Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.
Rated M for several reasons.
Chapter 5 Spittin' Feathers
BPOV
"So." I begin as Char and Felix sit across the table. "I'll only be gone for two days. Friday and Monday, it's a good opportunity for you to handover some stuff."
I scowl at Char but she remains stoic and to be honest I can understand why, heavily pregnant now she doesn't want to rip it up on Tanya's bachelorette weekend in Cancún, she's saving herself for Vegas.
"Char, I'm thinking the Salvor deal and the background on Cincinnati?"
"Yes Bella."
"Any questions?"
"Will you be out of contact?" Felix asks.
"I'm never out of contact." I snort and he nods.
"Unless she's forgotten to switch her cell back on." Char snickers reminding me of the time they had to send someone round to Jake's old apartment to pull me out of his bed when one of our ships sank.
...
"Thank fuck!" Rose exclaims as I emerge from baggage claim. "Alice has drunk herself insensible and Tanya's Mom has had an allergic reaction to the shellfish."
"Um?" I ask as she crushes me in her arms.
"Cyggers, I'm so glad you're here. Alice and Margaret are the liveliest ones, even unconscious, we're hanging out with department store dummies. It's like a fucking apocalypse movie! Fuck that, let me look at you, are you okay?"
She pulls back, holding my face in her Amazon hands.
"You look okay." She decides.
"Of course I do, it was ages ago."
"But you are okay?"
"Yes Rose, just like the other forty million times you've asked. But I am sweltering in this suit."
"Oops. Sorry. Let's get you to the hotel so you can change."
...
As soon as I'm alone I strip out of my clothes and stand under the shower.
Sun, sea and sand. Just what I need for a few days.
Washed and dried I don a dark blue bikini and grab a towel. One pale and pasty New Yorker, headed for the beach . . . .
...
Rose shoves a Mojito at me and directs me to the lounger next to hers.
"How the fuck." I demand, as I stretch out. "Can someone as blonde as you be so tan?"
"Effort." She growls. "Beige, remember? Stop bellyaching and catch up."
I settle back and close my eyes, revelling in the warmth on my skin.
"Where are they all?"
"Swimming."
I open one eye beneath my sunglasses. Identikit blonde heads are indeed moving sedately up and down the infinity pool, hair avoiding the water in a way that frankly defies nature but tells of years of concern for your appearance.
"You know Tanya." Rose drawls. "The one behind her in the ill advised red ensemble is Irina, her BFF. The bottle blonde is Jessica, she's riding higher in the water because of her fake tits. The bony shoulders belong to Carmen, she's English. And Butterball Blonde is Kate, Tanya's cousin."
"How are you getting on with them?" I ask innocently.
"They fucking hate me." She chuckles. "I've died and gone to heaven."
...
"Thank god!" Alice squeals as I venture into the hotel bar several hours later. "All the blonde is giving me eye strain."
We hug each other tight.
"Talking of blonde how's Jasper?"
"Busy." She sighs, steering me to the bar. "He's totally focussed on Vegas next week and he's got so much to get done first."
"Are you coming too?"
"Hell yes. Ernesto, Mojitos please, you know what I like. I can't wait." She lowers her voice. "I'm not sure what this is but it doesn't feel like much of a bachelorette party."
"Ali, you have high standards."
"I have low standards." She corrects as we gulp down our first drinks. "We trashed a hotel in Ireland. I don't think this lot could trash a dumpster."
"They're nice people." I offer by way of explanation.
"Fuck, Bella, I'm sorry. But nice is not a word I'd apply to these bitches, I don't know how Tanya can stand them. You'd better have another drink."
Okay, no arguments from me.
Rose joins us as we're finishing our second round.
"Ernesto, babe, Mojito me." She growls, plopping down on the stool next to mine.
"What's up?" Alice asks.
"Tanya's confiscated my dick." Rose complains, ripping the adornments from her Mojito and downing it in one gulp.
"Oh Rose." Alice commiserates, motioning for another round. "I'm so sorry."
"I'm confused." I admit.
"Alice and I clubbed together to get her a massive dick ice sculpture." Rose sighs. "Its fucking awesome, here."
She scrolls through her phone and then shoves it at me.
"Wow." Is all I can manage, it's as tall as the swarthy looking guy standing next to it with a chisel and mallet.
