly jumps over the counter, "I'll do that!"
Olivia ignores him and places Noah's breakfast in front of him. "Noah, your daddy is very sweet but he may not survive the next nine months."
Olivia realizes what she's just said and turns back to gauge Barba's reaction, "Sorry, I shouldn't have-"
Barba holds up a hand and gives her a tight smile, "It's OK. I kinda don't mind it. Should probably get used to it."
Olivia smiles back at him and they go back to their morning routine.
Once at work, Olivia is greeted by her squad- who seems very grateful to have her back if only to know that Barba will have calmed down. She explains that nothing's wrong- simply a stomach virus gone awry and everyone seems to accept it. That is until Barba arrives for a mid-morning briefing.
He looks exhausted as he joins Carisi, Fin and Rollins in the middle of the bullpen but they chalk it up to his previous stress.
When Olivia walks out of her office to join them, he stops midsentence to address the coffee cup in her hand. His brow furrows and he nearly shouts at her, "Are you drinking coffee?"
The others stop and turn to look at her awaiting a reaction. Olivia gives Barba the sweetest 'I'm going to murder you' look she can muster and responds with a curt, "It's tea. Decaf. Tea."
Barba realizes how much attention he's drawn to their exchange. He feels a bit embarrassed and equally terrified at the wrath he's sure to face at home.
Olivia turns to their confused team and does her best to dismiss his comment. "We're cutting back on coffee."
Carisi scoffs and turns to Barba, "You're giving up coffee?"
Annoyed, Barba grinds out, "Cutting back, not giving up."
Rollins looks over at him, amused, "Something tells me we're not going to like you very much for the next few months."
Barba turns his attention back to the board, "Anyway, as I was saying-"
The others all snicker as he continues to brief them on the key points for trial.
After the briefing, Liv and Barba go back to her office. Rollins strolls to Fin's desk and leans against it as he shuffles through a case file. "Need something?"
Rollins gestures toward Liv's office door with a nod of her head, "Barba's still worried about something. Something's clearly wrong."
Fin leans back in his chair, "She'll tell us when we need to know. Til then- let's focus on our own business."
Rollins is a bit taken aback by his abruptness but realizes he's probably just as worried for Liv, "You're right. Sorry." She shuffles back to her desk as Fin returns to his paperwork.