Chapter 10: Sunshine & Gunpowder
"But true love is a durable fire, in the mind ever burning. Never sick, never old, never dead. From itself, never turning."- Anonymous.
Jack Simon stiffens and for a moment Deeks thinks they're going to have a problem, because starting a brawl in the middle of the street in downtown Jalalabad is so far from his idea of inconspicuous it's almost laughable, but then Jack catches his eyes and nods. Something that isn't quite relief flitting over his face as he smirks, "Took you long enough."
Deeks can feel his eyes widen in a comical show of shock. It's all he can do to pull his wits together enough not to blow their cover. As it is he turns away from their smirking prisoner to glare at his boss, "Why the hell - ?"
Callen's eyes flash, something dangerous coming out to play, and he hisses something that isn't English at Jack that causes the ex-Special Forces operative to grin like a Cheshire cat, before turning on Deeks. There's an edge in his eyes that makes the detective wonder just how far Callen will take this if he pushes much farther as the lead agent snaps, "Not now, Deeks."
"He's right," Jack says, startling Deeks out of his glaring contest. He's shorter than Deeks by a hair, just taller than Callen, and muscled like a boxer or a cage fighter, a fact that makes Deeks wonder why he hasn't tried to fight back yet, "We don't have time for this."
"We need to get off the street," Deeks agrees, pinning Callen with a glare that clearly says that this isn't over.
The lead agent nods, maybe in resigned agreement but Deeks can't seem to read him at the moment. "I might know a place."
It's an abandoned metal works that they end up in and it brings back memories of Romania that Deeks rather would have had left alone. The desert's started to encroach on the edges, red sand coating the floor and piling up in the corners and when Deeks pushes the door open he gets a face full of stale air and cobwebs. Callen doesn't seem to mind though, pushing Jack in ahead of them, he veers through the shop and toward an enclosed room at the back. The room ends up being a scarcely furnished, equally dusty office and Callen pauses long enough to push a trussed up and blindfolded Jack at Deeks, before he's pulling out the bottom desk drawer and flipping it upside down. There's a key taped to the underside and he pushes the desk chair out of the way long enough to throw aside a frayed area rug.
And just because this couldn't get any more black ops than it already is, there's a locked trap door hidden underneath. "Of course there is," Deeks mutters, as Callen puts the key in the lock and twists, and then shakes his head when the lead agent levels him with a look.
Its nine steps down to the basement, and at the base of the stairs Callen reaches out and flicks on the light without looking, almost like he's done this before. A row of fluorescent lights flickers on the ceiling and Deeks follows more slowly, warning Jack before he can do a face plant down the steps, not that it isn't tempting, of course. He hasn't forgotten that this is the same man that broke Kensi's heart that ran off and left her on Christmas morning. He also hasn't forgotten that he's probably White Ghost and more likely than not involved in Kensi's disappearance.
It's a room roughly the size of a prison cell that greets them with a single chair in the center of the room and even from here Deeks can see that it's bolted to the floor. He pushes Jack forward at Callen's nod and nudges him into the chair as the ex-operative digs in his pack for zip ties and secures his wrists and ankles. It's something Deeks has done a thousand times himself, standard procedure for securing a prisoner, but in this setting it sends chills down his spine that have nothing to do with the damp stone walls.
"We need to talk," Deeks says as soon as Callen looks up and the irony isn't lost on him because the last time he heard those words it was the other way around. Callen nods and there's something in the shadows that makes his eyes look dark, dangerous even. He is of course, but somehow Deeks hasn't really realized that until now. Maybe it's taken seeing him in this setting, all black ops and secret CIA hideouts, to bring that to the surface.
The ex-operative follows him back upstairs, through the trapdoor, and into the dusty office beyond. It's obvious this place hasn't been used recently, the only signs of habitation that Deeks can see are from them and judging by the dust they probably have another thirty years before anyone comes back, but Callen still scans the entrances with a sniper's intense focus. It's almost like he's expecting an ambush, or maybe remembering one, and some distant portion of Deeks can't help but wonder what all he's seen and done in backwater places like these.
Callen drops into the desk chair he'd pushed aside earlier, sending up a cloud of dust that tickles Deeks' nose, "What did you want to talk about?"
