Rayna felt cold and numb. It was a beautiful, sunny, unseasonably warm late December day, but all she could feel was cold. She didn't want to feel anything anymore as Bucky helped her out of the SUV. She could hear voices around her, but they seemed muffled and distant.
"Are you sure you can handle this, Rayna?" Tandy asked softly
"Handle what?" she thought
"Honey, if it's too much we'll take you back to the hospital." Tandy said with such concern
"Hospital? To see Deacon?" she asked
"I'm not sure this was the best idea, bringing her." Bucky said to Tandy as he tightened his grip around Rayna's waist
She wasn't sure where she was. She felt her sister's arm around her shoulders and Bucky's around her waist as they walked into a well lit room. They were early for something, but a few people had already gathered.
Maddie was quietly greeting people near an entrance with Colt by her side.
Scarlett and Gunnar were next to them greeting friends, strangers, family…
Mason was slumped in a chair nearby, quiet, and brooding about something.
"He gets that from Deacon." Rayna thought seeing her son
"Why is everyone dressed up?" she thought
"Where is Deacon?" she softly asked Tandy as she scanned the room seeing everyone except her husband
"Sweetie, we've talked about this. Remember? He was sick. The doctors did everything they could, but he was just too sick…" Tandy's voice cracked as she realized how detached and distant Rayna was from reality
"He promised Maddie he'd hold her baby boy. Where are my grandbabies?" Rayna asked her mind wandering to something other than Deacon
"Virginia is with Stephanie and Luke today. Remember…she's only a few days old and still in the hospital. They agreed to stay with her so Maddie and Colt could be here."
"Virginia..after mama?" Rayna smiled
"Yeah, they named their little girl after mama." Tandy rubbed Rayna's back
"…their little boy is Deacon? Little Deacon…where is he? Deacon promised Maddie he'd be here to hold little Deacon. Where are they?" Rayna asked in complete denial
"Tandy…I really think maybe we should take her back. This wasn't a good idea." Bucky sternly warned Tandy as they led Rayna into the chapel area
"Maybe you're right. We'll let her say her goodbyes and take her back. She needs to do that. She'll never forgive us if we don't let her see him one last time." Tandy said fighting tears as she led Rayna towards the casket
"Where…where are we? Where are Deacon and little Deacon? Everyone else is here. He promised Maddie he'd hold little Deacon." Rayna asked again clearly confused and detached from everything taking place around her
"I'm sure he's holding him right now. I'm sure they're both watching from heaven. He'll keep his promise to Maddie and take good care of baby Deacon in heaven." Tandy tried again to soften the blow as they came closer to the casket
"Why are Deacon's favorite guitars here?" Rayna asked seeing his prized possessions propped up near his casket
"Rayna, you need to say goodbye. Deacon is gone." Tandy rubbed her back gently as she peered into the beautifully etched casket. There were guitars and musical notes etched into the sides. Deacon was peaceful with his hands folded over his chest. His wedding ring catching the sunlight from a nearby stained glass window. He was dressed in a crisp white dress shirt, wearing his favorite navy blue vest, and best dark blue jeans.
"NO….NO…He can't be…he promised Maddie! He said he wanted the doctors to save him. DEACON! PLEASE? NO …NO…NO…NO…"
"Mrs. Claybourne…Mrs. Claybourne…..hey…..hey….wake up…you're having a nightmare…." A friendly nurse in green scrubs was peering down at Rayna as she sleepily tried to comprehend where she was and what was going on
"Deacon….Is he?" she stammered as she sat up in the reclining chair
"He's right here. We gave him a light sedative to help him rest. He's sleeping." The nurse said pointing to Deacon in the hospital bed, ventilator breathing for him as he slept peacefully
Rayna watched making sure his chest was rising and falling as she tried to shake the nightmare she'd just had.
After the nurse left she gently took his hand in hers kissing it to feel the warmth of his skin.
"I'm not ready to lose you, Deacon. Please, please, please…keep fighting for me, for us…I love you so much. 24 years together isn't nearly long enough." She whispered as she watched him sleep.
She said a silent prayer, thankful she'd only been having a nightmare and Deacon was still with her.
She wasn't sure how much time passed as she studied every laugh line on his handsome face. She brushed the wisps of dark hair from his forehead. He opened his eyes a few times, but quickly drifted back to sleep.
She knew she needed to call Maddie, Scarlett and Mason as the afternoon sun started to fall. Deacon was clearly spending the night in ICU. She had hoped for some good news before she had to make the calls, but the day was slipping away and Dr. Rand had not been back to see Deacon.
She fumbled around in the bottom of her purse looking for the phone. She'd thrown it in there after silencing it earlier that morning in the ER.
Finally locating it, she was surprised to see that it was 4:16pm already, and she'd missed 4 texts and 6 calls.
Text #1 from Colt [Call me ASAP] 11:46am
Text #2 from Scarlett [Where r u? I stopped by the house. Call me NOW] 1:02pm
Text #3 from Colt [C – section at 4:30pm. Maddie's blood pressure keeps going up. Call me PLEASE?] 3:13pm
Text #4 from Scarlett [I'm worried! Where the hell are you? Colt keeps calling and texting me. It's Maddie. She's not doing well. CALL ME!] 4:01pm
The voice messages were also from Colt and Scarlett, much the same as the texts, frantic requests to call them back.
