Editor's Note:Light, that argument made no sense, if he get's a blazer then I get the hat it's only fair. Besides the chances of my buying a blazer in the near future are really quite high.
AN: Stop flaming, okay? (EN: No) Hagrid is a pedo too. (EN: Eh, pretty sure he isn't.) A lot of people in American schools are like that. (EN: That's not racist at all) I wanted to address the issue! (EN: Tara, I'm pretty sure someone with the emotional maturity of a two year old will only hurt the imaginary cause. Best leave it to the adults, yeah?) How do you know Snape isn't Christian? Hagrid isn't really in love with Ebony that was Cedric, okay?(EN: I can't believe I have to say this but I'm pretty sure Snape isn't Christian, I'd imagine being a Death Eater is frowned upon by the Church, what with all the torture and murder. Besides he's in Slytherin, aren't they all extremely 'goffic'?)
I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Draco had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. (EN: Let me get this straight, Ebony. You are going to kill yourself by slitting your wrists because Draco killed himself by slitting his wrists which is also apparently impossible for vampires to die from. And Draco killed himself because you didn't tell him that if you don't kill Vampire, Voldemort will kill Draco? Am I right? Because if I am this story makes less sense than the concept of Yu-Gi-Oh! Where the adults think playing children's card games is a good way of settling arguments.)
"NO!" I thought it was Hagrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then ... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. (EN: Red whites? I don't even know why I'm asking any more.)
I stopped. "How did you know?" (EN: Know what?)
"I saw it! (EN: Saw what?!) And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" (EN: What does that have to do with our current mystery of 'What the Hell are They Talking About?')
"NO!" I ran up to him. "I thought you didn't have a scar any more!" I shouted.
"I do, but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation," (EN: why change it if he was just going to cover it up anyway?) he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! (EN: Again I have to ask, from what?) Then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco ... Voldemort has him hostage!"(EN: But didn't Draco kill himself two chapter back? Apparently, death by slit wrists isn't very effective for a vampire.)
Anyway, I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snape and Lupin and Hagrid were there too. They were going to St. Mungo's after they recovered because they were paedophiles and you can't have those fucking perverts teaching in a school with lots of hot girls.(EN: I hadn't realised that St. Mungo's could cure people of paedophilia. You learn something new everyday.) Dumbledore had confiscated (EN: This was constipated before. Yeah, try figure that one out.) the video camera they used to film me naked. I stuck up my middle finger at them.
Anyway Hagrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.
"Ebony, I need to tell you something," he said in a very serious voice while giving me the roses.
"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the colour pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." (EN: I thought he was a Satanist?) I snapped. Hagrid had been mean to me before for being gothic. (EN: Not surprised, you're mean to everyone. Tit for tat, as they say.)
"No Ebony," Hagrid says. "Those are not roses." (EN: In what world are roses not roses?)
"What, are they goths too, you poser prep?" I asked because I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. (EN: Bitch, when a guy brings you flowers, you say thank-you. What would your mother say.)
"I saved your life!" (EN: When was this?) He yelled angrily.
"No you didn't," I replied. "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton porn-video made of me in the shower and being viewed by Snape and Lupin." Who MASTURBATED (See is that spelled wrong) (EN: Well, considering is was originally spelled MASTABATED, I would have to say yes.) to it, she added silently.
"Whatever!" I yelled angrily.
He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered, "Well, if you wanted honesty that's all you had to say."
"That's not a spell - that's an MCR song," I corrected him wisely.
"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cords." Then he screamed, "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio (For all you cool gothic MCR fans out there, this is a tribute! Especially for Raven - I love you, girl!) imo noto okayo!" (EN: My brain just melted out my ears.)
And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black.(EN: You get that, folks. The flame was black, say it after me … black!) Now I knew he wasn't a prep. (EN: He sets fire to the pretty roses he gave you and suddenly you're BFFs? Logic, please.)
"Okay, I believe you now. WTF is Draco?" (EN: What the Fuck IS Draco? I ask myself that every time he pops up in the story.)
Hagrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could see nothing.
"You see, Ebony," Dumbledore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "To see what is in the flames (HAHA YOUR REVIEWS ARE FLAMES, GET IT?) (EN: Haha, you're so funny, Tara) you must find yourself first, okay?"
"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF, OKAY, YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hagrid yelled. Dumbledore looked shocked. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.(EN: Dumbledore may not but I certainly do.)
Hagrid stormed back to his bed. "You are a liar, Professor Dumbledore!"
Anyway, when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather mini-dress that was ripped at the end with lace on it. The top half was a corset. (EN: Believe it or not this used to say "There was some corset stuff on the front.") Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (EN: Attractive) (If you don't know who she is you're a prep so fuck off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eye-liner and black lip gloss.
"You look kawai, girl," (EN: For future reference, Bloody Mary, you just said your best friend looked 'acceptable', two 'i's at the end means cute.) Bloody Mary said sadly. "Fangs, (get it?) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. (EN: Why is everyone so miserable here? It's making me depressed – no wait that's just the story itself.) I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and pulled the shades down so Snape and Lupin couldn't spy on me this time. (EN: I thought they were locked in St. Mungo's?) I went to some classes. Vampire was in Care of Magical Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. (EN: Right, because no-one's going to miss any Hufflepuffs. They live to be sucked dry, apparently.)
"Hi," he said in a depressed way.
"Hi back," I said in an equally sad way.
We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful, red, gothic eyes so much like Draco's. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. (EN: YOU ARE IN CLASS!)
"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGonagall (EN: I'm on McGonagall's side here, hold it in 'til you get to a broom closet1) who was watching us with everyone else.
"Vampire ,you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.
Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.
"NO!" I ran up to him. (EN: Does this sound familiar to anybody else, or am I just going crazy?)
"I thought you didn't have a scar any more!" I shouted.
"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation," he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Voldemort has him bondage!"
SPECIAL FANGS TO RAVEN MY GOTHIC BLOOD SISTER WTF YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WRITE THIS!
HEY RAVEN, DO YOU KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER IS?
Editor's Note: I would talk about this chapter but I am simply not up to it. Instead I will go watch the Joffery Slap video on Youtube. It's pure gold and will cheer me right up.