Chapter 5—More sex and no love
I arrived and my wand, knives, stave were seized and I had my guard which was the hair changing Auror trainee. My destination was the Weasley's converted pigsty. The Auror trainee was named Tonks and was not overly happy having to baby sit. However, here comes the problem does she take a shower with me? Does she sit in my room while I change clothes? No, she stands out side and I disappear, again, the intelligence of Dumdum and company shows through. She decided to keep me in sight at all times. Since it is only a couple of weeks until September 1st I decided not to 'fade' and just cause troubles.
Tonks clearly told her, that thing that is known as 'I just weigh a pound short of a ton' Molly Weasley to leave me alone and never to touch me. This was done in my presents when I arrived this morning; you would think there was some sense in those words.
Later that day:
"Harry why don't you go with Ginny and help her collect the hens eggs." Fat Molly suggested.
"I'm talking to you young man" Molly was changing her tone.
"I don't do prison work in this prison so bugger off" I answered.
"Don't you talk like that in this house."
"Well I'll leave then." I got up and she grabbed me.
It is difficult to fight that much mass of flesh; you will know this if you ever tired to pick up an unconscious person. She however had a little forward motion, which I used to spin her onto the couch. She lumbers up and charges, yelling "You insolent brat."
Her next scream brought the entire house running. She had a head of steam and a ton of mass so when I used that against her she learned that elephants can fly."
I think I sprained a few muscles doing that throw. They called in outside help to move her as unconscious bodies weigh a ton.
Still later:
While Tonks is not avoiding me doing an imitation of a male striptease in my room, she is making lured comments, "Small boy packing big wand."
The evening shower brought not only Tonks saying "Want some company in there big boy?" with her hand on the shower door,but the brood mother standing outside the locked door screeching about improper behavior.
I got Ron's room and his snoring, which is like trying to sleep in lumber cutting mill.
As I said, I am very good at sneaking around and not being seen. I had to get away from the snoring of Ron, I would sleep with the chickens first. Therefore, as I headed for the chicken coop, I found Mrs. Weasley and Dumbledore that night confirming a previously hatched plan. Detailed it was not but I could easily put the scattered and sketchy pieces together. Ron was to be sent to visit a friend and Ginny, who had a huge crush on me, was going to seduce me.
I spent some time putting the pieces together and there was only one thing that would make sense. Ergo, she would get pregnant and I would be killed eventually, leaving all the money to Ginny, which by then would be my forced into wife. Well I did not hear a large part of the plan but I figured "sooner" would be just after she got pregnant. I had been using an anti-preg charm on myself for a while now and after hearing those two connive, I slipped one on Ginny. As I might of mentioned earlier, love potions were rampant at Hogwarts and I dosed myself regularly with an antidote and flushing potion. Regardless what the parents think about their little angles being pure, in actuality the little sluts around Pivot drive were always available. I always sleep in just my shorts and there was a reason for that. Yea, it was comfortable.
/Scene Break/
Well the chicken coop was dirty and even here you got a continuous cluck, cluck. Therefore, I headed off to Mr. Weasley shed where he did his muggle probing. What did I find but Tonks in a nightie. One horney Tonks with a mattress and one hell of a body. We spent a couple of nights exploring what I could do verse a person who could change her body. I now had a shower guard and a bed partner until the fateful night Molly sent Tonks on a mission.
/Scene Break/
When Ron's announcement was made that he was visiting a friend, it was a good give away especially with Tonks gone. As soon as the lights went off, Ginny was in my room before I could go to the shed. She had our clothes off faster than you could say Quittage. She was no little "angle" she had been at it before. I still wonder if the entire household was in on this as her screaming was quite loud. After we had been at it for about an hour, I figured I would get some sleep but while I, laid back she slowly crawled and kissed up my body and in short order was bouncing again. Ginny seemed to like the idea of riding me …well Ron returned home for some reason and entered the room about that time. That started Ron screaming about his little sister….Ginny is screaming in an orgasm….BANG, in bursts Molly Weasley screaming, at a deafening pitch, about marriage, pregnancy, and fertility potions. It is a wonder the town down the road were not traumatized. Molly was not happy when I gave her the finger and said "Sue Me". It was still something I laughed over, I finally send a 'Patronus" to Dumdum to come and "rescue me, what I wanted was his night to be ruined. Me? I faded to the manor and got a hot bath and a good night's sleep. Let his minions search England and France for his little boy. I was sure one ton Molly was giving Dumdum an ear full right now.
/Scene Break/
"Ragnok, how's it hanging? I was in a very good mood.
"Much to their delight of course friend Harry. We have found another vault for you if your game."
Unbelievably his trip to Merlin's vault was kind of a disappointment as there was not anything of interest like someone would think. I did grab up Merlin's journal, it seemed to have a few interesting spells and curses.
