WARPED

Chapter 22

The aftermath of Jocelyn's second portal episode was very interesting, in Hazelle's opinion.

Stan had taken the opportunity to quickly usher everyone out of the store, claiming, "The cruddy cops won't believe anything about a stupid portal destroying the only grocery store in Gravity Falls." Looking back, Hazelle figured Stan wasn't a big fan of the police, considering all the shady business he was involved in, and was just trying to avoid any and all parts of the law, but it still felt strange to be dragged out of a smoking grocery store and into El Diablo while still laughing about her spilled milk pun. On the news that night, the mishap was being deemed a gas leak, and the grocery store was to stay open while the renovations were completed.

Stan pulled up to the Shack and turned around to face the four in the backseat. "Okay," he began, "we're never gonna speak of that again. And you." He fixed Jocelyn with a stern gaze. "You've gotta get that portal thing under control. Somebody could get hurt next time. Or worse: sued."

"Okay," Jocelyn replied, sheepish. She was raking her fingers through her braid and sitting stiffly, not even letting her legs touch Hazelle or Lucy on either side of her.

"Good. Now," Stan continued. "Nobody does anything or goes anywhere until these groceries are unloaded. Clear?"

Dipper, Hazelle, Jocelyn, Mabel, and Lucy collectively made some noise of agreement, and they all piled out of the car, gathering around the trunk to unload the bags.

Stan opened the trunk and Mabel and Dipper immediately began a struggle for the lightest item: the paper towels.

"Mabel, you took it in last time!" Dipper complained.

"That's cause I won, Dipping Sauce! ALPHA TWIN! ALPHA TWIN!" True to form, Mabel managed to wrestle the package from Dipper's hands, and she ran inside, triumphantly holding the towels over her head like a championship trophy.

"How does she always do that?" Dipper asked, exasperated.

"Maybe it's your sweaty palms?" Jocelyn suggested.

Dipper's face flushed. "They're not that sweaty…" he protested, resignedly reaching for a gallon of milk.

As Dipper made his way towards the kitchen door, Hazelle scrutinized the groceries, trying to determine which would require the least effort to carry. She hummed under her breath, tapping her chin.

"Hey, slackey," Stan grumbled from behind her, hands on his hips. "Take a picture, it'll last longer. Let's move it."

Hazelle looked up at Stan's frowning face. "I don't know where any of this goes."

"Why not? You've been here like eight years!" he grouched.

Lucy looked at Stan with narrowed eyes. "It's been three days! Although it feels like eight years," she added under her breath.

Jocelyn's eyes snapped to Lucy, and she threw her hands into the air. "GOD FREAKING—"

Hazelle thrust another gallon of milk into Jocelyn's chest. "Jocelyn. Take this milk inside, and cool it."

Jocelyn walked away, grumbling under her breath.

Hazelle turned back to Stan, wiping her hands on her shirt. Do I ALWAYS have to play peacekeeper? "But seriously, where does this go?"

Stan rolled his eyes. "Just ask the boy. He organizes the pantry."

Hazelle grabbed two bags of groceries and straightened. "I believe that." She then handed one bag to Lucy and started inside.

While Hazelle was helping Dipper stack the groceries, she heard Jocelyn scream from somewhere in the Shack. Hazelle was unaffected, as Jocelyn screamed quite a lot. Too much, some would argue.

"Jocelyn! What's wrong?" Dipper yelled, panicked.

Jocelyn ran into the pantry, holding a broom. "Hazelle! Look what I found!"

"A broom?" Dipper asked, confused.

Hazelle sighed. "Jocelyn, what did you do with the milk?"
"That—that doesn't matter," Jocelyn said quickly. "Look at this!"

Dipper slumped his shoulders. "I don't get it."

Hazelle gave Dipper a pointed look. "Color guard."

"Oh," Dipper replied, turning back to the grocery chart, deeming it of much more importance.

"Jocelyn," Hazelle began, turning to put a can on the shelf, "we can spin later. Just help finish putting the groceries away and then—"

"Too late," said Dipper.

Hazelle turned and stopped short. Jocelyn was already gone. She sighed and twisted her lips, feeling the faint echoes of a migraine coming in. "We'd better hurry up with these so she doesn't hurt herself."

Once Hazelle and Dipper finished putting away the groceries, they made their way outside to see Jocelyn enthusiastically spinning the broom.

"Hey, Haze, look!" Jocelyn yelled, tossing the flag and sending it soaring into the air. "Part one!"

Dipper gasped, waiting for the broom to hit the ground and crack into two, but Jocelyn caught it neatly and tucked it behind her back, bowing into a curtsy. She grinned, happy to be the center of attention.

