Surprised? I have a reason... It's in the A/N below.

Thanks to everyone who's recently added this fic, reviewed, or just talked about it lately. I'm more appreciative than a few words up here can say.

Thanks to the beta dude, Stratan, for being well, him.

Chapter 6

Edward

My heart slammed into my throat and my stomach rolled, jerking me out of the nightmare I'd been having. I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling, feeling my skin break out into a cold sweat as I struggled to rein in the need to hyperventilate. I could still feel the searing pain as the first bullet tore through my chest, then again as the second ripped through my torso and sent me sprawling out on the pavement. I could feel the sense of weightlessness that came with the blood loss and my heartbeat slowly decreasing as each second passed. I could hear feet stomping beside me, the shriek of a neighboring woman when she found me, and the sound of sirens screeching as they made their way to where the shooting had taken place.

This was exactly why I didn't sleep. When I did, my subconscious frequently dredged up old memories and replayed them over and over again until I was physically ill. I couldn't believe I'd actually fallen asleep as quickly as I did. "Nap", "sleep", "rest", or any other synonym of that kind, was not in my vocabulary. Usually. This week, apparently, was a different fucking story. My eyes seemed to slip close regardless of how much caffeine or energy drinks I consumed during the day or what I did in an effort to stay awake when I holed up in my room each night. And it all started on the night Bella started working for Emmett.

I ran my hands over my face and decided that for once, I couldn't pretend that I was all right. I had to get up and move around, do something to distract myself from the scene that I had just awoken to.

Because it still hurt like fucking hell.

I threw on a pair of jeans and an old, ratty gray t-shirt before heading downstairs. The clock ticking was the only sound in the house, and I had a sudden, fervent moment of wishful thinking as I grabbed my keys and walked out the door. I wanted to be able to sleep easy at night, like all the other people in this house. I wanted one night that I could sleep a solid eight hours and not picture everything that had happened to me in the past. I wanted to look in the mirror and not see dark shadows sitting under my eyes and hollowed out cheekbones. I wanted to be a decent fucking human, but I had no idea how to even try for that.

Then again, I didn't have a reason to, either.

"Maybe you should get back into therapy," I mumbled as I slid into the driver's seat of the Volvo. It made sense. Before, I could deal. Now, with everything suddenly finding its way back into my life again, I wasn't sure I could. Case in point: I was practically sneaking out of my parent's house to go… who knew where. I hadn't done this since I'd first been adopted.

Reverting back to the way I was before wasn't an option. I'd worked too hard to have at least a little resemblance of normal before now.

I drove the short distance toward town, only to abruptly turn off to go to First Beach. The sun would rise soon, so I wanted to watch the ocean light up as the sun came up over the forest behind me.

"Since when did you turn into such a girl?" I scoffed, maneuvering a turn quickly.

I pressed a button on my stereo, turning off the classical music I typically drove to, and then cranked up the heavy metal on the radio to drown out said sudden girlishness. It was getting fucking ridiculous.

I drove through La Push, thankful that the engine in my Volvo was a quiet purr, rather than the low rumble of most of the engines that came into Emmett's shop. The last thing I needed to deal with was a bunch of locals coming out of their doors to see what the fuck I was up to at five in the morning.

When I got to the beach, I pulled onto the side of the road behind an old, beat up Chevy pickup that looked like it had seen better days. It reminded me of Bella's, and I suddenly ached to see her behind the wheel of it, smiling over at me in such a way that my heart skipped a beat.

I exhaled sharply and pushed the thought out of my mind, which was typically the only action I was doing against thoughts like that. It was avoidance, plain and simple. Locking it away to be dealt with at another time.

But I would lose my mind if I didn't begin to deal with this soon. Coming face to face with all my demons again was not something I was looking forward to. I was… terrified, just like I'd told Bella. Of her. Of the feelings she evoked in me. Of why I could no longer pretend that the past hadn't happened at all and why my subconscious was so hell-bent to deal with it.

