"Hi, Dad. Soo, you're OK?" Mason asked quietly as he climbed into the truck after school and his daily detention for truancy and forging Rayna's signature.
"I'm sorry for bein a jerk this mornin, Mace. I'm not mad at you for last night. My medical problems aren't your fault. Your mom's been houndin me to see a doctor for months."
"What's wrong? Are you sick?"
"Hey, How about Sam's for dinner and the Cards game, just you and me?" Deacon asked trying to change the subject, not sure how to even approach cancer with Mason
"uuhhh, yeah…OK." Mason said as Deacon pulled away from the school
"Are you gonna tell me what's going on?" Mason asked as he and Deacon finished burger's and hot wings while watching the Cardinals game at Sam's.
"I was thinking maybe we should go up to the cabin for some fishing this weekend. We haven't been there in almost a year. What do ya think?" Deacon asked still struggling with how to tell Mason and avoiding the cancer conversation
"I'm not a kid anymore, Dad! Why won't you just tell me the truth? You've never wanted to spend this much time with me. Why now? Something is really wrong, isn't it?"
"Mason, I…it's not that I don't like spending time with you. I do, but we just don't seem to have a whole lot in common, I guess. Ya know….fishing and sports is about the only two things we've ever really been able to connect together on. I've been away touring through so much of your life. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you more. I just wanna make up for some lost time now. Is that too much to ask?" Deacon said trying not to get emotional
"Why now? You're really sick, aren't you? Are you dying?" Mason asked as tears filled his eyes
Deacon looked away, struggling with what to say next.
"You are, aren't you?" Mason asked again
"Let's get outta here. This isn't really the place for this conversation." Deacon said reaching for his wallet to pay the check
"I'll be in the truck!" Mason said quickly leaving the table
"Mace…you're right. I am really sick. I used to drink A LOT! It caused some damage to my liver that I wasn't aware of. I've had cirrhosis for years and never knew. It's cancer now, and …." Deacon trailed off trying not to cry as he sat in the front seat of his truck with Mason, still in the Sam's parking lot.
"There's nothing the doctors can do? What about Chemo? Isn't that what they usually do for cancer?" Mason asked tearfully trying to understand
"I waited too long to see a doctor. The tumor on my liver is too large, and chemo would only suppress my immune system. I need a liver transplant soon, and if I don't get it….." Deacon swallowed and tried to go on, but couldn't speak for several minutes
"I'm sorry, Mace. I'm sorry for not bein there more for you. I'm sorry for all the times I was too busy to take you fishin, or just stop workin, and take you for a burger and a game like tonight. I always thought I had time. I had all these plans for retirement, and spendin time at home with you and mom, more time at the cabin, but now I'm not sure about anything anymore…." Deacon finally managed to stammer as his voice cracked.
"…but there's still a chance you'll get a liver transplant?" Mason asked looking hopeful
"There's always a chance, but realistically I have to prepare for the alternative, and make sure you, and mom, and your sisters are taken care of if…" Deacon looked away trying to hide his own tears from Mason
"I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to cause so much trouble lately."
"C'mere…none of this has anything to do with all the trouble you've been in lately." Deacon said as he pulled Mason into a tight hug
"…but it would help your mom and me if you could please try to behave yourself and not cause anymore extra grief right now, OK? Your mom's not dealing with this too well." Deacon pleaded hoping Mason would understand and try to be a little better
"OK, I'll try. What happens next? How do they find a liver?" Mason asked
"I go on a national list. If someone passes away that's an organ donor and a match I'd get a call to come to the hospital right away and they'd do the surgery, but I'm not the top priority right now. I'm not sick enough yet. There are lots of people ahead of me that need it more first. Friends and family can also get tested to see if they match and donate part of their liver, but I'm not sure I want anyone in that position. It's a lot to ask."
"Can I get tested to see if I match?" Mason asked
"No, Mace. You're too young. If something went wrong I'd never be able to live with that."
"…but I could be? You and mom would just have to agree and sign something, right?"
"I said NO, Mason! I can't let you do this."
"What if I want to get tested? Don't my wishes matter?"
