Title: Home Is Where The Heart Is
Fandom: Once Upon a Time
Characters: Emma Swan, Regina Mills, Henry Mills, Captain Hook, Walsh, Snow White, Prince Charming, Granny, Zelena, Robin Hood
Category: Romance, Angst, Drama, Memory Loss (I mean, it's Once. According to canon it's not possible to write a story without memory loss.) Canon Divergence AU
Rating: M, for swearing and such
Word count: 57,406 (total)
Summary: Emma Swan is no one's fool. She's certainly not going to drink the strange liquid that the creepy Ren Faire Reject that's been stalking she and her son is offering her in the middle of the street - even if they are in front of a police station. So what's a girl to do? Nothing but go home and get engaged to the great guy in her life. And everything is pretty amazing until her son disappears without a trace. Then she has to go track him down in some tiny town in Maine populated by the strangest people she's ever met and a woman her son has unexpectedly bonded with.
Spoilers/Timeline: For Season 3, beginning with "Going Home"
Author's Note: Many thanks to Oparu for the beta and Race for the suggestions. This fic is better because of them.
The harsh light of the waiting room seemed especially glaring at this late hour of the night. Regina closed her eyes and wished she could fall asleep. It had been a long day, full of danger, fear and too much magic. She was too restless to relax though, even with the reassuring sounds of Henry sitting beside her playing games on her phone.
"Hey." Emma's voice was low like maybe she was hoping Regina had been able to sleep.
"Miss Swan," Regina responded, opening her eyes and sitting up.
Emma wrinkled her nose at Regina's formality and Regina stifled a smile. It wouldn't do to let Emma know she enjoyed that bit of banter. "Snow and the baby are fine. Whale's run every test on them he can think of and junior's doing good. He's eaten and slept and, well..." Emma grimaced again.
Regina couldn't help it. She laughed. "He did what baby's do best," she suggested.
"Yeah, that," Emma agreed. "Anyway, Snow wants to see you."
Regina's blood froze in her veins. She and Snow hadn't spoken since Zelena's hand on her heart had forced her into Snow's hospital room and sent her after the infant. Emma and Henry had accompanied Snow, David and the baby back to the hospital while Regina and Robin Hood had escorted Zelena to the sheriff's station and locked her in one of the cells.
It was when they had stripped Zelena of the jewel that contained her powers that Robin suggested laying protective spells around the jail and her cell specifically.
"There are many folk she hurt who might be out for vengeance," Robin pointed out and Regina had agreed.
"People and the Dark One," Regina added. She had been thinking and Zelena had been responsible for the death of his son. There was no way that Rumpelstiltskin would just let that go. She had done the spells as best she could and added the protection of light magic to it. Then she had left Robin to watch over her until Emma could get her sheriff station back in order. It was the best she could do.
When she had arrived at the hospital, she had found Emma and Henry waiting outside Snow's room. Eventually David had come out to get Emma and now Emma had come to get Emma. It was starting to feel like some elaborate ceremony and Regina wished she knew what Snow had planned. She wouldn't put it past Snow.
"David and I will stay out here with the kid," Emma said, as if that was what Regina was worried about.
Regina managed not to roll her eyes and stood. Best to face this and get it over with. She owed Snow that much at least. Regina stopped just inside the door and made no move to come any closer to Snow or the babe. "Snow."
"Emma told me what happened. That your sister had stolen your heart and you had no choice but to do what you did," Snow said. She couldn't hold Regina's eyes for long, constantly glancing down at the infant in her arms. Not as Regina had thought at first because she couldn't stand to look at Regina, but she was that besotted with the child. Snow stroked his cheek with the back of finger and gazed upon him with adoring eyes. Regina remembered those days with Henry.
"That's true," Regina said. She wasn't comfortable with that explanation. It seemed like too much of an excuse for her actions. She should never have allowed things to get so far out of hand today. "Snow-"
"I was angry," Snow cut her off. "I wanted to destroy you, tear you limb from limb for taking my child from me again."
