Thank you for the reviews, adds, and well wishes this week! My kiddo is much, much better :)

Thanks to Stratan for beta'ing this, and to stephk0525 for prereading. I love you both.

Chapter 9

Bella

"Happy birthday to you... Happy birthday to you..."

"Son of a fucking bitch," Edward snarled, giving Emmett an angered look. "I hate you."

Jesus, was he hot like that.

I blinked out of my lustful haze as Emmett laughed with glee. He carried the large, chocolate frosted cake over to where Edward stood. "You don't. At all."

More obscenities came pouring out of Edward's mouth, making my own drop a little, before Emmett finally placed the cake on the hood of the car Edward had been toying with.

"Make a wish, Edward."

"It's not my birthday, you cocksucker."

"So I'm off a few days," Emmett said with a shrug. "Makes for a better surprise."

Edward fumed, clenching his jaw as he glared at his brother. A few beats went by, and then Edward relented, leaning forward and blowing out the two candles on the cake.

That hard stare never left Emmett's face.

"Party in the staff lounge," Emmett announced as he picked the cake back up. "Mom made a shitton of food and brought it over before she went to Seattle this morning. The girls get to go first, though. Otherwise, Rosie says she won't get any. Then neither will I, and we can't have that."

Rosalie stood up on her toes to kiss Emmett's cheek. "Thank you," she said cheerfully. "Come on, Bella. Esme is an amazing cook."

"Um, I uh..." My eyes darted around the room before settling on Edward, needing the confirmation that this was, in fact, what he was doing. He stared back at me unemotionally for a split second, and then turned away to file through the door with everyone else.

"I'm coming," I finally said, only when Rosalie had disappeared behind the door that led to the staff lounge, I turned to head back to my office. I didn't want to contribute any to Edward's discomfort.

Jasper was standing there with a smirk on his face, and I had this sudden urge to beat my head against the wall.

"What?"

"Don't like cake?" he returned, the smirk never leaving his lips.

I'd seen Jasper nearly every day since I started working here. He'd never offered me any more information about himself, and I hadn't asked. Our conversations typically tended to be meaningless and full of surface nonsense; at least, they had since that first outburst of mine when I saw his burns. The narcissistic part of me would have liked to say that all of this time spent around me was because he couldn't get enough of the girl who'd just moved to town, but I knew it wasn't that at all.

We were connected because we each knew something about the other that we wanted kept quiet. Circumstance had made us this way.

"I'm a girl," I answered. "Of course I'm into cake. Chocolate, especially."

"So that means that cake should give you the mother of all orgasms, right?" His brow cocked playfully.

"Definitely." At least, I was assuming so. I hadn't really had that mind-blowing orgasm yet. Something told me that my hand just wasn't as good as the real thing, and I'd always been too chickenshit to go buy a toy. Of course, my eyes involuntarily shifted to the door just to my left... where Edward was.

Pushing that from my mind, I tried to move past Jasper and into the office, but he quickly took a step so that he was in my way.

"It's mandatory that you deal with the idiocy of the other employees here. Goes with the territory of being one of us now." He flashed me that perfect smile of his.

"Maybe I don't want to be one of you," I joked, but deep down, I knew I did. I wanted to fit in, but I wasn't sure if I should yet. I might have gotten along with everyone in the Cullen family famously, but there was always that niggling sense of guilt when I spoke to them. I was masquerading around like a normal teenage girl—well, one who'd had a heart transplant, that is. None of them knew what my true intentions were when it came to Edward.

Then there was Edward himself. "Unpredictable" was not really the proper word to describe him. He was warm and friendly one day, and closed off and bitter the next. He confused me, and I knew more about him than I probably should have.

I was beginning to think there would never be any figuring him out.

"Liar. Come on. Rosalie wasn't kidding when she said my mom was an awesome cook." He held out his hand, hoping to convince me to come with him. "Please?"

"I don't know, Jasper," I said, chewing on my lips and twisting around to glance back at the door. "He was so pissed..."

"Well, yeah," he said, like it was the stupidest comment ever.

"Then why do you guys do it?"