Fuck, I didn't know if I could go back there again, to that exact moment in time when my entire world had gone wrong.

It was still dark as hell, so I pulled a huge, charcoal flashlight out from under my seat and turned it on, locking my car as I started toward the sound of the ocean in the distance.

The pebbles crunched under my feet, and the wind suctioned my t-shirt to my body. It was chilly, but I didn't care. I welcomed it. The cold awakened me, and it burned through my lungs, providing me with a much needed distraction from the blurry images that still flickered in my mind.

I sat down on the ground and leaned back against a large piece of driftwood, just willing for some kind of… clarity. Everything was so muddled these days, my past mixing with my present, how I felt when I was around Bella. I just needed one moment of peace, although, honestly, that probably wasn't happening any time soon. I hadn't had peace in such a long time I'd forgotten what it felt like.

I was letting one girl affect me more than necessary, and I had no idea how to go about fixing that.

I lit a cigarette and willed for my body to go numb as I watched the waves crash onto the shore. I let it all fade away until I was relaxed enough to compartmentalize everything again. It was the only way I was going to cope, by dealing with one specific issue at a time.

Dealing with Bella was the first thing on my list.

Going to back to Seattle and the apartment I shared with Jasper during the school year was an option, but every time I considered it, I felt hollow—more so than before. If I thought leaving Forks and my family every fall was hard before, leaving Bella would be infinitely harder. As much as I hated to admit it, in just a few short days, I'd gotten used to seeing her on the phone or concentrating on the computer screen as she typed in some kind of information for Emmett every day.

I grabbed a handful of rock and threw it out at the water, furious with my indecisiveness. I couldn't keep warring with myself every day. I needed to make a decision and stick to it. But I was still torn between wanting to give into this urge to try to be with Bella and fleeing the fucking country so that she could forget she'd ever met the green-eyed monster from Forks.

It was absolutely, without a doubt, the best possible scenario: Bella forgetting that I'd ever existed. Because let's just say that—hypothetically speaking— if I was able to give her something of myself, friendship or more, I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't hurt her eventually. I could never guarantee that I wouldn't hurt her.

The pebbles disappeared in the water, lost in the current somewhere. Bella moved like that. Like water. Sinuous and graceful until all at once, it was like something had been thrown into the water, disturbing its seemingly calm surface. She'd lose focus and trip, spilling out onto the floor or knocking a mountain of paperwork off the desk in her wake.

I'd never seen anything like it. And it hit me that if I left, maybe I never would again.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there and watched the ocean, but I realized the beach was full of people when I came out of my stupor. Some were milling around on the beach, looking for sea glass, shells, and everything else they could find, and others were taking advantage of the weather and surfing further off the coast. The sun was high in the sky somewhere behind the clouds now, so I finally got up from my spot and headed back toward the car. But I didn't go home. I drove aimlessly around trying to decompress before I faced my family again. I didn't want them to see what I was hiding, that the reason I'd left in the first place was because of weakness.

I was growing tired of being weak, and so my idle thought of getting back into therapy became more of a resolution. I wanted to be, not resemble, normal for once, as normal as someone in my station could ever be and in whatever capacity that word meant. At almost twenty-three, and with the help of countless therapists and counselors, I still didn't know.

I parked in my usual spot inside the garage when I got home. The smell of dinner cooking hung heavy in the air when I stepped inside, so I immediately went to the kitchen to let Esme know I was back. I'd probably worried her enough for one day.

She didn't hear me come in, too busy stirring something in a pot and listening to the music blasting in her ears from her iPod. I stood there for a moment, trying to decide the best way to approach her. I didn't want to walk over and touch her—I never initiated contact with anyone at any time—but standing here wasn't doing any good. She'd yet to notice me.

I gave up and crossed the room, lightly putting my hand on her shoulder as soon as I was near. The second she glanced over at me, I drew my hand back and shoved it in my pocket to match what my other hand was doing. Today was not the day to let my touch linger on someone. With everything running through my mind, I had a feeling it would be pushing too much too soon.

