Editor's Note: The diagnosis is as follows: Caps Lock Button has had a mental breakdown due to the abuse and rape committed by one Tara Gilesbie. Immediate therapy is highly recommended.
AN: Shut the fuck up! Preps, stop flaming, okay? If you don't like it fuck off I know it's Mr. Filch, it's Raven's fault, okay?! (EN: So it's Raven's fault you haven't read the books, then? Oh, and you got it wrong again.) You suck! No, just kidding, Raven you fucking rock. Preps suck!
All day everyone talked about the Ministry of Magic. (EN: Haha, Misery of Magic. It's surprisingly apt.) Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing black lacy leather pyjamas. (EN: Leather pyjamas? Isn't the point of pyjamas to be comfortable? They sound horrific, like some sort of torture device.) Then I gasped.
Standing in front of me where … Bloody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!
I opened my crimson eyes. (EN: Wait, what? Did you really wake up, get out of your coffin, and gasp at the fact your friends were there - all without opening your eyes? Are your eyelids see through or something?) Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wore a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black Gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. (EN: I assume Vans are items of clothing, so I'm leaving it. Also, it makes me giggle at the image of Vampire strapping toy vans to his feet and skating around on them all day.) Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and black jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just like Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. Bloody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy Gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her cleavage with a white apron that said 'Bitch' and other swear words (EN: Not going to tell us what they are, no? I'm surprised.) and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Ginny) was there too. She was weaving a ripped Gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing (EN: 'A lace up top thing', I think you mean a corset, dear.) and black pointy boots. So were Crabbe and Goyle. (EN: WHAT? Crabbe and Goyle were wearing Gothic black dresses and corsets?) It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crabbe and Goyle's dad was a vampire.(EN: Does everyone apart from Ebony and Bloody Mary just have the same parents? Thay all have the same back-story.) He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. (EN: And again I say, you said vampires couldn't die from slit wrists. If you're going to make your vampires almost as retarded than the Twilight ones at least get your facts straight. At least yours don't sparkle.) He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became Gothic and converted to Satanism.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" I yelled as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are you all here?"
"Ebony, something is really fucked up," Draco said. (EN: Yeah, your corpse is walking around.)
"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily.
"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. You're so fucking beautiful," Draco said in a sexy voice.
"Oh, all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why you're being all secretive." (EN: BWAHAHAHAHA. 'You have to tell me why you're being all erective.')
"I will I will." he said.
So I just put on some black eye-liner, black lipstick, red eye-shadow and white foundation. Then I came. (EN: Do you ever do anything else?) We all went outside the Great Hall and looked in from a window. A fucking prep called Brittany from Gryffindor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledore. Cornelius Fudge was there, shouting at Dumbledore. Dolores Umbridge was there too.
"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"
"THE DARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelius Fudge.
"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Umbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETIRE OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"
"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "But we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is … Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way."
Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and Bloody Mary looked at each other … I gasped. (EN: Bit of a delayed reaction there, no?)