Notes: In which some other matters are brought out into the open. I'm sorry this chapter took so long again, and I apologize for a particular kind of closure some readers wanted that we haven't gotten yet. I may be getting soft.

Warnings: None needed.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

After a while, Loki slipped self-consciously off his father's lap, and sat in the chair beside him again. Dad put his arm around Loki, while Mum ran her fingers gently through Thor's hair, the way she had Loki's at Christmas. It was nice- reassuring- all of them, even Thor, sitting together quietly.

After a few minutes, though, Loki thought of something.

"Did I…" He hesitated, suddenly nervous again under his parents' eyes.

"Did you what, Loki?" Dad asked, his voice strangely gentle, for Dad. It was as different as possible from the night last summer when Loki had stood hesitantly in the doorway of his father's study, and Dad had snapped "What if they what, Loki?" at him.

"Did I have a name?" he blurted.

Dad just looked confused, but-

"Michael," Mum spoke up, understanding immediately. "Your name was Michael Francis Ahearne." She smiled wistfully at him. "It was such a lovely name. And it would have been very conspicuous in our family- especially before the war ended, when we were only pretending you were ours- so we gave you a name that matched, to help you hide with us." Now it was her turn to look hesitant, and Dad's to lower his gaze. "We believed it was the right thing to do."

Loki chewed on his lip as he thought. Thought about Michael Francis Ahearne, who grew up in a flat, whose dad was Irish, who had grandparents.

Who had no older brother, and a mother and father Loki couldn't quite picture. Nothing about Michael, or his life, or his family seemed very real to Loki just now. He could think about Michael, and the life he and his family might have led, but he had very little sense of Michael and Loki being the same person. He felt really sorry about the family that had died at the hands of Death Eaters, for the baby left behind alone at St Mungo's… but the more he thought about it, the less it felt like him.

"It was," Loki assured his mother. "It was… " Something else occurred to him. "Dad, you told Mr. Shacklebolt that you and Mum worry about me." His stomach twisted again in anxiety as he spoke. Or maybe it was hunger- he had no idea of the time, but he was beginning to wish it could be time for breakfast.

It occurred to Loki that, not very long ago, a conversation like the one they'd just had would have left him too sick with anxiety to even think of meals. Surely that was a good sign.

Dad patted him, a little awkwardly. "You seem to remember more about that day than I do. I don't recall saying that."

Loki remembered every word. "You were talking about, about some new legislation some purebloods wanted. To protect their interests. And you got angry thinking about it, about purebloods thinking they deserved more rights, and about what that led to, in the wars. That's when you brought up the Campbell-Hardwickes, and Mr. Shacklebolt mentioned you adopting me. He asked how I was, and you, you said you worried about me. You and Mum. I thought… I thought you meant…"

"Oh," Dad said, nodding. "Well, I can certainly tell you what I meant by that, because it's something your mother and I have talked about, off and on, for all your life. We're not worried about you, Loki. I mean, we don't worry that you'll turn bad as you get older, or start making foolish choices or doing ugly things. We worry about you in the same ways we worry about Thor, of course, or any parent worries about their children, wanting them to grow up safe and happy and satisfied with life. We don't worry there's something wrong with you, if that's what you're afraid of."

Loki nodded, swallowing hard, and Dad patted his head, ruffling his hair a little. "What we do worry about, and we always have, is how little we know about the Muggle world. We worry about the kind of things you're missing out on, with us for parents. There are so many things your friends with Muggle families know about the world beyond ours, so many places they fit into that we who were raised solely in our world simply can't." Dad made a helpless gesture. "For instance, I have no idea at all why these beetles you spoke of are so important to Muggles. We're sorry for the things you should have known about, and experienced, growing up around Muggles as well as witches and wizards."

Something clicked together in Loki's mind. "Is that why you sent me- us, both of us- to Muggle school, instead of arranging for us to learn at home the way most kids do?"

Mum and Dad's jobs meant they couldn't teach her sons at home themselves, but lots of witches and wizards in that situation made arrangements. Loki had always known it was unusual, for wizard children who weren't Muggle-born to go to Muggle school. Annie, George and Mitchell had gone, too, but the Sawyers and the Mitchells lived closely with Muggles, and their parents knew they had each other at school. None of his other wizard-born classmates had gone to school with Muggle kids. Loki had always assumed his parents' decision to send him was part and parcel of their disdain for the kind of pureblood prejudice Dad had talked about to Mr. Shacklebolt.

"Yes," Mum said. "Although obviously we didn't think it through properly- we certainly didn't mean to isolate you the way we did. The idea was to make sure both of you grew up feeling as comfortable in the Muggle world as we could manage. Loki, we hoped you would learn things from those teachers and students that you would have learned from your real parents- "

"Birth parents," Loki interrupted. His mother looked startled, whether by Loki's rudeness in speaking over her or by his words. Blushing, he insisted, "That's what Muggles call it, when someone who's adopted talks about their other parents. They have two sets of parents, and both sets are real parents."

Well, unless one set was evil and violent and the child had to disown them, but luckily that wasn't the case for Loki. And the looks on his parents' faces now made Loki very glad he had spoken up.