Regina met her gaze without blinking. "I would feel the same."
"I know," Snow said. "But I don't want to feel that way. We were a team in the Enchanted Forest - you, David and I. I don't want to lose that. It was... nice. Really nice after years of fighting each other. I don't want to go back to that."
Regina felt it coming in the same way she had felt Zelena's spell building earlier. Snow was going to ask her for something, something huge and outrageous and because Regina owed her, she would give it to her. This, at least, was familiar. "Of course not, dear," Regina agreed, wishing she could go, that she was back in her home with Henry and Emma already.
"I'm so glad you agree," Snow said with an eager smile. "David and I were discussing godparents earlier. Who we would want to be there for our child if we couldn't be. We thought about asking Emma to be her godmother, but we want Emma to be able to be a big sister without having to play any other roles."
"Thoughtful of you," Regina murmured under her breath. Snow didn't pause to acknowledge the comment.
"So instead we decided to ask you. Will you be our son's godmother?" Snow asked, still smiling like she was giving Regina the biggest treat. "Please, say yes. I want you to know I understand. You didn't do it on purpose. You did everything you could to protect him and we wanted to honor that."
Regina opened her mouth to say yes. "No." The word hung heavy in the air between them.
"Regina-" Snow began.
Regina held up a hand to cut her off. "I love Henry with my whole heart. I would do anything for him, and you're right. While we were in the Enchanted Forest, I came to see you and David as a family of sorts, but I won't do this." She stepped closer to Snow. "You may have forgotten why I tried to kill you, but I haven't. I saved a child and what that child wanted was considered so important I had no choice but to obey her father and my mother's whim. I lost any chance for the life I chose, the man I loved. I was sworn to protect and care for the child that I had saved and came to hate more than anyone else in the world. I destroyed myself and everyone I loved because of her. I won't do it again."
"Regina, I," Snow spluttered. "It's not the same."
"No, it's not," Regina said. "But I won't do it. I can't." She raised her chin at Snow. "If you care for me at all, don't ask me to do this."
Snow watched her in silence for a long moment before she finally nodded. "Will you hold him at least before you go?"
Sometimes Regina wondered why Snow put them both through this. She could see the way Snow's fingers were curled into the boy's blanket. Snow didn't want to let him go and for all that Snow irritated her at times, she didn't want to torture Snow today. Regina wanted go home with her family. "Very well," Regina said and stepped forward. She wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible, but instead she perched on the edge of Snow's bed, letting her heels slip off her feet and clatter to the floor. Perhaps Snow would appreciate that it would be hard to run away like this. "Hand him here."
Snow's hands shook as she put him in Regina's arm, but she managed to let him go without hesitation. Regina wondered how long it had been before Snow had let even David take him. "He's beautiful," Regina said, and as newborns went, he was. "Have you and David decided on a name for him yet?"
"No," Snow said, her expression softening as she watched him. Her gaze flicked up to Regina. "We could name him after you." Snow's lips quirked upwards in a teasing smile and Regina shook her head.
"Please don't."
"No? Reginald has a nice ring to it," Snow prodded.
Regina rolled her eyes. "Don't make me rescue the child for his own good."
Snow's grin was tremulous, but there, less brittle than it had been before. "I guess we'll come up with something else then. I wouldn't want to do that to you." Snow squeezed Regina's arm where she held the baby and Regina nodded to show that she had heard Snow's less than subtle meaning. Things were settled between them now as much as they ever were.
"Name him well, dear," Regina said, depositing him back in Snow's arms. "It should mean something more than putting the end of an old feud on his shoulders. We've done that well enough already." She left without a backwards glance. In time she and Snow would be easy again. It seemed they always were.
The mansion was dark. Henry slept in his own bed at the far end of the hall. Soft snores drifted out from his room and brought a tired smile to Regina's lips as she came up the last step to the second floor. Despite the length of the day, Regina had taken a moment to clean up the first floor of the mansion. Henry's shoes were tucked into the hall closet just inside the front door, Emma's jacket was hung up and the few dishes left from breakfast were done up. The phone was hung back up in its cradle from where she had dropped it when Regina had popped into the dining room to talk to her. Everything was as right as Regina could make it before she had ascended the stairs to her own room.
