(Hello to all you lovely readers and reviewers out there! This is a much quicker update than usual, but I couldn't bear to keep you waiting too long with our adorable little Henry in danger like he was…
Enjoy, just know I may not always be this fast!)
Chapter Nine: Break Down Here
Emma's heart is beating so wildly, so violently, that it aches in her chest, as if attempting to force its way out of her body. Her hands shake visibly where she rests them clenched on her thighs, forcing herself not to wring them helplessly or attempt to tear apart Jones's government-issue SUV with her bare hands. After all they have given up, after they have changed their entire lives, their very beings…for what?! Her panic and frustration are nearly spilling over and streaming out in a horrified, angry scream, when Killian reaches across the console, eyes focused resolutely on the highway as he speeds along, to thread his fingers with hers and grip her hand tightly.
"It must be a mistake," he says firmly, as if he will not allow himself, or her, to entertain any other possibility. "We will find him." Emma can't help thinking they have both been remiss not to expect some horrible action from Gold's organization. Should she as a mother have been more careful, kept Henry at home and never let him out of her sight? With the trial moved up, and the suspicions that Gold was going underground, it only made sense that the shadowy menace would strike back. But why toward Henry? Why not her? She was the one who was a witness and would be testifying against them. Unless – and they must, she realizes – Gold and his associates know that Henry is the best way to hurt her, to make her back down. Killian is still urging her to stay calm until they arrive and have all the facts. With Ruby right there any time Henry was not safe in his public classroom and with no signs of any suspicious activity, the idea that he could have been taken is highly improbable. Ruby must have found him by now, and everything will be fine.
They hurtle forward, already halfway into town and the school, where they have agreed to meet Ruby. Emma wants to tell Killian to hurry and yell at him to slow down before they crash at the same time; in either case, the fear and panic continue to ratchet higher and higher within her, twisting her gut and raising bile in her throat. Emma barely realizes she is still clutching Jones's hand tightly, unwilling to let go of her one stabilizing lifeline, attempting to make herself believe his words.
Almost before she realizes it in her fraught, hazy state, they pull into the parking lot, and Killian gets out. Emma snaps from her daze, breathing heavily and eyes darting back into focus, she jerks forward to leave her seat. He is already beside her, opening her door and helping her out with his hand at her elbow as she stumbles forward almost blindly. Then they are moving toward the front entrance where they can see Ruby pacing, giving Emma an eerie sense of déjà vu to how she must have looked months ago as she prepared to flee Vegas with Henry, not knowing what to do or where to go.
Killian's hand at the small of her back is warm and bolstering as Ruby sees them and immediately rushes to Emma, apologizing and swearing that she did nothing different or out of the ordinary. Emma nods her understanding numbly, allowing the younger woman's hug, knowing it isn't her fault. Ruby, for all her youth, exuberance, and flashy looks, is an excellent agent and cares for Henry deeply. She would give her life for Emma's son and cannot possibly have done anything that allowed this turn of events.
Finally, Killian reaches over and pats Ruby's arm, easing her gently but firmly back from Emma. "Ease up on our Maggie, alright partner?" he says as lightly as he can, though his voice is a bit rough with the strain of sounding calm and radiating confidence. "We know it isn't your fault. Jamie will turn up. There's an explanation for this, alright?" He uses their new identities as easily as second nature, even though they appear to be alone, and it brings Emma back to herself in a strange way. This is her situation now, and she has to deal with it. Her baby needs her.
Once Ruby nods her assent to Killian's words, they make a plan to go into the school building, sweep all the rooms and hallways one last time, just in case Henry was somehow missed in Ruby's previous searches. Emma wants to believe this won't all be for nothing, but she already fears they will soon be calling the police, starting an Amber Alert, and completely blowing their cover. It has somehow failed to keep Henry safe anyway. But as they start to move forward, the entry doors burst open, and a small, fast moving body flies into her at top speed.
"Mama!" Henry's beloved, happy voice calls out, and Emma sees her little boy clearly for only a second before he crashes into her, brown eyes alight and toothy grin wide, followed by a dark-haired woman who looks strangely familiar.
Letting out a cry, she falls to her knees to wrap Henry up completely in her arms. For a moment, all Emma can focus on is holding Henry to herself, probably squeezing too tightly, but so relieved she's shaking. Her heart finally begins to settle in her chest cavity and beat regularly once again. She runs still-trembling fingers across his face and through his silky, dark hair. More than anything, Emma is simply grateful that he is clearly unharmed and not aware anything has been wrong. When she can finally look away from her little boy, she spares a glance for the woman standing awkwardly just beyond their little group.