"I don't wanna argue, Mace. I have some time. Let's just see what happens with the national registry, OK?" Deacon said as he started the truck to go home
Mason was quiet as Deacon drove home. It was getting dark. Deacon finally broke the silence and tried to lighten the mood as he entered their gated community.
"So, you never answered me about the cabin this weekend. You wanna go fishin?" He asked hopeful with a hand on Mason's shoulder
"Yeah." Mason answered close to tears, worried about losing Deacon, feeling horrible for some of the things he'd said to his father recently
Scarlett's car was in the driveway as Deacon pulled in. He stopped at the end of the drive.
"Mason, I need you to keep this between you, me, and your mother for now, OK? Your mom and I talked. We don't want to ruin Maddie's wedding day. We're gonna tell the girls soon, after the wedding. Can you keep it quiet for just a couple weeks, Please?" Deacon asked
"Yeah, OK, Dad."
"Thanks. I'm sorry to ask, but it wouldn't be fair to take her happiness away. It's only a couple more weeks."
"I love you, Dad." Mason grabbed Deacon and cried as they got out of the truck in the garage
"I love you too, Mace. C'mon, let's keep it together for your mom and sister, OK?" Deacon asked trying to fight his own tears
Mason was feeling emotional and didn't really want to face Rayna or Scarlett.
"Hey, mom…hey, Scar. I have a lot of homework." He muttered and quickly ran up the stairs to his room
"Hey, where's dad?" Rayna asked as Mason got to the top of the stairs
"I think he went out back." Mason said closing his bedroom door
Rayna stepped out onto the back porch. Deacon was sitting on the swing staring into the backyard. He had some paperwork and prescriptions he'd picked up next to him on the swing. Rayna picked up the paperwork as she sat next to him.
"You told Mason?" she asked
"Yeah, I asked him to keep it quiet till after the wedding." Deacon quietly muttered as Rayna rubbed his back
"What's this?" Rayna asked looking at the paperwork
"My final wishes, additions to my will. I saw our lawyer today. We hadn't updated anything since Mason was born."
"Deacon, this really isn't necessary yet." Rayna said as a few tears ran down her cheeks
"We don't know that, Rayna! I need to be prepared for…." He trailed off trying not to cry again
Rayna leaned against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him.
"You get everything, but my personal items like the truck, the guitars, the boat and fishing gear, all the vinyl records, and memorabilia, awards, unrecorded songs, royalties, rights to masters…I divided it between the you and kids. I also added a living will. If things get bad. I don't want to be kept on life support. I don't to be a burden longer than necessary to you or the kids." Deacon pulled away from Rayan and stood up, leaning on the porch railing.
"Deacon! You were just diagnosed today. Was it really necessary to rush into all of these decisions now?" Rayna asked shocked he already seemed to be accepting that death was imminent
"Six months, Rayna! It's not much time. I need to be ready in case I don't get a liver. Can't you understand that?" he asked not even bothering to turn around as he stared into the backyard
"It just feels like you're giving up before the fight has really even begun." Rayna started to cry
"I'm not givin up. Do you think I wanna leave you?" He collapsed onto the swing and into Rayna arms
"You're gonna get a liver. You're gonna be around to be a pain in my ass for years to come. I'm not gonna let you leave me like this." Rayna sobbed and ran her fingers through his thick hair as they cried together.
"Where have you been all afternoon?" Rayna asked trying to lighten the mood
"Well, I drove around aimlessly for a while after I left here thinkin. I saw the lawyer about the will. I picked up Mason and went to Sam's for dinner and the Cards game. Mason and I had a long chat."
"You're supposed to start eating healthier and limiting the salt. I doubt your usual triple decker and wings at Sam's in on the list of healthy foods, Deacon!" Rayna scolded him
"I only had a double this time." Deacon tried to smile
"Honestly, what am I going to do with you, Deacon? You are the worst patient when you're sick."
