"Excuse me. My husband, Deacon Claybourne, isn't in his room. Do you know where he is?" Rayna asked at the nurse's station.
It was just after 8am Monday morning. She and Mason were back to see how Deacon was doing and wait for his test results.
"Oh, Yes, Mrs. Claybourne. He said you might be here before he got back to his room. The doctor reviewed his blood work from last night and decided to run a few more tests. He's been taken to imaging for a CT scan. He should be back anytime if you'd like to wait in his room." An older nurse told Rayna as she rushed around preparing daily charts
"A CT scan? Why? What is the doctor looking for?" Rayna asked concerned
"I'm not really sure, but the doctor is here. I'm sure he'll explain everything after he reviews the CT scan. Sorry I can't tell you more now." The nurse apologized
20 minutes later as Mason and Rayna waited a young, male nursed wheeled Deacon back into the room and helped him into bed. Rayna could tell instantly just from the look on Deacon's face, he was not in a good mood.
"Good morning, babe. How are you feeling?" Rayna asked once Deacon was situated in bed and the nurse had left the room
"Crappy!" Deacon snapped
"What's wrong? Are you feeling sick?" Rayna tried to keep a cheerful disposition
"No! I'm just damn tired of bein poked, prodded, woke up, questioned. I just want the hell outta here. They had to run more damn tests. They wouldn't let me eat, or have coffee. I have a headache from hell." He irritatedly snapped again
"OK, are you done with testing? I'll be right back. I'll ask at the nurse's station if you can have food." Rayna said as she left the room
"Hey, Dad. I'm really sorry about last night." Mason quietly said from the corner afraid to be Deacon's next target
"We'll talk about it later. You really should be in school. There's nothing you can do here. We're just waiting for tests." Deacon replied with a flat tone barely looking Mason's direction
"OK, I'll leave if you don't want me here." Mason sadly said as he left the room
"Hey, MASON! I didn't mean…." Mason was gone before Deacon could stop him
"Deacon! What did you say to Mason?" Rayna accusingly asked as she came back in the room with a cup of vending machine coffee for Deacon
"Why the hell did you even bring him here this morning?" Deacon asked
"He feels horrible about last night. He's worried about you. What happened anyway? I didn't walk in until you were flat on your back on the floor. Did he push you? Are you mad at him?" Rayna asked
"Yeah, but I grabbed him first. It was just a knee jerk reaction. I know he didn't mean to hurt me. I'm not mad at him." Deacon sighed
"Well maybe you should tell him that. He thinks you hate him, Deacon!" Rayna said losing patience with Deacon's foul mood
"Alright, I'll talk to him tonight. Just get him outta here right now, please? I can't deal with him right now, OK?" Deacon asked swallowing a growing lump in his throat
"Why? What's going on? What did the doctor say about your blood tests from last night? Why did they need a CT scan?" Rayna asked
"Ray, just take Mason to school. We'll talk when you get back. The doctor should have my CT scan results by then too."
"Deacon, what is it you don't want to tell me?"
"RAYNA, PLEASE? Just get Mason out of here. I don't want him here for this." Deacon snapped again
"OK, here's your coffee. They said you can eat. They're bringing you some breakfast. I'll be right back." Rayna said handing him the coffee
"Thanks. I'm sorry I'm so crabby. Tell Mason I'm sorry. I'll see him at home tonight." Deacon said voice cracking as he took the coffee
Rayna bent to kiss Deacon's cheek. He put the coffee down and wrapped his arms around her. A few tears slid down his cheeks. He was trying hard to keep it together as he pulled her closer and buried his face in her hair. He tried to brush away the tears before she saw them, but it was too late.
"Deacon…it's bad, isn't it?" She asked her own voice cracking
"We'll know more after the doctor reviews the CT scan. Just take Mason to school. I love you, Ray."
"I love you too. I'll be right back. I want to know everything when I get back, OK?"
Deacon simply nodded yes, afraid he'd lose it if he spoke again. Rayna bent to kiss his lips. He pulled her to him and deepened the kiss. He hugged her tight again taking in the scent of her shampoo as he held her for several seconds.
"C'mon, Mace. I'm gonna take you to school. It's just gonna be a long morning of waiting for medical tests here." Rayna said as Mason sulked in the waiting area a few doors away from Deacon's room
"He hates me, doesn't he?" Mason asked as Rayna pulled out of the hospital parking deck
"No, sweetie. He loves you. He's not mad at you. He's just in a bad mood, and having a really bad morning." Rayna said trying not to cry in front of Mason
"Then, why does he want me to leave?" Masons asked
"I dunno, Mace. I don't know what's going on yet. We'll talk more about it tonight when we know more." Rayna said as Mason climbed out of her Escalade and slammed the door
She watched him until he disappeared into the building before grabbing her cell.
"Yes, this is Rayna Claybourne. My son Mason, is late this morning. I just dropped him off. He'll be in class in a few minutes. His father is in the hospital. He'll also have a court date sometime this week and possibly be late or absent entirely one day."
