Editor's Note: This is the chapter in which Draco kills himself by slitting his wrists despite the fact that Tara says earlier on in the same chapter. My brain, what have you done to it, My Immortal?
Light, putting aside the fact that the fact my Dad owns a top hat makes him the single greatest person in the universe. The hat was still more mine than yours. By right of passage it will be mine (I'm quoting something here and I'm not sure what - I think it's Lord of the Rings). Basically, if you want a top hat get your own, I have dibs on that one.
AN: Stop it you gay fags if you don't like my story then fuck off! P.S. It turns out Bloody Mary isn't a Muggle after all and she and Vampire are evil that's why they moved houses, okay! (EN: Why would them being evil necessitate them moving house? Did they insult someone? Steal their post? Let their dog shit on a neighbour's lawn? Wouldn't evil people just massacre the annoying, whiny neighbours?) (EN #2: Uh, whoops, just caught now that she meant moving from Gryffindor to Slytherin. My bad!)
I was really scared about Voldemort all day. I was even upset when I went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666 (EN: Tara, honey, that's a dreadful name for a band – you just strung together three of your favourite words and added 666 to the end. And what does a gothic metal band sound like anyway?). I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are Bloody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. (EN: Ron is renamed Diabolo. This is the single greatest thing My Immortal has ever given us.) He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hagrid. (EN: As Light mentioned, I'm convinced this is not our beloved half giant only his evil Satanist twin) Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) (EN: Under any other circumstances I would laugh hysterically at this but I find that all I'm capable of now is a disbelieving shake of the head) or a stake) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing film like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. (EN: Yes, you are. Tara, sweetheart, but a dictionary, it could help improve your writing. Maybe.)
We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. (EN: That as dramatic.)
"Ebony! Are you OK?" Bloody Mary asked in a concerned tone.
"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. (EN: Temper, temper) And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.
"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser Muggle bitch!" (See is that out of character?) (EN: Yes, I refuse to believe that Draco would ever know the word 'poser')
I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too, all sensitive. (EN: And that definitely is) Then he ran out crying.
We practised for another hour. Then, suddenly, Dumbledore walked in angrily. His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't because he had a headache. (EN: Ah, yes, the famous headache scene. I'm extremely glad Light took care of that one. I'm just surprised I haven't had to edit extremely bad porn yet.)
"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (EN: Well, I'm not really surprised, Dumbledore does everything wisely) (See, that's basically not swearing (EN: We know, Tara darling, we aren't the one's in dire need of a dictionary) and this time he was really upset, and you will see why.) "Ebony, Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."
Editor's Note: The writing has become steadily worse and I'm dreading the chapter where Tara reveals she no longer has a Beta because she had a spat with Raven. My beautiful heart will break, watch - you'll see.