Notes: This chapter was strangely hard to spit out, even though nothing shattering happens. Perhaps that's why it was a little difficult to get a handle on, actually.
Warnings: None needed.
Chapter Thirty
By the time the family had all calmed down, Loki was embarrassed to admit he really was very hungry- after all, it was probably closer to lunchtime than breakfast by now. Fortunately someone- maybe Professor Sprout- had apparently let the house elves know the people in Professor Coulson's office would be wanting breakfast. However the elves knew about it, when the family were finished talking there was a knock on the door. A moment later several house elves entered, carrying trays loaded with covered serving dishes and plates.
Loki busied himself with eggs and bacon and toast and jam, staying in the background while his father and mother and brother talked. He felt a little guilty about getting to eat more than anyone else, but not guilty enough to stop and wait for them to catch up. And he left lots for everyone else, honestly.
Besides, concentrating on his breakfast made it easier to pretend he couldn't hear the rest of the conversation. Having said all he wanted, and heard all he needed, Loki was quite ready to keep quiet and turn it all over in his mind, while his brother and their parents said everything they still needed to. He felt guilty about not realizing how sad and, and depressed Thor was, underneath the boisterous friendliness and bossy ways.
It occurred to Loki that if he felt bad about that realization, their parents must feel even worse. They hadn't wanted Loki to feel lonely and sad; they certainly didn't want Thor feeling that way either. And they probably felt terrible about not seeing it until they were told in so many words by Thor.
Thor, who was now sitting with his shoulders hunched- Loki knew very well what that posture felt like from the inside- looking down at a plate of cold breakfast while their parents talked to him about what sort of punishment his actions had earned.
It seemed unfair to Loki, really, that Thor should be punished on top of everything else. Hadn't he been kidnapped, and tried to protect Clint and Loki, and admitted he had done wrong? But Thor didn't seem to feel the way Loki did: he acted almost relieved at the idea. In fact, he spoke up right away with a suggestion:
"I... I think I shouldn't play Quidditch this term." That was as big a sacrifice as Loki could imagine, but his brother didn't falter. "And, and you should take my broomstick home with you, when you go. I was letting Sif use it to play Seeker, but, but I don't think she should... "
Loki paused in the act of dipping a toast soldier into his egg yolk and protested, "You can't- that would punish Gryffindor, too. They'll all be- " They would all be angry at Loki, it would be his fault, and, and...
"That sounds reasonable," Dad said, ignoring Loki's protest. No, not ignoring it, because he turned to Loki immediately and told him, "This is how the house system works, Loki. You know that. When you do something to be proud of, your house benefits as well as yourself. And when your actions reflect badly on your house, that is also reflected in loss of points or standing. I am quite sure Professor Coulson will be able to make the rest of the house understand that cruelty- " Thor winced- "toward a younger student just can't be tolerated. If the other Gryffindors don't understand that, well, the house isn't what I remember."
"Maybe he could just, just miss the next game?" Loki offered, glancing nervously at Thor.
"No," Thor said quietly. "I deserve to... I'm really, really sorry, Loki. Even when I was being mean to you, I was sorry- well, at least part of the time. It was just that I'd get angry again, and then I'd forget- "
And suppose he got angry and forgot, again? Loki bit his lip and tried not to think about the possibility.
Mum looked quickly from Thor to Loki, and back to Thor. "Sweetheart," she said, and Loki was surprised to see Thor relax a tiny bit at the endearment- Had Thor believed they wouldn't love him anymore, either, after he confessed to everything?- "I think you- all of us- should... There are things we can't help ourselves with, and we don't have to face them alone. That's why there are healers."
"What do you mean?" Thor asked, in a small voice.
"I mean that one of my colleagues at St. Mungo's is trained in dealing with injuries that can't be seen, that aren't caused by magic or physical harm. Injuries in the mind and in the heart. All of us need... we need to learn how to be together as a family. Your father and I thought we already knew, but- "
"- But then I ruined everything," Thor said thickly, which was so much what Loki had always thought, himself, that he could only stare at his big brother in surprise.
Mum leaned over and hugged him. "No, Thor. You made mistakes, and yes, you also did some cruel things deliberately, but it's not all your fault. Or yours, Loki," she added, looking at Loki over Thor's head. Dad reached out and put an arm around Loki, too, which was comforting. "Or your father's and mine either, perhaps, although if anyone deserves to be blamed or to feel guilty about how everything has turned out, it's the two of us." She paused. "There's something else I feel terrible about." Mum's lips trembled a little, and her eyes looked wet as she said, "Your father and I worried a great deal about you coming to school, Loki. We talked about how we thought you would manage when you were forced to be around other children all the time, whether you would hate it and be unhappy and find it hard to cope with. We planned to make you try until Christmas, but we thought we'd look for tutors, just in case you found everything too stressful and had to be taken out."
Loki stared at his mother, mouth dropping open in horror. Suppose they really had done that? Suppose he had been brought home and forced to be all alone, always, just like a prisoner who had earned the extra punishment of solitary confinement?