It hadn't taken much prodding to send to Henry to bed when they had finally gotten home. Regina had allowed him to negotiate her up to one cup of hot chocolate before bed. It had nothing to do with the way Emma had lingered downstairs, lurking from room to room, but gradually circling closer until Emma claimed the cup Regina had set on the corner of the island for her without a word. She had drunk it with small, eager sips that seemed to ease the tension from her shoulders with each one. Regina was sorry to see that Emma had still looked tense and guarded when she had gone the long way around the island to avoid brushing against Regina and carefully washed and dried her mug, setting it up in the cabinet without ever meeting Regina's eyes. Emma had slipped away with a mumble of thanks before Henry had finished his and Regina couldn't go after her yet. Henry swore he was fine and that Hook hadn't done anything to hurt him, but he still looked pale to Regina. Exhaustion chased as Regina climbed the stairs. The hall was dark except for the nightlight she had always kept at the far end for Henry. Soft snores drifted out of his room and Regina smiled. She hesitated at the top of the stairs and then turned toward his room. Despite hearing his snores, she needed to see him for herself, sleeping peacefully in his own bed.
The door was open a crack and Regina wondered if Emma had already been in. There was no sign of her when Regina went inside, just Henry sprawled face-down across his bed, one foot dangling over the side. The covers lay down around his mid-back. Regina couldn't resist the urge to pull them up around his shoulders to keep him from getting cold in the middle of the night. She wanted to touch him, brush his hair back from his face and reassure herself that he was real. Surely of all the things Regina might have hallucinated that resulted in returning Henry to her, she wouldn't have dreamed up this. Regina made herself take a step back and then another until she was out in the hallway. It went against every instinct she possessed, but she had learned not to hold on to Henry so hard. He wouldn't thank her for it and it was time to start remembering that. He was really back now and he wasn't going anywhere. They had time. She and Emma had seen to that.
Closing the door behind her, Regina caught a glimpse of light spilling out from the guest room down the hall where she had put Emma days ago when she had arrived back in Storybrooke. She didn't intend to do anything more than glance in the room as she went past, but she caught sight of Emma throwing jeans and tank tops into a bag as she passed. Regina froze and stepped back to stand in the doorway, folding her arms over chest. "Going somewhere?" Regina asked, not even trying to keep the irritation out of her voice.
"Yeah," Emma muttered without looking up. "I didn't think you'd appreciate the intrusion and Snow wants me to come back to the apartment."
Something inside Regina began to unclench. "You're wrong. You're welcome to stay here as long as you like." Regina tried to smile. "I think Henry liked having both of us here."
"Thanks," Emma said. She slapped the tank into her duffel and then stood up, hands on her hips. She was breathing harder than was necessary for what she had been doing when she looked up at Regina. "I'm in a pretty shit place right now." Emma winced and shook her head. "Not here, here, but you know." Her gaze was pleading and defiant, seeking understanding for how she had misspoken, but frustrated too. "I have terrible taste in men and I just remembered I gave my kid up for adoption and, and-" Her voice quavered, but it wasn't with tears or weakness. Regina recognized that tremble. It was barely suppressed rage. "I had this beautiful thing, but it was all crap."
"You did your best for Henry," Regina said softly. "You always have." It hurt to say. It hurt to even think it, but she could admit now that Emma had always had Henry's best interests at heart. Even if her actions had been wildly inappropriate.
"I don't fucking care, Regina," Emma snapped, taking a step forward. "You gave us this amazing life. We were happy in New York, and then-" She sucked in a ragged, gasping breath. "Then it was gone, like a crumpled up tissue."