She jerked her ear buds out of her ear and took a furious step back. "Where've you been?" she demanded.

"Out."

"Out?" Her face hardened. "I realize you're a grown man, but 'out'? Really, Edward?"

"I went to La Push," I replied, hoping to close the subject. "It smells good in here. What is it?"

"Food," was all I got back. I had worried her.

I frowned. "Sorry."

Esme's shoulders fell forward, but she kept her eyes on the bubbling concoction in the pan. "I know something's going on with you," she said quietly. "I won't ask, but… don't keep it all bottled up, okay? You know what-"

"I'm not," I interjected. I didn't think I could bottle it up anymore. "I think I'm going to get back into therapy. I'm going to ask Dad for a reference later." I was hoping someone with a fresh look on everything could patch me up better than all of the other doctors I'd already been to. "Maybe someone in Seattle, in case I still want to go when I head back to school."

I could see all those questions she refused to ask in her eyes as she stared back at me. She knew me well enough to know that I didn't have answers for them. Or wouldn't answer them.

I loved her more for that.

"I'm okay, Mom. I just… need to get back into it, that's all."

"You're sure?"

I simply nodded.

"All right." She took a deep breath. "I love you, Edward. We all do. Just remember that."

"I know."

The doorbell chimed throughout the house, and I cocked my brow at Esme expectantly. "Dinner guests you forgot to warn me about?"

"Actually, no," she admitted with a laugh. "Go see who it is, would you?"

I dutifully wound my way through the house and to the front door. The second I opened it, I reared back in shock and dragged my hands through my hair in frustration. I just could not catch a break these days.

"What the fuck?" tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop it.

Bella's eyes shot up to mine, hurt flashing in their chocolate depths before she locked it down. Damn it, I'd managed to hurt her already. Exactly what I wanted to avoid.

"Nice to see you too," she snarked. "Your mom around?"

"Why?"

She sighed. "This is why."

She opened up a box to reveal a pair of hiking boots, likely from Newton's. "So you have a pair of boots," I said sarcastically. "Big deal. I don't see what my mother has to do with it."

"Edward, I'm not doing this with you tonight," she snapped. "Get out of the way."

I stood there stubbornly. Then again, so did she. She wasn't planning to leave until she'd spoken to Esme. I could see the determination written all over her face.

I scrubbed my face and stepped aside. "Ah, Christ," I relented. "She's in the kitchen. I need a smoke, anyway."

"Stay far away from me when you do it." She searched my face for something before adding, "Please."

"I'll shut the door behind me, princess," I bit back.

I heard her growl a little under her breath as she walked inside, but paid it no mind. I knew I was being an asshole. I just couldn't stop myself. It was a defense mechanism. I didn't have any kind of clue of what I was going to do about the girl. Staying away from her seemed to be unfeasible thanks to circumstance or whatever the hell it was that kept throwing us together. This was the only way I knew how to keep her out. If she was pissed off at me, she couldn't get under my skin again.

So I hoped.

The fucking cigarette wasn't the least bit satisfying knowing that Bella was in there talking to my mother. I ended up only smoking half of it before stubbing it out and flicking it into the yard somewhere. Then, I rushed back inside, wiping my hands on my clothes like it was going to rid me of the toxins I'd just put all over them. Bella would breathe it in, no matter how far away I was from her when I actually smoked. And with that scar…

I was such a goddamned dick.

"Mrs. Cullen-"

"I already told you, Bella. It's Esme."

"Esme," I could hear the annoyance in Bella's voice, "I can't keep these."

"Why not? Give me one good reason," Esme requested.

"Because… I… I know what you're doing here," she laughed. "And I'm not one of your charity cases."

I chose that moment to step into the kitchen, wanting very much to see my mother's reaction to that. Not just hear it. Esme Cullen did not do charity. She did what she wanted when she wanted.

End of story.

"Bella Swan, I have never been compelled to do anything for a person because I felt sorry for them or because of some strange sense of self-satisfaction like a lot of rich women out there. You needed boots to go hiking to the waterfall tomorrow; I provided you with them because I can. That's all there is to it."

