AuthorsNote: SO...VERY...TIRED...NEED...SLEEP...NOW!
Chapter16
(Jacob)
"So then Embry and Leah got into, the same stupid stuff. Leah ends up breaking Embry's leg, pushing him off that waterfall. He won't be out of bed for another 4 days."
She nodded along with me, and I wondered if she was really listening. Her cool hand entangled with mine while we walked through the privacy of our favorite open forest, her long hair brushed the back of my arm when her head rested on my shoulder.
The trees were spread perfectly; their brown trunks accented by the floating green of the moss, highlighted with leaves, having already succumbed to the harsh chill of this year's autumn. The forest was always so beautiful this time of year.
"Babe?" I whispered in her ear, stopping to pull her into my arms. I would figure out what was bothering her.
"What's got you so distracted?"
She big, puppy dog eyes looked into mine before she pressed her face to my chest, exhaling her frustration.
"It's nothing."
I mimicked her hefty breathing, chuckling along.
"It's something."
The arms that were pinned to her sides wrapped around my waist. Her face looked up to mine, the curves of her face tilted upward to meet my curious gaze. Her dimples magnified at the position, and I marveled at their depth for the time being.
"Something Alice saw today, kind of surprised me."
I reached to feel the contours of her cheeky grin.
"What did Alice see today that surprised you?"
She laughed under my caress.
"Us."
"Elaborate?"
"Our first time…"
My mouth dropped slightly while I laughed. I laughed out loud.
"That's not awkward at all." I held her tighter, kissing her cheek before continuing. "I'm sorry. That must have been brutal."
"Dad saw it too."
Shock.
"No."
Her dimples disappeared while she buried her face back into my shirt, and lifted her arms and pulled at the fabric, clinging to it.
She groaned: "Yes."
Silence.
"He's going to kill me. I'm going to die. He is going to tear me to pieces."
Her facial expression was annoyed when she turned back up to me. Perfectly sculpted eyebrows crossed to an aggravated line, her mouth turning into a small pout of censure. She let out another sweet, chilled breath and it twisted around my face, making the shivers crawling up my spine possible.
I hated when these typed of situations happened. When I was with her, standing with her, holding her, touching, looking at her, kissing her, whatever. It made it so hard for me to focus on anything else but where her hands were and the simple fact that she was holding me back, the way I had wanted her to for so long.
"Don't do that, no he's not. It was just really uncomfortable."
"I can't even imagine. What did he do?"
"Just ran into the woods, probably talking to my mom right now."
"Bella really will kill me. She won't even think twice about it."
She considered this, before snapping the pressing tension with her giggles. Glorious as they are, it wasn't the right time for laughter.
"I don't doubt that at all, actually."
Our foreheads pressed while I bent down to her level. Neither of us spoke for awhile. It was easy to focus on the birds in the distance, the crickets hidden away from the naked eye.
I wasn't sure what possessed me to ask this question, it seems so inappropriate, especially when the subject hung in the tension around us, whipping through her silken hair like the wind itself; the true elephant in the room.
"Have you thought about it?"
She seemed to be happy that I had asked the question before she was forced to.
"Of course. Of course I've thought about it…have you?"
"I don't even want to think about it until you're ready for me to. I don't even want the thought running through my head until you're completely comfortable with it. I'm not going to ruin what we have over something like that."
"I can't tell you what to think Jake." She giggled, apparently charmed by my nervous ramblings.
"Yes, you can."
My favorite pair of arms clung around my waist, tighter than they were before. I could hear her smile.
"You have me absolutely and unconditionally," I twined her fingers with mine between us, leading her eyes to the way my warmth would caress her, sliding imaginary circles in every which way. "Wrapped around these little fingers of yours." I kissed the tips of her hands, from thumb to pinkie. "I believe in terms of street lingo, the kids on the corner refer to it as 'whipped'."
She kissed my palm, smiling.
"In that case, can I be honest?" She whispered.
"Always."
Her deep breath was low and shaken; filled with nerves. The next sentence was blurted, quick: "I want to wait."
