"Are you OK, Dad?" Mason asked after 45 minutes of fishing in silence
"I'm not very good company right now, Mace. If you wanna go back to the cabin, I'll take you?" Deacon quietly answered as he watched his fishing line tighten
"No, it's OK. We don't need to talk. I wanna stay with you." He'd sensed the worry in Rayna's voice when she asked him to go with Deacon
Deacon tried to smile as he reeled in his second smallmouth bass. Fishing at the cabin had always been his solace.
If he'd had his way, they'd still be living at the cabin.
Deacon and Rayna had bought the cabin as newlyweds when Rayna was 6 months pregnant with Maddie. They'd both fallen in love with the place as soon as they stepped onto the large back porch, and without even seeing the interior had agreed they wanted it.
It was the fall of 1992. They had just returned to Nashville after their first official tour. A new baby on the way meant they'd soon outgrow their one bedroom apartment in town.
Both had taken an entire year off to adjust to married life and a new baby.
Deacon loved every second of that year. Lazy days spent fishing, playing with baby Maddie, writing and singing together alone an hour from Nashville and the busy music industry. He was content with bedtime concerts for Maddie, followed by quiet nights alone with Rayna.
Rayna was the more fame hungry of two. Deacon didn't really care about that part of it. He'd always just wanted to play smaller gigs and was more focused on the music and doing things his way without a label telling him what to do.
She loved her time alone with Deacon and Maddie, but after a year the pull of the music industry was calling her back. They had tons of new material yet to be recorded, or even heard by anyone from the year of writing at the cabin.
Deacon was content to live at the cabin and commute into Nashville a couple times per week for recording sessions and small gigs at the Bluebird and Grand Ole Opry. He had a regular Bluebird slot on Thursday nights, and band leader work at the opry.
They were working on another album together, but also both working on solo albums. The hour long commute into the city got to be too much with a baby. The trips had become daily as both began working more and more. Rayna knew Deacon loved the cabin, but secretly yearned to move back to Nashville.
She finally got up the courage to tell him she wanted to move one night over dinner.
January 1994
"She's out cold." He smiled wrapping his arms around Rayna as she made a late dinner after a busy day in the studio and an hour drive home
"Thanks for calming her down and putting her to bed. She's had a rough day. She still cries when I leave her at the sitter. She fell asleep on the ride home, but woke up extremely crabby till her daddy got home to entertain her." Rayna turned in his arms for a long, slow, deep kiss against the kitchen counter
"…and what about her mama? How was your day?" he asked between kisses
"Not great…till now." She smiled, happy to be home after a long day and alone in Deacon's arms
"What's wrong, baby?" he asked feeling her tense
"I'm just tired, Deacon. I have to be back in the studio by 7am, which means up by 4 to get Maddie to the sitter, and it's after 9 already." She sighed looking at the clock, trying to finish making dinner, take a shower and start all over again at 4am
"Why don't you sit down, relax, have some of your wine, let me finish this?" he suggested
"Feelin better?" Deacon asked as he brought dinner to the table and poured Rayna another glass of wine
"Yeah, I'm sorry if I'm crabby, babe. It's just crazy with both of us working on albums and keeping up with a one year old, and driving 2 hours a day back and forth."
"I know, sweetie. Why don't you sleep till 5. I can push my studio time to later in the morning and take care of Maddie tomorrow, OK?"
"Thanks, babe. What would I do without you?"
"I'm sure you'd of had a line a mile long of guys waitin for a chance with Rayna Jaymes." He playfully smirked across the table
"I only want you…forever and always. Wherever you and Maddie are is home."
"Home is always right here. I love comin home to you and my baby girl, here by the river, watching the moon come up over the water every night. It's so quiet and peaceful after crazy studio days."
"Deacon…I know how much you love it here, and I do too, but I think maybe we should consider a place in town again now that were both back to work."
"What are you sayin, Ray? You wanna sell the cabin?" he asked hurt
"It's just a lot of unnecessary travel time, Deacon. I'd rather have 2 more hours with you and Maddie or maybe sleep…"
"I thought we both loved it here and wanted to make our lives and family here, forever, Ray?" he was getting upset
"It's just a lot, babe. You know…I'm up early every day to get Maddie ready and to a sitter in town before I go to the studio, and then after 8 or 10 hours recording I've got an hour drive home. Maddie falls asleep and wakes up crabby. It would just be so much easier if we were in town and closer to everything."
"I didn't know you were so unhappy here!" he snapped and left the table to sit alone on the porch
Rayna sighed and cleaned up the dinner dishes. Deacon hadn't come back in when she'd finished the kitchen. She thought about joining him on the porch, but it was after 10. She was exhausted and still needed a shower. She fell into bed alone after her shower, surprised he was this upset, but not in the mood to fight about it, at least not tonight.
