Tim Speedle was choking, his throat felt clogged and his mouth was polluted with a hot, salty, almost metallic taste. His chest was on fire but everything else felt cold, numb even and his eyes seemed fixed on the cloudy sky, despite his best efforts he could not get them to focus.

"Don't you dare Tim!" Ridley shouted as she pressed down hard on his wound. "Not like this! You don't get to do this!" She was panting hard, her body was soaked with sweat and she was covered in blood, though it was impossible to tell what was hers and what was his. The blood had bloomed from his chest like a flower in spring only it wouldn't stop, his shirt was ruined and it was beginning to soak around his sides and turn his pale flesh sticky.

Tim thought he could hear someone shrieking but there was a terrible ringing in his ears distorting the words. "I...I can't..." He tried to speak but blood leaked out with every word.

"Shit Tim don't speak!" Ridley snapped as she continued pressing down with both hands with all her strength. "Please just breathe okay? Just keep breathing!"

His chest wasn't burning anymore, it should have been good but he didn't think it was and the clouds were blurring and everything was turning black at the edges. "I can't feel...anything." No that wasn't right, he felt fear, yes definitely mind numbing terror that crawled through him replacing the burning and the numbness and made him loose control of his bowels. Oh fuck, it wasn't going to be like this was it? You lost control in your last moments, he knew that, he'd seen and smelt the evidence of it enough times. Fuck this was humiliating!

"Ridley let go, the ambulance is here now, let the paramedics do their job," Horatio was using his brittle calm voice again, the voice that tried to be professional but was so close to the edge. He had arrived on the scene just a minute before the paramedics and had barely assessed Tim's state. His face went chalk white as he knelt beside the stern faced New Yorker and reached out a hand to her.

Ridley? Damnit was she here? Was she witnessing this? Tim's eyes were getting tired, heavy, he didn't know whether to close them or not. If he had to go he would rather spare Ridley having his glassy stare fixed up on her but closing his eyes just seemed like giving in. Shit he was terrified now, his heart was pumping too fast, he thought it might burst from the pressure or simply just stop. He didn't want to go out like this, hell he didn't want to go out at all but not at thirty-four and not with Ridley so fragile, so close to breaking again, damnit this would ruin her. Never mind everything else, all his plans, his future, alright he hadn't really committed to that, he had thought he had plenty of time but he still wanted one!

Horatio pulled Ridley off forcefully when she wouldn't come willingly, wincing as she fought against him with a scream whilst the paramedics rushed to stop the bleeding. Ridley's eyes went wide as she turned her head in time to see Tim turn a horrible shade of blue and go still.

"He's not breathing!"

"No!" she screamed as she shook against Horatio's firm grasp. "NO! NO! YOU DON'T GET TO DO THIS!"

Horatio Caine bowed his head wearily before fixing his tired blue eyes on the trembling detective in front of him. It had taken a while before he had twigged that the blood on Ridley wasn't just Tim's, he supposed it was shock on his part but that was no excuse, it was only when she had nearly passed out from blood loss in his grasp that he had realised. Two hours later along with several stitches and injections and Ridley was now close to normality again. Her right arm was bandaged tight and in a sling whilst she sat hooked to a drip of blood with a nervous look in her grey-brown eyes.

"Tim?" She made his name a question as she looked up at Horatio fearfully, not daring to hope. Two hours she had spent alone, completely unaware of what was happening to Tim or Calleigh as Eric stayed with the blonde and Horatio stuck to the dark haired CSI.

"He's in a serious condition," Horatio admitted as he stepped up to her bedside, "but they're confident he will recover."

"How confident?" her voice was quiet, immediately doubting.

Horatio gave her a small, reassuring smile though it took a lot of effort to do so. "He's going to be okay Ridley," he informed her calmly, "it's just going to take time."

"Right." She bowed her head quickly and rubbed at the fresh tears that had formed with her free hand. "And Calleigh?" she quipped suddenly, feeling horrid for not even considering the blonde in that moment.

"A minor bump to the head and a few scrapes," the redhead retorted in a slightly happier tone, "she was knocked out but she's not concussed, the doctors did want to keep her for observation but you know Calleigh, she checked herself out. She wanted to see you in fact but Eric and I thought it best that she got some rest first."

"Yeah," Ridley agreed with a hint of relief in her voice. "When can I go?"