There were many things Regina could say to that. She could point out that it wasn't all lies, that the love that Emma and Henry had shared was real. That the time they had spent together in the city hadn't been lies, could never be taken away from the two of them. But she didn't. Regina knew that feeling, grasping for the most wonderful thing in her life, the only thing that had mattered, and finding it gone. She wouldn't apologize either, for Emma's loss, not when it had brought Henry back to her. She could regret it for Emma, but not regret that it had happened, not for an instant. She wouldn't feed Emma motivational horseshit either. Hope. That was Snow's department. "I know." Regina picked up Emma's hand and held it loosely between hers, turning it back and forth. She brushed her thumb over Emma's knuckles. "Can you feel it?" Regina asked. "The rage burning through your veins?" Emma hesitated then gave a jerky nod. Regina's lips pressed into a tight grin. "It's like an animal. You can try to cage it, but more you keep it in, it eats its way out from the inside until there's nothing left."
"If I let it go," Emma breathed, her hand trembling in Regina's grasp.
"-you might not get it back." Regina finished the thought for her. "You might do terrible things."
"I would," Emma ground out. "I saw that kid today in Snow's arms and I-" her teeth clenched shut over whatever she might have been about to say.
"You looked at him and you wanted to reach into his chest, rip out his heart and crush it in your hand while Snow watched?" Regina suggested, moving closer to Emma. "Or something else? Something bloodier, more satisfying? What did you want to do to him, Emma?"
"I can't," Emma said in a strangled whisper. "I can't say it."
"You can always tell me," Regina said. "You can't imagine what I've thought, what I felt. What I dreamed of doing to Snow. She was a child too, when I married Leopold. And I wanted to strangle her, take her necklace in my hands and pull it tight around her throat until she was gasping and choking right there in front of me. I wanted that more than I wanted my next breath. Do you understand, Emma?"
"I wanted to hurt him," Emma breathed, her head dropping to Regina's shoulder. "I wanted him to be gone." Regina touched her hip, steadying her. "I'm a horrible person."
"No," Regina said firmly. "It makes you hurt - in pain - and worse because Snow's oblivious, but nothing's wrong with you. It's how you feel, not who you are."
Emma laughed, but it wasn't a happy sound. "How I feel," she murmured, echoing Regina's words back to her. "I feel lots of confusing shit."
"Mmm," Regina made a noncommittal noise.
"You had this chance," Emma said, raising her head to stare at Regina again. "You could have had Henry to yourself again. Round two, but you would have been better prepared this time. Know where all my weak spots are." She looked up at Regina with bleary, confused eyes. "But you didn't do it. You were nice to me." She wrinkled her nose. "It was weird, but really cool."
"Well, yes," Regina said and cleared her throat. It was hard to admit even now. Niceness wasn't what she was known for. "For Henry." She looked down. "And I didn't want to fight with you again. Neither of us win when we fight over Henry. It wasn't a mistake I wanted to repeat." She couldn't imagine if it had been worse than the poisoned pastry. True Love's Kiss might work once - or maybe even twice - but it couldn't be counted upon to fix everything.
"That's all?" Emma asked, looking up at Regina from beneath a few strands of blonde curls that had fallen across her face.
"No," Regina admitted in a whisper. It was too fragile of a thing to be mentioned out loud, could barely be thought of or it would break, shatter into a thousand ruined pieces never to be put back together again.
"Okay," Emma said as if she got it, and maybe she did. If anyone would, Regina thought, it would be Emma. The back of her fingers, her skin dry, chapped and a little rough, brushed Regina's chin, then fell away again. "Can I kiss you?" Emma asked, her voice low and husky. Her eyes seemed drawn to Regina's lips, but flicked up to capture Regina's gaze, searching for her answer.
It wasn't the first time Emma had asked this, but then knowledge had held Regina back. She had known more about who Emma was in that moment, than Emma had. It hadn't seemed fair to kiss Emma when she couldn't remember their history, taking something that hadn't been granted to her. But she hadn't been able to bring herself to turn Emma down either. She had let Emma kiss her and here Emma was now with all her memories, asking to kiss Regina again. Regina didn't answer her.
