I, obviously, don't own Percy Jackson& the Olympians. Seriously, does my name says rick Riordan? No, it doesn't. I'm not Rick Riordan, I do not own Percy Jackson& the Olympians. And I am convinced I need to talk to my psychologist, because my ideas are getting weirder and crazier. I have this weird feeling my mental health is only getting worse.. Enjoy!
"Come on smartypants, take a bite! I have baked it all for you and it took me ages!"Poseidon begged, a cake in his hands.
He had been trying to get Athena take a piece for hours now, but she kept no matter what he tried, she wouldn't give in. It's almost like she knows what kind of cake it is.. Ah well, I just have to get her to eat it and Hermes will have to admit I am a great prankster.
Athena sighed. " I do not require a piece of your so-called cake Poseidon. So stop your pathetic attempts at making me ingest even the tiniest piece of cake!".
Poseidon frowned. " Ingest? Which weird person would possibly use that word?".
Athena sighed. " It is a synonym for eat you simpleton".
" Feather brain, you have promised me to stop being a human encyclopeadic around me and use words I can actually comprehend- I mean understand. Argh, you are making me use complicated vocubulary! See, I never use words like that!".
Athena grinned. "Which only confirms my presence has a positive result on you. You are actually gaining some knowledge!".
Poseidon rolled his eyes. " I never said I wanted to. Eat!". He offered her a fork with piece of cake, but Athena shook her head. "No matter what you try Poseidon, you won't prevail in urging me to ingest or eat, if you crave for me to call it that- that cake. Do you even possess any prove you haven't poisened that cake?".
Poseidon pouted. "That is not fair! We are - what do you call it again-.. frenemies now! I won't poison you, I promise".
Athena gave the piece of cake he offered her the same look someone else would give to a mix of spiders and worms. Complete disgust. She looked horrified, like it was the most disgusting thing that existed. While it actually looked pretty good.
" I refuse to even considering devouring this! Besides,do you even possess the abillity that is required to bake a cake?".
"Yes! Hestia helped me!".
" I really feel pity for her. Urged to waste a day like that. Also, I'm posetively surprised you didn't try to force something else on her. Didn't you desire to marry her once?".
"That was eons ago! Just eat my pie!".
" No! I won't eat anything you offer me".
Poseidon pouted and looked at his cake. It looked delicious. It had taken him,all afternoon, but he had managed to make a delicious cake. Hestia had helped him, he hadn't lied about that, but after they had made a cake together, he had made this one himself. He knew Hestia would never agree with his little prank. She would be really disappointed and warn Athena.
Poseidon looked at Athena again and smiled. She was frowning at him, folding her arms and gave him a no-way look. I am so going to convince her to eat my delicious cake he thought. He had to. If he could prank Athena, then Hermes had to believe Poseidon was great at pranks.
He smirked at her. " Will you eat it if I say ingest instead of eat?".
He immediately saw her face soften and she laughed. "No. Nothing will convince me to devour your cake, I won't even eat a microscopic piece of it".
Poseidon frowned. She really had to eat his cake. At least a piece of it. He smiled when he suddenly got a good idea. He would just make her give one of her lectures and put the piece of cake in her mouth. It might, okay would, outrage her, but soon it wouldn't matter. As soon as the cake actually started working. He would then officially be an awesome pranker. Even Hermes would have to admit it.
He smiled at her. " Hey Athena, what were you saying lately about that new discovery concerning DNA techniques".
Athena immediately looked a lot happier, smiling at him. " Well, I was merely making you aware of the fact that- MM! Posei-".
Poseidon had, quick as lightning, put a small piece of cake in her mouth and was now using one of his hands to keep her mouth closed and another to squeeze her nose so she couldn't breathe.
Athena, even though she - being a goddess and all- didn't really need to breathe, automatically swallowed the piece of cake. And turned to look at him, her eyes promising Tartarus. Poseidon couldn't remember the last time he had seen her this angry, with narrowed eyes , balled fists and a look that clearly said; you will regret this.
Poseidon smiled sheepishly and raised his hands. "Sorry. But I worked really hard to make that cake and wanted to know what you thought of it".
Athena still looked angry, but not outraged and ready to send him to Tartarus. Which made him sigh in relief. She really was scary when she was that angry. Even he feared her when she was really angry.
She shrugged. " It was actually quite flavorful. Not too abhorrent Poseidon. Just don't try to force me to devour anything again".
Poseidon nodded and smiled. His evil plan had worked. Everything would be allright now. He would show Hermes he was a good prankster.
He and Athena were in her house, just spending some time together before they had to attend another meeting. They got along pretty well lately, spending some time together and actually having fun.
They were still arguing though, never really agreeing with each other. And they were careful to avoid being caught spending too much time together. It would get really complicated if they let the other Olympians know of their friendship. so they acted like they were enemies instead of frenemies.
After some more talking, this time about the new DNA techniques and Poseidon's kingdom, they started to walk towards the throne room. They were still talking when it happened.
Athena suddenly staggered a bit and grabbed her head, a glazy look in her eyes. "Wow. This is peculiar. I'm suddenly slightly light-headed".