"Because Emmett wants to. He knows Edward hates it, but it's like..." He exhaled sharply. "He keeps hoping that maybe one year, Edward will want to celebrate it."

My chest tightened with the thought. Even I let everyone celebrate my birthday, and I hated being made over like that. But it was more for them than it was for myself, especially now after living through the nightmare that was the transplant list. I couldn't imagine being so miserable that I didn't even want them to be happy on that day. Seeing my family's faces light up always had been a quick way to brighten my mood.

"Man, you really like him," he commented, assessing my mood perfectly.

Startled, I didn't really know how to respond. So I said the first thing that popped into my head. "Uh, what?"

"Edward," he elaborated. "You really like him, don't you? It's not just bullshit."

I blushed hard. "I like him as well as I can, I guess. I still don't really know him."

"None of us do, Bella. That's another thing that goes with the territory."

"How can you all be so blasé about the whole thing?"

"All?"

"Rosalie said something similar on my first day," I replied.

"I see."

"Don't you worry about him?"

The playful smile faded, replaced by a grave look. "Of course we do. Every day we do. But we live with him. You don't."

"But-"

He cut off my protest, "It's like this: we know when to push him and when not to. If you try to force him into doing something big he... he blows up. Only my mother has ever been able to sweet talk her way into getting what she wants with him. And I think it's just because he has a soft spot for her."

"A soft spot," I repeated.

"Yeah. She was the one who found him in the hospital."

I scowled. "Why exactly are you telling me this?"

"Because you're making him a better person."

I scoffed. "You're nuts."

"We all see it, Bella. Every one of us but you. He detailed your truck, for God's sake."

"So?"

"You know he's never offered to do anything for anyone before?"

"Seriously?"

He nodded his confirmation. "You're the only person on this planet I've ever known him to reach out to. He tends to be oblivious to anyone else's needs."

"So he's selfish," I responded, although, it wasn't really a surprise. It was no secret that Edward got lost in his head sometimes.

"He doesn't know any other way."

He wiggled his fingers, bringing my attention to his hand again, and gave me that same, perfect smile. The subject was closed now, and I understood why. Edward was his brother, whom he loved dearly. He couldn't betray him by giving me the sordid details of his life.

Which was just as well; I would have rather learned it all on my own.

"Come on, Bella. I'm hungry."

"Fine," I grumbled, placing my hand in Jasper's. It was nothing like when Edward held my hand, clasped over mine in a friendly way, rather than intertwined and making my stomach flutter. It felt off, but I let Jasper drag me to the lounge, anyway, and found that everyone was gathered around a rectangular table covered in food. My brows crept up to my hairline, shocked that Esme had enough time to do all of this. When I was done gawking at the food, I glanced around the room and found Edward staring at me again. Or more specifically, my hand.

I instantly yanked it free from Jasper's and dropped it to my side. My entire body flushed for reasons I couldn't place. I wasn't doing anything wrong, exactly, but I still felt guilty for letting it happen. And Jasper... Jasper had just been trying to get me to be a little more social, making sure I really did fit in around here.

Right?

Doubt crept over me, and my eyes instantly shifted over to Jasper in panic. But he was no longer paying attention to me, too busy locking his stare with his brother's from across the room.

Edward looked like he was ready to kill him.

"I'm going to um," I coughed nervously, "grab some food before I get my ass kicked for holding up the line."

I hurried past Jasper and to the table, unable to look at either Edward or him as I did. I filled my plate up with miscellaneous pasta dishes and appetizers, and then ran to the chair in the corner, hoping to escape.

No luck.

Before I knew it, Edward had somehow been shoved into a seat next to me.

Shit.

"Happy birthday?" I said awkwardly, hoping what I was giving him resembled a smile.

He searched his pockets for his cigarettes, pulling them out and setting them down on the table with a blue BIC between us. I idly wondered why he still had them, if it was because he wanted to smoke one and simply wouldn't with me around, but I kept my mouth shut. He was in a foul enough mood as it was.

"What the fuck ever."

