AN: SHUT THE FUCK UP, PREPS! Have you even read the story! (EN: Why would they be reading chapter 34 without reading all the chapters that come before it. Not everyone goes by nonsensical Tara logic.) You are probably all just preps and posers so FUCK YOU! Fangs to Raven for the help! (EN: I'm not even going to bother anymore.)
I woke up in the coffin the next day. (EN: Oh God, that next paragraph is going to be about you changing your clothes again, isn't it?) Draco was gone. I got up and put on a black tight sexy dress that was all ripped at the end. There was red corset stuff going up the front and the back and it came up to my knees. There was a slit in the dress like in Mr. & Mr. Smith. I put on ripped black fishnets and black stiletto boots. Suddenly … (EN: WHY IS THERE AN ELLIPSE THERE?) Sirius knocked on the door. I opened it.
"Hi, Ebony," he said. "Guess what, you have to come to Professor Sinistra's office."
"Okay," I said in a depressed voice. I had wanted to fuck Draco or maybe listen to My Chemical Romance or Evanescence. I came anyway. (EN: Now it's been a little while, but wasn't Draco just brutally tortured by Snape? Surely he's in the Hospital Wing? I doubt Madam Pomfrey and the other patients would be all that accommodating to you shagging your kind-of boyfriend in their midst.)
"So what the fuck happened to Snape and Lupin?" I asked Sirius, flirting. (EN: See what I mean about 'kind-of'?)
"I fucking tortured them," he answered in a sadistic way. "They are in Azkaban now, lol." (EN: Last I remember torturing people also gets you life sentence in Azkaban. You'd want to watch that, Sirius.)
I laughed evilly.
"Where are Draco and Vampire?" I asked.
"They are excused from school today," Sirius moaned sexily. (EN: Does the fact he's old enough to be her father not concern anyone else? I suppose if you consider the rest of the story... ) "Right now they are watching The Nightmare Before Christmas."
We went into the office. Professor Sinistra was there. She was wearing a gothic black dress that was all ripped all over it kinda like the one Amy Lee wears in this picture (EN: Insert non-existent link. Tut tut, clearly someone didn't read the Site Rules.)
She was drinking some Veritaserum. (EN: Isn't more than a few drops of that poisonous?)
She took out the Pensieve and the time-turner.
"Ebony, you will have to do another session now. Also I need you to get me the cure for being addicted." she said sadly. "Good luck. Fangs!" (EN: Oh the world of My Immotal, where there is the cure to an addiction in a Pensieve and for some inexplicable reason only Tara can access it.)
And then … I jumped into the Pensieve again. Suddenly I looked around…I was in the Great Hall eating Count Chocula. It was morning. I was sitting next to Satan. On a table was a tall gothic man with long black hair, pale skin and blue eyes wearing a suit and black Converse shoes. (EN: So he's a stylin' Goth?) He looked just like Charles Manson. (EN: That was really just a guess at what Tara was trying to say there. Although Charles Manson, really?) I noticed … he was drinking a potion.
"Who is he?" I asked.
"Oh, that;s Professor Slughorn," (EN: Okay, Professor Slutborn looks like Charles Manson, whatever you want to run with.) Satan said. "He's the Potions teacher … Ebony?"
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Did you know that Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsmeade tonight? And they are showing The Exorcism in the movies before that."
"Yeah?" (EN: God, you're a dim child.)
"Well … do you want to go to the concert and the movie with me?"
(EN: Please say no. Please say no. Then the teenage Dark Lorn can torture you to death. PLEASE say no!)
EN: Massive apologies this is so late. Light's getting quite stern as to how slow this is coming along. I'm just getting more and more terrified about what's going to come next.