It's a stalling technique, if Deeks has ever seen one and they both know it. "How did you know about this place?" the detective questions as he perches on the edge of the desk and tries to stare his boss down. It's usually a pretty futile effort and this time is no different. Instead he gets straight to the point before Callen can put his Jedi mind tricks to use and derail this conversation, "Or about Jack, for that matter?"
"I think you already know the answer to that," Callen says, reaching out to rifle through the desk drawers. It's an answer, without really telling him anything, and Deeks half suspects that Hetty taught him that one.
"Your spy buddy, Sarah," Deeks affirms.
"Excellent Detective work," Callen deadpans, before quirking an eyebrow at his wording, "but this isn't a Disney movie, Deeks."
"No it isn't," Deeks agrees, his voice rising as his tenuous grasp on his temper slips, "because if it was my partner wouldn't be missing and you wouldn't be keeping secrets about it."
"The world isn't black and white, Deeks," Callen says. He's calm, maybe a little bit too calm, like he's purposely trying to stay that way. "But if it helps, I would have told you sooner if I could have."
"If you could have," Deeks mocks, he feels like he's flying off the handle and maybe he is a little bit, but he can't bring himself to care, "what the hell was stopping you?"
"It wasn't my place to tell you or I would have." Callen says, carding his fingers through his short hair in frustration. "I was trying to avoid this because it never ends well."
That brings Deeks up short. There's an edge in Callen's eyes that he can't quite place, an echo of a memory of something he's trying to hide, but then the former CIA operative blinks and it's gone. "What do you mean? It never ends well." Deeks questions, but the heat is gone from his voice. He's treading on thin ice here and he knows it.
Callen doesn't answer for a long moment, long enough for the sun to dip lower in the sky, shining through the dingy window and highlighting dust particles in the air. Finally he sighs glancing to the side before meeting Deeks' eyes head on, "I've seen this before, Deeks. I've lived this before and I know how far you'll go to save your partner because I've been there."
Deeks wants to be angry. He wants to blame Callen for keeping secrets. And even more than that he wants to head back down those stairs and beat Jack to a pulp until he tells him everything he knows. Instead he sucks in a breath and acknowledges the truth. He's way too close to this and even though he can't dream of being anywhere else, he knows Callen's right.
But something else catches his attention in the lead agent's words. I know how far you'll go… because I've been there. He said it like Deeks should have known and a leaden ball of guilt lodges in his throat as he croaks, "Dom?"
Callen winces, before nodding, "Yes, and my former partner."
"What happened?" Deeks questions softly. It something Callen would never usually open up about with him and he feels sort of like the question is prodding an open wound.
"We were on an op to take out a local drug lord and I got made." Callen begins, he's looking Deeks in the eye and yet the detective still gets the feeling that he's a million miles away and reliving a nightmare. "I convinced Matt to continue the op. I thought he could still get the evidence we were after, but I didn't know that his cover was blown. I was supposed to watch his back, Deeks, but by the time I could move in it was already too late. He had a wife and a two year old daughter and I got him killed on an op that should have been mine."
Deeks doesn't say anything, isn't exactly sure what you're supposed to say to something like that. Instead he looks away because he knows just how easily Callen's past could repeat itself in Kensi and him. The only difference is how much further they've taken things out of the strictly professional. They've blurred more lines than he likes to think about and if things don't work out it's only going to hurt all the more. He's put his job, his career, and his heart on the line in a game of chance and bluffs. And at the moment he thinks he might be losing.
"I've seen this before, Deeks," Callen speaks up when he can't. There's concern in his eyes and that worries Deeks because Callen never looks concerned, not while taking down terror cells, or facing off with armed criminals. He doesn't even look this concerned with a loaded gun aimed at his head. The only thing Deeks has ever seen get under his skin like this is a threat to his partner or a member of team, a threat to his family. "And you need to be careful because happy endings are hard to come by for people like us."
Deeks isn't entirely sure what to make of that. Is Callen trying to warn him against trying to have a future with Kensi or telling to make the most of this thing they have and go for it? Either way he's confusing as hell, but Deeks fells like there's a vice closing itself around his heart. I've seen this before and it never ends well. He remembers the smile Hetty gave him along with that infamous note, Sunshine and gunpowder… two of my favorite things.