The winter morning sun blazed through the window, the curtains still wide open from the day before having been forgotten about the previous night. A glance at the alarm clock on the whitewash bedside table in front of her told Hermione that the sun had woken up earlier than she usually would, but she smiled into her soft pillow thinking it allowed her time to make breakfast for herself and Draco. She rolled over feeling blissfully peaceful, keen to spend a few moments pressed up against his pale torso before getting up, only to be greeted with empty space in her bed.
"Draco?" she called out but no reply came.
She climbed out of bed and wrapped herself in the dressing gown Draco had given her many weeks ago then headed to the main living area of her flat. She walked past the bathroom as she went; the door was wide open and the room unoccupied. She found the same emptiness in her kitchen and living room. A sense of worry began to pool in the pit of her stomach; where was Draco?
Her stomach growled in a hungry protest and Hermione headed over to the kitchen, intent on starting to make breakfast. As the smell of toast began to fill the air, she wondered if Draco had headed home to pick up fresh clothes for work and considered making breakfast for him too. The toast popped up and she turned to get a plate from the cupboard behind her when she spotted a piece of parchment bearing her name on the bench top.
Hermione,
Left early, didn't want to wake you. See you at work,
Draco.
Hermione read the note several times, perplexed. Each time she read the few sentences, it made less time than the first. Why had he left early? Why wasn't he coming back? To her, the previous night was wonderful; she and Draco had been a perfect fit. Every confused feeling she'd had about him lately had become clear. She knew then that they really did care for one another, not just because they had slept together but just the way he had held her, throughout the memory and after it. Now she was more confused than ever.
No longer feeling hungry, Hermione abandoned the toast and decided to shower and dress instead; she wanted to get to the Ministry sooner rather than later so she could get some answers from Draco. In her haste, she arrived so early that she was the only member of her department, and possibly several others, in the building. She took a seat at her desk and began shuffling through the paperwork that lay waiting for her, though her thoughts were still on Draco so little information filtered through.
The minutes dragged by and Hermione was beginning to feel restless when Jarvis Duggen's booming voice came from outside of her door and made her jump.
"Ah! Draco, just the man I was looking for. I need to speak to you and Hermione for a moment, join me in her office?"
Hermione did not hear Draco's response, she quickly sat up a little in her seat and smoothed her blouse down before picking up the parchment on her desk once again to look as though she had not heard the conversation he had just been eavesdropping on. Duggen's huge frame entered the room followed by Draco's smaller one. The latter was looking at the floor, was he avoiding eye contact with Hermione?
"Hermione, do you have a moment?" Duggen asked.
"Absolutely," Hermione replied with a false smile.
"Excellent. I just wanted to let you know I received an owl over the weekend from a Norwegian Ministry worker, they've finally agreed to allow Muggle-borns at Durmstrang. Their department are undecided as to what to do with the school that currently teaches them but are keen to meet with you both to discuss options. Great work you two!" he beamed.
"Really?" exclaimed Hermione, momentarily forgetting her problems with Draco. "That's amazing!"
"Excellent," said Draco a little unenthusiastically.
His tone went un-noticed by Duggen, who continued to smile widely at the pair. "You should be very pleased with yourselves, I have to admit, I was a little sceptical when you told me your plan for Durmstrang, Hermione, but you pulled it off. Both of you. Keep it up!" he shuffled out of the room, whistling happily.
Draco, still not looking at Hermione, turned to follow their boss out of the room but Hermione quickly shut the door with a wave of her wand.
"Draco?" he turned to face her but still his eyes were locked on the floor. "Is something wrong? It's just, with you leaving this morning…I thought, well, I don't know what I thought but it just seemed like you left in a bit of a hurry…" she trailed off, suddenly not feeling so confident about confronting him.
"Nothing wrong, just have a lot of work to do, that's all. We'll talk later, yeah?" he exited the office, bumping into Lucy as he went and not apologising.
"Don't mind me!" Lucy called after him as he walked to his own office. "Did someone wee in his Pixie Pops this morning?" she asked Hermione as she dumped her handbag carelessly on her desk.
"I wouldn't know…" Hermione mumbled, stopping herself from telling Lucy that he didn't stay for breakfast.
"You're grumpy too," Lucy observed. "What's going on? Please tell me that you two aren't arguing again or I swear to Potter I'll quit."
"Please don't use that expression Lucy, as one of Harry's best friends I can tell you that he absolutely does not like it. He's not some sort of God you know."
"Sorry. Stop changing the subject anyway, are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Lucy asked again.
"No, because I am absolutely fine. Anyway, we've got work to do. Jarvis has just been in to tell us that Durmstrang have finally agreed to change their rules about Muggle-borns. We need to do some brainstorming about their other school and what to do with it now so get thinking."
Lucy nodded, pulled a piece of parchment and purple feather quill towards her and began writing silently. Hermione was relieved that she did not continue with her inquisition but caught her several times throughout the day eying her suspiciously.
