a/n: i would like to thank ff net user 4pollos for giving criticism. i made an attempt to follow it and wrote more than normal and i'm happy with this hehe :)

"Nathan, why do you have tits?"

Nathan and Pickles stared at each other for at least a full minute before Nathan crossed his arms, over his chest. Pickles tried to avert his eyes from Nathan's breasts, and failed. Finally, Nathan grabbed a tank top from the door and pulled it on. It flattened the breasts into passable pecs and Pickles looked up at Nathan's face - the Nathan he'd known for years was female. It explained the death growl thing, though - maybe it was to disguise his voice.

"I was born female, I'm a guy now. It's simple."

Pickles raised his eyebrows at watched Nathan move to pull on a tee shirt and lie on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Pickles sat down at the foot of the bed, and put his hands on his knees. "So, you're a girl. Or a girl-boy, or… what am I supposed to call you?"

"Nathan. I'm the same person, but now you know I have tits - how are things any different?"

"Right, things are the same, you're just… a he-she or whatever... I need a beer." Pickles got up and pushed his dreads out of his face, stumbling towards the kitchen. He slipped on the sauce on the floor but ignored it, opening up the fridge and grabbing one, two beers. He heard footsteps and turned around, looking at Nathan. "I'm sorry, I really don't think I know how to deal with this." He tossed the can of beer to Nathan and cracked open his own. "It's just too weird, yanno?"

"We've been friends since we were 9, Pickles, we're not gonna fucking change that because I have a vagina. You're being a dildo!" He opened the beer and it fizzed over his hand. Nathan licked it up and mopped up the floor with his sock.

"But obviously we're not friends enough for you not to tell me-"

"I didn't think you'd want to know!"

Pickles rolled his eyes and chugged the entire can of beer, slamming it on the counter. "Of course I'd want to know! I mean, considering we're best friends, and have been for six years."

"Then I'm sorry for not having a penis!" Nathan finished his beer and threw the can at Pickles, watching it bounce off of his forehead and onto the ground.

"I'm not gonna stop being friends with you just because you're a tranny, okay? But obviously you don't trust me or think that I respect you, and I'm not gonna be able to prove that - even though I can keep this secret, I've kept other secrets, so I don't see why this was such a huge deal for you to keep it a secret!"

"Well it's not like you're the most accepting of people," Nathan scoffed.

"Accepting?! I'm completely accepting, you mother-douchebag!"

The shouting match was interrupted by the ring of the doorbell.

"I'll clean up the sauce."

Nathan rolled his eyes and went to get the door. It was Murderface, with his bass slung over his shoulder and his arms crossed over his chest. "I heard schouting."

"It was nothing," Nathan growled, crossing his arms back at Murderface. Murderface pushed past Nathan and entered the house. "The dumbass dropped spaghetti everywhere, and I got pissed because it's our food." He shrugged, grinning nervously. How much had Murderface overheard?

"Hah, what a dumbasch." Murderface laughed loudly and nudged Pickles with his foot. "Are you Nathan'sch new maid? Can you get me a beer?" The joke seemed to amuse him greatly, but he opened the fridge and got a beer himself. "Nathan, your parentsch have pisch beer."

Murderface's reaction calmed Nathan down greatly. He could forget about accidentally outing himself to Pickles - at least for the next day or so. Later he'd have to explain it; answer all the stupid questions about his birth name and his breasts and his genitals and things that Nathan generally preferred to be private but became public domain once he stepped out of the mainstream, gender-wise. At least he could trust Pickles not to blab to anybody, since Murderface and Skwisgaar weren't as reliable, in Nathan's mind.

"We're not even supposed to drink their beer."

"Doeschn't count if it'sch pisch."

Pickles got up and threw the paper towels in the trash can, rolling his eyes at Murderface. "Do you know when the other guys are gonna be here?"

"Schkwischgaar'sch probably off schomewhere being a dick."

"What about the new kid?"

"Alscho being a dick."

However, as Murderface started to go on about why the two Scandinavian kids were dicks, the doorbell rang again. Nathan flung open the door, scowling - it was the two aforementioned Scandinavian kids, Skwisgaar and Toki. Toki looked incredibly lost, and Skwisgaar looked incredibly annoyed. He stormed in, and Toki followed - staring around the house with huge eyes.

"This ams the kid yous wanteds, right?" Skwisgaar asked, sitting on the table. Toki gave a small wave, pulling out a chair and sitting at it like a normal person.