Emma is about to give this stranger a piece of her mind and find out what she thought she was doing, when she gets a good look at the woman's face and freezes. Eyes narrowing, Emma tries to focus and make sure, but the longer she tries, the more there can be no doubt. This is the woman from her dream in the Vegas motel; the one who had warned her to move just in time to save her own and Henry's lives.
Emma doesn't understand what is going on, and for a moment the voices around her start echoing, retreating as though in a long tunnel. The others may be speaking to her, but their words blend into background noise, none of them quite reaching the surface. She blinks owlishly, trying to ground herself and get past the shock, clutching Henry as an anchor. Oddly, this stranger is the one who notices first and steps forward.
"Are you okay, Ms. White?" the dark headed woman asks gently, her voice so sweet and concerned that Emma feels her anger draining away. The woman's care is genuine and soothing, and something in it strikes Emma as almost maternal. The kind, gentle eyes in the pale, rounded face, the short, pixie cut black hair, and her reaching out sincerely, makes Emma wince with covered-over longing for the mother she never had. She almost blurts out her realization before managing to bite her lip and keep her mouth shut, knowing how crazy it will sound. Still, despite the impossibility, Emma knows her recognition of the other woman is correct.
She takes in a couple of deep, calming breaths before finally answering with a tentative smile. "Yeah, I'll be fine," she replies, if a bit breathily. "I just – well – you looked awfully familiar for a minute." She tries smoothing back her hair, mussed from how she has been dragging her hands through it for the past hour. Drawing in a steadying breath, she asks, in a more normal tone. "Are you the one who found Jamie?"
The petite brunette steps forward with a gentle smile, blushing prettily. "Well, yes, I suppose you could say that. In all honesty, I didn't realize anyone thought he was lost at first." She comes even closer, tentatively, reaching out to clasp one of Emma's hands in hers. "I'm so sorry for the fright we must have given you. He was safe with me the entire time."
Emma wants to jerk her hand from the other woman's hopeful grasp at the admission, wants to ask how she could have been so careless and what she was thinking. Yet, strangely, she is comforted by the simple contact and finds the words she intends to speak stuck in her throat.
Jones takes care of it for her, forceful, curt, and a good deal more composed than she is at present. "Maybe you should start from the beginning and explain to us what did happen," he suggests, not angrily, but with enough quiet authority to make it clear he means business.
"Of course, Agent," she answers, looking a bit flustered and pulling her own hand back from Emma's to wrap her arms around herself protectively. It seems quite clear that there is more going on here than a simple parental overreaction about a child not being where he was supposed to be or coming to a meeting place late. To the woman's credit though, she meets their eyes squarely and tells her side without a bit of hesitation. "It truly was an honest misunderstanding. Jamie stayed after school with a friend. They wanted to keep looking at some of my pictures books, so I took them with me – I run a study table in the school library after classes dismiss. I thought that they both had permission and would ride home together later. That sort of thing is usually pre-arranged before they ever come to me. It was only when Jamie's friend's mother came to pick him up and she didn't have any plans to take Jamie as well that I knew someone needed to be contacted. If we had been in my room, I would have been notified you were looking for him sooner, or have run into your partner myself, I'm sure. But Jamie was safe the whole time, and perfectly content, though I am sorry you didn't know, and for the worry it caused."
"In the future, Ms…"
"Blanchard," Jamie's teacher supplies quickly, blinking rapidly at the tone of his voice and her hands fluttering anxiously at her sides.
"Right," Killian speaks with a clipped tone, "in the future, you might want to make sure of arrangements before letting children deviate from their approved travel plans. I was under the impression schools had policies about such things. Do they not?"
"Of- of course," the woman stammers, now looking truly upset and embarrassed as well as politely apologetic.
Emma can't help feeling a bit sorry for her and reaching out to lay a hand on Killian's forearm, pulling him back. When he turns his head to look at her questioningly, Emma shakes hers gently. She is wondering more and more all the time if her intrepid and precocious little boy has been the real cause of the afternoon's confusion – not understanding the panic he would cause.
Killian merely nods his acceptance, saying no more and taking a step back. Ruby had moved aside while Killian was speaking with Henry's teacher, visibly shaken enough herself at what could have been to need a minute. She has been on the phone during the last of the exchange; Emma assumes letting Agent Nolan know that Henry is alright. Emma's assumption is confirmed when Ruby returns to them and, in a surprising move, hands the phone to Ms. Blanchard. "Come with me for a moment. My supervisor needs to speak to you."