The pause my mother gave had me tensing. She had an ulterior motive.

"Well, not exactly. I want the two of you to go up there together," she finished.

"What?" I shouted, almost startling Bella right out of her seat.

Used to my outbursts, Esme just shrugged. "You heard me."

"But… but why?" I sputtered. "I don't even know her!"

"Because there is no one else in this town—not even a park ranger—who knows that area better than you or your father. Carlisle is busy tomorrow, but you're free. I don't want Bella roaming the woods alone," Esme explained. "Not this first time, at least."

"Charlie was fine with it," Bella protested. "He knows I wouldn't-"

"It's not up for debate. Think of it as a 'thank you' for your job. I'm sure you've been thinking of ways since you started," she said gently, patting her leg and giving her a soft smile.

And there it was. She went right in for the kill, phrasing her demand so that Bella couldn't say no. And, in turn, neither could I.

I narrowed my eyes, on the verge of exploding at Esme for the first time since I'd been adopted. This was absolute bullshit.

She aimed her smile up at me. "What do you say, sweetie? Show Bella Falls Creek?"

I ground my teeth together so I didn't yell my answer at her. "Fine."

"Are you two serious?" Bella gasped in shock.

"Of course I am," Esme answered innocently.

"Be at the Third Beach trailhead at seven. If you're so much as five seconds late, I'll leave."

"Your point?" Bella snarled at me. "I don't need a tour guide. I'm perfectly capable of going alone."

"You don't go with me then you'll have to look for another way to repay Carlisle. As you can see," I motioned grandly to the huge, state-of-the-art kitchen we were in, "he's kind of hard to buy for. So good luck with that."

She visibly paled. I'd struck a nerve.

Shit.

"See you in the morning," I yelled at her as I left the room. I fled not out of cowardice this time, but because if I was going to do this—and who was I kidding, I was—I needed to mentally prepare myself. I needed the time alone to figure out how the hell I was going to be able to stand being around Bella without either being a total fucking asshole to her or rip all of her clothes off and fuck her next to the creek below the falls.

Which, if I was being truly honest with myself, was an incredibly enticing thought…

No one bothered me the entire evening, not even Esme or Carlisle in an attempt to get me to eat anything. I couldn't have if I'd tried, though. I was too keyed up, scared shitless and unable to calm down. Perfect for staying awake; hell for my brain.

By the time dawn came, I'd geared myself up for battle. This was a way that I could start to face all those demons I had buried so deep, whether I was ready for it or not. After all, what better way was there to do so than by spending an entire day alone with the girl who tempted them to come out and play?

Bella was fire, and I was probably going to get burned, but I didn't stop myself; didn't even consider it as I drove to the trailhead and parked behind her awaiting truck. I'd chosen to meet here so that I didn't have to deal with Chief Swan's warning looks as well as being alone with Bella this morning. I could only take so much.

I grabbed the two coffees and breakfast I'd picked up on my way and headed toward her truck. Bella must've been waiting for me, because before I could even come around to her side of the truck, she flung her door open and stared up at me nervously. Her eyes shifted to the food in my hands as she slid out of the seat, and her mouth made a little round 'o' of surprise, causing images to flash through my mind of how it would look wrapped around my-

God damn it.

I shifted awkwardly and took in a steadying breath. "Peace offering," I mumbled.

"You came," she breathed. She stepped away from the truck but held the door. "Do you want to sit in here and eat or…?"

"Uh…" Remembering the last time I'd been alone with her in a confined space and everything that had gone with it, I took a step back and shook my head. "Out here's fine."

Her lips twitched a little as she shut the door behind her. "Scared again?"

I turned around and sat down on the edge of the road, placing the coffee and food next to me. Honesty, I reminded myself, even though I wanted to get defensive. No more bullshit. If I wanted to figure out how to let everything go, I probably needed to let someone in. Bella was just as good as any other.

But I knew that was a lie. Bella was better than any other for some odd reason.