Poseidon tried to hide his smile. It must be beginning. He walked towards her and offered her his arm. She took it with a grateful smile and, for a moment, he felt guilty. But he pushed it away. It was just a harmless prank.
"Thanks. I really need some sort of support. Very peculiar. I regularly never feel like this".
Poseidon shrugged. " It happens to me sometimes. There will probably be a good reason, but we have to get to the meeting right now".
Athena giggled and Poseidon was now convinced his evil plan was working. Athena almost never giggled. Especially not without a really good reason.
He started walking, dragging her along and looked at her. "What is so funny?".
Athena shrugged. "I was just envisioning this image of Zeus screaming, getting light-headed and fall of his throne. I don't even know why it is funny. Although, he does look funny whenever he is angry". She giggled again and Poseidon smiled. It was definitely working. Otherways, she wouldn't behave like that.
They arrived at the throne room, Poseidon had let go of Athena to avoid suspision, and they both waited for Zeus throne. They had been just on time and Zeus always wanted them to wait in front of his throne before sitting down.
Poseidon gave Zeus a nod. "Brother. I am present, as you can see".
Zeus nodded absently. " I can see it Poseidon. Sit down".
Poseidon was annoyed at Zeus' tone but didn't say anything. He changed to his god form ( twenty foot tall and all) and sat down on his throne. He would just watch , enjoying the show.
Zeus turned to Athena with a smile. Athena smiled back and waved at him, bouncing a bit Poseidon noticed. " Daddy! I am heeeere"she sang and Zeus frowned, looking just as confused as all the other gods- with exception of Poseidon. Athena never greeted him like that and Poseidon couldn't remember the last time she had called him daddy. She actually never did that.
" Ehhm yes hello daughter. Are you all right, you look.. different".
Athena nodded enthusiastically. " I am fantastic actually. I felt rather funny earlier, light-headed and such, but I feel amazing now! It is like I see the world differently" she said , smiling goofily.
By now, all the gods were staring at Athena. She normall didn't behave like this at all. She was serious and calm, but right now, she was bouncing and smiling widely. It was very odd.
Hestia, Artemis, Hephaestus and Zeus looked concerned while the rest of the gods mainly looked startled. Although Aphrodite and Ares looked both happy- Ares because he hoped Athena would embarress herself and Aphrodite because she hoped Athena had finally changed her mind.
" Athena. Do you mean you have finally changed your mind and decided to lose that virginity?" Aphrodite said, smiling with a hopeful look in her eyes. She clearly hoped the answer would be yes.
Zeus shot Aphrodite a look. "Of course not! Athena would never break her vow and-".
Athena interrupted him. " Please don't speak like you can know what I want and am about to do daddy. I don't know if I will break my vow. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Would it be wise to do that?".
Artemis immediately yelled "NO!" while staring at her friend with a shocked expression while Aphrodite nodded enthusiastic. "YES! Oh my gosh, it would be amazing if you stopped the virgin thingy! We could go men-hunting!".
"Great, kill all of those disgusting men" Artemis commented, giving Aphrodite a disgusted look. She didn't like the love goddess at all. More like hated her.
Aphrodite rolled her eyes. "Don't be silly, silly. I meant Athena and I could go looking for a man for her, she really needs one! Oh my gosh, I could totally do your hair Athena".
Athena clapped her hands. "Yippie!"she exclaimed, like some little girl.
All the gods stared at her, their hands slowly creeping towards their weapons- now all convinced this couldn't be Athena and was some sort of intruder. Athena would never say yippie. Or cast aside her vow. Or any of the things she was doing now really.
Athena turned towards Aphrodite, still smiling. " You really would do that for me Aph?",
" Of course!" Aphrodite exclaimed happily. " We will go to the mall and buy new clothes and do your hair and I will help you find the perfect man! You will finally get some fun and-".
" THERE WILL BE NO FUN!" Zeus suddenly screamed and Aphrodite pouted. " Aaaw. Party pooper".
They all ignored her, too busy at staring at Athena. Now they were all - except Poseidon- freaked out. Athena was actually pouting and looking cute while doing it. And she normally didn't pout, it was childish.
Athena , still pouting, looked at her father- who halted when he saw her puppy dog eyes. They were adorable. Irresistable.
"ARGH! Puppy dog eyes. They buuuuurn!"Ares suddenly exclaimed, covering his eyes with his hands. He hated all things cute and Athena somhow managed to look adorable- and slightly creepy- pouting and using her puppy dog eyes.
Artemis sighed. "Don't be ridiculous Ares. Your eyes always burn! Your eyesockets are filled with fire, you moron!".
She turned towards Athena and frowned, looking worried. "And what is wrong with you sister? You are behaving very odd".
Athena smiled at her. "I just want to have some fun Arty!"she said.
"You shouldn't want the kind of fun Aphrodite wants you to have!".
Athena pouted again. "Aaaaw. Why not?".
Artemis looked at her like she was crazy. " Because ...because oh what is wrong with you!".
She turned towards Zeus. " Father. There is something wrong with Athena. We have to help her!".