"What would you like to do with me?" He asked pulling her to him for a long, slow kiss to change the subject completely
"Are you sure you're up for that?" Rayna asked pulling away from the kiss
"I'm ALWAYS up for that. I've been a bad patient. I think my private nurse needs to take care of things." He playfully unbuttoned her shirt and deepened the kisses
"C'mon…it's been a long day from hell. Come to bed with me early?" He asked pulling her up from the swing
"Hey, Scar. How's my grandson today?" Deacon said taking Clay from her for a long hug before bed
"He's been good. Colt wore him out. Hopefully he'll sleep all night. I'll take him upstairs so he doesn't wake you, dad. How are you feeling?" Scarlett asked
"…uuhhmmm..good, good, just a little tired. Gonna head to bed early. We'll catch up more tomorrow. I haven't really had a chance to talk to you much since I got home." Deacon hated lying to her, but needed to for now
"OK, I'm just gonna give Clay his bottle and go to bed myself. Night, Dad. I love you." Scarlett said taking Clay from Deacon
"Night, sweetie. I love you both too." Deacon kissed Clay and Scarlett as he turned to go to bed
"Is he alright?" Scarlett asked Rayna
"He's just tired. He'll be OK. Night." Rayna kissed Clay and Scarlett and quickly went after Deacon
"I'm not sure I can keep this up for the next two weeks, Ray. I hate to lay this on Maddie now, but it's hard to look at the kids and that baby and not get emotional." Deacon admitted with tears threatening
"Well, babe…maybe we should tell Scarlett tomorrow. Maddie can wait till after the wedding. She's preoccupied and doesn't live here. It'll be easier to keep it from her, but Scarlett's gonna be here till this weekend when Gunnar gets home."
"Yeah, OK." Deacon agreed as he slipped into sweats and a T shirt for bed
"Everything's gonna be OK. We just have to stay positive. I love you soo much, Deacon. I'm not losing you without a fight." Rayna said as she layed her head on his chest in bed
"I just hate like hell that I'm putting you and the kids through this." He held Rayna a little tighter
"What would you do if it was the other way around, Deacon? What If it was me?"
"I guess I'd fight like hell to save you too."
"So let me help you through all of it, please? Stop feeling like you're alone and have to handle this by yourself. You don't. I'm gonna be here for everything no matter what. In sickness and in health, remember? We took vows twice. I meant it both times."
"You're right. I'm sorry. I don't mean to shut you out. I just want to take care of you and the kids. I've been away so much the past 15 years. So close to retirement now. I wanted to spend time together, maybe travel for fun not work. I thought maybe we'd go back to Mexico for a week or two alone. I'd like to go back to Colorado, to that resort we got married at ya know. I was looking forward to wrapping up this tour and having you with me onstage and off."
"Well, maybe you can still finish the tour. I'm definitely going with you now. You just need to eat healthier, make sure you get enough sleep, maybe cancel a few shows so they're not every night. We can ask Doctor Rand about it."
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Deacon asked with tears threatening again
"Took me a while to train you, but you became the husband and father I always knew you would." Rayna laughed trying to cheer him up
"You were trainin me, huh?" he finally smiled and kissed her again
"I think there's one area I never needed any trainin in." He pulled Rayna on top of him and into a passionate kiss
"No, you pretty much had this from day one." She smiled and deepened the passionate kisses lifting his T shirt over his head
"You too." He rolled over on top after he removed Rayna's silk night gown and panties
"I love you." Rayna whispered as she gently nibbled his neck and ears driving him crazy as he gently inserted himself for a long, slow, gentle love making session.
"Slower, babe. I never wanna let you go." Rayna pleaded as he caressed her chest and nibbled her ears, neck and lips all while gently keeping up the slow deliberate thrusts
Several hours later Rayna lay awake just watching him breathe, praying for a miracle, and years to come with the love of her life. Suddenly their 24 total years together, almost 22 married seemed like such a short period of time. She'd give anything for another 24 years now. She'd do it all again, even the bad for a guarantee that Deacon would survive his cancer. She knew she had to do whatever she could to save him.
Deacon reached for Rayna as the sun streamed into their bedroom Tuesday morning. He was disappointed to find her side of the bed empty. He sleepily got up and wandered out to the kitchen. A fresh pot of coffee was waiting. He glanced at the kitchen wall clock. It was after 7am.
"She probably took Mason to school." He thought as he sat down with his coffee and the little weekly pill box the pharmacist recommended to keep better track of his new weekly medicine regimen.