Hazelle had to smile, albeit a little forcefully. Jocelyn could be such a ham.

"WITCHCRAFT!" Mabel yelled from the porch, holding her cheeks in awe. "HOW DID YOU DO THAT?"

Jocelyn smiled mysteriously. "Lots of practice."

Mabel abandoned her knitting needles and ran over to Jocelyn. "Teach me your ways," she whispered.

Jocelyn beamed and positioned herself in front of Mabel. "So this is how you do a drop spin…"

Hazelle felt a prickle of nostalgia, remembering teaching the rookies the basics over the summer. How weird it was, to be in a place as alien, beloved, and downright dangerous as Gravity Falls, and yet the thought of her marching band career back in their reality made her insides light up like she was actually on the high school football field, ready to march and perform her heart out.

Dipper turned to Hazelle, eyes wide. "Can you do that too?"

Hazelle nodded. "Jocelyn loves to toss high. I could get it that high, if I wanted to…but yeah."

"Wow."

Hazelle laughed. "You know, we spin guns too!"

Dipper's eyes bulged. "Really?"

"Yeah!" Jocelyn called from across the yard. "It hurts when you hit yourself, though. Check out this beauty!" Jocelyn pulled up her pant leg to reveal a huge, angry, purple bruise that Dipper could clearly see across the yard.

He winced. "Jeez! Why do you guys put yourselves through this?"

"Because I love it. It's fun," Hazelle replied, more memories of band rising to the surface. Practices, football games, competitions, band camp; hot, aching summer afternoons working in someone's backyard with Lucy, Jocelyn, and the other color guard girls to master a simple yet imperative sixteen counts of the show; freezing cold nights huddling under covers in the stands at competitions, eating way too much candy and screaming way too loudly when their name was called and a trophy was given away, no matter their placing or score; quiet, personal bus rides home at midnight, whispering with a specific, especially chosen few about life, the universe, and inside jokes (in Hazelle and Jocelyn's case, Gravity Falls quotes completely out of context).

Stan's yell broke Hazelle's revere like shattering glass.

"WHERE THE HECK IS MY BROOM?!"

Jocelyn snatched the broom from Mabel and executed an extremely high toss. "Did you mean… THIIIIIIS?"

"THAT'S IT!" Stan shouted, rolling up his sleeves. "NOT TODAY!"

Stan ran out of the house and ran straight for Jocelyn, who sprinted away, laughing hysterically.

Stan slowly stopped after a considerably short chase and put his hands on his knees, panting. "I'll get you later, kid!" He shook his fist at her and sauntered back into the Shack, complaining to Soos and showcasing an extremely colorful vocabulary.

Jocelyn laughed and tossed the broom high into the air once again, catching it with ease.

"Ha! Yeah right, old man!"

As Jocelyn went back to teaching Mabel, Lucy walked outside and joined Hazelle and Dipper.

"I finished putting away the groceries," Lucy mentioned nonchalantly.

"Good," Dipper replied. "Did you follow the template?"

Lucy blew her bangs out of her face and rolled her eyes. "Yes, Dipper."

As Dipper nodded in approval, Mabel wandered over, tired of her color guard lesson.

"Wow, that stuff is hard," Mabel said to Hazelle and Lucy. "I can't believe you guys put yourselves through that."

"It's certainly a commitment," Hazelle answered, watching Jocelyn, who was lost in her own world of color guard. Absentmindedly, she was air-spinning to the part Jocelyn was at, her hands moving nimbly on their own accord in front of her.

"Wow," Dipper mused. "She sure is good at this."

"But speaking of things Jocelyn's not good at," Lucy interjected sourly, "we should probably talk about this whole portal thing."

"I've actually been thinking about it a lot," Dipper said, taking out the journal and flipping to the portal jumper page. "It all actually makes sense. Like then journal says, portal jumpers make their portals without thinking about it in times of intense emotion." He started to tick off on his fingers. "This has happened three times: when Jocelyn got mad at Lucy in the woods, when Hazelle got mad and punched Robbie, and when Jocelyn got so worked up in the store about…not finding the Cool Whip."

"But it also says they can control it," Lucy said, hands on her hips. "How in the world could you get to that point? You can't exactly practice portal making."

"What dummy made that rule?" Mabel asked, turning to Hazelle with a bright smile. "Hazelle, you should practice making one right now!"

Hazelle flushed, clasping her hands together. "Um…uh, yeah, sure, I can try." She faced away from the Shack, eager to not destroy any more Gravity Falls property, and tried to focus. She hated being put on the spot, and found that she couldn't concentrate beyond the expecting eyes of her friends behind her. What did they seriously expect her to do, put on a show? Knock Jocelyn's portals out of the water? She couldn't make a phone call without messing up!