I huffed and stared down at my hands, willing for some sort of calm to come over me. I thought that we'd gotten past all this; that spending an entire afternoon, and subsequently the night afterward, together had changed things between us. I thought that he would just talk to me.

"Edward…"

"Bella…" he mocked.

It felt like we were back at square one again. And right then, I realized how disappointed I was that he was still the same dick I'd had the displeasure of knowing. Nothing had changed at all. That openness, the honesty that had poured out of his mouth, had been just a fluke.

"Stop it," I sighed unhappily.

He didn't seem to breathe for a moment, and then forced all of the air out of his lungs at once. "You uh, you like my brother or something?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, despising myself for the way his voice sounded, so rough... sad. "No," I whispered.

"Didn't look that way."

"Edward, he was just dragging me to your party," I replied, hoping that my voice wasn't a squawk of panic. "He caught me sneaking to my office. I didn't want to contribute to your discomfort."

"Uh-huh."

"Why are you making such a big deal about this? It's Jasper, for crying out loud. I've been around him for weeks now."

"I'm not," he said with a sneer. "Just trying to figure out if the new girl wants to sink her claws into me or my brother."

"My claws?"

"Yeah, claws," he said unapologetically. "Most girls do because of who our parents are."

Money. Edward was referring to the Cullen's money.

Thoroughly insulted, I picked up my plate and shot up out of my chair. "What makes you think you can just waltz up to me and say shit like that? You think that since you have 'baggage' that makes you entitled to be a dick somehow?"

He looked stunned by my outburst. Hell, I was too, to be quite honest. I was probably making a scene, but I didn't care. I could not keep getting on this spinning wheel with him.

"Because it doesn't," I seethed. "You know me well enough to know that I don't give a shit about your money, Edward. You're just looking for an excuse to push me away."

I dumped my plate in the trash as I fled the room, not stopping until I threw myself into my chair at my desk. God, I wanted to pack my things and go, head up to Seattle a couple of months early and forget that I'd ever had this harebrained scheme.

But no matter how enticing it was, I couldn't force myself to move.

I could hear the door squeak as it was pulled back a little, and I didn't have to look over to know whom it was. I knew it was Edward from the tugging sensation in my chest.

"Come back to insult me some more?" I asked bitingly.

His sigh had me finally letting my eyes shift to his. So much sorrow was held in them, I had to pull in a deep breath with how badly my chest ached at seeing it. I always felt something for Edward, no matter how rude he was.

"I don't like being the center of attention," he murmured, coming to sit in the chair Jasper had sat in during my training. He fell in it unceremoniously and waited anxiously for me to respond.

"Same here."

"Yeah?"

"God, yes," I admitted on a sigh of my own.

The tension in his body eased slightly as he shifted and leaned in a little closer to me. "How so?"

"My mother has always fawned over me, for as long as I can remember. And then after I was admitted into the hospital that first time..." My throat constricted against the words for some reason, and I ended up just giving him a small smile instead. "Well, I don't like it. It makes me feel claustrophobic."

He pondered that for a minute. "Don't let my bullshit ruin your day."

"Bullshit? Birthday bullshit or me bullshit?" He might have given up trying to keep clear of me, but there was something that lingered under it all, almost as if he was harboring his own secret. And because of that, we could never really simply be together. There was always this undercurrent of deceit tainting everything we did or said.

Or maybe I was just projecting.

Surprise flickered over his features at my bluntness. "Both."

"Hmm. You know, if you've changed your mind, you don't have to talk to me at all. I thought I made that point perfectly clear the day my truck broke down."

"You did… I…" He dragged his hands through his hair, sending it up on its ends.

"I'm a big girl," I said evenly, but really, I wanted to cling to him and tell him otherwise. "I can take it."

"I didn't change my mind," he breathed. "I just… I don't like seeing you with anyone else. I don't know how to react to this…"

"Possessiveness?" I supplied.

"I guess so." He paused. "So Jasper says you like chocolate cake?"

I answered his question with one of my own. "If you were so pissed off, why were you talking to Jasper about me?"

"I have no fucking clue," he muttered. "I need a smoke, Bella."

