EN: I'm gone. Chapter 30 just destroyed me. I'm six feet under, and from now on robot version of myself will be updating this story in my place. And I use the word 'story' lightly, it's more an exercise in unusual types of torture.
AN: Stop flaming the story, okay? You don't know what's even going to happen, okay? (EN: I think I can guess. Ebony will be an absolute bitch and will change her clothes at least twice every chapter. Am I wrong?) So FUCK YOU! If you flame you will be a prep so all flamers can kiss my ass! (EN: Well there's a very convincing incentive not to flame if there ever was one.) Sorry for saying Alzheimers is dangerous but that's the Ministry's opinion because society basically sucks. Fangs to Raven, you rock, bitch! (EN: I don't know why she's friends with you, especially when you make her edit this shit and insult her every couple of words.)
"No!" we screamed sadly. Snape started laughing meanly. (EN: This used to be "Snap stated loafing meanly" It took quite a while to figure out.) He took out a camera angrily. (EN: One second he's mean and laughing the next he's angry. Make up your mind.) Then … he came towards Draco! (EN: Oh God here's where it starts isn't it? Ladies and gentlemen, you are witnessing the start of the end of me. May the world have a minute of silence in my memory.) He took some stones out of his pocket. (EN: What?) He put the stones around Draco and lit a candle. (EN: I'd like to state that I have no clue what's going on here. NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE!)
"What the fuck are you doing!" (EN: Christ almighty, my thoughts are on the same wavelength as Ebony's. Someone kill me now.) I shouted angrily. Snape laughed meanly. (EN: He's doing that a lot in this chapter.) He pulled down his pants. I gasped - there was a Dark Mark on his you-know-what! (EN: Gone. Dead. Buried. This said "Dork Mark" before. )
He waved his wand and a knife came. He gave the knife to me. (EN: Because giving aknife to someone you just chained up is a good idea.)
"You must stab Vampire," he said to me. "If you don't then I'll rape Draco!" (EN: WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAB HIM YOURSELF? HE IS RIGHT THERE!)
"No, you fucking bastard!" I yelled. (EN: This is why you should do your own dirty work, a five year old could have anticipated this.)
But then Draco looked at me sadly with his evil, Gothic red eyes that looked so depressed and sexy. He looked exactly like a pentagram (EN: What? What? What? A PERSON CANNOT LOOK LIKE A PENTAGRAM!) (Lol, get it? Because I'm a Satanist) (EN: No you're not. You are a sorry excuse for a human being with anger management issues and an unhealthy obsession with terrible sex. And the worst of your crimes is choosing Harry Potter as a way for your delusions to manifest. Harry Potter which is, to quite Stephen King, about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Your story is an abomination to mankind.) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so sexy too with his Gothic black hair. I thought of the time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumbledore came and the time where Draco almost committed suicide and Vampire was so supportive.
Snape laughed angrily. He started to pray to Voldemort. (EN: Last I checked, Voldemort wasn't a God. Nor is he part of any religion whatsoever.) He started to do an incapacitation dance around the stones, whipping Draco and Vampire. (EN: I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS IN EXISTENCE!) Suddenly I had an idea. I closed my eyes and, using my vampire powers, I sent a telepathic message to Draco and Vampire so they would distract Snape.
"Dumbledore will get you!" Draco shouted.
"Yeah, just wait until the Ministry find out!" Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand. (EN: Why don't you just use the wand to escape? They're capable of unlocking chains, you know. Or haven't you gotten to that point in your education yet? It's taught before Halloween first year, was it just too difficult for you?Poor Ebony.)
"You ridiculous dunderhead!" Snape yelled. He took off all of Draco's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him … (EN: I've never been so happy to see an ellipse in my life. In Tara's world an ellipse means it's not going to happen.)
"Crucio!" I shouted pointing my wand. Snape screamed and started running around the room screaming. (EN: The Cruciatus Curse doesn't do that, you know. It causes you so much pain you fall to the ground.) Meanwhile I grabbed my black mobile and sent a text to Sirius. I stopped the Cruciatus Curse. (EN: Was she just casually casting an Unforgivable on Snape and texting the supposed mass murderer at the same time?)
"You dunderhead! I'm going to kill-" shouted Snape but suddenly Severus came. (EN: … )
Snape put the whip behind his back. "Oh, hello Sev, I was just teaching them something," he lied. (EN: putting aside the fact that there's too Snapes in the room at the moment because that is something I refuse to go near. You do realise you are standing in the room with three seventeen year olds – your students to be precise – one of which is naked and all three are chained together. What the fuck are they going to think you were teaching them? And besides they can talk, you know.) But suddenly Lucius and Professor Trelawney came into the room and they and Sirius unlocked the chains and put them around Snape. Then Professor Trelawney said 'Come on Ebony, let's go." (EN: Ebony wasn't the only student in an utterly horrific position. Draco and Vampire were there too. But Ebony's such a "speshul snowflake" she's the only one people care about.)