"Yeah." I took a sip of coffee and handed hers to her, watching her closely as she sat beside me. "I don't um, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't talk to people much."

"I think I remember saying something similar the other day." She took the cup and gave me a small smile. "Thank you for breakfast."

I stared at her blankly for a moment, and then realized what she was waiting for. "You're welcome."

"Not so hard, is it?" she joked.

Actually, it was, but I didn't tell her that. She… she rattled my bones, this girl.

We ate in silence; the chirping of birds and the rustling of the paper around our croissants were the only sounds until we were through. Well, except for my annoying, rapidly thumping heart. That could probably be heard from a mile away.

She moved to get up, the back of her jeans scraping against the asphalt as she did, and dusted her ass off. My eyes wandered up, and then quickly found the ground again. She had rhinestones making a pretty little fucking pattern on her ass.

Holy. Shit.

"My backpack's on the other side. I've got some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches we can bring if you need me to."

I swallowed thickly, willing my dick to go soft again. No luck. "No. Esme made a bunch of shit last night and stuck it in a cooler in the car. I'm not packing the fucker, though. We can take just what we think we'll use there."

"How come?"

"It's over seven miles back."

Her face twisted up as she thought about it. "The waterfall's seven miles away from here?"

I nodded.

"Oh." Her cheeks went pink from something she was thinking, and I wanted to groan with it. I'd be forced to look at it all day with no reprieve in sight. "I guess we should get going, then."

"Guess so."

We checked to make sure we had everything before heading out. The walk up to the falls was slow going and full of tension. I had nothing suitable to say to break the ice, and Bella was too busy staring at… Well, at fucking everything. If she wasn't just looking at it, she was examining it, feeling things like the moss growing over the fallen trees, the leaves that hung down over the path; mushrooms on the damp ground and pebbles—like the ones I'd thrown into the ocean yesterday—on the beach. I tried to be as patient as possible, but at the rate we were going, it'd be dark before we even made it there.

I exhaled sharply in frustration, catching myself and stealing a glance at Bella.

She looked pissed.

"Am I bothering you?" she asked angrily.

"I…" I ran my hands through my hair. "Well, if you'd stop touching everything and pick up the fucking pace we might actually make it to that damned waterfall this century."

She stopped abruptly and crossed her arms over her chest. "You know what? When you've spent the last three years in a hospital bed, thinking that you'll never do anything like this again, you tend to want to savor it the first time out. So forgive me, because that's exactly what I'm doing. If you don't like it, you're free to go on up."

I opened my mouth to respond, but I had nothing to say back. Instead, my eyes found their way to her chest, covered up by the lightweight, button up shirt she had on.

We stayed locked like that for a moment until she started moving up the trail. Curiosity burned in my veins, but I couldn't get the words to form on my tongue. I just moved with her for a while and watched her touch everything again.

"You can ask about it," she whispered, running her fingers along the soft leaves of a fern. She looked my way and practically stole my breath. She looked incredible out here surrounded by all of this. She… she fucking belonged out here.

"What, um…" I cleared my throat. "What do you have?"

The color of her face deepened as she said, "Well, I guess you could say that I don't have it anymore since they literally took out the problem the last time they opened me up… But it's hypertrophic cardiomyopathy?"

"Anymore?" I repeated, giving her a funny look. You didn't just miraculously heal from something like that. It was something you were born with, something you couldn't escape. Doctors merely cured its symptoms. I had no idea what she'd meant, unless… "Oh, fuck."

Heart transplant.

She wouldn't look at me now.

"I…" I didn't know how to respond to that. Sorry, maybe? So I tried it. "I'm so-"

"Don't you dare say it, Edward," she groaned. "Just… don't."

I opened my mouth to say something else, and then slammed it shut again when I realized that I could identify with her. I'd been on the brink of death once myself. It was the precise memory I'd fled from yesterday morning, and it seemed to be the first of many memories I'd hidden away to want to make itself known.

If sorry wasn't the appropriate response, I figured I'd try to tell her why that wasn't just a word to me.