Before I could open my mouth to respond, she had already stopped me, trying to explain herself, even though there was no reason too.
Sure, I wanted her body almost as much as I wanted her mind, her heart, her soul; but if sex was something that wouldn't come until later, have it be months or years, than it was okay with me to wait. I was in no rush.
"For what…?" She continued, "I'm not sure. I'm not asking for marriage or whatever before, not that we need to get into that conversation right now." Her eyes widened, her apprehension in pressuring me was delectable. I just had to enjoy it. "It's just that I am honestly just getting used to my body and everything it's capable of. I just need some time to get used to all these changes before I move on with something more to learn."
Her fanaticisms were so adorable I had to laugh. She heaved in response.
"Jake. I'm trying to have a serious relationship talk here. Sex is going to be a part of this soon enough. If we can't get through a conversation about it, than all hope is lost."
I rolled my eyes, taking her head in my hands, twisting my fingers in her hair, still cool from her hands.
"We can talk. It's just, there's no reason too."
The look in her eyes had shown that she didn't understand. I needed to clarify before I came off the wrong way.
"Dimples, I want whatever you want, whenever you want it. I'll take as little, or as much from you as you are willing to give me. This entire relationship is moving at your pace, all the time. You've got all of me."
She nodded, a blush creeping up her arms, a welcome guest.
"So the balls in my court?"
Her analogy was completely juvenile, and I laughed again.
"No? There isn't a ball?"
She turned and stomped on without me, annoyed. The chuckles coming out of me were contagious. I stopped her with an arm, catching her around her stomach and pulling her back into me.
I whispered in her ear: "The balls in your court."
My sully attempt to be romantic backfired when she shot back: "What ball?"
I kept walking, knowing her gaze was still lingering on my back, loving it.
Her voice stopped me. Its pitch was no longer playful, but serious. I turned around at the sound of my name. Her eyes were somber. I would have done anything to take that look away. The trees stood behind her, colossal compared to her size.
"Thank you so much for understanding, really. I know that you do." She shrugged her shoulders. "But I don't want you to go home and think in the back of your head that I'm having doubts, or that I don't want you, that I don't want this, because I do, more than anything. I just don't know if I would even know how to…go about it. I guess I just really want you to understand."
I would have had doubts, if I was being honest. I would have gone home tonight, and lay restlessly in bed, over analyzing every word out of her mouth. I would have read into it. I would have doubted if this was right and eventually, I would have doubt the relationship itself, like I always ended up doing.
My face wasn't completely hiding my emotions. I was disappointed in myself for doubting her; even more disappointed that she saw through it.
"I promise you that I get it. It's really not a big deal." The physical distance between us got to me, and I strode over to take her hand before continuing down the path.
A few moments later, that girl blurted out the most wonderful words I had ever heard.
"I'm in love with you, Jacob. You know that, don't you?"
In the months we had been together, she had never actually said the words, not yet. Even now, transferring from friends to more was a challenge. The words had a certain meaning now, a certain weight. Their influence was intoxicating. I had dreamt of those types of words since I can remember understanding their power.
I kissed her flushed cheeks.
"I do now." Her lips found mine and I was in paradise. The soft flesh massaged mine, gliding rhythmically to their own beat. Her arms wound around my neck while I found the small of her back. She arched to me, molded almost.
It was times like these, in the middle of the evergreen forest, surrounded by the invigorating perfume of clean grass and moistened moss along the trees that made me believe I was dreaming. It's the way her heartbeat against mine that made me want to pinch myself.
She whispered in my ear. "I want to tell you more often. Every day; every hour." I smiled and kissed the ear parallel to mine.
"I would tell you every second if it meant you would tell me every hour. I love hearing you say it."
"I love you."
"I wish there was a word for it. I wish I could describe it. This…feeling. There's no way it's just, love. Love is so mundane to what I feel for you."
She chuckled and craned her neck to look at me. "You're becoming quite the poet."
With that, I decided to keep it simple.
"I love you."
And I did. And I would, until whatever force powerful enough would come along and suck the very blood from my veins, I would love this girl.