Zeus sighed. " I know there is something wrong! I just don't know what. Athena, why are you acting like this?".
Athena smiled and bounced. " I am not behaving peculiar! I'm just happy. Happyyyyyyy!". And clapped her hands again.
Demeter sighed. "Maybe she didn't have enough cereal today".
Athena smiled broadly. " I loooooooooooove cereal!"she exclaimed, clapping her hand and bouncing like some hyper toddler.
All the gods looked at her, their mouths wide open and their expression clearly showing disbelief and horror.
Hades sighed. " Now we know what is wrong with her. She has gone crazy!"he said.
Demeter rolled her eyes. " Oh shut up deathbreath. Abductor! You don't know anything, you cereal-hater. And you are the crazy one here! Seriously, only crazy people dislike cereal!".
" No, only crazy people like it. Crazy cereal lady!".
" Liar!".
" Nagging old idiot!".
"Rude, crazy, cereal-hating moron!".
As every god was now momentarily distracted by the arguing, they all failed to notice Athena growing to her full size and sneaking up on her father.
She took his master bolt but Zeus failed to notice as he was still occupied with the fight between Demeter and this time Demeter was hitting Hades with an enormous bowl of cereal and every god was too scared to ask where she had even got such a big bowl. And so much cereal.
Every god was focused on Demeter and Hades, mainly Hades who was trying to escape her while she was trying to literally bury him in cereal. All the while screaming insults. It was very funny to watch. T]
Athena , still unnoticed, took the master bolt and gave a victorious scream. "Yes! I have daddy's toy. NOW I AM SUPREME RULER!".
Zeus tried to grab her , actually screaming "Gimme! That is mine, meanie!" , but Athena was too fast. She jumped away from him, laughing crazily.
Hades, who managed to get out of a gargantuan pile of cereal, pointed at her. "Do you believe me now ? She has gone mad!".
Zeus grunted. "Shut up! AND GET HER!". He probably didn't want to admit his brother was right. Athena really seemed to have lost it.
Most gods, after a threatening glare from Zeus, tried to get Athena, but it was no use. She was too fast and even now she seemed crazy, she was still able to use her wits- what was left of it- to escape the screaming gods.
A few gods just remained on their thrones, those gods being Ares- enjoying the fight- , aphrodite- who was afraid she would break a nail- , Hermes- who had somehow missed all the mayhem because he had been too busy arguing with his snakes and calling- and Poseidon- who was now walking towards Hermes. No one really paid attention to him, since they were too busy chasing Athena.
Poseidon smiled when he saw Athena elbow Hera- who had been forced to help by Zeus ( she had blackmailed him. If she managed to get him back his master bolt, Zeus wouldn't cheat for a month. Sworn on the styx). Hera fell on the ground and Athena actually ran over her, causing the queen to scream.
Before she could pulverize Athena however, the fast goddess was already somewhere else. " This just got personal"Hera grunted before getting up and running towards the goddess. That was when Athena slapped Hera with the master bolt and Hera flew through the room and crashed against a wall.
Poseidon tapped Hermes' shoulder. "He Hermes, what do you think of the mayhem I caused?".
" Where are you talking about? And since when do you use words like mayhem?".
Poseidon grunted. "Argh I'm spending too much time with Athena. She is making me use complicated words. And I made Athena act like this!" he said proudly.
Hermes smiled. "No way! How?".
"I made her eat spacecake. She didn't know it was spacecake, of course!" Poseidon whispered, anxious anyone would hear him. He would be dead if they heard.
Hermes' eyes widened and he looked at Athena. She was still running around, laughing hysterically. All the gods tried to grab her, but they managed grab each other or bump into each other instead. " She is high?" he said.
Poseidon , grinning, nodded. " Really high, if you ask me".
Hermes whistled. " Dude! Awesome prank, but you do realize it will be your last, don't you? Athena is so going to kill you".
Poseidon's eyes widened. He hadn't thought about that. He looked at the wisdom goddess, who had zapped Apollo, Dionysos- who would gets his sentence shortened if he helped-. Demeter and Hades- he had been running away from Demeter, and cursed. She would totally destroy him. As soon as she was normal again. Which would be soon. He had to flee now he could!
" I have to go Hermes"he said, walking away.
Hermes looked at him. Äre you going to hide".
Poseidon nodded. "Yep. We might not be able to die, but if Athena manages to catch me, I will be wishing I am dead. Bye Hermes".
Hermes chuckled. "Good luck uncle".
And that is the reason Poseidon was forced to hide for a week until Athena managed to catch him and did some unspeakable things to him - it is too bad to describe, you will get nightmares if I do- after which he had to beg for another week until she was willing to think about forgiving him.
The moral of this story? Never try to prank Athena. Unless you like places like Tartarus. Because that is where you will end. If you're lucky, that is.
Okay, so Poseidon made a cake with softdrugs ( Gods have their own drugs, that work on them because I say so!). Hope you liked it! I tried to make Athena act as weird and unlike herself as possible, mainly for amusement. And Poseidon now really has a good reason to hide. Oh and I probably will post a chapter where Athena has to show Poseidon all her Romans and such, but I don't know when.