Ms. Blanchard throws one last, quick look back over her shoulder at Emma, giving her an almost wistful smile, then follows Ruby a few feet away quizzically.
Emma smiles back hesitantly, certain now that the other woman had meant well, had been taking good care of her little boy – despite the resulting chaos – and that Henry must really like her if he had devised a plan to stay at school in her company a bit longer. It did no good to continue berating Ms. Blanchard. There was no reason the other woman could have known how promptly and severely they would react to Henry's little round around. Plus, no matter how unreal and impossible it might seem, Emma keeps remembering the dream and feeling inexplicably grateful to her.
Looking at Killian, she shrugs. "Thank you for being so quick to protect my baby, Jones," she says soothingly. "I didn't mean to seem ungrateful, but this obviously wasn't his poor teacher's fault. I'm going to give Henry a clear talking to while you guys finish straightening things out. He's the one that caused this scare by not showing up to meet Ruby."
He seems to agree, the jaw that has been clenched tightly since they arrived at the school, finally relaxing as he moves over to join Ruby and Henry's teacher. Emma feels the adrenaline draining from her quickly now that the fear is past, leaving her slack, dazed, and exhausted. She is more than happy to relinquish all control of the matter to their protectors, to let Killian and Ruby handle sorting out the mess, and simply wait on them to go home. However, she needs to make sure Henry understands what happened this afternoon first.
Walking him to the SUV, Emma puts Henry in the seat and begins explaining to him why he can't ever pull something like this again. She hugs him to her, smoothes a hand through his hair gently, and assures him of how much she loves him, but she also doesn't hesitate to lecture him on just how wrong and dangerous his actions were. He needs to understand that he could have been hurt – or taken – and that none of them would have known where he was to help.
Henry looks so sorry she almost regrets her fervor, holding onto her hand tightly and whispering, "I didn't mean to scare you, Mama," in a quavering voice. His big, brown eyes nearly spill over with tears when she tells him how frantic Ruby had been and that his favorite agent had blamed herself when she went to pick him up from school and he was nowhere to be seen.
Emma can tell that her little boy wants to go to his new best friend, hug her and make sure she isn't angry with him that very second. She holds him back for the moment though, wanting it to wait until the four of them are alone. In the meantime, she assures Henry that they all forgive him, they still love him, but they need him to be more aware and safe in the future. None of them want to lose him or see him get hurt.
Ms. Blanchard walks toward them at last, just as Emma lapses into silence. Her cheeks are oddly pink, a tiny smile just barely tilting the corners of her lips up, as she puts her jacket back on, slings her purse over her shoulder, and moves to walk past on the way to her car. She pauses near Emma and Henry. Giving her student a pat on the shoulder, she says, "See you on Monday, Jamie?" in a hopeful tone, her eyes sliding over to look at Emma, obviously seeking agreement.
Emma nods. "I'd rather not be frightened like that again anytime soon, but it was nice to meet you. This wasn't your fault, and I appreciate that Henry was safe and happy with you."
The other woman bobs her head in a quick motion of acceptance then moves off, leaving mother and son to wait again.
Henry sits still, not speaking a word or moving a muscle once his teacher is gone. For a child as inquisitive and active as Henry normally is, it's something of a shock to Emma, and shows just how remorseful he truly is. She hopes she hasn't poured on the guilt too thickly, or scared him more than necessary. Henry so rarely does anything which truly merits punishment, and so she often questions and second guesses herself when such discipline is necessary. She'd had no loving parents of her own to offer gentle correction when she was growing up, whom she could model herself after. Certainly, she had been punished and reprimanded in various ways and to differing degrees of severity in her numerous foster homes, but that only causes a shudder to run through her at the thought of Henry being treated similarly.
Emma is still lost in thought, her hand resting on Henry's knee, needing the contact with him, thumb rubbing almost unconsciously over his denim-clad leg, Henry's chubby hand resting on top of hers, when Ruby and Killian rejoin them. For a moment, Emma is puzzled by how much lighter the two agents seem as well, almost like they have just witnessed something funny that she has missed, but she pushes it aside to ask about later, for the moment simply ready to go home and put the last horrible hour behind them for good.
"Ready to head out, Lass?" Killian asks her, studying her face with gentle concern as he and Ruby come to stand before them.