Well I figured that Jean was influential in France but he was surprised to learn that Jean was elected Minister for Magic in France a week after the Fawkes incident. I learned all this when I used Gringotts 'floe' to get to France and Fleur.
/Scene Break/
Fleur and I sat down and I decided that I wanted to give up my crazy life and I definitely wanted to keep Fleur. So we had Jean do the paperwork and we had a quiet wedding at the Ministry. We knew we would be separated again on September 1st but I would be taking my OWLs at the ministry and be home in no time. Oh how fate loves to mess with me and my plans.
Time did nothing for the vacation and it was now time to return to England and Hogwarts. The robes for me were impressive; they only held the Hogwarts crest but that was to keep my titles down to a dull roar. All of the clothes that I had wreaked of wealth one had to be blind not to see money both in robes and in the muggle attire. Then the day came, off to Hoggy Hogwarts and all of my great friends and the Headmaster.
I entered the platform and made a beeline to the train and an empty compartment.
Ron stepped into the compartment as if nothing had ever happened, well unless you count his snarky comments for the rest of the ride and the year. I wonder what they bribed him with, more money. Ginny it seemed was under the assumption that we were an item until I publicly said "no way slut" in the great hall. That would start the howlers from Molly Weasley, but I should care? Right now the great Dumdum wanted attention for his welcoming speech.
(From J.K Rawlings Goblet of Fire) Quote:
Dumbledore cleared his throat.
"As I was saying," he said, smiling at the sea of students before him, all of whom were still gazing transfixed at MadEye Moody, "we are to have the honor of hosting a very exciting event over the coming months, an event that has not been held for over a century. It is my very great pleasure to inform you that the Triwizazard tournament will be taking place at Hogwarts this year."
"You're JOKING!" said Fred Weasley loudly.
The tension that had filled the Hall ever since Moody's arrival suddenly broke. Nearly everyone laughed, and Dumbledore chuckled appreciatively.
"I am not joking, Mr. Weasley," he said, "Though now that you mention it, I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag, and a leprechaun who all go into a bar."
Professor McGonagall cleared her throat loudly.
"Er - but maybe this is not the time… no…," said Dumbledore, "where was I? Ah yes, the Triwizard Tournament…
End Quote:
I could almost taste the problems and that damn twinkle had him way to happy which usually is bad news for me. The next morning the school be damned I was in Ragnok's office.
"He's running that tournament and I know as sure as I am sitting here he will have me in the middle of it as soon as that Goblet lights."
"Don't you want eternal glory, Harry" laughed Ragnok
"I want peace and quiet and a long time in France with my wife"
"Ever since you notified me last night I have had the rules of the tournament researched and it basically comes down to when your name comes out of the Goblet it's a magically binding contract. You would have to compete."
"How do I give up my name? Hay! That is it, like with the vault switching. I am known as Harry James Potter or Lord Potter what if I do some renunciation form and give it all to Lord James Harold Slytherin-Gryffindore, money title and there is no more Harry Potter."
"A 'statutory declaration' would work but you will now have to change your wife's name, let me have research check on it, should not take but a couple of minutes."
A few minutes later:
"You win, with the Statutory Declarations Act 1835 lets us change your name to Harry Doe and Lord James Harold Slytherin gets the Lord Potter money and titles as well as Gryffindore's title and moneys. I will have the paperwork filed today in London and Scotland. You will be known as Lord James Harold Potter-Slytherin-Gryffindore".
"Oh! Let me use your 'floe' I need to tell Fleur that she is now Fleur Gryffindore".
"Yes best not to spread around who is Lord Slytherin or his Lady," Ragnok agreed.
I got back to Hogwarts in time for lunch and a Howler from Molly Weasley.
The Howler from Molly did give me a bit to consider, but 'mother like daughter' and I was wondering who would be stupid enough to even consider living with a screeching Troll as in Molly Weasley or Ginny 'the second coming'. Then there is the thought that Ginny would probably out weight me in a couple of years just like her mother. Stuff nightmares are made from. I definitely am glad I am married.
/Scene Break/
"Mr. Potter I want you in my office immediately".
"Well Sir I have to ask if this is school business since I have not been on school ground but five minutes," I said while smiling.
"You will report there now!" roared Dumbledore
"Ah, Professor Mcgonagall could you tell me as head of my house what rules I have broken that you are not able to handle and had to refer them to the Headmaster?"
"Albus must we go through this time and again, Mr. Potter is correct. I know of no problems that you must be involved in".
"Oh very well, the Ministry has notified me that your request for OWL testing has been approved, first test starts this afternoon. Professor Snape will escort you there and back." Dumdum turned and stomped off.