"I'll be back, real soon! I love you, Deacon." She softly whispered in Deacon's ear before stepping into the hallway with her phone to her ear
She tried Colt first…no answer, as she quickly walked towards the ICU maternity area where Maddie had been the day before
The room was empty. She tried Scarlett's number.
"Mom…where the hell have you and dad been? I've been callin and textin for hours and so has Colt." Scarlett scolded Rayna
"I'm soo sorry, baby. Dad had a really bad night. He couldn't breathe this morning. We're here at the hospital. Where are you? Where is Maddie? I just checked the room she was in last night."
"I'm in the maternity waiting room with the Wheelers. Colt is with Maddie. They already took her for the C-section."
"OK, I'll be right there." Rayna said rounding the corner to the hallway she needed
"How's dad? What's goin on with him?" Scarlett bombarded Rayna with questions as soon as she walked in
"They admitted him earlier today. He was up sick all night. This morning he couldn't catch his breath. I've been waiting for the doctor and test results."
"Why didn't you call? I've been goin crazy all day with Maddie and you guys missin." Scarlett barked a little harsher than intended
"Look, I'm sorry. I silenced the damn phone in the ER and forgot to turn the ringer back on. I'm exhausted." Rayna shot back
"I'm sorry mom. Everyone's a little frazzled with Maddie and dad, I guess." Scarlett apologized as Gunnar got up to calm her
"It's OK. I'm just….I can't take much more! I don't remember the last decent nights sleep Deacon and I have had. He's been so sick and now he's back in ICU. I'm soo worried about him and Maddie and the babies and…." Rayna collapsed onto a couch sobbing
"Hey…hey…calm down, sugar. We're all here in this together. I know it's gotta be hell with Deacon bein so sick and now Maddie and the babies. It's OK. If you need to be with Deacon, we'll keep you updated on Maddie." Luke and Stephanie sat on either side of Rayna trying to console her as she sobbed
"No, he's sleeping. Dr. Rand has my number if test results come in. How is Maddie? What happened?" Rayna asked finally composing herself
"Well, her blood pressure spiked. She had another of those little seizures. The doctor told them they needed to deliver or it would end up killin all 3 of them. She finally agreed and now they're doin the C-section." Luke explained
"I should have been here. I just….it's hard ya know. Deacon needs me so much and Maddie needs her mama and…." Rayna sobbed again against Luke's chest as he tried to comfort her
"What room is dad in? I'd like to see him while we wait for the babies." Scarlett said as Rayna finally calmed again
"uuhhmmm…he's in ICU 313. Scarlett, he's on a ventilator and they gave him something to help him sleep. Tell him I'll be back soon if he's awake."
"OK, mom. I love you. Relax. You look so tired. We're all here to help and take some of the burden off you. Everyone's gonna be OK." Scarlett tried to make Rayna feel a little better as she and Gunnar got up to go see Deacon
Over an hour passed with no word on Maddie. Luke was pacing nervously making Stephanie crazy.
"Luke, PLEASE just sit down and relax. You're gonna wear a groove in the damn floor!" Stephanie finally snapped
"FINE! I'll go get coffee if my pacin aggravates you so damn much!" he snapped and stormed off
Tensions were running high. Patience was wearing thin for the entire Claybourne Wheeler clan. Rayna sat quietly not really feeling much like talking to anyone as evening descended on Nashville.
Luke and Stephanie continued to bicker after he came back. They tried to keep it quietly between them, but Rayna could hear everything across the room. She'd give anything to have Deacon beside her. She thought back to their earlier years when they fought a lot. She'd do it all over again to have Deacon back to himself.
"How is he?" Rayna asked as Scarlett and Gunnar came back into the maternity waiting room
"He's pretty out of it. He opened his eyes a few times and squeezed my hand, but he …" Scarlett's voice cracked and she couldn't finish
Colt came into the waiting room as Gunnar held a now sobbing Scarlett.
"How's Maddie? Can I see her? I'm sorry I missed your calls and texts. I feel horrible." Rayna quickly said
"uummm…She's in recovery. Her blood pressure came down as soon as she delivered. She's a little loopy from the anesthesia, but she's good. They should have her and Virginia in a private room in a couple hours. You'll be able to see them both then." Colt smiled and pulled his phone out with pictures of baby Virginia
"She's perfect. A little small…only 4 pounds 3 ounces, but otherwise seems healthy. She was screaming as soon as they cleared her airway. I got to hold her for a few minutes. Maddie got to see her."
"…and little Deacon?" Rayna asked afraid of the answer
"He's tiny. Barely 2 pounds. He wasn't breathing when they delivered, but they were able to get a heartbeat. He never cried and I didn't get to hold him. They rushed him off to NICU as soon as they got a heartbeat. I don't really know what….I need to go check on him, but…I…I'm not sure I can….do this." Colt broke down as Luke and Stephanie came to his side.
"C'mon, son. I'll go up with you. He needs you now. Let's go see about my grandson." Luke put an arm around Colt and led him out of the room