She leaned forward, brushed the strands of Emma's hair back away from Emma's face, slipped her hand behind Emma's head and pressed her lips against Emma's. There was none of the hesitance of before. This wasn't their first kiss. It was urgent, not sweet or easy. Regina sank her teeth into Emma's bottom lip and sucked. Emma groaned and pressed herself against Regina until their bodies were flush. She nipped back and heat flashed up Regina's neck and across her cheeks. She wanted more. Regina could see Emma beneath her, naked and spread out on top of her sheets, panting and begging at Regina's touch. She could feel Emma taut as a bowstring, reacting to every stroke of Regina's hand across her skin, shivering at Regina's breath across her ear, the scrape of Regina's teeth against her pulse point. The promise of it was all there in their kiss. All it would take was a little push.
Emma jerked away. "Stop." She was bent over, hands on her knees as she stared up at Regina. "I can't do this now."
Regina's head was spinning, dizzy from the taste of Emma's lips, from everything she had seen between them. It would be so easy… but Emma had said. Of course, they couldn't. She was the Evil Queen and Emma was the Savior, Snow White's daughter. Regina straightened, drawing armor back around her in one breath, and ignored the way she was shaking.
"But," Emma said, watching Regina with wary eyes. "We could do this again sometime."
Was Emma holding her breath, waiting on tenterhooks for Regina's answers? Regina thought she might be, but it could be her imagination that Emma wasn't breathing. She wanted it to be, Regina realized. She wanted Emma to care, but first she had to know. She had already turned down one Charming this evening. If this was more of the same… "Is this about Snow, to forget?" Regina asked, turning away. She could handle the answer, whatever it might be, but if it was that she needed to know now. Needed to brace herself. Regina had worn her heart on her sleeve once. It hadn't gone well.
"No," Emma blurted, shooting up so quickly Regina almost laughed. Smooth Emma Swan was not. "No," Emma repeated, holding Regina's eyes. "I meant it earlier. My head's all fucked up right now." Her brows furrowed. "I thought I'd found this great guy. I said yes. I told him I would marry him and he turned out to be a flying monkey sent to keep an eye on me by the Wicked Witch of the West. Hook betrayed me and my kid, stalked me and expected me to be grateful." Emma shrugged. "I don't know what would have happened if I had remembered everything with Walsh, but I thought it was real. I wanted it to be real." Her eyes were pleading with Regina to understand again. "I don't know how to just turn that off, but every time I think about them I want to…" Her hands curled into fists at her sides. "It hurts. I want to make them hurt. I just want it to stop and it won't."
"It will," Regina said. "Eventually. It takes time."
"How long?" Emma demanded roughly.
Regina lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. "It took me three decades."
Emma stared and then laughed and sank down on the bed next to her duffel. The bed only sank a little beneath her weight. "Your pep talks are better than Snow's."
"Of course," Regina said as if it had never been in doubt. She took a step back but a smile was curling across her lips. "You'll stay here tonight." It was part question, part statement.
"I'll be here in the morning," Emma said with a nod.
"Good night, Emma," Regina said, still backing away. She caught a glimpse of the smile that flashed across Emma's face as she started down the hall to her own room and knew Emma had caught it, the use of her given name. It was a beginning.
When Henry padded downstairs the next morning, his mom was sitting on the couch. Steam rose from the mug of coffee in her hand as she stared out at nothing. She didn't look sad though, just contemplative. Henry grinned. It was pretty awesome that they were all back here together. There had been a time - the whole trip from the city back to Storybrooke - when he hadn't known if he would ever see his mom or the rest of his family ever again. Remembering them and not having them be there would have been even more horrible than discovering his mom was the Evil Queen, his town was full of storybook characters and his mom didn't love him. Or at least that's what he had thought at the time. Now he knew better, but Henry hadn't been able to keep himself from imagining it the entire time it had taken to get back home.
Without another word, Henry sank down beside Regina on the couch and pressed up against her side. She looked down at him and smiled, reaching out with one hand to comb her fingers through his hair and then letting her arm fall across his shoulders. Henry sank into her embrace without a word, content to sit with her in silence. Her hand ran idly up and down his arm and Henry let his eyes fall closed. He wouldn't be able to sit still long. He was hungry and there was a bunch of stuff he wanted to do today, but he wanted to savor this moment, sink it into his brain so he would never forget it. It would be there when he needed it.