After lunch, Snape corralled me and herded me though the 'floe' to the Leaky Cauldron and the walk to the Ministry. He did not push hard enough for me to swat him. I was curious as to why we did not 'floe' straight to the Ministry.
"I'm here to take my Owl Tests", I told the receptionist. I wore a ball cap so she took no notice of me.
"I will be here when you get out," grunted Snape.
"Yes through that door the testers are already there", replied the receptionist as she eyed Snape as you would a danger.
I entered the room and suddenly realized that I was lucky in that the receptionist had not asked my name in front of Snape.
"Ah, Lord Slytherin I presume", Professor Tofty asked and the testing began.
They had reluctantly returned one of my wand, the first or the third or… I was glad that my wand holster could hold two wands. I did make a show in front of Snape of putting the returned wand under my shirt in my waistband.
The written portion was dull but I got to lighten up the practical portion. Dancing pineapples my foot. My pineapple danced and when they said "good" it fell peeled, sliced and on conjured plates in front of the examiners. That got them to make up some outlandish practical tests, which I added to after I had done as they said. We were really having fun and most of the examiners were laughing as I was. I was to return the next day to continue.
"Well have you failed the simple tests?" Snape sneered. The receptionist was watching wide-eyed.
I just smiled and said, "But of course."
Never the less he herded me to Diagon alley towards the Leaky Cauldron when four idiots tried to capture me. The first was an 'expelliarmus' to my waste band and my wand which flew into his hand along with a blasting curse to his face, leaving his skull exposed.
By this time, my wand was out of its holster and I brought up a shield that I had found in the founders library. The shield totally surrounded me and took care of almost all curses. The other three fired off a 'stupify', 'incarcerous' and an 'expelliarmus' so their purpose was to capture me unharmed.
I was in no such mind 'Fraglantis laqueum' shot out of my hand. The flaming lasso encircled the three and I squeezed. That was when I felt 'Sectumsempra' from Snape hit the back of my shield. I spun to end this and found Tonks and two other Aurors standing over a stunned Snape. They were down the street when this had started and had come running. Luckily, they saw the whole thing, I made my statements at the Ministry and Tonks escorted me to Hogwarts. She propositioned me the whole way; I broke the news of my marriage then said, "Great while it lasted, if you ever get free give me a 'floe' call."
No sooner did we step out of Professor McGonagall's 'floe' than the questions started.
"Where is Professor Snape and why are you with Auror Tonks?"
"Professor McGonagall I think this is one time we do need to see the Headmaster. I really don't want to repeat this too many times."
She must have had a premonition as she emptied the Professors lounge. Dumbledore did not look too happy at the crowd that joined him in his office.
"What do I have the honor of this visit by all" twinkled Dumdum.
"I was attacked in Diagon alley by four men and Snape," I answered.
"That's Professor Snape Harry" was his automatic reply.
"Actually that is prisoner Snape as he is in a holding cell at the ministry awaiting trial", giggled Tonks.
"I'm sure there is some misunderstanding Professor…"
"No misunderstanding Professor, I was there with two Aurors and saw the entire fight, all were carrying the Dark Mark", Tonks replied.
"Professor Snape has been cleared of all wrong doing connected with that mark…"
"And he is a dead man walking if he comes in my view that was not a stunner he used on me", I growled.
"Well I must ask you all to excuse me as I must find a replacement for our potion master", Dumdum said, jumped up and was out the 'floe' before anything else could be said.
Professor McGonagall escorted me to testing the next morning. She wished to sit in on the testing. By the time we left she was speechless and a bit pale. I asked her to stop by the Leakey Cauldron for a drop or two of medicinal medicine she nodded.
After a fairly large drop as she asked, "Where did you learn to do magic like that?"
"Well if you promise not to spread it around, you have been on "Harry Hunts"? Well if they looked in the restricted section you all would have found me studying", I smiled as that was then, now it was the founder's library.
"The restricted library is restricted"
"Yes isn't it, and you all believed no one would be their so you all never looked" I smiled and she had another drop.
"That magic was well beyond NEWTs". She seemed as if trying to convince herself at what she saw.
"Yes the examiners told me yesterday I should apply for NEWT testing".
"Are you going to test out of Hogwarts then?"
"I really am inclined to do just that but I will have to talk it over with my wife first".
"Wife" she said in an almost screaming voice and had a third drop.
"Yes many things to consider, the Headmaster is plotting to get me married and then killed, but I'm sure that is only one of his many plots concerning me".
"Surly you exaggerate at least!"
"No I overheard the majority of that plot between Molly Weasley and Dumbledore myself. The TriWizard Tournament I think will be another manipulation for some unknown reason. That is why I have taken steps such as taking my OWLs and maybe NEWTs."
McGonagall had another drop and I escorted her to her quarters. Her gait was a bit unsteady.