Closing her eyes, she wrinkled her nose and thought hard about a portal opening up right in front of her. Nothing too huge, nothing that would hurt anyone—just something sufficient enough to please her audience.

Hazelle was so focused she didn't hear Jocelyn come walking up behind her until she heard a curious: "What are you doing?"

She opened her eyes. Jocelyn was biting back laughter, giving her a bemused stare.

"I'm opening a portal," Hazelle said through clenched teeth.

"She's practicing," Mabel called.

"Huh. Well maybe it's so small that we can't see it," Jocelyn suggested. "Your portals tend to be pretty small."

Hazelle hated the flash of pain that she felt at Jocelyn's comment. She knew that Jocelyn wasn't trying to be mean, but it was typical of her to say unintentionally mean things without realizing it. "Well, if you think you're so good at making portals," she said heatedly, "then why don't you make one right now?"

"Okay!" Jocelyn concentrated for a moment and then thrust her hands into the air.

There was a swirling rush of wind, and a huge portal opened up above them. The sky darkened, and lightning flashed across the sky.

Jocelyn grinned at the group, her hands still raised above her head, and her hair, coming loose from her braid, was whipping around her face. Hazelle thought that Jocelyn looked wildly beautiful, like some dark weather goddess out of an epic fantasy movie.

"YOU!" came Stan's yell from across the yard. "WHAT DID I SPECIFICALLY TELL YOU NOT TO DO?!"

It would have been cool, except Jocelyn obviously couldn't control it. Stan's shout threw her off balance. Her face contorted with effort, a sheen of sweat and panic materializing with every heartbeat. Despite her tries to calm the portal down, the weather continued to darken and grow.

It was in this moment that Hazelle realized just how powerful, and potentially dangerous Jocelyn was.

"Yeah, Joss," Hazelle added nervously. "You've made your point. You—you can shut it down now."

The lightning intensified, and the wind got even stronger.

"JOCELYN!" Lucy yelled to Hazelle's right. "MAKE IT STOP!"

"I…I don't know how!" Jocelyn turned back to the group, her eyes wide with panic and fear.

"Hey!" Dipper called. "Look at me!" He turned to Hazelle, Lucy and Mabel. "Both times she opened a portal it closed once her attention was averted elsewhere, right?"

Mabel tossed Jocelyn the broom lying at her feet. "Here! Show me something!"

Jocelyn took the broom in her hands and tried to spin it. The portal was obviously taking up all of her energy, but it didn't show any signs of slowing down.

"Jocelyn!" Dipper yelled, trying to get her attention. "Look at me! Look at Hazelle or Mabel or Lucy! Don't think about it! You can do it! You have to!"

Jocelyn stared at Dipper. Her gaze swung to Hazelle, going blank and pale. The portal slowly closed, and Jocelyn fell to her knees. Hazelle ran over to help her friend, but on the inside, she was fuming.

Stan stalked over to where Jocelyn was sitting. Once he realized she was all right, he said, "I turn my back for two seconds, and she's stealing my broom and opening reality-bending portals." He wiped at his forehead, his breathing calming down, and kneeled, capturing Jocelyn's exhausted eyes with his serious, concerned ones. "Don't ever do that again, kid. No more of these portals."

Lucy eyed Jocelyn warily. "I don't think she'll have the energy to for a while."

"This portal lasted longer than the other two," Dipper said, sticking his nose in the journal. "And they seem to be getting stronger. She's just got to learn to control it."

Jocelyn nodded again. "Yeah, I'll work on that," she said weakly. Then, her eyes went out of focus, and she slumped over to the ground.

Stan rubbed at his eyes. "Let's get her in before a passerby sees."

Hazelle and Dipper exchanged a look. The annoyance must have been obvious on Hazelle's face, because Dipper frowned and asked, "You okay?"

"She just…ugh!" Hazelle threw her hands into the air. "That's so like her, to almost rip the space time continuum just to win. Her stupid competitiveness is gonna get one of us killed one of these days. She can't let me have one thing. I'm so sick of it!"

Dipper considered. "Sick enough to leave her out here for the wolves?"

The weather was receding back into the summer sunset it had been before Jocelyn's portal. Hazelle suddenly felt very tired, like she was Atlas, carrying way too much for her scrawny little shoulders to hold. She let her anger flow out as the sun sank below the horizon, feeling the nightly chill start to descend upon Gravity Falls.

Would she ever see a sunset from her reality ever again?

"I'll get her legs."