"And it did work," Loki added, so his mother wouldn't start to look sad again. "I mean, I got along with the other kids when we were at school, and, and I know some things about Muggle history, and stories, and things like that. Thor, too, don't you, Thor?"

"Sure," Thor said, looking startled and uneasy as the attention turned to him. "It was interesting, learning about things that are important to Muggles."

"Interesting, but lonely," Mum prompted gently.

Thor squirmed. "At first. And then I met Sif and Volstagg and everyone, so I had someone to be with outside school, and then I was all right."

"Yes," Mum said, and now she did look sad. "That was lucky for you, since your father and I assumed all you boys needed was each other."

"Yes," Thor said quietly. He glanced at Loki, then looked down at the floor as if he was ashamed. "It wasn't so lucky for Loki."

"No," Dad agreed.

Loki chewed on his lip for a few seconds, trying to stop himself from speaking again. But… as long as they were talking, as long as questions were being answered…

"Thor, why?" he asked, and hated himself for the plaintive sound that came from his mouth. "I know… I know you didn't want to be friends with me. And I, I understand that you were angry when I wouldn't let you alone. But I did. I have been. Ever since I found out about- since I started trying to, to be good. I left you alone on your birthday, I didn't pester you at school- at least, not very much, except for that one time at Quidditch… well, I did try to ask you what was wrong when we came back after Christmas, but that was because I thought maybe, maybe you thought that I didn't want to be friends anymore- "

"You had teachers there," Thor burst out, and his resentment sounded like he'd been cherishing it. "You didn't just come to me."

"Professor Sprout asked me to promise," Loki reminded his brother. And then the truth just slipped out: "And anyway, I was afraid of you."

There was a ringing silence, Loki for a moment too horrified at his own words to speak. And then he found his tongue again. It was as if all his lies had deserted him at once.

"You hate me, and I don't know why, and I'm scared of you. I wish we could be friends, and I guess- I mean, I know- I was selfish, trying to make you let me go around with you and your friends, because it wasn't your fault that I didn't have anyone to, to be… but I thought you'd be glad when I left you alone, and maybe you wouldn't be so angry at me all the time. And it seemed like I only made things worse, when I made some friends of my own and didn't pester you as much, but you didn't like it when I tried to be around you either so I didn't know what to do, how to make things better, and I don't know what you want from me and it scares me. I don't want to make you angry enough to… "

Very fortunately, Loki managed to shut himself up before he gave anything else away. He clasped his hands together and looked down at them while he waited for someone else to say something.

"Angry enough to what, Loki?" Dad asked quietly. Loki squeezed his hands tighter and didn't answer. "Thor?" Thor didn't say anything, either. Maybe he didn't even know what Loki was talking about. Maybe he didn't even remember. "Loki," Dad pressed, "you said something about throwing rocks at Thor? When did that happen?"

Loki kept looking down at his hands, hoping his father would relent. The silence stretched out.

Finally, Thor mumbled, "It was one day last summer. My friends and I were…" Thor took a breath and blurted, "We were playing at hexing each other. I know we aren't supposed to, but there aren't any Muggles at Elder Cross, and… "

"And that's why he knew how to cast a shielding charm when the Campbell-Hardwickes attacked us," Loki tried to speak up for his brother. Nobody looked at him. Instead, Thor said quietly,

"Anyway, Loki was hiding, watching us, and we caught him. He said he was going to tell on us and I, I lost my temper and… I kind of shook him by the throat. And then a whole lot of rocks came flying at us. I let go of him and he ran away." Thor looked from Mum to Dad, pleading. "I didn't mean to hurt him. Or to scare him that much. I just, I just wanted him to leave us alone."

"I'm sorry," Loki muttered to his hands. "It didn't… didn't really hurt me. I just… "

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Thor repeated, voice wobbling. "Not really, I mean. It was like my hands just did it. I was angry, and I wasn't thinking… I wasn't thinking about whether you felt anything at all." He sucked in a breath and went on, speaking very rapidly, face scarlet, "It was like when I told my friends... I didn't think about saying it. I just did. I just… I was only trying to make Volstagg stop nagging me about you and Clint. We all knew we should be kind to Clint, because Clint's in our house and his brother is, his brother is pretty awful to him." Thor hesitated, maybe thinking about brothers, his face going even redder. "But then Volstagg started feeling guilty- that time at the Quidditch pitch, when we accused you of spying again and we both got into trouble, he felt really bad about that, even before his mother wrote to tell him she was disappointed in him. And Volstagg started, started telling me I should be kinder to you, too, and I knew he was right and it just made me feel worse and I finally, I just wanted him to stop, I finally said… that."

"Said what, Thor?" Dad asked, in an awful voice. Loki resisted the impulse to put his hands over his ears.

Thor made himself meet Dad's eyes. "I said Loki was adopted, that he wasn't my brother at all."

"Oh, Thor," Mum said, and Thor crumpled under the angry disappointment in her tone.