"I know right?" Rose starts her second drink more sedately. "She said her Mother wouldn't approve of it being in the photos. That's the other thing I'm pissed about, she's only gone and hired a fucking photographer without telling me. I'm sorry Bella."
I shrug, I'm used to being photographed, it would have been nice not to worry about it but what can you do? It's not my bachelorette party.
"She's got some deal with one of the gossip sites." Rose continues. "Fucker's coming to Vegas with us as well."
"What!" Alice almost shouts. "No way. I've been looking forward to Edward's Bachelor do for months, all of us back together again. How very fucking dare she?!"
Rose whips out an Amazonian arm, reaching easily across me, and trapping tiny Alice on her stool before she can storm off in search of the Bride to Be.
"Hold on there Shorty." Rose drawls. "It's her wedding, let's get through tonight and worry about it in the morning. I've already called Em, he'll work it out."
But Alice is still fulminating darkly when Tanya glides in with her Mother ten minutes later, both of them looking a million dollars.
Rose slides off her stool to greet them, ice blue eyes glittering dangerously in the half light.
Oh shit. Mayday, mayday, this celebration dinner is going down . . . .
"Margaret." She purrs, leading the Mom over. "This is Isabella Swan, a friend of mine and Edward's, I'm sure you've heard of her?"
"Of course." Margaret demurs as we air kiss in the prescribed manner. "I've read about many of your exploits."
I smile and turn to Tanya who is hovering.
"You look wonderful, are you excited for your big day?"
"Of course." She responds with a full on smile, wrapping her arm around my waist.
Pop and snap.
I smile brightly for the camera and then disengage myself and move away. I don't bear Tanya any ill will for her actions. I've found over the years that most people don't mean any harm in wanting to bask in my celebrity. And I've learned the hard way that some would walk over my still warm twitching body to get their name and face linked to mine in the press. I've chosen to deal with it as graciously as I can and not judge. And the photographer really doesn't bother me, even though I recognise his ratty little face and mean eyes, at least he isn't coming into dinner with us.
...
Eventually everyone else arrives and we're ushered into our private dining room, it's all a bit stiff and formal, but each to their own.
I'd expected, and been looking forward to, some local fare but the menu is decidedly tame, not that anyone but Alice, Rose and I, is actually eating much.
The champagne is flowing like concrete, probably getting sucked away by the awkward undercurrents.
Alice is sulking and texting on her cell.
Margaret, the shell fish intolerant, seems to have forgotten this fact and I'm beginning to suspect that her 'intolerance' might be more gin based.
Tanya's friends are so jealous of her I'm not surprised she's picked beige for them, it'll tone down the green nicely.
These women are all what you'd call 'nouveau riche'. Rose however is a blue blood through and through. She can trace her roots back past the Founding Fathers, a fact that is totally lost on this gathering. They'll suck up to me because I'm rich and famous but look down on Rose because she isn't, despite what she's done to orchestrate this classy celebration and Tanya's uber chic wedding in such a short space of time.
I've met her Dad, Tyrone Hale, a time or two through work, in fact his company is the only one I've ever bought and asset stripped. He's a grade A asshole who traded her Mom in for a younger sexier model once she'd given him Rose and he'd milked her for her old money and connections. Rose's Mom lost her fight with cancer the year before she started college so I never met her but Rose has more breeding in her little finger than these airheads could ever aspire to.
And it's showing, every time she whips out the 'ice pick' to correct their pronunciation, use of cutlery, posture or crass lack of culture.
"I am so sorry Tanya." She purrs once again. "But I know how much you do not want your wedding party sullied by poor manners."
This potentially poisonous pause, one of many, is broken by the arrival of the cake, tastefully iced with a couple kissing.
I kick Alice under the table and she looks up, bleary eyed, from sexting Jasper.
"Is it over?" She asks loudly and Rose and I laugh.
"No." Rose responds with glee. "Its time for the toasts and I get to go first as Chief Bridesmaid."
Oh dear god. Now she's drunk and dangerously glittery eyed . . . .
Rose gets to her feet, raising her re-filled champagne flute.
"We're here to celebrate Tanya's impending joining to our brother Edward, first time the rich and ridiculously good looking man's been mentioned all week, but what can you do?