He'd just started separating his pills into the little compartments when Scarlett walked into the kitchen for coffee.
"What's goin on, Dad? Why all the pills?"
Deacon looked up, and took a deep breath. He had really hoped Rayna would be around for this conversation with Scarlett. Explaining everything to Mason the day before had been agonizing for Deacon.
"How about another cup of coffee, sweetie?" Deacon asked holding his cup up for Scarlett
"Are you gonna tell me what's goin on?" Scarlett asked as she poured his coffee
"Sit down, honey." Deacon was relieved to hear Rayna's Escalade in the garage as Scarlett sat down
"Well, good morning." Rayna said as she entered the kitchen to a solemn duo
"How's Mason this morning?" Deacon asked as Rayan kissed his forehead both as a gesture of endearment but also to check for a temperature
"OK, he didn't say much, but that's nothing new lately. What's goin on here?" Rayna asked
"Ahhh, well, I was just sortin my meds when Scarlett walked in. I haven't told her anything yet. I'm glad you're back. I could use a little support this time." He tried to smile as he took Rayna's hand and directed her to sit down with them
"We had a bit of an episode Sunday night…" Rayna began
"This is one of those serious talks, aint it?" Scarlett asked concerned
"Yeah, sweetie. About as serious as it gets I'm afraid." Deacon admitted sadly squeezing Rayna's hand for support
"He fell Sunday night. We thought he hit his head, but he'd actually passed out from a toxin build up. We went to the hospital. He had several tests. He's had cirrhosis of the liver for years. We didn't know. Unfortunately it's turned to cancer now." Rayna explained
"…but there's chemo, and radiation, and drugs and all sorts of things they can do to fix it, right?" Scarlett asked her eyes welling with fresh tears
"The tumor is pretty large. My oncologist thinks the best bet is to go right to transplant. He's afraid chemo would just weaken my immune system too much and delay a transplant." Deacon added tightening his grip on Rayna's hand as his own eyes welled with tears again
"Dammit, just when I thought I'd cried enough." He tried to smile as he wiped his cheeks
"So, you're takin all these pills and waitin for a liver?" Scarlett asked
"Yeah, pretty much." Deacon said taking Scarlett's hand as her lip trembled
"What did the Doctor say? Do they think you're gonna be OK?" Scarlett managed to mumble between sobs
"I'm on the national registry list, and all I can do is wait now, sweetie. I'm sorry. I hate putting all of you through this."
"There's gotta be more options. What can I do to help? You guys have always done everything for me and now Clay. You came and took me from Natchez after grandma died, and saved me from Beverly when she tried to take me back. I'll do anything I can to help. I love you, dad." Scarlett sobbed
"I know, sweetheart. I love you too, just like one of my own. You are my daughter, and you always will be, but right now all we can do is wait for a donor."
"Isn't the liver one of those organs that live donors can donate, like a part of?" Scarlett asked
"Yeah, it is." Rayna said as Deacon shot her a dirty look
"Can I be tested?" Scarlett asked
"Scar, I really wish you wouldn't. You're a newlywed with a new baby. I can't ask you to do that." Deacon sniffled
"…but I can, and it's my choice! I'm gonna get tested." Scarlett announced
"The first thing is blood type. He's an O positive so his donor has to be an O type positive or negative. I'm an AB, or I'd do it myself." Rayna sadly said
"I'm an O negative. What other tests do they need?" Scarlett asked
"You'd have to talk to his oncologist, Doctor Rand." Rayna told her
"Alright, enough…Scar, NO! Not with a new baby. It's too much to ask. What about Gunnar? Doesn't he get a say in this?" Deacon asked getting upset with both of them
"He'll be home this weekend. I'll talk to him, but it's my choice. I know you'd do it for me." Scarlett proclaimed
Deacon didn't want Scarlet to even get tested, but he was outnumbered. Rayna didn't seem to be offering any advice against Scarlett volunteering.
