Ah, shit.
I didn't see that coming. Really, I didn't.
Both Logic and Instinct stopped functioning, and turned to look at the rest of me. The rest of me looked back at them.
"Eh…" Comedy has never been my element. I occasionally tell jokes, but only political ones, which I doubt the man here will understand.
To take matters away from this unpleasant note, I noticed a gun on the wall.
"Why is there a gun on the wall over there?"
"Ah, it came with a, client. Teeheehee, the name it was tagged with was Chekov."
"Erm, okay."
And I don't know what to do. How to make a person laugh? Usually I don't think about things like this. I rarely do any laughing myself, unless there is something interesting going on, which rarely happens.
Perhaps a tragic story. The hilarity of sad endings are never lost to me, and I like them. In tragedies, everything the main character has been working towards since the beginning of the story is destroyed, and leaves the main character either dead, insane, or in some situations, both.
"Okay. I will tell a story.'
"There was once a girl, who wanted to be a doctor, because doctors save lives. People thought she was mad, because they didn't think girls could become doctors. The girl ignored them, and continued learning the arts of healing from the local doctor who appreciated her talents.'
"One day a small child was sent to the doctor's house. He had several broken ribs and his skull was fractured, and his parents claimed it was because he fell down from somewhere. The doctor wasn't home, but the girl was. So the girl did all she could for the child, but she failed to save him. The child's parents blamed the girl for letting their child die.'
"The girl was about to be tied to a wooden stick and burned for being a witch before she made a contract with a devil, which was that the devil was to keep her alive until she avenged herself upon the child she failed to save's parents, because she suspected there was foul play behind it, and that the devil will consume her soul after she finishes with it.'
I'm making stuff up. It's actually not that bad, in my opinion.
"After some investigation the girl found out that the child was actually an orphan kidnapped by the couple who accused her of witchcraft. The couple had a hatred for her family and wanted to wipe her entire bloodline out. So the girl worked towards getting them dead first."
"But while she plotted how to kill the couple, she realised that when she completes her revenge, her soul will be devoured by the devil working for her. She didn't want to die, and became more and more withdrawn. After a while, when she was about to execute the plan she thought of that was to humiliate the couple and in the end, kill them, she saw them kissing.'
"The girl never understood what 'love' meant, but got a good hang of it after seeing the two people speaking to each other. She realised that she will miss out on all things life has to offer when she completes her revenge because she will be eaten.'
"The girl regretted her decision to wage war against these two people, so one day she cut off her left ear, which was where her contract mark with the devil was engraved on.'
"The devil was very annoyed, because it wanted its food. Because of the disappearance of the contract mark on the girl's body, it was no longer tied to the girl, and could therefore do whatever it pleased with her.'
"So it consumed her soul without her getting her revenge or becoming a doctor, which was what she wanted second most, and the couple who hated her family were very happy and lived happily ever after, while the devil lived on and the girl's soul was incinerated. The end.'
I came up with it on the spot, but I was reasonably happy with the story. It had a beginning and ending, like I thought stories should.
I looked up at the silver-haired man.
He hummed.
"I like the story and I do find it amusing." He said. "I like the fact that the girl received an ending worse than death. But it didn't make me laugh."
Double shit now. I can't think of any other stories.
Maybe something random about sponges will do. Yes, sponges. But that would sound quite dumb. So in order to make it more sophisticated, maybe I should add-
The man burst out laughing.
I didn't see that coming either. But I think I just won because he just laughed.
After his laughing fit which ended with his head on the reception desk and drool dribbling down his chin, the man looked up.
"The best stories are the ones untold. Hehehe… Call me 'Undertaker'. You can stay in the basement with the coffins, the trapdoor's on your left. It's eleven, hehe, I have clients to finish business with tomorrow… The dead bodies are over there, biscuits are the in the jar there, teacups and tealeaves are in the drawer next to me. Go make yourself comfortable."
His face fell back on the desk, still sniggering.
I didn't have anything else to say, so I found the trapdoor and opened it.
It was all dark in the basement, and I couldn't see anything. I felt a short ladder, which I climbed down. I settled myself between two slabs of what felt like wood, on a bed of unidentifiable soft material.
The space was rather cramped, but it was the most comfortable in the area.
I fell asleep. In total darkness. Alone. Pffft.
.
I actually woke up earlier than usual. There was the sound of something, growling, upstairs.
Rubbing my eyes, I tried to turn my head. I failed, because of the two wooden slabs I was squashed in between last night. So I tried sitting up. I made it with some difficulty, considering the fact that my arms were sore.
The sound continued, as I groped in the dark for the ladder, finding the ladder, and opening the trapdoor.
Light shone in, and it took me a while to adjust to it.
"Ah, there you are, teeheehee." The man who called himself Undertaker grinned. "This is Grelle Sutcliff, you'll be seeing him around, heehee. He buried me in a jar of salt once…"
Triple shit. I wasn't preparing to meet someone new. Damn, now I have to look polite too. However, before I can introduce myself, the other person spoke. He had hair styled in a way that slightly resembled the Undertaker's, but was also eye-hurting-in-ungodly-hours bright crimson. He held an odd-looking saw in his hands, which seemed to be revolving on its own, which was also the source of the noises that woke me.
"Oh look, a child." He yawned and continued to sip his tea from what looked like glass beakers.
"Wait-a child?" He asked a few seconds later, acting surprised. "Undertaker? Why is there a child in your store?"
"Well I just explained it to you, heehee."