"Yes, I'm aware he's missed a lot of school. We're having some issues, but we're dealing with him." Rayna explained
"I understand it's become a truancy issue. His father and I are aware of the problem. We're dealing with it. As I said…He's late this morning because his father is in the hospital, and will be later this week because he has a court date. Look, I really can't deal with this right now. I need to get back to the hospital to be with my husband. My husband already spoke with Principal Riley. What more would you like us to do? Mason is there now. I just dropped him off." Rayna was getting irritated with the private schools receptionist, and her accusations.
"FINE! Look, please have Principal Riley call me later tonight. There's really nothing more I can say. I've explained that his father is sick, and I've told you he has a court date. He can't exactly skip a court date, can he? So what is it you expect me to do at this point?" Rayna was getting pissed as the receptionist continued to give her grief over Mason's absences. She finally just hung up on the woman, and made her way back to the hospital.
A doctor Rayna hadn't seen was talking to Deacon as she entered his room.
"This is my wife, Rayna. This is my oncologist Dr. Caleb Rand." Deacon introduced them as Rayna came up beside his bed.
"Nice to meet you, Rayna. Do you have any questions, Deacon? Would you like me to stay and explain anything to Rayna?"
"ahhh…No, I'll fill her in. Thanks doc. See you shortly." Deacon said as Doctor Rand turned to leave
"Nice to meet you too, Doctor Rand." Rayna said concerned as he left the room
"Oncologist…like cancer?" Rayna asked holding back tears after the doctor left
"Yeah, sit down, Ray." Deacon quietly said as he took her hand and squeezed it
He looked away, towards the window. The sun was steaming through on a beautiful, sunny, June morning. He seemed to be struggling to find the right words.
"You been houndin me for months to see a doctor. You were right. I should have listened when I didn't get any better. You always used to tell me my drinkin was gonna kill both of us. You were half right." He started to explain as his eyes filled with tears
"Deacon….How bad is it? What kind of cancer?" Rayna struggled to hold back tears
"Apparently, I've had undiagnosed cirrhosis for years. Now it's a large tumor on my liver." Deacon explained looking away again, not able to face the hurt and pain on Rayna's face.
"OK…well…there are lots of treatment options, right? Chemo? Radiation? Surgery?" Rayna asked hopeful
"Doctor Rand is reviewing all the tests again. I'm released to go home, but we need to swing by his office for a full consultation. He's gonna give me a few prescriptions to help with symptoms."
"What symptoms, Deacon? What didn't you tell me about?" Rayna asked feeling angry
"You noticed the fever, but I've had confusion, light headedness, blood in my stools, tender swollen stomach, weakness. The guys in the band have been great, but they've noticed the disorientation. I've missed cue's." Deacon looked away again
"Why the hell didn't you say anything, Deacon?" Rayna asked as her eyes filled with tears
"I dunno, Ray. I just thought I was gettin older and I was tired from life on the road, all the junk food? Ya know? I never imagined it was this bad. I quit drinkin 15 years ago. I guess it just took this long to catch up with me." His voice was cracking. He was trying hard to keep it together for Rayna
"C'mere…I'm soo sorry, Ray. I hate like hell that I'm gonna put you and the kids through this." He pulled Rayna close. She climbed into the bed with him. They held each other and cried for several minutes.
"You're gonna beat this, Deacon. I'm not ready to give up, or let go. We've been through too much and come too far. Please don't leave me like this." Rayna sobbed against his chest
30 minutes later they sat in Doctor Rand's office waiting for the full consultation and treatment options. Deacon held Rayna's hand tight. He was trying to stay strong, but all he really wanted to do was run and hide away from everything. He wanted to spare Rayna and his kids all the pain and hurt that was coming, but he knew there was no way to do that.
"OK, I've reviewed all of your tests, bloodwork, and scans." Doctor Rand said as he sat behind his desk with Deacon's file in front of him.
"Normally, I'd suggest Chemo to shrink a tumor, but this one is already pretty large, and with the advanced cirrhosis I'm afraid we don't have that kind of time. It would weaken your immune system delaying the possibility of transplant. I think your best chance is if we go straight to transplant."
"So, you're saying his only treatment option is a liver transplant?" Rayna said tightening her grip on Deacon's hand
"There are several clinical trials and experimental treatment options, but in Deacon's already progressed case, all they would really do is delay his chances for transplant. His immune system would be compromised and we'd have to wait to do a transplant. I'm not sure he has that kind of time."
"Bottom line…If I don't get a transplant, How much time do I have?" Deacon asked
"I don't like to throw numbers out, Mr. Claybourne. We're going to do everything we can to keep you comfortable and find a donor. That's what you need to focus on."
"Yeah, well…ballpark…I'd like some idea here. Are we talkin years, months, weeks?" Deacon asked getting angry
"Let's just get you on the national donor registry and see how it goes. You can also have friends, family get tested to see if anyone is a match. The liver is an organ that we can harvest from a live donor. It regenerates itself."