A giggle bubbled up out of my chest with his randomness. "I figured as much in the lounge. Do you want me to tell you no?"

He shook his head. "I want you to tell me it's fine as long as I'm not anywhere near you."

"It's not. I would like to see you live long enough to be that badass surgeon you're going to school for."

"You know about that?"

"Of course. This is Forks, Edward."

He let out a dry sound with that. "So that's a no on the cigarette, then."

"That'd be a no," I confirmed.

He grumbled under his breath. "Shit. You're going to kill me."

"No, I'm not. I'm going to save you."

An emotion flashed in his eyes, gone so quickly, I didn't have time to think about it. "Okay, I'll just go out to the car and put on another goddamned patch."

"Thank you."

"Go get some of that cake, yeah? Rosie's pestering the hell out of me to get you back in there. Says she's tired of being the only girl around here or some shit."

"All right."

"And don't fucking touch anyone else." His face softened as he reached out to cup my face. "You only touch me."

I fought back a shiver uselessly and nodded. "Mm-kay."

"And I only touch you," he murmured.

"Yeah?" I whispered, searching his face. I wanted to kiss him, to feel him give that part of himself that he'd given only me. I'd longed for his lips to find mine again all week long.

A photo of Maggie flashed in my mind, and I instantly felt guilty. But it wasn't enough to stop me from wanting him, needing him.

I didn't think anything would.

"Yes. Bella..." His voice was utterly delicious with desire, but he never attempted to close the distance between us. He licked his lips and let his eyes drop down to my mouth, leaning forward ever so slowly…

We broke away from each other when a throat cleared at my door, both of us glancing over with completely different expressions. Mine was full of embarrassment, clear from the heat in my cheeks, and Edward's was full of annoyance and venom for being interrupted.

"Uh..." Emmett ran his hand through his short, dark curls. "That's going to take some getting used to."

"What the hell do you want?" Edward spat. His hands dropped to my waist, squeezing at my hips as he stared up at his brother.

It was the only thing keeping me firmly in place. My body still hummed from our almost-kiss, and it was all I could do to keep the ounce of integrity I had left and not jump in his lap to make out with him, Emmett's presence be damned.

"I know you're pissed…"

"Fuck off," was all Edward said in return.

"Edward," I said softly. His eyes snapped to mine. "Come on."

I could see his jaw clench angrily as he stared back at me. But he never said a word.

Emmett took that as his opportunity to speak. "Look, I threw the party because I figured that if I waited until your birthday, you'd be even more pissed off. At least this way, everyone here will have already made over you and will leave you alone on the actual day. You can go… pretend like it doesn't exist or whatever."

He turned around and abruptly left the room before Edward could say anything. I sat there and chewed on my cheek, watching as Edward turned Emmett's words over in his head.

"He's right, you know. I'd be even more pissed off if he'd have waited until my actual birthday."

"Why?"

"There were some years that I simply hated it because it represented the day that I was brought into this world. If it didn't exist then neither would I. Now…" He shrugged, his eyes burning into mine. "Wishing I'd never existed, no matter how shitty my life was at the time, would mean that I'd never meet my family… or you."

The last word was spoken so quietly, I wondered if maybe I'd just imagined it.

"Anyway," he said, clearing his throat and releasing me from his grasp. "Go. I need to get that other patch, and then I'll be right there."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure, Bella. Just go."

"Try this one," Rosalie suggested, throwing a hot pink bunch of fabric in my direction.

I managed to catch it just before it hit the ground, and then held it out, a scowl forming on my face as I tried to figure out where the hell the tank top came from.

"Where'd you get it? I didn't think I owned anything this color."

"You don't," she answered, checking her cherry red lipstick out in the small compact mirror she'd pulled out of her purse. "It's mine."

I turned it around and saw how low the neckline dropped in the front. There was no way I was wearing it, because there would be no hiding my scar if I did. "Rose, no. I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because it'll show my-"

"Tits?" she finished, smiling at me innocently. But the look in her eyes dared me to challenge her, like she knew exactly what I was attempting to hide.

