Chapter 13: Destruction
"It's the things we love most that destroy us." – Hunger Games: The Mocking Jay.
Kensi's day has gone to crap, but she supposes that being held prisoner will do that to you. She's cold, she's bored out of her skull, and she's discovered that Afghani terrorists haven't yet realized the virtues of indoor plumping. She hasn't decided which is worse.
She shifts closer to the low fire, trying to absorb what warmth she can, but stills when the guard shoots a slanted eyed look her way. She holds her submissive pose for a handful of heartbeats, before the guard looks away and Kensi breathes deep, feeling annoyance welling up in the back of her throat. They haven't acknowledged her since shortly after Jack left when the guard set a bowl of thin broth just within her reach. Kensi's not even sure how long he's been gone, a day she thinks, maybe a day and a half, but it's hard to judge time beyond the changing of the guard at her door. She's been missing long enough for Granger to realize something's wrong by now, long enough for him to have contacted Hetty and her team hopefully, because they might be half a world away but Kensi knows they'll be coming for her. She knows Deeks well enough to know that he'll never let this rest.
Still Kensi feels worry curling in the pit of her stomach, heavy and leaden in her gut and decidedly not for herself. She knows her team, knows they'll move heaven and earth to find her. She knows Deeks will never stop looking, and that Callen has the resources to point them in the right direction. Of course he probably has the resources for more than that, Kensi thinks in the darkness of her cell. She can feel bitterness mixing with worry in her gut in a combination that turns her stomach, because she can't help but wonder just how long Callen's known about Jack.
She remembers shaking hands with Callen's contact in a back alley in Jalalabad. The past is a dream… Good luck, Agent Blye. She remembers standing here with Jack, warm and familiar even after six years, his hands on her shoulders. You're smart enough to figure it out. It hits Kensi like a shot to the jaw because she can't deny that Callen's been keeping secrets again. He's involved in this and Kensi feels that leaden knot of worry tighten in her chest even if it's not for herself.
She knows Callen far too well to ever think that he'd risk her safety over a secret like this, knows he'll watch her partner's back in her stead. It's not Deeks or herself she's worried about but Jack, which is ridiculous considering she's the one stuck in this hellhole surrounded by Afghani terrorists. It twists like a knife in her heart because it's been well over a day and she has no idea if he's even planning on coming back. He's left her once and there's nothing stopping him from walking away this time too, if he hasn't already.
She cares about him though, isn't sure she ever really stopped caring about him, because even through the pain and guilt and anger of him leaving she's always blamed herself far more than him. Kensi suspects that some sliver of her heart will always hold on to him, the first man she'd ever loved after her dad, and now it twists like a knife in her gut to think that he's walked away again.
Kensi's still not sure why they've kept her alive as long as they have though. Afghani terrorists aren't known for their hospitality and the longer they go without acknowledging her and more she thinks that her time is running out. She can count on her team to come looking for her, Kensi knows that with a certainty that settles down in her heart, but there's no guarantee that they'll get here in time. They're not infallible and while she knows that Deeks will never stop looking, there's no way he'll know where to look. She remembers the months when Dom was missing, and the moment when she'd realized that he'd been in L.A. the entire time, hidden away in their own backyard.
Kensi remembers the look in Jack's eyes and his hinted at message. She knows better than to think it's a coincidence that he used the exact same words as Callen's CIA contact. It's something she's never believed in and Kensi fingers the ceramic blade hidden in the folds of her vest. If she's going to get out of here, she's going to have to get her hands dirty. Kensi can feel it in the pit of her stomach and thrumming in the tension along her muscles. She's wound tighter than a spring, butterflies swirling in her stomach, and her hands are shaking with something other than cold.
She's still not sure what exactly Jack's message means, other than that he can't possibly be the Ghost, and the rush of relief she feels at that is almost embarrassing because now that she's seen him again Kensi seriously doubts her ability to fulfill her mission. She's not the same girl he left six years ago, she's stronger now, and she's done things the Kensi of then wouldn't have thought possible, but she also knows herself well enough to know she'd never be able to take that shot.
Kensi tenses as footsteps echo outside her little hole in the wall. She's heard people coming and going a handful of times in the past, but these sound different, moving quickly towards her is a quick stride that doesn't sound familiar. She yanks her hand away from her hidden blade, swiping her suddenly sweaty palm down her pant leg. Kensi breathes deep, trying to steady her suddenly racing heart. She's nervous in a way that's unfamiliar because Kensi hasn't felt this kind of helplessness since her first assignment with Callen's team as a rookie.
Her eyes snap to the heavy door as the guard calls something in Arabic and listens for a reply, but nothing really prepares her for who it is that shoves the door open. Kensi can feel her jaw drop in a comical show of shock and it's only once he's two steps inside the door that Kensi finds her voice again, "Booker?"
The technical operator grimaces at her as he checks the clip on the Walther PPQ M2 in his hands. "Agent Blye," He says and maybe she's starting to lose it but Kensi hears the ghost of regret in his tone, before he brings the weapon to bear. "I really wish it hadn't come to this, but the Ghost only exists so long as no one knows who I am."