Thor went on, voice reedy with tension. "I just wanted… Volstagg wouldn't leave me alone. I just wanted to stop him. I never thought for a second it was true. And, and I didn't expect Sif and Fandral to go around telling people, either. I just… it was something to say because I was angry, and I didn't think it would go any farther. I didn't expect Clint to tell the other first-years, or- "

"Clint was there when you said it?" Loki asked, remembering that Jane said Clint had been told by Thor. Or maybe she just thought he had been directly told, because he was spreading the rumour.

Thor shook his head, miserable. "Just, just my friends and me. I didn't expect them to talk about it, especially not to him. I guess I thought I could just, just let off steam, and then later I could tell them I hadn't meant it, and it wouldn't matter. I didn't think… I didn't think at all, really."

Loki twisted his hands together again. "I thought you had overheard me confiding in my friends." Conscious of his family looking at him, Loki explained, "The day they visited at Christmas, I told them everything. Everything I knew, and everything I, I believed. We were playing in the upstairs reception room and, and I just wanted… I wanted to tell someone, and I didn't know how to talk to any of you about it, and… and they're my friends, they even came looking for me that day after the Quidditch practice, when I was upset and I went to the dormitory to hide, and I knew if we were really friends I should prove it by trusting them about something important, so I told them."

"You told them what you believed about the Campbell-Hardwickes, too?" Mum asked.

Loki nodded. "And they, they still wanted to be friends with me," he said, surprised once again at the knowledge.

"Of course they do," Mum agreed, and then she turned to Thor. "What did you do, when you realized your friends were repeating to the other students that Loki wasn't your brother?"

"Nothing," Thor whispered. And then he added quickly, "Hogun didn't tell anyone. And neither did Volstagg. Volstagg got really angry at me when he realized what was happening- at all of us, actually. He kept saying it was a rotten thing to do, and adopted was still brothers, and I should go to Loki and apologize. And I got angry, too, and besides, I didn't know how to tell everyone I was lying in the first place, and… it was bad enough in Gryffindor, let alone admitting it the whole school."

"What do you mean, 'bad enough in Gryffindor'?" Dad asked sternly.

"Just about everyone in Gryffindor agreed with Volstagg," Thor mumbled. "They thought I was wrong, and… being cruel. They were waiting for me to admit I was wrong and say I was sorry."

"That's some relief," Dad said coldly. "What about Professor Coulson? What did he have to say?"

Thor shook his head. "He doesn't know. The teachers don't. Loki got, got hexed and everyone was thinking about the escapees again, and the business about Loki being adopted sort of died out, at least for a while. I didn't know, Loki, honestly. I never would have said it if I'd known."

"We can talk about that later," Dad decided, and Loki hoped he would be excused from that particular discussion. Dad went on, "In the meantime, I'd like to know… " He hesitated, looked at Mum, and then said, "I'd like to know why. This is more than just wanting your little brother to stop pestering you. You don't seem to know what you want from him- no matter what he does, it seems to make you angry. It's not fair to Loki, obviously, but it isn't good for you, either. What's wrong, Thor?"

"Wrong with me, you mean," Thor mumbled.

"Maybe," Dad agreed remorselessly.

Thor wrapped his arms around himself. "I don't…" He stopped himself in mid-protest, chewed his lower lip, and finally looked at Loki and said softly, "It's not you, Loki. Not really. It's just…" Thor looked down at the floor, chewing on his lower lip. Dad started to open his mouth, but Mum shook her head quickly before he could speak, so he didn't interrupt.

Thor didn't seem to notice. "It's just… it's always felt like, like… they like you better than me. Mum and Dad. Everyone. I just, I wanted something to myself."

"Wha-a- ?" Loki heard himself protest stupidly. How could Thor possibly think a thing like that? Thor was the one everybody paid attention to. Thor looked at him, and his expression for a moment made Loki shrink in his chair. Then Thor just looked sad and rather desperate.

Mum had stopped Dad from interrupting, but now she spoke up herself:

"What makes you believe we feel that way, Thor?"

"You… you sent me away," Thor blurted. "I was, I just wanted, I missed you and Dad and I wanted to go home. I was scared, everything was scary, Auntie Cecile and Uncle Gustav kept talking, when I was supposed to be asleep, about people dying and you being in danger, and… And you didn't come and I thought you had died and then when you did you had him and, and I wanted you to bring me home but you left me, and then they spent all their time with him, like he was the only one who mattered- " Thor looked shocked, as if he hadn't realized what he was thinking until he heard the words coming out of his mouth. Desperately, he tried to backtrack: "I mean, I know he was only a baby. I, I do. I'm sorry- "

"But you weren't much more than a baby, either," Mum said, rubbing her forehead. "We thought you understood- "

Loki could feel Dad going tense beside him, but he didn't look up at his father. All he could think was, Thor really did hate him, and who could blame him, Loki had ruined everything, and-

"Loki, I'm sorry," Thor blurted. "I, I never thought… I didn't, didn't know I remembered all that. It doesn't matter anyway. I was just… selfish, and… and I'm sorry."

Thor was crying, and Loki was crying, and all of a sudden he had slipped out of his chair and thrown his arms around his older brother. Thor hugged him back, sobbing. Loki was aware of their parents moving closer- and then there were arms around both of them, holding them both together, and Loki relaxed and just let them.