Three weeks later, Barba finds himself sitting nervously beside Liv in the doctor's office- their first ultrasound just moments away. He taps his finger against the fake wood of the waiting room chairs and stares into space.
Ever since he'd done all that late night research three weeks ago, Barba couldn't shake the feeling in the back of his mind that this baby was just some foreign entity inhabiting Olivia's body. Of course, he had moments of joy that they were expecting a baby- and when he didn't, he'd fake it for Liv's sake- but in the back of his mind there was always this thought. This thought that any moment now- this little thing he hadn't even met yet could cease to exist and take Liv's happiness with it. Or worse- take her with it. Logically, he realized the chances were small- but even the small chance frightened the hell out of him. He'd read that most fathers didn't connect with the baby as quickly as the mothers since they weren't actually carrying the baby- but straight up resentment seemed disconcerting. He hated himself for it. He does his best to shake the idea from his head. Tell himself it will all be OK. But he fears coming to this ultrasound was a bad idea- that seeing it will make it real- connect his resentment to their actual child.
Liv's hand reaches out and stills his on the chair. He shakes himself out of his thoughts and gives her a nervous smile. The energy his hand was expelling seems to transfer to his foot as his heel begins to bounce up and down.
Liv smiles at him and leans in to whisper, "Keep this up and I really am going to make you give up coffee."
He realizes he needs to take his mind off this. "Fin briefed me on Roberts this morning. You're going to have to bring me more if you want a warrant."
Olivia turns to him with an almost disgusted look, "Barba we're-"
She's cut off by the nurse collecting them from the waiting room.
The nurse sits Olivia in a chair to take her vitals. After taking her blood pressure- the nurse sighs, "Your blood pressure is a bit high."
Olivia throws a look to Barba, "Can't imagine why."
The nurse considers the exchange and smiles, "It's no big deal- could just be nerves- we'll take it again once you're all done."
She leads them back to an ultrasound room and asks them to wait for the doctor.
"You've cut out caffeine, you eat a million bananas a day and neither of us has eaten red meat since that last episode of Hannibal- how can you possibly have high blood pressure?"
Olivia steps up to sit on the exam table and flashes him look, "It may have something to do with you being a giant pain in the ass. Barba, the circumstantial evidence alone would convince a jury that Roberts is our guy. You should- at the very least- be able to get a warrant with it."
"Olivia, we're talking about-"
The doctor enters- she ignores the fact that she's clearly interrupting an argument and attempts to be pleasant. "Good to see you, Olivia." She extends a hand across to Barba. "And you must be Mr. Barba." He shakes her hand with a tight smile. "Let's get started, shall we? Olivia, if you can just lie back and lift your shirt."
Olivia does as she's told. Her focus now on the doctor instead of Barba. Barba stands beside her, worrying his lip as he looks anxiously at the screen.
While the doctor preps everything and squirts gel on Olivia's stomach, Barba leans down and whispers harshly, "We're talking about a judge. We have to be sure, we have to get this right."
Olivia turns her head slowly back to Barba as the doctor begins to move the ultrasound wand over her torso, "Then get us the damn warrant."
"It's not-"
Barba is cut off by a sudden rhythmic, wooshing sound. He looks up at the monitor, dumbfounded, "Is that-?"
The doctor looks at both awestruck parents and grins, "The baby's heartbeat. Already beating strong, 121 beats a minute."
Barba reaches out and grabs Olivia's hand. "Holy shit" ,he breathes out. He meets Olivia's tear-filled eyes and feels his own fill up, "There's a real baby in there."
He grins at her and she grins back- their previous argument temporarily forgotten.
Barba had been right. The ultrasound did make it real. But not in the way that he thought- all the resentment melted away and was replaced by intense love. He remembered feeling similarly when he'd first gotten to know Noah- how could he feel so much love for something that couldn't even form complete sentences? In this case, he can't even really see or touch it- but he knows he loves this baby. And a very real fear washes over him- if something happens to it- it won't just take away Olivia's happiness. Now it'll take his as well. For the first time in a long time, he says a silent prayer that everything turns out alright.
After the appointment, Barba reluctantly drops Olivia back by the precinct before heading back to his office- wishing that he didn't have to wait 5 more weeks to tell the world what he's just seen.
For the first time in a long time, it's Barba that gets home first. He relieves Lucy and throws together a quick dinner before walking back to put Noah to bed.
Olivia comes home to find him sleeping in the rocking chair- Noah sprawled out across his chest. The Spanish storybook they'd been reading has fallen from Barba's hand and lays open on the ground. She smiles at him from the doorway then walks over to take Noah. Instinctively, Barba grabs for him and wakes up. Registering, what's going on- Barba lets her take the toddler. He sits forward and rubs his face to try to wake up as Olivia gently places Noah into his bed.
"There's chicken, and some broccoli, still left in there if you want me to heat it up." He grabs the book from the floor and places it carefully on Noah's bookshelf before turning to watch Liv lay a kiss on Noah's head. He gives her a sleepy smile as she walks over and leads him out to the kitchen.
She pours herself a glass of water as he pulls out the chicken and broccoli and places it on a plate and then into the microwave. He leans against the counter and she saunters up to stand between his legs- wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a languid kiss. She pulls away and grins at him, "Do we have any mustard?"
He scrunches his face at her- still a little sleepy, "What is it with you and the mustard?"
She shrugs and walks over to the fridge. She finds the mustard and pulls it out triumphantly, "We do! We do have mustard!"
He grins at her- considering her for another moment before saying something that's been on his mind all evening. "You know that paperwork, we talked about? The paperwork for Noah?"
She stops and looks at him a bit perplexed.
"I know it seemed like I only said all that because I thought you were dying but I really would like it if we had some."
Olivia's a bit surprised by the sudden change of topic, "You want to adopt Noah?" It comes out a bit more dubious than surprised and Barba second guesses himself.
"If you're uncomfortable with it-"
Olivia realizes her mistake and steps towards him taking his hand. "Rafi, I can think of no one I'd rather have as Noah's father."
He lets out a relieved breath. "I just don't ever want him thinking he comes second because he and I don't share DNA."
She grins, "Then lets get some paperwork." She leans in and kisses him. Everyday she questions how El Tiburón became this man she seemingly can't live without. And everyday he shows her how lucky she is to have found him.