"You're right. Home is wherever you and Maddie are, Ray. If you wanna move back to Nashville, we'll call a realtor tomorrow and start lookin, OK?" Deacon whispered in her ear as he slipped his arms around her in bed a little after midnight
July 4th 2014
"Dad…Dad…DAD! Your pole it's about to go over the edge!" Mason yelled shaking Deacon from his trip down memory lane
"Oh, thanks…I'm just a little distracted." Deacon admitted grabbing his fishing pole just in time to real in another smallmouth bass
"That's the 7th bass. Not bad for a little over an hour, huh Dad?"
"Yeah, thanks for hangin out with your old man. I'm sorry I'm not much fun today." Deacon started to lighten up as the afternoon went on
"Soooo…why don't you and aunt Beverly get along?" Mason finally got up the courage to ask
After some careful reflection, Deacon finally answered. "Your aunt Beverly has always been a handful. She has a lot of resentment towards me and your mom. Your mom doesn't deserve it. She's never done anything to Beverly. I on the other hand probably deserve some of the feelings she has towards me."
"Why? She hasn't even come around in years. I don't remember ever seeing her before today."
"Last time she came to Nashville you were only 5 months old, but way before that when I was 16, I left home and never looked back. My dad wasn't the nicest guy. Hell, there's no point sugar coatin it…he was the meanest son of a bitch I ever met. He didn't treat your grandma or us kids very well. I had to get out. I left after a big family fight one night. Beverly has always kinda blamed me for leavin her and my mama alone with HIM!"
"but you were only 16? How did you live? Who took care of you?" Mason asked
"I had to learn real quick to take care of myself. I hitchhiked to Nashville and worked wherever I could. All I had was a duffel bag full of clothes, and my grandpa Paul's 38 Martin. I had about a hundred bucks I stole from my mama's grocery money. The first year was tough. Didn't really have a place to call home. I met a lot of nice people that helped me, gave me jobs and meals."
"When did you meet mom?"
"That wasn't till a few years later. By then I was bartending at the Bluebird, and playing gigs there and around town. My best friend from Natchez, Vince had moved up here. We had an apartment together."
"and Mom was a waitress at the Bluebird?"
"If you could call it that." Deacon laughed for the first time all afternoon
"Was she that bad?"
"The first night I worked with her she dropped at least 5 trays full of drinks, got damn near every food order wrong. I thought sure she'd get fired that night. She doesn't know it to this day, but I waited for her in the parking lot that night. She was a mess as a waitress, but there was just something about her I couldn't get past."
"Did she get fired?"
"Nope, the owner gave her another chance, but with a stern warning she'd better improve the next night or she'd be done. She was barely 18. It was her first job. She came out cryin, walkin towards her sister's condo. I talked her into lettin me give her a ride home in my old beat up Chevy."
"We're you dating after that?"
"No, it took me a while to get up the nerve to ask her out. She came from a well to do family. She grew up with money and worlds apart from my childhood. I never thought she'd give me a second look in my ripped jeans and faded denim shirt, crappy old truck. She had her expensive clothes and she was absolutely the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She could have had any guy in the Bluebird."
"…but she picked you?"
"I'll never know why, but yeah. She flirted with me for a couple weeks after that night. I was a little slow to pick up on it and couldn't really believe she was interested in me. I finally got up the nerve to ask her on a date and that was the beginning. I came close to blowin it so many times while we were datin and even after we got married. By some miracle she stayed or took me back after all of it."
"So why does aunt Beverly hate mom?"
"I think she's a little or a lot jealous of your mama's success. Beverly always thought she'd have a big career in country music. She never left Natchez long enough to try. She's so busy bein jealous and hateful about my success and your mama's. She could have really been good, but she let all that anger and hate take over."
"Why did you take Scarlett away from her?"
"I didn't want to, but we had to do what was best for Scarlett. After your grandma died Beverly couldn't take care of Scarlett. She was sick. She needed mental help. She begged me to take Scarlett. She wanted her back a little over a year later, but by then we knew she hadn't been a very good mama to Scarlett. There was evidence of abuse. Scarlett was terrified of her when she came back. It hurt me to shut my sister out of my life, but I couldn't let Beverly do to Scarlett what my dad did to me and Beverly."
"So you haven't talked to Aunt Beverly in 15 years, until now?"
"No, and that was wrong. I should have stayed in touch. She was sick. She's my sister no matter what she did. I did send her checks every month, but I should have called, or visited. I was close to Natchez a few times out on tour. It was just easier to stay away."
"So…what now? Are you gonna make up and hope she gives you part of her liver?"