Anyway.
I've been privileged to know Edward for many years and he's a good man, so I'm sure he's made an excellent decision where you're concerned. And its not like he's marrying your friends, so no worries there.
And let us not, absolutely not, make any mention of his colorful sexual history during this happy celebration. Except to say, Tanya, that practise makes perfect and Edward has had plenty of practise, which I am certain will move the earth on your wedding night.
Be jealous bitches, be very jealous!
Cheers!"
Rose raises her glass and drains it while I automatically pat Alice on the back as she chokes on her own champagne.
Silence.
Total. Stony. Silence.
"To Tanya and Edward!" I urge, draining my own glass.
...
"Shit." Rose groans, letting her forehead smack onto the sticky bar table between us.
"I'm sorry." I giggle. "But Rose, seriously, she's going to be your sister-in-law, what were you thinking?"
"Rose not think." She mumbles without sitting up. "Rose get drunk and vent spleen."
"Your beer's getting warm." I point out, taking a swig from mine.
She sniffs, sitting up and reaching for it one fluid motion.
"What is it?" She asks after she's taken a gulp.
"Some local brew." I shrug, looking round the bar we've escaped to.
"Fuck it." She decides, draining it. "At least this place has atmosphere. Let's dance!"
...
When we get back to the hotel some time later there's a message waiting for Rose at Reception.
"Fuck!"
"What?"
"I'm an awesome Chief Bridesmaid." She groans, handing it to me. "Bride's walked out on her own Bachelorette Party citing 'irreconcilable differences'."
"Shit, you'd better call Edward."
"Cell's in my room, let's go."
"Twenty seven missed calls." She groans when we get there. "One from Tanya. Ten from Em. Seven from Edward. Three from Alice. One from work and five, five, from Esme."
We listen to Tanya's first;
'Rose, I am so sorry if I offended you in any way which caused you to act out so viciously in front of my Mother and friends. I will see you at the Rehearsal Dinner the week after next, please understand that I only wish to hear from you in apology before that time. Unless there are any issues at the last bridesmaid's fitting I need to be made aware of.'
"Ouch." I murmur.
"Ouch my ass." Rose grumbles. "I've offended her so much she's still going to let me do all the work on her wedding."
Alice is next;
'Where are you?' In a hushed voice. 'I came back down and you two were gone. I'm going to hide out in my room, the bitches are still spitting feathers and poor Tanya looks like she's going to cry.'
Em;
'My . . . . Beguiling . . . . ungh . . . . Wife, I just thought you should know . . . . mmmmm . . . . that I'm missing you and . . . . fuck . . . . whacking off to that last photo we took of your . . . . mmmmm . . . . glistening petals . . . .'
"Ew." I protest, reddening.
"Sorry." She says, shutting off his moans. "He's a very visual person."
Esme;
'Rose, darling? Are you alright? Alice called. Please call me back, it doesn't matter what time.'
Alice;
'Rose, Esme wants you to call her. I told her not to worry since you're with Bella, I'd better be right, her cell's off . . . .'
"Shit!" I yelp, fishing it out of my purse and switching it back on.
Em again;
'Rose, Baby, Alice just called, please let me know you're okay. I'm going to try Cygger's cell.'
I check, I have a ton of messages, fucking thing was only off for about two hours after we fled the hotel . . . .
Edward, voice smooth as velvet despite his words;
'Rose? What the fuck have you done? I've just had a tongue lashing from Ma Denali. Call me. Please.'
"I think we've just about covered it." Rose sighs, ending her call to voicemail before another message can play.
"I'll use your bathroom while you call Em." I mutter, knowing she'll need him more than anyone right now.
"Okay." She sighs again. "Thanks."
I rattle around in there for as long as I can and then emerge to find her sprawled on the bed. She pats the expanse of white linen beside her and I throw myself on it, revelling in the bounce for a few moments.
"What did he say?" I ask when we've stopped jiggling.
"He laughed." She says with a shrug.
"Fair enough." I allow. "It was quite funny."
"Where do I start?" She asks after a few minutes.
"Apology to the Bride?"
"Not yet, I can't even begin to find the words."
"Esme?"
She dials and I take her free hand for moral support, using the other to text Alice and let her know we're back . . . .