My mind raced as I tried to figure out how she would have known, who would have told her. All I could think of was Edward or Jasper... But I knew instantly that I was being ridiculous. Never in a million years would either of them say anything.

Not with all their history.

"How'd you know?" I asked warily.

"Saw the scar when you went to get your ID out of your purse at your interview," she said nonchalantly.

"Oh."

She adjusted her own tits in the sling she liked to call a shirt and gave me a sidelong glance. "So what's it from?"

"Surgery," I answered evasively.

"Well, thank you, Captain Fucking Obvious," she snickered. "Care to be specific about it?"

"No. Not really."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't like to talk about it," I replied.

"Not even with Edward?"

"Umm..."

"So he knows," she deduced.

"Yes."

She laughed, a sound that reminded me of Emmett's loud guffaw. "Oh, boy. How'd he take it?"

"He..." I shook my head, deciding not to tell her anything of our hike together. It wasn't anyone's business, really, not even Edward's family's. "Let's just say he reciprocated."

"Holy shit, are you serious? Like... he told you things about himself?" she asked, a stunned look on her face.

I nodded.

"That's all you're going to tell me, isn't it?"

"Yep."

She looked at me incredulously before sighing. "Fine. If you're not going to talk to me about anything, then at least put the damned shirt on, you tease."

I giggled under my breath and started for the door, intent on changing in the bathroom like I always did. Only I stopped after just a couple of steps. Rosalie already knew about my scar, so there was no use hiding it from her. I'd changed in front of Alice thousands of times. And like Alice, I knew Rosalie was a friend; this situation was no different.

Well, that wasn't exactly true. With Alice, there would never be any of the awkward self-doubt like there would be if I stripped down to my bra and panties in front of Rosalie. Alice was beautiful in her own way, yes, but Rosalie was blindingly gorgeous.

And Alice was... home.

I finally said 'to hell with it' and ripped off my t-shirt, hurriedly replacing it with the hot pink top Rosalie had loaned me before she had a chance to really examine my scar while it was in plain sight. I fidgeted with the shirt as I stared in the mirror, not realizing I was shaking my head vehemently until Rosalie came up behind me and nodded hers.

Her violet eyes were trained on my face when she spoke, not the portion of my scar the shirt revealed. "Own it, Bella," she murmured, toying with a lock of my hair.

"I can't do it," I gasped, nearly seized with panic. To have everyone staring at me... "I-"

"Has Edward seen it?" she asked calmly.

I blinked once, surprised by her question. "Yeah."

"And does he care?" When I didn't answer, she rephrased her question. "Has he given you any reason to think that anyone—or he—would be disgusted by it?"

"Well... No." It'd seemed like quite the opposite, actually. Edward had seemed... mesmerized by it.

"Then why does it matter?"

"Because I feel like a freak," I whispered.

"We're all freaks in some way," she said as she backed away from me. "But you're wearing that shirt."

"Rose-"

She suddenly beamed, her eyes sparkling excitedly. "I just heard a car pull up. It seems like Edward's just as anxious as you."

"Wh- What?" I stammered, nerves fluttering in my stomach again. I checked my appearance in the mirror, pulling at the top in a futile attempt to cover my scar.

"You look fine. Stop worrying so damned much."

Said the woman who looked like she could have stepped right out of a magazine.

I didn't have a chance to respond, because she was thrusting my purse at me, and then practically dragging me toward the bedroom door.

"What are we doing, anyway?" I sighed as we started down the steps.

She grinned. "We're hitting the batting cages. So grab your Nikes on the way out."

"Batting cages as in baseball?" My face scrunched up. "I don't know how to play."

Her smile turned calculating. "We'll see."

Charlie rushed in from the kitchen to answer the door, stopping just as he spotted us descending the stairs. His mouth dropped open slightly, shocked with my appearance, and then he found his wits again smiled warmly at our guest.

"Hi, Rosalie. I didn't realize you were here."

"Hi, Chief Swan," Rosalie said pleasantly. "I'm just picking Bella up. We're taking her out tonight."

My dad's eyebrow quirked and his gaze found mine. "Oh, really? Where to?"