"Not until tomorrow," Horatio answered sternly, "and that is an order Detective Moon."

She slumped slightly in the bed with a frown. "Where is Tim?"

"In the intensive care unit," Horatio replied as he sat in the holey leather chair that was in definite need of a trip to the dump, "just two floors up."

"And who's with him?" she demanded as she fixed an accusing stare on the lieutenant.

"The doctors and nurses," Horatio answered, still calm. "He's not allowed any visitors yet but I do have two uniforms outside, don't worry."

Ridley shook her head. "Why did it happen?" she wondered aloud. "Was it him? How did he know we would be there?"

"We can't jump to conclusions," Horatio reminded her gently. "I have Frank and the others looking into it as we speak. Miss Balksom, the ringmaster of the circus, was in the middle of telling me about trouble with animal rights activists who had been becoming increasingly violent, and given the amount of animals loose it's entirely possible that they were connected. However, the few rounded up were just firing blanks; they wanted to create a distraction apparently."

Ridley frowned at this. "The bullet that shot Tim was no blank."

"I know, so it's possible someone else was taking advantage of the chaos but wasn't expecting to bump into a cop and panicked. That's all we know so far Ridley but if I learn anything else you will know. In the mean time, you need your rest, how's the arm anyway?"

"Sore," she grumbled.

Horatio gave a flicker of a smile at this. "You'll have to put tiger tamer on your resume," he teased.

Ridley shook her head chidingly, unable to smile as all she could think of was Tim. How serious was serious? He was in intensive care, that couldn't be good, she knew that firsthand having spent enough time in there herself just a matter of months ago. "They insisted on checking me over," she confessed quietly. "There was so much blood and...they were worried about bruising and internal wounds...I don't know...maybe a busted organ or something..." She sighed and suppressed a shudder. "They asked questions you know; about the marks...they thought..." She blinked back the fresh salty tears and shook her head in frustration. "Never mind."

"It's okay Ridley," Horatio said gently, "I can imagine what the medics wanted to discuss with you. It's going to be hard for a while yet but you're getting there."

"I don't know that I am," she murmured. "Will you go back to Tim please? Even if you can't go into him, he needs someone near."

"I'll check on him in a while," the redhead assured as he reached out a hand to push some of her lank, dark hair away from her face, "but for now don't worry, just try and get some sleep Ridley." He leaned back against the exposed sponge back of the chair and Ridley knew he wasn't going to be going anywhere soon no matter what she said.

The New Yorker let out another sigh as she leaned back against her pillow. She stubbornly fought against sleep until the nurse came twenty minutes later and gave her another drip of pain killers, then she was forced to give in as the medicine lulled into her exhaustion.

Horatio gave a small, satisfied smile when the young woman finally nodded off. He would never say it to her but he knew as well as Tim that she wouldn't sleep alone in a hospital, she was too vulnerable here, too weak and too exposed, she was restrained here and so many people could have access to her effortlessly. The redhead understood all that, after all she had been through it was easy enough to sympathise but he knew better than to speak of it, knowing she would only fear it was an implication of her shattered psyche.

"He doesn't want to see you." Eric hated how his voice sounded, blunt and cruel despite his best efforts to be sympathetic about it. He hated even more the dejected look in Ridley's face before she masked it with acceptance quickly, a little too quickly he thought.

"Why not?" she asked calmly. Eric thought she deserved a prize for almost being able to mimic Horatio's mastered brittle calm.

Eric shrugged. "I don't know Ridley but he asked me to tell you not to see him," he explained awkwardly. "He was quite firm about it but he's pretty out of it with drugs," he offered an excuse, a lame one but it was the best he could do. "Just give him a few days."

Ridley nodded weakly. It had already been five days since Tim had been admitted to hospital, at first Horatio and the others had tactfully kept her away by stating no visitors were allowed when she had to check out, then urging her home for rest, and then to Calleigh's. She had protested until Horatio had insisted that Tim was still in intensive care and therefore just wasn't up to visitors. Now though the facade had come down and Eric was forced to tell her the truth, that Tim simply wouldn't see her.

"I'm...I'm sorry," Eric said awkwardly.

"It's alright, I pushed him away," she retorted softly, "he's entitled to do the same. But tell him I was here, and tell him I'll be back later and tomorrow and so on until he changes his mind." She turned before Eric could retort and hastened off.