"Bella, I was… I know…" But the words just wouldn't come. I'd never tried to tell anyone outside the many therapists I'd had what it was like lying there on the ground dying. What it was like before Carlisle and Esme found me. How terrified I'd been that the hospital administrators would send me out on the street before I was healed because I was some piece of shit kid who couldn't—or wouldn't, depending on who they were asking for—tell them where his parents were. Who had no way to pay.

Looking at Bella was like locking them in the vault of my brain somewhere. I couldn't formulate a way to say it.

She sighed and started to move again, this time a little faster. "How much further?" she questioned quietly.

She did it again, the fucking mind reader. She knew not to push me.

I glanced around to get my bearings. "Thirty more minutes," I guessed.

She nodded.

As we walked by the creek, light would occasionally filter through the trees, causing everything to brighten as we made our way through the dense forest. Bella's steps were now hurried, and a smile played at her lips the closer we got to the waterfall. We could hear the sound of it now, gradually getting louder and louder until the creek curved and we could see it and the area surrounding it clearly.

The sound of water gliding across the rock echoed around us. The sun was out, giving Bella the perfect opportunity to see the plants and flowers that grew here in all their glory, and it cast rainbows over dark stone.

But I saw none of it. All I could see was Bella and the stunned, ecstatic way her face lit up as she took it all in. Her hand came up to cover her gaping mouth as her eyes darted around, a gust of wind coming up from the ocean and whipping her hair around her face. Her hand moved down to her chest, grabbing at the fabric over her heart as she whispered something undecipherable.

It almost looked like a silent 'thank you'.

"I just… Shit, Edward, this is incredible!" she eventually shouted over at me.

"Yeah?" I moved toward her, pulled in by her blinding smile. "It's not bad."

"Not bad?" She shook her head and laughed. A warm feeling came over me as the sound spread out around us. "You're jaded. It's… I didn't know anything like this was here."

"I-" I stopped my argument because I had no reason to argue. She was right. I was jaded to this. But maybe Bella would whittle away at that, and I'd see it through fresh eyes again someday.

Then I remembered who I was and where I came from. I'd never have the purity she did. Not with everything I'd done before.

"I was shot," I said instead. Bella's eyes snapped to mine, large and uncertain, and I questioned my timing. I'd never shared anything this heavy in my life. I didn't have the slightest idea where to start.

"What did you just say?"

I glanced away, unable to watch her face as I told her this part of my past. "There was a point that I was homeless. Not because Elizabeth hadn't been able to afford a place to live. Because I ran away after…"

I gritted my teeth against the sick feeling that settled in my stomach. I would not lose my breakfast in front of her.

"I refused to do any more for them, so they found me and shot me. Left me to die."

She gasped, but I didn't dare look at her. Not yet. "Edward, who?"

I shook my head. I couldn't go that far into it. "Someone found me before I bled out and called an ambulance. I was…" I was only giving her pieces of the story. I couldn't seem to find any sort of flow, so I just stopped.

"I almost died. So when I tried to tell you I was sorry, it wasn't because of some bullshit 'this is what you say in situations like these' response. It was because I am."

"Okay." Her voice quaked, and my eyes involuntarily darted to hers. They were brimming with unshed tears.

"Why are you crying?" I asked in panic.

"For the boy." She shrugged. "He didn't deserve it."

"What the-?" I broke off, suddenly angry. "You don't have any fucking idea what I deserve."

She stood tall, giving me a fierce look. "You don't know what you do."

I pulled at my hair before I started to pull the pack off my shoulders. "Don't feel sorry for me, Bella."

"If you think for one second I feel sorry for you, you weren't paying any attention to the conversation we just had. I don't pity anyone. Ever. I know what it's like on the receiving end, and I'm too… too fucking proud to do that to someone else."

"Well, it all worked out," I said, not acknowledging how listening to her curse made my blood boil with need. "Carlisle and Esme found me in that hospital. My surgeon was an old med school buddy of his. So I got out. I never had to go back to that shithole life of mine."

