EN: Well folks, it took me twenty-eight chapters to get here, but I finally have a sex scene. Actually it's not a scene, it's a chapter. It's also the chapter where Liv assumes. I assume everything in this chapter because there is no way this chapter can make sense without a truckload of guesswork.

AN: I said stop flaming the story it was a mistake when Professor Trelawney said that, okay?(EN: I assume this is supposed to be Trelawney. It said Relory before. But another thing, there was no Trelawney in the last chapter, there was a Sinister/ Sinatra, but no Trelawney.) GO TO FUCKING HELL! YOU SUCK! (EN: Does anyone want to bet that there's no chapter where she yells at people or calls them preps for flaming her story/ telling her it's shit? No? Didn't think so.) Fangs to Fily for the help! Raven have fun with kiwi! (EN: Here, I'm assuming nothing. I have no honest to God clue what she's talking about. What is she doing with a kiwi? Whyis it worth mentioning that she has a kiwi?)

We went into a black room. The walls were black with portraits of Gothic bands like MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red velvet lined the black box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skulls in them. I was wearing a black corset bra with purple stuff on it, fishnet stockings and a black leather thong underneath. (EN: Never mind the leather bras. But a leather thong? Seriously? Is that even a thing? Also, how on earth does she have so much clothes? Honestly she changes her clothes about four times a day and none of them are the same. How does she have the money for them all? All she does is skip classes have extremely bad sex and go to concerts.)

I sat down one of the chairs dispiritedly. So did Draco and Vampire.

"Are you okay?" Vampire asked, putting his alabaster hand on mine. (EN: Because Vampire has hands made of calcite.) He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing black nail polish with red crosses on it.

"Yeah, I guess," I said sadly. Draco also put his hand on mine sexily. I smiled sadly with my black lipstick. "The problem is … I have to seduce Voldemort. I'll have to go back in time." (EN: Why's that a problem? Ebony's sole purpose in life is seduction.)

Draco started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him. (EN: Anyway, what's up with them? She's the one travelling through time. Can't she just return to the moment she left? They won't miss her at all. Granted no-one would miss her even if she was gone for good.)

"It's okay, Ebony," he said finally. "But what about me? You're not going to break up or anything, are you?"(EN: Logic would say yes. Especially if she's going to be seducing another guy.)

"Of course not!" I gasped. (EN: But then, we always knew Ebony wasn't the most logical person there.)

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure," I said.

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly. (EN: How is that not weird to the two people who decided to snog in front of him?)

Then … I took off Draco's MCR shirt and seductively took of his pants. (EN: You're not alone in the room) He was hung like a stallion. He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Ebony on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. (EN: I can understand the gasping here, he got a tattoo for her and spelled her name wrong.) He looked exactly like Gerard Way. (EN: What on earth? Did he just start out as Draco and evolve into Gerard Way? Because otherwise that's just ridiculous. And yes, I am aware that this sort of comparison has happened before and I'm just getting around to commenting on it now.) Vampire took a video camera. (I had said it was okay before).

I took of my clothes then we were in for the ride of our lives. (EN: Doubtful.)

We started frenching as we climbed into the coffin. (EN: Haven't you been frenching for the past five minutes?) He put his dick in my you-know-what and passionately we did it. (EN: I will never forgive the universe for this. Ever.)

"I love you Ebony. Oh let me feel you I need to feel you," he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly….

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" (EN: Is it Dumbledore with a headache again? Someone really needs to get him some aspirin.)

It was … Snape and Professor McGonagall! (EN: Well that's okay then. Remember, Snape doesn't care when he comes across students in the middle of sex.)

EN: You know when they're 'doing it' and the word 'dick' is used? That was originally 'Spock'.

Yeah.

When I first came across it I stared at the screen for a good ten minutes looking more and more confused. Then I went into Light's room. Somehow she seemed to understand what I was trying to say in between hyperventilating and laughing hysterically. Then we sat on the ground and, on the verge of tears and hysterics, we went through all the slang words we knew for 'penis' (And Light knows a lot). After coming up empty handed we started to wonder if she actually meant to say Spock. Then we decided to never think about it again because that brought up far too many horrifying and mentally scarring images.

This is what I do for you all. You don't appreciate it enough.