Emma merely nods her agreement, but seeing Ruby, Henry stretches his arms out to her desperately, eyes begging Agent Lucas to come close enough for him to reach. Ruby does so without hesitation, and Henry rests his head on her shoulder, already telling her how sorry he is, and asking if she's mad and if they are still friends.
Ruby's tense expression and tired eyes light up once more with their usual vibrancy as she squeezes Henry tightly, wrapping him in a hug that he enthusiastically returns. The young woman and little boy exchange a few soft words that Emma can't hear before Ruby pulls back again. They look to Killian and Emma, ready to go. Killian wraps an arm around Emma's waist, offering support as though he can sense just how much her strength is truly flagging, and steers her to the passenger seat. Ruby moves to her own vehicle, and then they are on the way home.
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By the time they reach the old farmhouse – after stopping at a KFC for a belated supper, knowing no one wants to cook and clean up after the rollercoaster they've been on – Henry is already asleep, and Emma finds her own eyes terribly heavy-lidded as well. She watches Killian lift Henry easily from the vehicle and carry her baby upstairs to his room. When the agent tenderly turns down the blankets and puts him to bed, a strange twisting in her gut makes her realize the longing and want it kindles. She excuses herself to her own room and bed before she can do or say something foolish while her defenses are down. Emma remembers vividly how, when she had first met Graham, her heart had melted at seeing him play with Henry, how the first cracks in her walls had been made after seeing Graham care for her boy, listen to him, encourage him, and treat him like his own. Something similar stirs within her at the sight of Jones brushing Henry's bangs off his forehead and tucking the blanket up under his chin. Fleeing before that gets any further is imperative. She should know better than to let someone she could so easily lose in close enough to affect her.
Killian watches Emma go, knowing she is troubled, seeing something he cannot quite read in her lovely green eyes. As her bedroom door closes softly behind her, he takes a step forward, meaning to follow and find out if he can help, but then thinks better of intruding on what little privacy she has left and retreats back down the stairs.
A couple of hours later, as he heads to his own room to retire, Killian cannot stop himself from checking on his brave lass, shaking his head at his own audacity, even as he knocks on her door, both in interfering and in thinking of her as 'his lass' in the first place. He raps on the wooden surface softly with his knuckles and awaits a reply, but when he gets no answer, he tries the door, and it swings inward to admit him.
The lights are off, and Killian almost turns to leave, thinking Emma must be asleep. Then, he hears an odd noise and notices light shining out from under the door of the adjoining bathroom. Stepping closer, Killian hears the sounds again, grimly recognizing them for the definite signs of someone getting sick to her stomach.
Opening the bathroom door, he is struck still for a moment, wincing in sympathy and worried for her as he finds Emma sprawled on the tile floor, barely holding herself over the bowl of the toilet, limbs trembling with the effort it takes her to do so. She barely seems aware of his presence at first, and Killian crouches next to her, gathering her hair and pushing it back from her flushed, sweaty face. He had known something was upsetting her, that she was more shaken from the day's trauma than she let on, but he realizes as he sees the bottle of rum they had opened the night they watched Casablanca, which had been no more than half gone last he saw it, nearly empty on the floor. She has clearly snuck it from the cabinet and hidden in here trying to drown her fears alone rather than let herself admit to needing comfort, and the realization twists in his gut sickeningly as he scoots near enough to touch her clammy skin. Was there anything he could do to make this better? Or would the mere fact of his presence in her life at all only continue to make it worse? "Oh Swan," he murmurs, easing her limp frame to his side where she can slump against him weakly and stay upright. "What have you done to yourself?"
(Okay, so a couple little author's notes: For one, things will get a bit more emotionally intense next chapter after what I hope has been a nice build-up. So you have that to look forward to. Beyond there, things are going to get more intense plot-wise too.
Also, I just want to acknowledge that I realize it might be a bit farfetched for them not to have immediately notified the police/authorities when Ruby couldn't find Henry at the school, but if they had gotten all the other law enforcement people involved, and then it had been nothing, their identities, cover, etc. would have been blown and they would have had to move them again, even before they went back to Boston and risked them being in even more danger. I never had any intention of Henry actually being kidnapped or hurt by the bad guys. (I couldn't do that to a little kid!) Plus, I'm going with the theory that Killian truly believed there had to be some mistake and Henry was at the school somewhere.
Oh! And one more thing.. if you're wondering, there is a reason Henry's teacher seemed happier and was blushing when Emma saw her last, but you'll have to stick around to see how that plays out! ;)