"Good."

"Yeah."

We didn't speak much after that. Bella laid out a blanket over a fallen tree. She leaned against one of the branches, resting her head on her arms behind her head and closing her eyes each and every time the sun peeked out from the clouds. She eventually motioned for me to sit beside her, and as fucking awkward as it made me feel, I didn't resist. Feeling her body heat beside me was…

Indescribable.

"Why'd you come with me today?" she asked quietly, and then she giggled at herself. "I'm always asking you questions like these, aren't I? Why'd you do this? Why'd you do that? God, I must be so annoying."

"No. Never," I protested. I blinked a little at the earnestness behind that. I'd been convinced that I hated her somehow, but I was quickly realizing it wasn't Bella at all. It was hatred toward myself and everything this girl made me face.

She turned her head to the side and gave me a good, long look to see if I was lying. Satisfied that I wasn't, she said, "So then answer me."

"Esme…" I struggled with the words. "Well, she doesn't take no for an answer. It's how my brothers and I came into her family. It's… it's one of my favorite things about her. She has this innate way of phrasing something so that she gets her way. She knows just what buttons to push for everyone. So it would have been pointless to say no."

"What's your button?" she asked, pulling her lower lip in between her teeth as she waited for my answer.

"I don't really know," I admitted. "I guess I don't really know enough about myself to figure it out. Esme seems to, though."

"Well, she's your mom," Bella returned. "It's a mom's job to know that kind of shit."

"Not all moms," I said darkly.

"Your biological mom, Elizabeth?" She paused, and I knew she was waiting for confirmation. But something in her eyes told me she really didn't need it.

It was strange, but I nodded regardless.

"She doesn't count. I don't know anything about your situation before you met Carlisle and Esme—other than the shooting, of course—but I know enough to be able to say that she wasn't your mom. Not in the slightest. Esme is. And I'm sorry for that."

I gazed at her and saw no judgment in her eyes. Just honesty.

I was even more at a loss for words.

We went silent again until all at once, Bella shot up from her spot and started rifling through my nearby backpack.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I growled, reaching for the damn thing. There wasn't anything important in there, but I still had a little bit of self-respect. I wasn't about to let some random girl start digging through my shit.

"You haven't smoked… all day," she murmured, yanking whatever she could grab out of the pack.

"Ah…"

She caught the discomfort in my voice and stopped her motions. "Edward?"

"I knew um, that your scar… I mean, I'd caught a glimpse of it… Fuck," I muttered. Now I was really wising for one of those cigarettes. "Carlisle's been on my ass to quit for… for fucking ever, and gave me some of those stupid patches to wear. I didn't want to smoke around you, so… I-"

I yanked up the sleeve of my shirt to expose the clear patch I'd haphazardly put on this morning before walking out the door. "I probably need another by now…" No, not probably. I sure as fuck did.

She watched me rub at the plastic sticker for a second before timidly reaching out to touch my hand with hers. It wasn't much, just a quick squeeze, but my body didn't care. Like a fire had been started, heat flooded my veins with the simple gesture, cycling through my body until the inferno worked its way to rage in my chest.

"Thank you," she said softly.

For the first time in my adult life, I hadn't panicked from the spontaneous touch of another. I realized that I'd wanted it. Craved it, even.

Which would quite possibly, eventually, have me panicking for a wholly different reason, but at that specific moment, I hadn't been able to process any of the doubts or rebuttals that I normally would during that one, brief moment where her skin brushed over mine.

I simply marveled it.

So Dear Maggie is up for Fic of the Week on The Lemonade Stand. Go vote for up to four of your favorites (possibly this? Lol) listed there. It'd be much appreciated ;) www(dot) tehlemonadestand (dot) blogspot (dot) com... Anyone else wish FFn would quick blocking links? Sheesh.

Next update going to be on schedule. Sorry. I've been sick and haven't really been able to get this story out the way I normally can, so I've gotta pace myself again. Two weeks from tomorrow...

xx