"You the Norway kid?" Nathan asked, leaning over and inspecting the kid. He had to look intimidating - if the kid was too scared by Nathan, then he wasn't band material. It was simple logic. The muscles and hair. The only issue was the innocence, which could be fixed. There was a stupid cheerful expression on his face that wasn't exactly brutal, but Nathan knew that within Toki's heart, he was truly brutal.

"Yes?"

"Yeah, it's him. Do you play guitar?"

"I knows how…"

Nathan frowned at Toki, crossing his arms over his chest. "We are a death metal band. We're going to need somebody who's good at guitar."

"I onlys knows black metal…"

"Metal is metal." Nathan shrugged - he was afraid that the kid wouldn't know anything about any metal whatsoever, even though he was from Norway. "You'll probably get your shit together soon.

Anyway, I'm Nathan, this is Skiwsgaar, Murderface, and Pickles."

"Ams huge differences betweens deaths and blacks metal…" Skwisgaar scoffed, putting his forehead on the table.

"But I cans learns!" Toki offered, looking up into Nathan's eyes. It was kind of adorable, Nathan thought - then he realized that he was classifying something as adorable and shook away the thoughts in disgust. He leaned down, making eye contact.

"Yeah, and Skwisgaar can teach him-"

"I won'ts."

Skwisgaar stood up as he interrupted Pickles, and folded his arms over his chest. "Believes it or nots, I haves an actuals personality other thans being foreign," He said coldly.

"But you're the bescht at guitar-"

"I'ms not teachings him!"

Skwisgaar stormed out the front door. Toki didn't look angry, or even sad, like Nathan thought he would - instead he just looked resigned, like he had already accepted this would happen. While Nathan wanted to chase after Skwisgaar and beat the shit out of him for being a dick, he wanted to stay and comfort Toki at the same time. He shot a glance to Pickles, who was already moving towards the door, then to Murderface, then finally to Toki.

"I got thisch," Murderface said, sitting on the table over Toki. "I'm not that good with head casches. Toki scheems pretty schane." He grinned at Toki, who didn't grin back. Nathan stopped for a second, then went to follow Skwisgaar.

"Skwisgaar, what the hell was that about?!"

Pickles caught Skwisgaar by the tree outside Nathan's house and grabbed his forearm. Skwisgaar spun around, with an angry expression on his face that nearly scared Pickles - but he stared back at Skwisgaar until the other teen turned away, making a disdainful sound. Nathan came up beside Pickles as Skwisgaar sat down, leaning against the tree.

"Toki okay?"

"Yeah."

Pickles sat down next to Skwisgaar, and put his hand on Skwisgaar's shoulder. "What the hell did Toki ever do to you, man?" He asked, frowning.

"It's nothingks to do with Toki."

"Then… what is it?" Nathan asked.

"I don'ts like beingks defined by thingks I don'ts even control. I means, yous wouldn't knows - Nathan, you ams the metal kid, and Pickle ams the wasted kid, but I'ms the fuckingks Swedish kid or the tall kid - even though I haves thingks that I do, I coulds be the guitar kid or evens the fuckingk manwhore kid - ugh."

"But it's still a label, isn't it? I don't see how being labeled for something else would-"

"I don'ts gives a shit if I'ms labeled or not, as longks as it ams over somethingks I controls - which it nevers. Fuckingks. Ams."

Nathan rolled his eyes, and Pickles shot him a glare - this wasn't the time to be disdainful of somebody else's existential crises, even if they happened to be smaller. Pickles took a deep breath, and tentatively reached out to put his arm around Skwisgaar as if Skwisgaar would try and chop it off. Skwisgaar didn't react at all, merely tapping on the toes of his boots with his nails. Pickles sighed in relief.

"We only asked you because you're good at guitar, dude."

"And nows I looks like a dildo, because ofs that."

Nathan nodded. "Yeah, it really does. But Toki's…" He frowned, and Pickles could see that Nathan was racking his mind for the right word.

"Innocent?"

"Yeah, innocent. He's innocent. He's not gonna think that of you, probably." He shrugged and put his hand on Skwisgaar's shoulder. Skwisgaar narrowed his eyes at Nathan and pickles, and slowly pulled their hands off of his shoulders.

"Please don'ts to bes touchingks me."

Nathan stepped back about a foot, but Pickles didn't move. "Just go inside and apologise - hell, you probably don't even gotta apologise."

"Fine. I'lls does it."