Eric sighed angrily and muttered several curses before he turned back to the ward door and re-entered Tim's hospital room. The dark haired man was pallid, soaked in sweat and looked more exhausted and grumpy than usual with heavy, dark bags under his eyes. He was hooked up to several drips and monitors and had a layer of bandages wrapped tightly about his torso. To Eric his friend looked vulnerable and he knew it was killing Tim inside to be that way, despite this though Eric still managed to muster some anger as he stepped up to Tim's bed.

"Just so you know you've really upset her," Eric said harshly, "and she's going to keep coming back until you let her in."

"Give me a break Delko," Tim grumbled angrily. Even his voice sounded weak much to his chagrin, his chest felt tight like someone was constantly crushing it and his body just seemed tired and heavy all the time.

Eric shook his head tiredly. "I'm sorry, I know you're going through hell but why won't you let Ridley see you? I thought you guys were getting better. I mean you almost died in her arms, that's rough."

"I don't want her to see me," Tim answered moodily as he rolled his eyes up to the grey tiled ceiling.

"Why not?" Eric snapped, pressing for an explanation.

"I'm tired man, just drop it," Tim grumbled.

"No, I'm sorry but no, I saw the way she looked Speed you didn't, she cares about you, a lot and yes, she spent long enough shutting you out but you can't be so frigging petty that you're doing it to get back at her."

"I'm not, alright!" Tim snapped as he glared at his friend. "I just don't want her seeing me like this okay!"

"Why not?" Eric repeated impatiently, emphasising the words this time.

"Because I look pathetic! Weak! How could I protect her like this? Shit, every time I look at her all I see is that scared, small woman in the hospital bed, bloody and tired and barely alive and I want to protect her and make it right again." He shook his head in angry frustration. "What I don't want is for every time she looks at me for her to just see this." He sagged in his bed pointedly, gesturing to himself with both hands though the effort cost him as pain laced up his body. "She will never think I'm capable of protecting her if she sees me like this."

Eric looked at Tim in disbelief for a moment as he struggled over what to say. "Well...alright that makes sense I suppose but it's still bullshit," he scorned at last. "You push her away, you make it worse. I'm learning that, why can't you?"

Tim just shook his head angrily. "I'm not talking about this anymore," he grumbled.

Eric sighed in frustration but resisted pursuing the matter.

It was just after four in the afternoon that Ridley returned as Tim was in the middle of being plagued by two unexpected guests. He looked at the door in relief when he heard it knock, anything to end this torture. He frowned when his mother opened the door to reveal Ridley. Anything except her.

Ridley looked up at the woman in surprise before flickering her nervous gaze past her to Tim, spying the older man seated at his bedside and looking at her with equal curiosity. She couldn't be certain but the similarities between Tim and the two people seemed obvious. "Sorry," she muttered awkwardly before turning away and hurrying off again.

Mrs. Speedle looked at the woman in surprise before turning back to Tim with an accusing, brown stare. "Is that someone I should go after?" she queried.

"No, God no," Tim grumbled tiredly.

"No one important then," his father, Mr. Arthur Speedle, commented dryly.

Tim knew his father was baiting him, he knew it and yet he gave into it. "I didn't say that," he retorted moodily.

"Well either she's important enough to go after or she isn't," Mr. Speedle retorted calmly as he folded his arms and looked down at his son with mild scorn. He was a swarthy man with short, greying hair and Tim's dark eyes.

"You guys aren't helping," Tim grumbled as he rolled his eyes up to the stained tiles above him.

"She had her arm in a sling," Mrs Speedle observed as she continued to stare down the corridor Ridley had retreated down, "was she injured with you?"

"Yes mum," Tim murmured, "her name's Detective Moon alright, Ridley Moon, now you know."

"Okay Tim," his mother retorted as she finally shut the door, "don't stress yourself out, it's not good for your heart."

'Fuck, fuck, fuck,' the curse repeated through the CSI's head numerous times as he only just managed to resist voicing it.

"I was just hopeful that you finally had a woman to look after you," his mother added sorrowfully as she stepped up to his bedside.

"Wait, Detective Moon?" His father caught onto the name prompting Tim to think several more curses. "That girl from the papers?"

"Yes dad," Tim snapped tiredly.

"Oh the girl you helped rescue from that coffin!" his mother exclaimed. "Poor thing, what a dreadful experience."