She did not see Draco for the remainder of the day, choosing to avoid him and wait until he approached her to enlighten Hermione on his odd behaviour but by the time five o'clock came she had had enough of waiting. She grabbed her bag and marched to his office, preparing to drag him out for dinner and an explanation only to find he had already gone home. Sighing, she walked back down the corridor toward the lift where Lucy was waiting too.
"Ready to talk yet?" Lucy asked.
"Fine," Hermione conceded. "Dinner?"
"Sounds great," Lucy smiled.
They flooed to Hermione's flat and Lucy sat on the bench top whilst Hermione busied herself making dinner, in the Muggle way as always. Whilst she waited for the pasta to cook she leaned against the cupboard and waited for Lucy to begin her questioning: it didn't take long.
"So, you and the bu-"
"Don't say it! Call him Draco, please," Hermione pleaded. Now that she and Draco had been intimate she couldn't bear to hear Lucy refer to him that way.
"Fine, you and Draco, what's going on?"
"Isleptwithhim," Hermione mumbled rapidly.
"Bless you," Lucy teased. "Say again?"
"I…slept with him. Last night."
"WHAT?!" Lucy jumped down from the bench and stared open-mouthed at Hermione.
"You heard, and now he-" Hermione began but was interrupted.
"Woah, woah, woah. First things first. Is his bum as nice naked as it is in trousers?"
"Lucy!" Hermione scolded. "Can we focus on the bigger picture please? As I was saying, he left before I woke up this morning and what you could barely call a note and then wouldn't even look at me today when Jarvis told us about Durmstrang. I tried to talk to him after that and he said we'd speak later but he never did, he went home early."
"Well that makes no sense, he's obviously crazy about you," Lucy said simply. "And he didn't go home, I heard him telling Duggen that he was going to the Hog's Head tonight."
"Avoiding me probably, he's obviously not 'crazy about me' as you put it," Hermione replied.
She drained the pasta and stirred some sauce into it before dividing it into two bowls. They took them to the dining table and continued their conversation. Hermione explained the full events of the previous day; the memory and what happened after.
"I thought he liked me Lucy," she finished.
"He does! I'm just as confused as you are. Try talking to him again tomorrow, if he tries to run away just jinx him!"
"I'm not going to jinx him!" Hermione smiled a little at the thought. "Maybe I should just accept that last night was a one-time thing for him, nothing more. I mean, how could I possibly expect more from him knowing about Evelina? He's obviously still in love with her and honestly, who can blame him? She died so suddenly he hasn't had a chance to get over her."
"I get what you're saying Hermione but I still think he's crazy about you, Evelina or no Evelina. Tell me, how do you feel about him, honestly?"
"Honestly? I don't know. I mean, I've probably felt just about every feeling towards him. I loathed him in school and then he left for so long I just felt indifferent about him. When he came to work at the ministry I was so angry and then we started seeing all of those memories and became friends, it was so confusing. Lately, thanks to you, Ginny and Juliette putting ideas into my head, I've started to feel more for him and then after that memory of Evelina I saw a whole new side to him, one that I could really get used to. I thought I was getting to know that side much more after last night and then the way he's been today I'm back to being angry."
"That is a lot of feelings. I think you care about him more than you'd like to admit though, and I think he feels the same way."
Hermione shook her head but said no more. She didn't want to talk or even think about Draco any more, the whole situation was too confusing. It had taken her long enough to come to terms with the idea of being friends with Draco and now they had crossed that line and stepped into the unknown. Hermione hated being unsure of things, usually turning to books for the answers. She was almost certain there wasn't a book on how to deal with mixed signals from Draco Malfoy.
Lucy stayed a little longer and Hermione was a little relieved when she left; she wanted a hot bubble bath and an early night. She cleaned and put away their dinner dishes with a few waves of her wand before going to the bathroom and filling her bath up with warm soapy water. She lay there for what could have been hours, letting her mind run and seeing Draco's face more times than she would have liked.
She dressed in her pyjamas when she finally got out of the bath and cast a warming charm on them to protect herself from the cold that had seeped in from outside, switching her heating on as she turned the lights out on her way to bed. Since she was a young girl, Hermione always found an early night curled up in bed with a good book could fix anything and she was hoping her current situation wouldn't be an exception to that rule. As she shuffled under the duvet however, a stirring sensation in her stomach told her that her new book would have to wait.
Not having had time to get herself out of bed before her bedroom disappeared, Hermione found herself sitting on the floor of a dark room. She groaned as she remembered she was in her pyjamas, dreading the teasing that she would suffer from Draco before remembering they didn't seem to be on talking terms.
She stood up and dusted herself off then looked around to take in her surroundings. She immediately recognised the room as the bar of the Hog's Head in Hogsmeade. It was dimly lit by short candles that were sporadically placed in holders on the wall and a filthy chandelier that was off-center on the ceiling. The bar was as filthy as the rag that was independently cleaning it and the guests even more so. One guest stood out like a sore thumb though, and Hermione had known to look for him, for this was not her memory. His bright blonde hair shone brighter than any of the candles and Hermione turned to make the same joke to him. That was when she noticed he wasn't there with her. She walked over to the Draco sitting alone at a booth and stood in front of him, wondering if he was the Draco she should be watching the memory with. He did not look up upon her arrival so she waved a hand in front of his face, still gaining no reaction. She walked away from him and had a quick look around the bar, still not seeing Draco. She was starting to wonder if Draco had somehow managed to stop himself from coming in a desperate attempt to avoid her when she was distracted by the door opening and another familiar face entering the bar.