"I don't expect anything from her, Mace. She's awfully bitter and I dunno…your mama has all this hope that maybe she'll wanna help but…." Deacon trailed off his voice cracking
"How can she not help? I don't wanna lose you, Dad. Please talk her into helping." Mason pleaded with Deacon to try
"C'mere…it's not that simple. We have a complicated past and just don't get your hopes up, Mace, OK?" Deacon hugged Mason trying to hold back tears
"It's not fair, Dad. You're only 45. How can you be so sick?"
"I made a lot of bad choices when I was younger. I put my body through a lot of torture drinkin. This is the price. Sucks that my family has to pay it right along with me, but ….I'm soo sorry, Mace." Deacon was struggling to control his emotions
"I love you, Dad." Mason sobbed against Deacon's shoulder
"I know you do. I love you too. Thanks for spendin this time out here with me. Why don't we head back to the cabin? I think there's a pretty young lady you invited out here today, right?"
"Yeah, I forgot my phone back at the cabin. Sage is probably wondering why I'm not responding to texts."
"I was wonderin how I had you undivided attention." Deacon laughed as he tousled Mason's hair and pulled up the anchor. He suddenly got light headed as he got the anchor to the side of the boat and slumped back against the seat.
"DAD! Are you OK? What's wrong?" Mason asked worried as Deacon struggled to catch his breath
"It's OK, Mace. Respiratory problems are just a symptom. The doctor said this might happen. I'm alright. Why don't you drive back?"
"Are you sure you're OK? Do you have your phone? Maybe I should call mom?"
"Let's not tell mom about this, OK? She doesn't need more to worry about. Please, Mason?"
"Dad…I can't keep hiding these episodes from her."
"Mason…what's it gonna take? How about the truck? It's yours."
"I don't want the truck, Dad. I want you to be here."
"Alright, just take us back to the cabin. I'm OK. Just a little episode. Nothin to worry about." Deacon tried to smile, but he was shaken by this first winded episode.
Sage was on the porch as Mason docked the boat. She quickly came down the hill to greet Mason and Deacon.
"Hi Mr. Claybourne. How are you feeling?" she asked cheerfully as Mason gave her a quick kiss
"I'm good, real good. Had a great afternoon with my favorite fishin buddy. I'm sorry I kept him from you. He's all yours the rest of the day." Deacon smiled and hugged Sage
"Don't you want help cleanin the fish, Dad?" Mason asked
"No, you go ahead and spend time with your girlfriend. I got it. Thanks again for keepin me company out there. Today meant a lot."
Deacon sat alone cleaning fish by the shoreline for a while before Rayna came down with a plate of food and soap for him to wash his hands.
"Hey, How are you feelin?" she asked
"Great, baby. How have things been here all day?" he asked as he washed his hands in the river and dried them on his pants
"Liar! Mason told me you had some shortness of breath out there today."
"Damn kid! Well, guess I don't need a new truck." He laughed
"Deacon! This is serious. Why have you been keeping these light headed episodes and shortness of breath from me?"
"I didn't wanna worry you more, OK? The doctor said all of this would happen."
"He also said not to miss any medicine doses, which you haven't taken today. You left without eating lunch. You need to take care of yourself, Deacon!"
"I know. I'm sorry, Ray." He gently kissed her cheek as he took the plate
"Are you feeling OK, now?" she asked
"Yes, I'm fine now. Just a little episode, that's all baby. Don't worry so much, please?"
"OK, come take your medicine when you finish eating, and cleanin fish."
"Where is everyone?" he asked as Rayna turned towards the cabin
"They all went to get fireworks. Colt and Gunnar are gonna put on a show for us."
An hour later Deacon was standing in the kitchen taking his meds. He hadn't seen Beverly come into the cabin from the porch as he swallowed several pills.
"What is all of this?" Beverly asked
He took a deep breath and turned to face her. He wasn't sure what to say as she picked up one of the pill bottles and looked at him questioningly.
"Guess there's no point hidin it anymore. It's gonna be all over the news and damn tabloids soon. It's already out that my tour is off." He sighed
"What's going on?" Beverly asked surprisingly concerned
"I'm sick, Bev. I got liver cancer."
"Why didn't you tell me earlier? I'm sorry, I wouldn't have been so difficult if you'd said something."
"You didn't really give me a chance, Bev."
"Are you going through chemo, or radiation?" she asked
"uuuhhh…not exactly."
"What does that mean? You're not getting treatment?"
"Ya know, Bev. It's a family holiday. Everybody's here together. I don't really wanna think about it today, OK? Can we just work on bein a family again, Please?"
"Yeah, OK. I'd like that, Deacon. I've missed having you in my life."
"Me too. C'mere…I'm glad you're here." He hugged her and tried to smile, feeling guilty about Rayna's motives for bringing her to Nashville.