The stairs creaked again and Henry glanced up to see Emma descending slowly. He grinned at her and squeezed Mom's knee. "Hey, Mom," he called. He hadn't missed the trepidation in the way she had slowed even more when she had seen him watching her.
His smile started to feel strained when Emma didn't respond, her gaze flicking over to Regina, but then she focused on him again. "Hey, kid." She ruffled his hair too. What was it with his moms and his hair? "Is there room on this couch for one more?"
"Oh, yeah," Henry said, scooting a little closer to Mom. Regina didn't protest; her hold on him tightened.
Emma dropped onto the couch beside him and folded herself into the small space left, bringing her knees up to her chest. Her toes were like blocks of ice where she tucked them under his leg.
"You should start wearing socks to bed, Mom," Henry said looking over at her solemnly. On his other side, Regina snorted. Her arm left his shoulders for a moment and she passed something behind him. He caught a whiff of the rich, bitter scent of coffee just the way Regina liked it.
"Take this before you freeze our son to death," Regina said, but Henry could tell by the way that she said - and the "our son" - that she wasn't really mad.
"Thanks," Emma murmured. It was barely audible but Henry was grinning as Emma reached out slowly to take the mug from Regina. Their fingers brushed as they exchanged the mug and Emma started grinning too. He wasn't sure what that was about, but Emma definitely looked happier as she accepted the mug from Regina and took a sip. Maybe it was the caffeine hit. Emma was always grumpy before her first cup of coffee. But she looked way happier than that as she held the cup of coffee out from her on the back of the couch and propped her chin on her knees to grin over at both of them. "So what are we doing today?"
There were no villains in town today. Everyone had their memories back and there were no curses to vanquish. He had a new baby uncle. They could do anything. Henry knew exactly what they could do. He twisted around to look over at Regina. "We should put the pictures back up today. We took them down so you wouldn't suspect anything when you were staying here," Henry said, turning back to explain to Emma. "But now that you remember, they can go back up." Emma smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. Henry frowned. He hadn't meant to make her sad. "Do you think we could make copies of some of the pictures we had in the apartment and put them up here with mine and Mom's?"
Emma's smile was more genuine this time and Henry relaxed. "Sounds great, Kid." She glanced past him again. "And maybe your mom could come with us when we go get our stuff. If the curse will let her. I think she might like to see where you lived. What your school was like, that kind of thing."
"I would love that," Regina said, smiling at Emma. "I saw Boston once when I..." She trailed off and Henry realized it must have been when she had adopted him. He suddenly wondered if she had known she would be okay if she had crossed the town line or if she had wondered if the consequences of the curse applied to her too. How much had she risked for him. "But I haven't seen much of the rest of this world except in pictures. I think it would be interesting."
"We'll hit all the tourist traps just for you, Regina," Emma teased, but Regina didn't seem to mind at all.
"I know what we need to do first," Henry declared.
"Breakfast?" Emma suggested.
"Always thinking with your stomach, Miss Swan?" Regina asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Better than with my-" Emma started to retort and then cut herself off to stare down at her knees.
Henry wasn't sure he wanted to know what that was about. Turning to Regina, he asked, "Can I borrow your phone, Mom?"
"Of course, dear," she said and handed it to him without question. Henry grinned triumphantly.
"C'mon," Henry said as he opened the camera app and held it out in front of the three of them. "We need a new picture for the wall."
I'd like to just say thank you to all of you for sticking with me through this story and for the wonderful feedback that you've left. It makes me very happy to know people have appreciated this story.
cashmerecandycane was awesome enough to make some wonderful, gorgeous fan art to go along with this fic. You can check it out at [forwards slash] works [forward slash] 4679027.
And I can be found on both twitter and tumblr as Jaina47. Thank you so much for reading!