Lucy stormed in, an expression of determination on her face that Hermione had never seen before, and quickly scanned the bar before her gaze fell on Draco. She walked over to the booth and sat down opposite him without even stopping to order a drink. Hermione approached the table once more in curiosity.
"Lucy?" Draco gaped at the blonde girl sitting across from him. "What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you. I heard you telling Jarvis earlier that you'd be here."
"Why are you looking for me?"
"To knock some sense into you, you idiot," Lucy hissed at him. "I just came from Hermione's, I know what happened between you two."
Draco's face fell. He looked down into his glass which was filled with a honey-coloured liquid Lucy recognised as the Hog's Head's own brand of mead.
"Well?" she prompted.
"Well what?" he snapped back.
"Why are you avoiding Hermione? Don't you dare think you can just sleep with her and pretend it never happened, I know you like her more than that."
"I'm not pretending anything. I just won't let it happen again," his voice was solemn.
"Why in the name of Merlin not? You like her, don't you?" she demanded.
"Yes, but-"
"Yes but nothing! I won't let you treat her this way, she deserves better. I thought you were better."
"Listen, it's not that simple. You don't know the half of it…"
Lucy's face softened. "I do know, Draco. I know about you two at school and the memories and-"she paused, "and I know about Evelina."
Draco's head snapped up and he finally looked at Lucy. "What?"
"Don't be mad at Hermione, I can be pretty relentless when I know she's hiding something from me. I practically hexed it out of her. She hasn't told anyone else, not even Harry and Ron."
Draco said nothing.
"Please, just explain to me what the problem is. Or at least tell Hermione, doesn't she have the right to know why you're being an arse?" she pleaded.
"Of course she does. I just can't explain it to her…"
"Then tell me," Lucy prompted.
Hermione held her breath as she waited for Draco to speak again. His silence seemed as though it would never end and Hermione wasn't sure she wanted it to, was she ready to hear why she wasn't good enough for him; why he didn't want her like she wanted him?
"I'm scared," Draco finally replied, giving the answer neither Hermione nor Lucy had expected.
Lucy gaped at him. "You're scared? The Draco Malfoy is scared?"
"Don't take the piss," he snapped. "Yes, I'm scared. I'm scared that if I admit how I feel and give into it that one day she'll wake up and remember who I am. Draco Malfoy, ex-Death Eater and total prick. If those bloody memories have taught me anything it's that I'm just kidding myself, I haven't changed at all, I'm just trying to convince myself and everyone else that I have, including Hermione. I've proven that today."
"Have you gone mad? Unless you're still going around calling everyone Mudblood and taking orders from a power-mad bloke with no nose then you've definitely changed."
The corners of Draco's mouth twitched a little at the casual way Lucy spoke about Voldemort. "That's not what I meant. I'm still the same coward I always was, the first sign of anything developing between me and Hermione and what did I do? I ran. Just like when Lina…I hid away for weeks after that day, trying to run from my problems. Hermione is better off without me. It's better for the both of us that she realises what a coward I am now rather than months down the line when she wakes up one day and remembers."
"Oh for goodness sake, Draco. She likes you, a lot. How can you not see that? Hermione isn't the sort of person who would just jump into bed with someone without having feelings for them, surely you know that?"
"I do, but it doesn't change anything. Even if she does want a relationship with me, despite who I used to be-who I am, what if something happens to her?" his voice was barely above a whisper now.
"What do you mean?" Lucy asked, perplexed.
"Like with Lina. I couldn't go through that again…"
"Draco, what happened with Evelina was a terrible accident. If you and Hermione were together that doesn't mean something like that would happen to her. It wasn't your fault." She reached out and lay her hand on top of his in a comforting gesture.
"It terrifies me though, I couldn't lose someone I love all over again."
Hermione gasped and clapped both hands over her mouth. Had Draco really just said that he loved her? Surely she had misheard. She took a step closer, not wanting to miss the next part of the conversation.
"Wait," Lucy looked at him, shocked, "did you say 'love'? You love Hermione?"
"No," Draco said hastily, "that's not what I-"
"Yes it is! Draco, you love her! And unless I'm very much mistaken, she feels the same way. So why are you still sitting here? You need to tell her!"
"I'll be doing nothing of the sort. Look, Lucy, I appreciate you coming here and talking to me but this is something I have to figure out alone."
Lucy took this as a huge hint for her to leave and so she rose from her seat and headed back out of the door, giving Draco a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder as she passed. Hermione stood for a few more moments staring at the man who remained seated, looking intensely at the glass between his hands. He soon disappeared, along with the dirty bar and Hermione was standing in the comfort of her own bedroom once more.