Editor's Note- Honest to God, the second sentence of the authors note confused the shit out of me for a few minutes. I'm really beginning to regret labelling this story under 'English.'
Liv, we both know that that hat looked better on me. And if we're being pedantic, the top hat's your dad's. And a spiffing top hat it is! =)
AN: Stop flaming, ok?! I didn't read all of the books! (EN- That explains a lot.) This is from the movie, ok, so it's not my fault if Dumbledore swears! (EN- Tara, darling, I think we saw different films because I don't ever remember Michael Gambon dropping any f-bombs. -_-) Besides, I SAID HE HAD A HEADACHE! And the reason Snape doesn't like Harry now is because he's a Christian and Vampire is a Satanist! MCR ROCKS!
I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco was cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I had had sex with Draco.
Then all of a sudden, a horrible man with red eyes and no nose started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) (EN- *headdesk, headdesk, headdesk.) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort!
"No!" I shouted in a scared voice. Voldemort shouted "Imperio!" and I couldn't run away.
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. (EN- ...It was only when I reread this that I realised that she meant 'Crucio'. I just assumed that Crookshanks was Voldemort's secret kryptonite or something.) Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. (EN- *headdesk comboX6!)
"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" (EN- Should I edit this...?)
I thought about Vampire and his sexy eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. (EN- Sounds legit, bro.) I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?
"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.
Voldemort gave me a gun. (EN- Yeah, sure. Who doesn't remember this beloved scene?) "No! Please!" I begged.
"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.
Voldemort got a dude-you're-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." (EN- So. Much. Headdesking. TELEPATHY, you dink.) He answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.
I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"
"Hi." he said back but he looked sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (get it?) (EN-Not at all.) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"No." he answered.
"I'm sorry I got mad at you, but I thought you cheated on me." I explained. (EN- This was originally 'expelled'. I'm not even gonna ask about that one.)
"That's okay" he said. He looked very depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together while making out. (EN- Yeah, sure. Careful you don't walk into the Whomping Willow. -_-)
Editor's Note- I honestly think this chapter gave me a concussion. ALL OF THE HEADDESKING. Seriously, reading Homestuck doesn't give me this much of a headache. I'm not even going to apologise for the Editor's Notes any more. You may want to get used to them.