"We're going to the batting cages," I muttered petulantly. I was going to look ridiculous in front of each and every Cullen tonight. I couldn't even remember hitting a ball... ever... in my lifetime.

"In Port Angeles," Rosalie added, bending over to grab my shoes and tossing them over to me. "After dinner."

"Good luck with that," he laughed.

Rosalie pulled the door open, bypassing Edward in order to go greet Emmett, who was leaning against her red M3. I was pretty sure my dad was watching everything closely, but I never saw it.

All I saw was Edward. His hair. His eyes. The way his jeans sat low on his hips, and the way his Exies shirt clung to the muscles in his long, lean body.

My face broke out into a delighted smile as his gaze dragged over me, darkening ever so slowly as he caught sight of my breasts peeking out of the top of my shirt. His lips twitched with some unknown thought, and he shook his head, taking a moment to run both of his hands through his hair and concentrate on my father.

"Hello, Chief Swan," he said smoothly.

"Edward," Charlie answered uncomfortably.

Charlie shot me a look of disapproval as I took a step out the door, and I was only able to mouth, 'I know' back before Edward was capturing my attention again.

"Ready?" Edward whispered.

"Sure."

We were off the front stoop and far from my father's prying ears before I spoke again.

"The Exies, huh?" I asked with another smile.

"All music," he said in explanation.

"So I see. But tell me, are you ugly, Edward?" I teased. "Really?"

His steps faltered, and he glanced over at me with wide eyes. I had a feeling I'd finally pushed it too far until one side of his lips lifted in what could only be described as an attempt at a smile.

"She's an Exies fan," he mumbled incredulously.

"Sort of."

He huffed. "I shouldn't be letting you do this, Bella."

"Do what, exactly?"

"Get close to me."

I reached out and touched his arm, waiting until he relaxed a little before I let go. "When did I ever give the impression that you could let me do anything?"

He didn't reply back to that.

Edward walked to the passenger's side of his Volvo with me and opened the door, surprising me a little with his chivalry; I didn't think he had it in him.

"I see Rosalie got a hold of you," he said lowly, his eyes flipping up to make sure my father wasn't watching us. Satisfied with what he saw, his fingers came up to trace over the line of my scar, his green gaze now directed so that he could see every second his skin connected with mine.

"Yeah," I breathed shakily. His hand suddenly fell to his side, so I slipped inside, only to notice that no one was in the car with me. My eyes darted up to where Rosalie's car was once parked. They'd already gone too.

It was just the two of us.

I swallowed audibly. "Where's uh... where's everyone at?"

"They all crammed into Rosie's car," he said tightly.

"I-" Oh, shit. "Are you sure about this?"

"Not really."

He shut the door and started around to the driver's side before I could say anything else. The second he dropped down in his seat and closed us in together, Edward's scent flooded my nose, making it so I couldn't move. Not that I'd want to anyway. This fire he started in me when we were alone was... divine. Sinfully divine, as much of an oxymoron as that was. But I had no other words for it. I shouldn't want to feel this, and yet I did. It was... addictive.

No wonder Edward was terrified of it.

I held onto the base of my seat the entire way to Port Angeles, pretty sure that if I let go, I'd find myself in Edward's lap doing... things that would cause us to wreck. And I was worried enough about that already.

Edward's driving was maniacal.

The tires screeched as he slid into a parking space outside a small building in downtown Port Angeles. I pried my fingers off the seat and reached for the door handle only to find that Edward's mouth was suddenly on me... he was all over me. His hands roamed my body, grazing over my breasts as they moved down to my hips. He grabbed me tightly and pulled me closer to him, but not close enough so that our bodies could connect like I so desperately wanted. It was almost as if he was using my body to ground himself. Like he was trying not to lose control.

Oh, how I wanted him to lose control.

I moaned a little in his mouth, trying to get a few words out but finding it absolutely useless. So I threw my arms around his neck, literally wrenching myself out of his grasp to get closer to him. I didn't know what I expected to happen here in plain sight—in the car—but I just couldn't stop. I suddenly needed so much more than he was willing to give me.