Mum looked at his expression and reached over to touch his cheek. "It wasn't supposed to be punishment, we just thought you preferred... and we planned, when we learned what house you were in, to write to your head and explain about you. What we thought we knew about you. Although that outburst the night before you left- " Loki ducked his head and cringed in shame- "when you said you wanted a pet just so you could have one friend... well, even as stupid as we'd been all along, it was very hard then for your father and me to keep believing we had ever understood you as well as we believed.
"And then, a few days into the term, we got the nicest letter from Professor Sprout, saying you had been Sorted into Hufflepuff, and how pleased she was to have you, and how happily you seemed to be settling in. And that we weren't to worry, because your three friends were in Hufflepuff with you, and she knew we'd be happy that you were all together and it would help all four of you adjust to being away at school.
"It was hard enough to send our baby so far away," Mum said, her mouth twisting, "but to find out the first thing you did when you got away from us was to make friends we didn't even have the sense to know you wanted, and that so quickly and firmly that Pomona thought you must have known them all your life- We knew then that we didn't understand you, Loki. Or know much about you. If we'd had any brains, we would have realized that could mean we didn't know Thor as well as we'd thought, either, but we didn't. And so, here we are."
"Here we are," Thor mumbled.
"Yes," Dad said, and it was very strange to hear Dad sound so unsure of himself. He rubbed Loki's back and then reached over to lay a hand on Thor's shoulder, looking like he was trying to comfort himself as much as his sons. Loki reached over and took Dad's hand. Dad smiled at him. "But we don't have to stay here."
"Right," Mum agreed, and ruffled Thor's hair.
~oOo~
Loki expected, after breakfast, to be sent back to join his classmates. In fact, he was beginning to feel a little anxious, both about missing classwork and whether his friends might be worrying about him. However, after the breakfast dishes and things were removed, Professor Coulson and Professor Sprout came back to speak to the family.
Loki suddenly remembered he hadn't even thanked Professor Sprout for arriving in the nick of time to rescue everyone.
"I'm just grateful we weren't too late," Professor Sprout replied, gently brushing his thanks aside. "And glad I was able to catch up with Mr. Longbottom after I took the rest of your classmates back to the castle. I should probably deduct fifty house points from every one of you for doing something so foolishly dangerous." Loki bit back his protest, because of course she was right, at least as far as the rules were concerned. He just couldn't imagine doing nothing when his brother was in danger.
And Professor Sprout knew it, because she smiled tiredly and went on, "I will, of course, do nothing of the sort: your hearts were in the right place, and if Mr. Stark hadn't taken immediate action, it's quite possible Mr. Longbottom and I wouldn't have arrived in time to rescue anyone. And he is quite insistent that he couldn't have done as much as he did, without help from you first-years. I'm certainly not going to award house points for your actions, but under the circumstances I think punishment would be unjust. So- and I have already told your friends this- I think there is nothing more to be said on this front." Loki nodded meekly.
Professor Coulson folded his arms as he looked at Thor. "You and Clint Barton, on the other hand- "
Thor also nodded meekly. "I'm sorry," he muttered. Professor Coulson raised one eyebrow and waited. Thor stumbled on, "I, I didn't mean to put everyone in danger. It was stupid of me, and, and I deserve to get punished for what I did. But Clint doesn't, really. He just, he followed my lead because he was... " Thor flushed deep red and said haltingly, "He missed his brother, and I was, I was kind of... It wasn't the same, but it was something. And he shouldn't, shouldn't be- "
Professor Coulson looked at Thor with his head on one side, and when he spoke his voice was stern. "How about you let me decide what I should do, all right?" It didn't seem possible Thor could blush any redder, but he did.
Professor Coulson glanced at Professor Sprout, who nodded. Then she turned to Loki.
"Professor Coulson and I need to speak to your parents and brother for a while, but I think it's time for you to return to your friends. All right?"
It took Loki a moment to realize she was actually asking him a question, and would probably pay attention to his answer. He felt a little torn between not wanting to say goodbye to his parents just yet, and wanting to get back to the safety of the Hufflepuff common room.
"We'll come see you again before we leave," Mum promised, and Loki nodded in relief. He hugged her, then Dad, and then- to Thor's surprise- his brother. Professor Sprout walked him to the door of the office.
Waiting outside were Annie, Mitchell, and George, with Becky hovering just behind them.
"Hi," Loki spluttered, surprised. "How did you know I'd be leaving now?"
Becky looked long-suffering, and Annie explained, a little sheepishly, "We didn't. We've, we've been waiting around for you since classes ended at lunchtime."
"Oh," Loki replied. "Well, thank you- " He broke off in a startled squeak when Annie made a pouncing motion at him that ended in a big hug. He instinctively hugged her back, then both of them let go and scuttled backward a pace, blushing furiously. Loki turned to George- also blushing- and Mitchell- obviously trying not to burst out laughing- and asked, "Um, did your parents come check on you, too?" It occurred to him for the first time that, George's parents being Muggles and Annie's a Muggle and a squib, that might be a problem.
"Yes," George confirmed. "Mitchell's parents brought mine to Hogsmeade with them- something called side-along Apparition?" Loki nodded, hoping the Mitchells had warned them about how unpleasant the feeling was.