"Fine, I guess I'm outnumbered. I can pretty much see how this whole damn disease is gonna play out, and I'm not gonna get much say, am I?" Deacon said storming out of the kitchen back to the bedroom without taking his pills
"I didn't mean to upset him." Scarlett said to Rayna after he was gone
"You didn't. He's just mad at the world right now. He's so proud. He just wants to take care of everyone and he might not be able to soon. It's going to be really hard for him, and he's gonna be difficult. We just have to love and support him through it no matter how impossible he is to deal with." Rayna sighed as she went to the bedroom with Deacon's pills and a glass of water
"Hey, you need to take these." Rayna said as she sat next to him on the bed
"I don't want any of the kids donating their livers. I already told Mason NO!" Deacon snapped as he took his daily pills and the water
"Well, babe…Mason is a minor. He can't without our approval, but Scarlett and Maddie are adults. It's their choice to get tested. Maddie is probably out because she's pregnant."
"I hate this, Rayna! I feel so damn helpless. I have no control of my life right now, and it's just the beginning."
"I know, babe. I'm soo sorry you have to deal with this, but we're gonna get through it as a family. You have to let us all help you. You've always done so much for us. Let us take care of you now. That's what families are for. We love you, Deacon. Please just let us all help as much as we can."
"Hey, I just talked to Doctor Rand. I'm gonna go down and get the initial testing to see if I'm a match. Can you guys watch Clay for a couple hours?" Scarlett asked poking her head into the bedroom
"Yeah, sure, honey." Rayna said
"Hey, Scar. Thank you. I do appreciate it. I just worry about things goin wrong. I don't think I could live with myself if something happened to you while doing this." Deacon tried to smile
"You didn't ask. I offered so it's on me." Scarlett said leaving the room
"Hey, Scarlett…one more thing. I told Mason last night, but I don't want Maddie to know anything until she gets back from her honeymoon, OK? I don't want this to ruin her big day." Deacon asked
"OK, but I think she'll be upset we kept it from her."
"Well maybe she will, but she'll be upset AFTER her weddin. So please…keep it between us for now?"
"OK, thanks for watching Clay. I'll be back soon. Love you." Scarlett said turning to go again
Scarlett hadn't been gone 20 minutes when Clay started screaming upstairs in her bedroom. Deacon quickly went up to get him.
"Hey, big guy. How's grandpa's boy today?" Deacon lifted the fussy baby from his pack and play to change and feed him
"Just think in 7 months we'll have two babies in the family." Rayna smiled as Deacon came downstairs with a freshly diapered Clay
"Yeah…" Deacon teared up a little thinking about not being there for Maddie's baby
"I'm sorry, babe. I didn't think before…." Rayna realized her mistake
"No, it's OK. You're right. I need to stop thinkin about all this doom and gloom and focus on now and bein there for my kids and grandkids. I'm sorry, Ray. Just lookin at him laugh and smile makes me wanna stick around and see him grow up, and his new cousin comin soon." Deacon smiled and held Clay close as he waited for his bottle to warm in the microwave
"Why don't we go for a walk to the park after you feed him. You need to start getting some exercise like Doctor Rand said. It's a beautiful day. We haven't walked to the park since Mason was a little boy." Rayna suggested
45 minutes later Rayna and Deacon walked hand in hand to the park a few blocks from their house with Clay in his stroller. Rayna couldn't help but tear up a little watching Deacon play with Clay at the park. Clay was all smiles as Deacon gently pushed him in a baby swing.
The fresh air and time with Clay seemed to be helping Deacon. His mood was lighter and he was smiling as they walked back home. It was bittersweet for Rayna. She was doing her best to stay positive and keep Deacon's spirits up, but inside she was terrified of losing him.
Deacon fell asleep in his recliner with Clay on his chest after a healthy lunch. It was hard to believe he was really so sick. Rayna watched him sleep peacefully for a while before stepping out to the back porch to call Tandy.
"Hey, are you busy tonight? I could really use a girl's night." Rayna said voice cracking
"I always have time for a girl's night. What's wrong, sweetie?" Tandy asked concerned
"It's Deacon. I just really need to talk and I can't lay this on him right now. I'll be over around 7ish. I'll bring something for dinner and lots of wine. Could be a long night." Rayna sniffled
"OK, yeah 7 is fine. Are you OK?" Tandy was really concerned now
"No, I'll explain tonight. See you at 7. Thanks. Bye."