The second my chest pushed against his, he growled warningly, "Bella, fuck... Stop. Now."

"I- I can't," I stuttered against his lips.

"Shit."

Jasper's fist pounded at the roof of Edward's car, causing us each to leap away from each other. I touched my lips, now completely numb. Nothing could describe the complexity of the way it felt when he kissed me. He made me ache. He made me content. He made me feel safe.

He made me feel horrible.

I glanced over at Edward and found that hard mask was back, the fury in his eyes searing into mine. He'd set up every last one of his defenses again, and then some.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Bella. What the fuck was that?" he ground out, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

"I don't know. What were you doing?"

"Fucking trying to ward of an attack. What'd you think I was doing?"

"You attacked me first, jackass!"

That was met with a glare.

"Okay. You find me so revolting? I'll ride home with Rosalie, then," I shot back nastily.

I could see his jaw slacken slightly, but I didn't care. I kept my eyes forward, ignoring everyone inside and outside the car.

His hand reached over to grab mine, and my eyes involuntarily snuck over to his. Damn it, I hated how much of a hold he had over me. It made it impossible to stay angry with him.

"I was surprised," he said slowly. "I'm not used to..."

"What?"

He swallowed hard, like he was determined to get the words out. "I'm not used to feeling this way about someone."

"Feeling how?" I pressed.

His tongue flicked out to wet his lips. "Like I want to fuck you."

Well, that was unexpected.

"Sex is..." he continued as he pulled at his hair, "I don't... I haven't... Fuck. Forget it."

"I know the name of my donor," I blurted out, immediately slapping my hand over my mouth.

"What?" Edward turned so that his entire body was facing me. "How? They're anonymous."

"I made Charlie look her up."

"That's probably one of the stupidest fucking things someone like you could do," he replied harshly.

"I know," I acknowledged, clamping down on the need to say any more.

We didn't say anything for a while, both of us listening to Emmett's muffled whine about eating without us if we didn't hurry the fuck up.

"What's her name?" Edward eventually whispered.

My heart slammed against my ribcage, either in response from his question or from our earlier kiss. I couldn't tell. I reached up to feel it, memorizing the way it thrummed through my skin since I so rarely got to feel it like this these days.

Edward's hand slid under mine, his eyes trained on the spot.

Another couple of seconds of silence.

"Her name?" he prompted again.

I took a deep breath. "Maggie."

I waited for something—anything—a flash of recognition as I finally let go of the one word I'd been holding onto all this time, hoping that maybe, just maybe, I was wrong.

Only there was nothing, not a single spark, confirming what I'd assumed to be right from everything I'd been told about Maggie.

Edward didn't know that she had ever existed.

So I'm going to hide for a while, but first I just wanna say...

Dear Maggie was rec'd on Fictionators this week. Huge thanks go out to Kassiah, Caren, and nicekittyrawr for the amazing review. www (dot) fictionators (dot) com/ rec/ dear-maggie-by-jenny0719/

Dear Maggie was also rec'd on TwiBetween. Thank you for that too! www (dot) twibetween(dot) com/ 2011/ 10/ fan-fiction-recommendation- 10511(dot) html

I heart you all :)

Also, I always feel like I should answer/say more about this fic, but I'm afraid if I do, I'll give something away. But here's a couple of things I wanted to clarify:

1) Bella's denervated heart. Here's a quick run down of it. The nerves don't always grow back the way they were before a transplant, which means that the donor heart will beat faster than a typical adult's when resting, and also will be slower than average during exercise. But not all denervated hearts respond to exercise (adrenaline) and will beat steadily all the patient's life. I wanted Bella's to react, though, because I wanted her heart to respond to Edward. More specifically, the adrenaline pumping in her veins when he kisses her, etc. And also because there is always that one anomaly in medicine. No one is ever the same.

2) Most states aren't going to separate siblings willingly during an adoption. But whoever said anything about the state breaking them up?

Exies reference is to their song "Ugly", and some of the lyrics remind me of what Edward's character tends to think of himself. And just because I love the song.