"How do I get tested now, as soon as possible?" Rayna asked voice cracking
"We start with blood type. Deacon is an O positive. He can only receive from O positive and negative donors."
"I'm AB positive. So I'm not an option?" Rayna asked sadly
"No, I'm afraid not. The best compatibility usually comes from full blood siblings." Doctor Rand explained
"He does have a sister." Rayna told the doctor as Deacon shot her a dirty look, and dropped her hand
"OK, if she's willing to get tested the sooner the better." Doctor Rand said
"So anyone can get tested and he'll also go on a national registry?" Rayna asked trying to understand everything
"Yes, and in the meantime I'm going to prescribe some things that will help alleviate symptoms he's been having. Here's a recommended list of foods and a low sodium diet plan."
"Any other questions?"
"Not right now. I'm sure I'll have a lot as time goes on. Thank you Doctor Rand." Rayna said as she took the paperwork from him
"So, you really can't give me a timeframe?" Deacon snapped as he stood up
"Again, I don't like to speculate or deal in numbers. Everyone is different. Focus on now."
"That's goddamnn easy to say when it's not your life. I have 3 kids and a grandson, another grandbaby on the way. I'd like to know if I'll even be here to see him or her born in 7 months." Deacon snapped
"Deacon, please…" Rayna begged and tried to grab his hand
"I'm sure it all seems so damn easy when you're not the one dyin!" Deacon pulled away from Rayna's grasp and slammed the office door on his way out
"I'm sorry. I'll try to talk to him." Rayna apologized as she got up
"No problem. His reaction is pretty normal. He'll probably be angry for a while, and possibly go through a denial period, maybe an emotional period. If you have any questions or just need to talk, my office number is in the paperwork. Call anytime."
"Thank you." Rayna said as she quickly left to catch up with Deacon
"Deacon, will you please slow down and wait for me?" Rayna yelled as she caught a glimpse of Deacon near the main parking deck entrance
"I don't want anyone to know." Deacon finally spoke for the first time since leaving the hospital as Rayna pulled into the driveway at home
"Deacon, we have to tell the kids. You're going to get sicker. They're going to notice, and Mason already knows something serious is going on."
"No, Rayna! This is my choice! I don't want 'em to know! Not yet…at least let Maddie have her wedding day. Can you give me that, PLEASE?" he pleaded with tears in his eyes breaking Rayna's heart
"OK, but after the wedding, we tell the girls. We're probably going to have to tell Mason tonight. He knows something is really wrong Deacon. He feels horrible about last night. I know you have a lot to deal with, but he needs to know you love him, and don't blame him for last night."
"Yeah, alright…maybe I'll take him up to the cabin this weekend, depending on what happens at his court date."
"Deacon, I'm not sure the cabin alone with Mason is such a good idea."
"Goddammit Rayna! PLEASE don't start treating me like a damn invalid. I'm not helpless yet!" Deacon snapped and slammed the car door as he got out
Rayna sat alone crying quietly in the driver's seat of her Escalade for several minutes after Deacon stormed inside.
"What are you looking at?" she asked wiping tears away when she found him at his desk staring at his laptop several minutes later
"Doctor won't give me a timeframe. I'll find it myself."
"Deacon, please don't. Try to stay positive."
"Six months…." Deacon swallowed and his eyes filled with tears as he leaned back in his chair trying to process what he'd just read
"Come on, Deacon! Don't do this. You have so much to live for. We're going to find a donor. You're going to beat this. Please just say you'll try." Rayna begged through tears
"I have to be realistic, Rayna! There's a damn good chance I'm not gonna be here in six months."
"…but there's also a chance you WILL! Isn't that worth fighting for? Don't you want to see Maddie's baby? Mason graduate from high school?" Rayna pleaded with him
"STOP IT, RAYNA! Of course I want to be here for all of it, but …." He trailed off and stormed out of the room
"Deacon, where are you going?" Rayna asked as he grabbed his keys from the kitchen table
"I dunno. I just need to take a drive. I'll get my damn meds from the pharmacy and pick up Mason later."
"Please stay, Deacon. Why don't you go lie down. Maybe we should try to call Beverly." Rayna suggested
"I've been in bed since last night. I don't wanna lie down! …and don't you dare call Beverly, Rayna!" Deacon warned
"The doctor said a full blood sibling is your best chance at a donor. We need to try, Deacon!"
"…and say WHAT, RAYNA? Sorry we haven't bothered to call, write, text, or even send a damn Christmas card in 15 years, but gee can you spare a piece of your liver?" Deacon snapped
"I don't know, Deacon! If there's even a slight chance I think we need to ask her."
"RAYNA…PLEASE, JUST STOP! I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW. I JUST NEED…I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I NEED! TO BE ALONE…I GUESS. I'LL BE BACK LATER. I'M SORRY!"