"That's a bit of an understatement," Tim retorted sardonically as he rolled his eyes. 'Buried alive,' he thought numbly, 'I didn't get it, how it felt to suffocate, to be in agony with the world fading away from you whilst you're powerless to do anything about it, I get it now. Fuck I wish I didn't.'

"Well maybe it's a good thing you're not close with her," his mother continued with a look of disapproval, "the papers don't portray her in the best light."

"Yes because they're so bloody accurate."

"Well Tim there's no smoke without fire, all that business in New York, one dead partner," she narrowed her green eyes suddenly and gave him a serious stare, "and now you're here, almost dead!"

"No connection," Tim retorted coldly.

"Are you sure?" his mother pounced on the idea. "She was with you wasn't she?"

"New Yorkers have terrible tempers," his father commented carelessly.

"Holy fuck," Tim exclaimed before he could help it.

"Timothy, language!" his mother scolded sharply.

"Guys I'm sore and tired and I don't want to talk about Ridley," Tim grumbled as he rolled over to his right side as best as he could manage. 'Or anything else,' he thought darkly.

"Ridley," his mother repeated, the scorn evident in her voice as she gave her son a knowing look that he felt even though he couldn't see it.

There was another knock on the door prompting Tim to look to it with angry exhaustion. His mother was quick to stand and scurry to it, hopeful that Ridley had returned. Instead she opened it to greet Horatio this time.

"Hi," he greeted politely, "I'm Lieutenant Caine." He glanced past Mrs. Speedle to look at Tim curiously. "Is this a bad time Speed?"

Tim looked at his superior tiredly and muttered, "no. Mum, dad can you please just go?"

"That's hardly the attitude," his mum complained, "we came all this way to see you. I feared the worst, my son in intensive care and linked to that cursed detective."

"Fuck mum she's not cursed, alright?!"

"Tim don't speak to your mother than way," his father scolded as he stood up. "We were terrified we were going to lose you."

"Well you didn't," he retorted heatedly, "I almost died but I didn't."

Horatio frowned slightly as he saw how the whites were showing in Tim's eyes, how he seemed to be sweating and his voice held a hint of anxiety in it.

"Tim you were in a very serious incident, please don't downplay it," his mother scolded as she reached out a hand to stroke his hair.

He jerked back with a scowl. "There's no point lingering on it," he muttered.

"Right, we'll go get dinner," his father suggested as he looked over at his wife. "Get some rest son."

He reached out a hand to his wife and guided her to the door. Lieutenant Caine stepped out of the way with a polite nod. "Good to meet you Lieutenant Caine," Mrs. Speedle said sincerely, "I'm Melina Speedle by the way, and this is my husband Arthur."

"Good to meet you both," Horatio answered cordially.

Mrs. Speedle glanced back at Tim with a gentle look. "Listen to your father, get some rest son your body needs it."

Once they were out of the room Tim gave the redhead a weary look. "I have to be honest H I'm really not up to anymore visits, I just wanted them to leave."

Horatio gave a calm nod. "I understand Speed I just wanted to see how you were and let you know that Ridley sends her regards."

Tim grimaced, knowing full well that Horatio must have met in the corridor. "Horatio I really don't want to talk about her," he said coldly.

Horatio slipped his hands in his grey trouser pockets and nodded again. "You know Speed almost dying, that's a difficult thing to come to terms with, sometimes you don't even realise you have a problem to deal with because of the shock."

"Don't do this," Tim pleaded as he looked at the redhead angrily with bloodshot eyes. "I'm sore and bloody helpless right now, I admit it but when I'm out of here it will be fine."

Horatio raised an eyebrow at this and gave Tim a serious stare with his dark blue eyes. "I'm not questioning your abilities or your psyche Speed," he said gently, "it's just protocol that's all, that agents injured on the job have some form of therapy. Incidentally Ridley's been out for three days straight and not attended any sessions, and I know she's struggling, when she was in here they asked about her previous injuries."

"Why are you telling me this?" Tim demanded angrily as he was too exhausted to play nice with his superior.

Horatio shrugged. "I'm not sure Speed, part of me thinks encouraging any interaction between you two is a bad idea but you do seem to be the only one who makes her feel better. You're also the only person apart from me who understands the full story, you know what Hawkes did to her, she told you, I can tell, and you saw her in that coffin same as I did, you saw everything she suffered with the Urban Legends killer."

