Chapter 5: Missing
"Love lights more fire than hate extinguishes." – Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Los Angeles, California
December 24, 2008
It's Christmas Eve and Kensi's never been happier. She's walking hand in hand with Jack, coming back from lighting a candle at the veteran's memorial on Fifth Street. It's their own little Christmas tradition, one she's carried since her father's death, and this is the first Christmas since Jack's deployment that they've been able to do it together.
Jack's been getting better, too. He doesn't jump anymore at car horns or thunderstorms, but the nights are still a challenge and Kensi can't remember the last time she slept through till morning. It's a rare moment of peace that they're enjoying and she doesn't want it to end as they turn the corner toward the apartment they share.
She tugs on Jack's hand, pulling him down for a kiss, it's simple and sweet and she's grinning like an idiot. He raises an eyebrow at her when she pulls away, "What was that for?"
"No reason," She shrugs and he laughs. There's an edge to it that she's been hearing more and more of lately, but he's been through hell and she can't bring herself to question something that could be nothing at all. "Come on, we can make hot cocoa."
It's definitely not the weather for it, California's been having a hot streak and the temps haven't dipped below eighty all week, but she can't help feeling nostalgic for nights with her dad, hot chocolate, and a tub of Ben & Jerry's. Jack nods as he slips the key into the lock of their second floor apartment, "Sure, why not?"
She kicks off her sandals and pads into the kitchen, digging in the freezer for the mint chocolate chip as he flips on the kettle and fills two mugs with marshmallows and the powdered mix. She croons in triumph as her fingers close around the frozen container before hissing at the cold seeping into her skin, and Jack laughs as he pours hot water into the mugs and stirs.
He catches her around the waist as she crosses the kitchen for spoons and pins her against the counter, leaning down to press a kiss to her temple and then the little spot behind her ear that absolutely drives her crazy. She laughs, squirming as his scruff tickles her neck, and he's smiling too when he pulls away, "Come sit with me, Kens, please."
That's what she was planning anyway but there's something so sincere and desperate in his eyes that she just nods, scoops up her hot cocoa, and follows him into the living room. They curl up on the couch; her feet tucked up under her and her head on his shoulder, and watch the lights on the Christmas tree twinkling in the dark.
"Promise me something, Kens," He whispers into her hair and she turns dark eyes up to catch his. "Promise me you'll never change."
She should think this through, realize what he's really trying to say, but there's something magical in the combination of Christmas lights, hot chocolate, and ice cream that interfering with her better judgement. She nods, tucking her head back under his chin, "I promise."
It's the sun that wakes her in the morning, not one of Jack's nightmares, and she smiles at the realization. She reaches out to his side of the bed, frowning when she finds it empty, the sheet already tucked back into hospital corners. He could just be in the bathroom or out for a run, but dread curls cold and hard in the pit of her stomach and she knows something is wrong when he doesn't answer her call.
That's when she rolls over and spies the note on his pillow.
Kens, it reads, sweetheart, I can't do this anymore. It's not you, it's me, and this is goodbye.
It's the sound of his phone buzzing that pulls Deeks back into the land of the living and he rolls over to punch the answer button like its snooze. He yawns wide enough to catch flies, winces when his jaw pops, and finally brings the phone to his ear, muttering something that's meant to be 'Hello' but comes out closer to a mix between a yawn and a groan. He's usually an early riser, but the night before last was a long one involving a traitorous ATF agent and a group of Japanese thugs and he was trying to catch up on some sleep.
It's Callen's voice on the other end of the line, sounding far too awake for it being an unholy hour of the morning, "Where are you?"
Deeks pinches the bridge of his nose and makes a mental note to put his phone on vibrate the next time he wants to sleep in. "In bed," he says, trying and failing to sound in any way alert, "Why?"
"Get dressed," Callen demands, his usual shortness just enough on the side of snappy to be classified as worried, "I'll be there in five."
He drops his phone back on the bed, and hauls himself to his feet as Monty whines at his owner and swishes his tail under his doggie blanket. Of all the dogs in the world, Deeks decides, he has to have the laziest.
Six and half minutes later, Deeks staggers out of the bathroom, bright eyed and still half asleep, to discover that Callen's picked the lock on his door again. The lead agent's pacing a circuit across his kitchen through the living room and back with Monty barely a step behind. Deeks crosses to the fridge, downs half a Redbull in one gulp, and then almost chokes on his next sip as Callen announces, "Kensi's gone missing."
Dread closes a cold fist around his heart and the Redbull burns on the way down. He steps closer, almost into the edge of the lead agent's space, "When?"
"Nearly twelve hours ago, I just found out," Callen says, his tone jumping from tense well into pissed.
Deeks nods, refusing to think about what could have happened in that time, "What now?"
"Pack a bag," Callen answers, his face unreadable, "We're leaving."