"It'sch probably not perschonal."

Murderface nodded sagely and took a sip from his beer, still sagely. Altogether he would've looked quite sage, if he weren't speaking. Toki thought he looked somewhat sage, at least - but the ugly face and triangle haircut took away from the sageness of William Murderface. He shook his head and pushed the lock of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes away from his head and bit his lip.

"People don'ts like me. I ams useds to it."

Toki shrugged and smiled at Murderface in an attempt to make him less freaked out. Evidently it didn't work - Murderface looked even more weirded out. Toki watched Murderface sigh and slowly shake his head, and it made Toki feel like shit. Not even his parents liked him or thought of him as normal - and already he was alienating people, just like his mother said he would. "I ams really sorrys…"

"Why wouldn't people like you, though? I mean, you're nische enough, and you've got that ripped body and schexy accent…"

"I ams wei… sexy?"

Toki felt very much flattered, but he stared back at Murderface like he had grown a third eye in the middle of his forehead nonetheless. He laughed softly and brought his knees up to his chest. Sexy wasn't a word often used to describe him - that task was typically reserved for words like annoying, idiotic, childish, worthless, clingy… on good days, plain. His parents hadn't liked him because he was weak and unholy, other kids didn't like him because he was stupid and immature.

And now somebody was complimenting him and seemed to like him and Toki had no idea what he was supposed to do. Just accept it? Correct Murderface, because he was clearly wrong? He bit his lip and tried to find something in Murderface's voice that indicated he was joking.

"That wasch gay, waschn't it. Fuck."

"No… Just… if I'ms not unlikeds ors… why ams Skwisgaar angry?"

"Schkwischgaar'sch juscht a dick. Honeschtly, it'sch hisch mommy issuesch." Murderface gave a shrug, as if the mommy issues explained everything. Toki had no idea what mommy issues were, and didn't want to ask. He put his head on the table and looked away from Murderface. Skwisgaar hadn't been a dick earlier - he'd been nice.

"Ams yous sure?"

"Of coursche." Murderface opened his arms and pulled Toki in for a hug. Toki didn't move, and Murderface leaned in and pulled Toki over, awkwardly patting the other kid on the back. Toki didn't react, and felt extremely uncomfortable without knowing how to express it. After what felt like an eternity, however, Murderface let go and rolled his chair back. Toki took a deep breath, feeling deeply relieved that he wasn't in Murderface's grip anymore.

"Why wouldn't people like you, though?"

"Because. I ams immature, I ams stupid, I ams lazy and wrong and easies to hates. My moms and dads say I ams unholy, toos."

"Je-sus, your parentsch schaid that? That'sch rough. My dad killed my mom and himschelf when I wasch a baby, though. I don't really know what it'sch actually like to have actual parentsch…" Murderface looked almost wistful.

"I ams so sorries!"

"Not your fault."

Toki still felt disturbed and terrible for Murderface. Even if Toki's parents hated their kid, Toki still loved them and cared about them, and didn't know what he would do if he didn't have them around. He'd often thought about them dying horrible deaths, after some insane punishment for some tiny fuck up, but when he wasn't angry at them, the thought of them dead terrified him. He had nobody else to live with - his parents had deserted both of their families. He would be an orphan if his parents died, and that was even more scary than insane, religious, and slightly violent parents.

He took a deep breath and looked down. "I supposes, compares to yous, my problems ams not that big…"

"I wasch a baby. I don't even remember what my parentsch were like. I live with my grandparentsch, and they're douchebagsch, but they don't hate me." Murderface looked even more shocked.

"Buts, I thinks I ams deserves it, ja?"

"Hell no!"

Murderface grabbed Toki by the shoulders, and Toki blinked and pushed his chair backwards. He didn't like being grabbed and touched like this - he wasn't used to it, and he was fairly certain he never would get used to it. But Murderface wouldn't let go, and Toki tilted his head, mouthing the word 'why'.

"Lischten, man. I don't really know you, but I schtill don't think you descherved any of that shit." He let go and crossed his arms, and Toki took a deep breath.

"If yous says so," He muttered.

At that moment, the door opened loudly and Skwisgaar stormed into the room, standing over Toki. Toki looked up into Skwisgaar's crotch, confused and scared by this tall man in tight pants who… Toki tried to read his body language. Was Skwisgaar angry? Was he requesting a blowjob? Was he…

"Alright, dildo - I ams goingks to be teachingks yous!"