"That's just it," Tim grumbled, "if she sees me like this she won't feel safe anymore, how could she? You understand that better than anyone Horatio, once you let her down that's it, she's been through too much. She doesn't even feel safe around you, which is ridiculous but it's the truth."

Horatio finally tugged his hands out of his pockets and rewarded Tim with a deep frown. "Tim she has already seen the worst with you, she was there when you were lying bleeding out, seeing you now isn't going to make a difference and frankly I think you're being unfair. You shouldn't still see her as the broken young woman we pulled out of her own grave, if you keep picturing her that way it makes it harder for her to break away from that. She's more than that, she's a tough, smart detective, she placed herself between three children and a tiger Tim, a tiger, she is capable of a lot of bravery when it counts. So are you, you got shot in the chest Tim, you almost died, there isn't a human on this planet who wouldn't have ended up in hospital or worse with a bullet to the chest and you are strong for surviving, which is what Ridley will think when you finally let her in."

Tim bowed his head with a guilty frown. "I need another day H."

"That's okay Speed, just don't start being evasive, you have seen how well that has worked for Ridley."

Tim was in the hospital a full two weeks before he finally caved into pressure from Eric and Calleigh and, more importantly, Horatio and let Ridley visit. He had been moved out of intensive care and his painkillers dosage had been lowered but he somehow felt worse. Nightmares had started and seemed to become more and more vivid with every night. Two nights ago he had screamed so loudly a nurse had come racing in convinced he was in agony. He had tried to attack her when she had shaken him awake, sweaty, pale faced and wide eyed. It was no surprise to him when a CSI designated therapist dropped by the next day.

The traces expert had been evasive, blunt and short tempered with the male therapist, belittling the psychological side effects from being shot and eventually cursing the man out of the room. After he had reflected on the irony of it when he had pressed so hard for Ridley to attend her sessions with the shrink. When Horatio had dropped by to scold him he had continued to be foul tempered, snapping that nightmares of being shot were normal and should be expected. He had tried and failed to bait the redhead into a fight, his anger turning into a guilty shock when Horatio had informed him bluntly that CSIs who did not follow protocol risked suspension and that he was fighting hard to stop Dr. Young from getting Ridley suspended for not attending her psychiatry sessions in two weeks. It was then that Tim had finally grumbled about talking to Ridley.

It just after two p.m when the New Yorker finally arrived clad in a flared blue skirt with gold buttons at the front, cream tights, blue, shiny shoes with gold bows on them, a sensible cream shirt with a blue ribbon hanging loose at the collar and her scarf. Tim frowned when he saw her, she seemed to be making a conscious effort to keep covered up despite the heat, the tights were opaque as was the shirt, which also had a high collar, making the scarf somewhat unnecessary, and long sleeves. He thought about Horatio's comment about the doctors in the hospital revisiting her old scars and wondered if she was trying to conceal them.

"Hi," she greeted with a small smile.

"Hi ringmaster," he retorted sardonically.

"Nope, that would be Nina Balksom or, as Calleigh and I like to call her, Horatio's weird crush."

"Wow what?"

Ridley's smile widened a little. "Calleigh didn't say? It's funny watching him try to interview her he gets...flustered."

"Horatio does not get flustered."

"Eric said the same thing, guess you guys just want to stick together but he does, it's...interesting."

Ridley stepped up to him at last, stopping at his left side before glancing from him to the seat awkwardly. "I've missed you Tim," she said softly. "I was so worried about you, even though everyone said you were doing well."

Tim winced as he suppressed a guilty scowl. "I...I wasn't trying to freeze you out Ridley I just didn't want you seeing me this way, bad enough you saw..." He trailed off and paled, unable to finish the sentence. BANG! Just like that, so quick, so easy and him so fucking helpless to stop it.

"It's not easy," Ridley murmured, "seeing someone that way or being that way, I guess we both know both sides of it now."

Tim swallowed hard. "Anyway, that's it, I...my heart's probably not going to calm you now," he said bitterly. He could feel it racing a little too quickly against his chest as he saw that blank, disturbing rabbit mask and the cold black nozzle of a gun.

"It will," Ridley assured as she reached out a hand to his messy, dark hair and stroked it tenderly.

Tim reached up and clasped at her hand tightly, releasing it just as quickly when he saw the fear that darted through her eyes. He clenched his fists slightly as he resisted the urge to snap at her.

"It takes time Tim," she said softly.

"I know."