Flashback

I had no idea where I was going, but I didn't want to stop driving. Every time I did, the crying became uncontrollable.

Why was it that as soon as I started feeling like I could be ok with the life, finally be apart of it, Gemma had to say something to make me second guess myself. She had to be right though, if she wasn't I wouldn't have run from it, from him. Now here I am, more confused than ever, with nowhere to go.

Yesterday I had been worried. He had made me feel like he might not be coming home. Feeling like the kiss we shared, would be the last. Now it was the last. It wasn't him that wouldn't be coming back though.

"I really have no idea where to start. I shouldn't have left. It seemed so much easier to run, leave all of this behind, everything that I didn't know about you." I said sitting up, facing towards him. I needed to see his face. I had always been able to tell what he was thinking just by looking at him.

"Why didn't you just ask me? About my life I mean. I would have told you anything you wanted to know." He said, slightly looking to the side. I knew for a fact, even without looking at his face, that wasn't true.

"We both know that isn't true. I'd heard enough around the clubhouse to know that."

"I just never wanted you to worry."

"More like you didn't think I could handle it, and in all honesty, I don't think that I could have back then." I had never admitted that to myself until tonight. I looked down at my hands, not wanting him to see the realization on my face.

"I think it was both. I didn't want you to think any less of me. You had this idea of who I was, and if you found out the truth it would have scared you away."

"I had an idea. There were signs that I chose to ignore. That summer you started prospecting, you came back from that first run, you seemed different. I tried not to think anything of it. Gemma told me not to ask questions, told me it wasn't my business. When I went to your room, I picked up your clothes and a gun fell out. You shouldn't have to carry a gun on a blood drive."

"You know when I came home from that last run, and you weren't here, I was crushed. Everyday after, things started getting rough for the club. I convinced myself it was for the better that you took off. I was relieved you weren't around to see it, to see me. I just didn't know what I did to make you run. I played the last day over and over in my head trying to figure out where I went wrong."

"You didn't do anything to make me leave. You had everything to do with why I should have stayed. I gave up, I was more worried about what everyone else thought about me. The only person that I should have cared about was you."

"What do you mean what everyone else thought about you. Everyone loved you, they still do." He said, confused.

"Nothing...it was nothing really." I said looking away from him.

"Now who isn't telling the truth?" He said, tracing one finger across my chin, turning my head towards him. I had no choice but to look. This wasn't fair. He knew what it did to me.

"It was your mom. She told me I didn't belong. That your life wasn't for me. I was devastated. I thought she liked me."

"Seriously, don't ever listen to my crazy ass mom again." I could hear the irritation in his voice. The last thing I wanted was for him to confront his mom. I knew him though. That was exactly what he was going to do. He began to get out of bed.

"Jax don't! It's too late for you to call her now! Please? I shouldn't have said anything."

"She shouldn't have said it. I'm going to talk to her." He said, grabbing a pair of jeans from the floor.

"At least wait till tomorrow," I said, grabbing his hand. "for me?"

"That's not fair, you know I'd do anything for you." He said looking into my eyes, pushing a strand of hair from my face.

"Tonight, the only thing I want is you. Tonight, I will comfort you in the best way I know how."

He took my face in his hands, stared into my eyes, and smiled.

"Babe, tonight it's just me and you. You have my word."

I felt closer to him. We had opened up. Talked about things that had been in the back of my mind for years. I knew we still had a long way to go, but this was enough for right now.

There wouldn't be much sleeping tonight. We were lost in each other.

The next morning, I woke to the faint ringing of a phone. I was trapped in the arms of Jax, and not even the ringing phone would make me leave them. I waited for it to quit before I tried to close my eyes again. Finally it ended. Not even seconds later it began again.

"You've got to be kidding me." I whispered to myself. I carefully removed myself from his grasp, trying not to wake him. I searched around the room. I grabbed his pants from the floor. As I pulled the phone from his pocket, it stopped ringing. He had 10 missed calls, all of which, were from Gemma.

I sat back on the bed, just staring at him. I loved every minute of our time together. Eventually I was going to have to go back. As much as I didn't want to. I had a life in New York. Hopefully Jax and I could figure out what we were before I had to go back. Maybe going back would be to close that chapter in my life.

"Jax, wake up. Your mom has been calling this morning." I said gently shaking him. He groaned and rolled over.

"I don't want to talk to her." He said pulling the covers over his face.

"I think it's important. She called 10 times." With that he uncovered his face and took the phone. He listened to one of the voicemails she had left.

"She said to meet her at the hospital. Didn't go into details, but it's probably nothing. You know my mom, she's kinda dramatic." He climbed out of bed and started to dress. "Are you going to get some clothes on and come with me?"

"Oh yeah, I didn't know you wanted me to go." I said standing.

"Of course I do, I don't want you out of my sight." He said pulling me into a kiss.

We pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Gemma was standing at the doors smoking, waiting impatiently.

"I tried calling you." She said storming up to us. She threw her smoke on the ground.

"What happened?" Jax said, his voice sounding more concerned.

"I drove by Wendy's place. Saw her laying on the floor through the window. I went in and found these matches, found them next to empty thumb bags." She said as we walked down the hall to where Wendy was.

"Shit. What the hell happened?" He asked the doctor.

"When's the last time you seen her?" The doctor asked Jax.

"A couple of weeks maybe."

I knew right away, he was blaming himself for this.

"Well her hands and feet were full of tracks. Toxicology reports aren't back yet, but most likely crank."

"The baby?" He asked looking into the hospital room.

"We had to do an emergency c-section. He's ten weeks premature."

"Holy shit!" Gemma and Jax said in unison. I could see the tears in his eyes collecting. The man he was, I knew he wouldn't let them fall.

"Come on let's sit down and I'll walk you through it." The doctor said, motioning to the waiting room.

"Just tell me." Jax said, not moving anywhere.

"He's got a congenital heart defect and a tear in his abdomen. The tear and the early birth are from the drugs but the CHD is probably genetic. Either one would be serious, but not life threatening. However the two of them together. I'm sorry. He's got a 20% chance, and I'm afraid that's being optimistic."

"Oh my god. She never wanted to talk to me, I didn't know." He said looking to me, then Gemma.

"She missed her last three appointments. No one knew." The doctor said, trying to reassure Jax. "We are going to attempt to fix his belly first. If he stabilizes then we'll go in and fix the heart. If you want, I can take you back to see him now."

Instead of Jax following the doctor back to Abel's room, he started heading for the exit.

"Jackson!?" Gemma yelled after him.

"Stay with Alexis and go with the doctor. I have something I need to do."

It seemed like I waited forever for him to come home. I found myself wandering into Abel's room. Jax was a father now. His son was in the hospital fighting for his life. Jax was understandably upset. I just hope that I can help him get through this.

I couldn't help but think, if I had stayed would this have been Jax and I. If only I had the strength to stand up to Gemma. I gave up so much when I left. I just hope that it isn't too late.

Jax finally pulled up on his bike. Dinner had just come out of the oven and the table had been set. When he walked in the door I was nervous. I had no idea what to expect.

He came straight for me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him.

"I'm so glad you're here." he said, squeezing me tighter.

"I don't want to be anywhere else."

With that he picked me up, cleared the table with his arm. Everything fell to the floor, plates shattered. He laid me back on the table, kissing me deeply. I could feel him growing between my legs. He paused long enough to undo his belt, pulling down his pants and boxers. He pulled my shorts down my legs, along with my panties. Before I knew it he was deep inside me.

Dinner was going to have to wait….