"And my grandparents brought mine." Annie added. She made a face. "So I got yelled at by five people, instead of just Becky."
"You're lucky they didn't all demand you be locked in the common room between classes," Becky replied calmly, as they started back toward the Hufflepuff basement. Annie sniffed, and Becky rubbed her shoulder. "You know we're all proud of you for being so ready to help your friends. We just didn't expect you to scare the feathers off us like that." George made a snorting noise that suggested he'd heard the same from his family.
"I don't think my parents had that problem," Mitchell remarked ruefully. His friends all giggled, and Mitchell went on, "At least, Mum kept telling me I was just like Dad and she ought to box both our ears. She didn't," he added quickly. "And then they told me Mr. Sinclair has to go back to Azkaban, but Professor Slughorn had helped prove he wasn't helping them because he wanted to, so he probably won't have to stay in extra time."
"My dad told me that," Loki nodded. "He also told me... did your parents tell you about the Campbell-Hardwickes?" His friends all shook their heads. Well, that meant it was Loki's job to do it. "You know how, after they'd helped other families get out of Britain, your parents nearly got caught by Death Eaters that time?" Mitchell nodded. Annie let out a little gasp, obviously realizing what Loki was about to tell them- at least part of it. Loki went on, "It was the Campbell-Hardwickes who attacked them. Your parents never told you that?"
Mitchell shook his head. "They never mentioned any names. They might not even know them- I don't suppose they cared which Death Eaters tried to kill them."
"No, I suppose not. Well, it turns out the Campbell-Hardwickes didn't just try to kill your parents. They really did kill mine." Loki was aware his words sounded... unfeeling, but he needed more time to think quietly about this before it would start to feel real to him. He'd brooded about what he believed for so long, it was hard to take in what had turned out to be true.
Mitchell stopped short in the corridor and George piled into him from behind. "You're kidding. You mean- you mean your birth parents weren't Death Eaters?"
Loki shook his head. "No," he said. And then something silly came over him. "No, they were something much worse."
"Worse?" Annie asked, wide-eyed.
"What could possibly be worse?" George demanded.
Loki glanced at Mitchell, leaned forward as if about to share a terrible secret, and said mournfully, "They were Irish."
All three of his friends stared at him for a second, as if they hadn't understood what he said. Then Mitchell punched him in the arm, and they all burst out laughing.
~oOo~
The one class Loki managed to attend that day was Astronomy theory, which was held at the end of the afternoon, after his parents had left. The teacher, Madame Sinistra, didn't make any kind of fuss about what had happened, which suited Loki just fine since this class was shared with Gryffindor and Loki was already nervous about facing Clint again.
He wasn't the only one, apparently: all the Hufflepuffs stuck close as they reached the classroom at the top of the Astronomy tower. There they found Gryffindor already waiting, looking just as uncomfortable and anxious as Loki felt.
Before Loki could decide how he should act, Clint walked toward him. Loki would have worried about what to expect from the other boy, except Clint looked just as anxious as Loki felt.
Just as he reached Loki, Clint reached into his pocket and brought out something small and wriggling.
"Here," Clint said, extending it toward Loki. "You should take this back."
Loki looked at Clint's outstretched hand, and realized Clint had been talking to Thor: the other boy was holding out the tiny enchanted model of a Welsh green dragon that Loki had given him for Christmas.
Well, it wasn't as if Loki hadn't known Clint might reject the gift if he knew who had given it to him. That was the reason he hadn't signed the gift card in the first place. Still, he tried to protest.
"That's yours," he said quietly. "Even if you don't like me, Thor said you liked the dragon. You can keep it if you want to. I won't tell anyone I gave it to you."
"It's not that," Clint said, blinking quickly and speaking just as quietly as Loki. "I, I've been... You shouldn't give me a present after everything I did to be nasty to you."
Loki wiggled. "I just... Look, Clint, I... I gave you a gift because I felt guilty about... about... When I gave you that present, I thought my birth parents were Death Eaters. I wanted to give you something because I didn't think it was fair for me to, to have... It felt like my fault you and Barney don't... It turned out I was wrong about that: my parents were just ordinary Muggles, like your dad tried to help, so I, I owe him and your mother something, anyway, for helping Muggle-borns like me." Clint was staring at him, and Loki felt horribly embarrassed. "You don't have to keep it if you don't want it. You can, you can throw it away, or give it to someone else, or anything you want with it. It's yours. I know we're not friends, but I really did want to... to... I don't know. It was a dumb idea, but I, I meant well. I'm sorry if it, if it upset you. I guess I knew it might, but I hoped you'd... like it."
Clint looked down at the toy in his hand, just as embarrassed as Loki. "I do like it. It's just, I was... I wasn't very- "
"Well, neither was I," Loki pointed out. "You didn't have much reason to like me. But, but I think Thor and I are going to... we'll try, anyway, to be... well, not enemies anymore, at least. It would be nice if you and I could try to not be enemies, either."
Clint looked relieved, and it occurred to Loki that maybe that was what Clint had wanted to say, when he first came over to speak to Loki. The other boy put the dragon back into his pocket- then held out his hand again.
Loki shook it.