Note: Since I will be giving up Fanfiction by the end of this year, I'm trying to tie up as many loose ends as possible! Even this one!
I know. A final chapter. I'm probably more shocked than you are! As many of you have probably realised, I've made a complete mess of this story and hate it with a passion! So I thought I'd struggle along and write the (poorly) planned ending so that I could officially wash my hands of it!
This 'fic is now rated a T due to the more adult scene near the end of the chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
32: Doppelgängers
He'd walked her to the front door of the house, her hand tucked carefully into the crook of his arm, both relieved and nervous all at once, and she'd paused upon the front doorstep, turning to eye him in consideration.
"D'you want to come in, then?" she'd asked, still perfectly in character, and he'd found himself quite taken with the scenario...
Merlin yes, he wanted to come in...
"Um..." he mumbled, reaching to shove his hands deep into his pockets, and his wife-turned-date sobered a little and mumbled:
"You don't...don't have to, obviously..."
Remus felt as if a horde of butterflies had taken up residence in his stomach.
He wanted nothing more than to go inside with her, make a humerus show of telling her what a charming house she had as if he didn't live there at all, laugh about the unusual soot-coloured décor in the fire-damaged kitchen. On their relatively quiet walk home he'd come up with another ridiculous few questions to ask her: Do you have any children? Fancy that, your son and mine could almost be twins! Then they could sit and have a cup of tea on the sofa or maybe something a bit stronger until he felt he had the nerve to kiss her...
Because Merlin, he'd missed kissing her...
But he was quite convinced that things would escalate pretty abruptly once they got to sharing a kiss. It wouldn't be like a first date anymore, they'd forget they were starting over, he'd stop telling her that her hair looked beautifully bright and tangle his fingers in it instead, she'd forget not to sit too close to him and before they knew it she'd slide onto his lap as she did often when they were alone and they'd find themselves crashing back upon the sofa and one thing would lead to another...
And he didn't want that. He didn't trust himself not to ruin it. It was much too soon...
After all it hadn't been long since he'd found her curled up upon the sofa in question with Artemis Carrow-Smyth, he couldn't seem to quite forget the sight of them and then everything else that had gone so terribly wrong would come flooding back and he'd want screw his eyes shut and push her away and he'd probably make her cry and he'd feel utterly furious with himself because it was all going so well...!
So, so well, in fact, that he felt as if things were already starting to heal the gap between them, that if they carried on like this he'd put everything else behind him...
In time.
If they didn't rush things.
No matter how keen an increasing part of him felt to do exactly that.
So he forced himself to mumble:
"I ought to...there's a...a...thing..."
"Oh..."
"A...staff meeting..."
"Oh! Right, yes! Because it's...there's always one..."
"On a Monday, yes..."
"Yes..."
"...and they might notice if I'm not there..."
"Yes, I suppose they probably would."
"Yes."
"Right. And you don't want to annoy Minerva any more than you already have."
"No, I certainly don't. She throws the most disapproving looks my way during dinner these days, you know. Goodness knows I don't want to upset her any more today!"
"Especially given what's happening tomorrow."
"Precisely. She'll be most irritated when I have such a spectacularly violent coughing fit at the breakfast table that I'll insist on retiring to bed and not returning for at least two hours! All that emergency cover work she'll have to organise! She'll be most cross!"
Dora smirked.
"You'd best be going then!" she said, reaching to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, and Remus felt entirely reluctant to leave.
"You will be careful tomorrow, won't you?" he said, and despite himself he reached forward to take hold of her by the hand.
Dora gave a single resolute nod, fingers curling tightly around his hand, and he felt a sudden urge to pull his hand free. Despite their tentative reconciliation he found such closeness troubling, as if he couldn't trust himself.
"I'll meet you on the corner outside precisely like we said." Dora told him confidently. "Not a moment earlier or later than half past nine, without any fuss whatsoever. And it'll all be over. Just like that." she told him firmly, and though they both knew that life wasn't going to be quite that simple, they both managed a smile.
"If you're more than five minutes late," he said, the smile instantly vanishing, "I'm coming after you."
"You can't come after me, Remus." she pointed out sternly. "If I don't come back on time you'd better...send for Harry, I suppose...just...whatever you do, don't come after me, alright? You have to be completely out of the picture if we're to clear your name. And besides," she said, giving her head a confident little toss, "you won't need to come after me! I'll be there!"
She wasn't there.
For the third time in as many minutes as he stood upon the corner of the deserted London side street, Remus reached into his pocket for his watch. He snapped it open and frowned worriedly down at the ticking timepiece. It was almost a quarter to ten and he was beginning to panic.
Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.
It had all gotten off to a perfectly good start. The plan was in essence simple. All Dora had to do was morph into Elijah and wander into hospital custody, dispelling any suspicions that the boy was being hidden or held captive and promoting the entirely false idea that he had simply spent the past few days lost in London. Once she slipped back out of the hospital the blame for Elijah's fresh disappearance would be placed upon the hospital staff and Remus' name would be wiped from the Ministry investigation entirely. Remus had awoken to an owl that morning from Harry who had dropped in on Dora before heading for work. At that point, Harry had claimed, all had been well. He had apparated with Dora to London and had waved goodbye to her as they went their separate ways, one towards the Ministry and the other towards St. Mungo's.
But Dora had yet to reappear.
Remus was beginning to find the urge to go after her overwhelming.
After all, Merlin only knew what had happened to her in there! She might have been set upon by an army of healers wielding potions and antidotes for Merlin knew what, or worse she might have been found out...
And really it was all rather risky, wasn't it? She had little way of defending herself if she were to remain in character, and all sorts of ghastly things could happen if she managed to down one undesirable potion or another...
Remus dreaded to imagine the sorts of potions St. Mungo's prescribed to troubled people like Elijah Benson. There were probably sedatives and those potions that made your head all woozy and slow and stopped you causing too much of a fuss. Potions to poke and prod at your mind until it did whatever was deemed normal...
He had to do something. He didn't know what that something was but he'd have to do it, he couldn't just stand here...
And with that, Remus disapparated with a pop.
As he shoved another book into his bag, Chester Burton puffed his cheeks in exasperation and announced:
"This is bloody painful, Ted."
Beside him as he reached to sling his bag onto his shoulder, Teddy Lupin didn't bother to respond, and his fellow Gryffindor was forced to repeat:
"It's bloody painful, isn't it?"
"Shut up, Ches." Teddy muttered, turning to lead the way towards the classroom door as the rest of the class all made a dash for the same direction.
"But isn't it driving you mad? Sitting around in class whilst your mum's out there..."
"Keep your voice down!" Teddy snapped, reaching to tug frustratedly at his hair as he turned to lead the way briskly towards the classroom door. "Yes it's driving me mad, Chester, it's driving me up the wall! But you heard what my dad said! We have to stop worrying about it and...and keep our mouthes shut!"
Turning out into the corridor, Teddy drew in a deep breath to further berate his friend, only for the air to catch in his throat in surprise when he very nearly walked straight into somebody stood just outside the classroom. Stumbling, Teddy felt a hand reach to grasp hold of him tightly by the arm to steady him, and to his surprise he found himself staring up at his father.
"Dad!" he breathed, eyes widening in surprise to see the professor, and Remus' grip upon his arm tightened until it was almost painful.
"You owe me homework, Teddy." the werewolf announced bluntly as Chester came to a halt at Teddy's side.
"What?"
"I said you owe me homework."
"No I don't..."
"Do you not? We'll see what the Headmistress has to say about that. Come with me."
Chester gawped.
Teddy was about to do the same only for Remus to offer him a wink so fast the boy very nearly missed it.
"Yes, Professor..." the metamorphmagus mumbled, adjusting his grip upon his bag, and with the briefest sideways glance at Chester who was still very much gawping, Teddy hurried after his father as Remus turned on his heel and began to stride off down the corridor.
"What's happened?!" Teddy hissed as they waved their way through the crowd of students heading for the next lesson, and Remus gave a grim chuckle and told him:
"I've just fallen out of the running for the Father of the Year award."
"What?"
"Stop talking, Ted."
Not another word was spoken until Remus had led the way out of the castle and before Teddy knew it they were striding down the lawn towards the school gates.
"How could it have come to this?" Remus wondered as they hurried away from the castle, and Teddy felt his stomach twist nervously to ask:
"Come to what?"
"Your mother is in danger, Theodore." the werewolf confessed bleakly, and before Teddy could say a thing he confessed: "And Merlin strike me down for even conceiving the notion let alone entertaining it! But I need you to rescue her..."
As the double doors of the ward swung shut, Dora Lupin reached to dig her fingers into her arm, silently cursing her current predicament.
She couldn't seem to quite remember how it had happened. She's spent a moment too long considering her next move and suddenly there had been people and the doorway was blocked and she was being led...somewhere and there had been some sort of potion...
A potion.
A...blue potion?
Purple.
Blue.
Purple.
Think!
What colour was the potion, Dora?
Was it blue or was it purple?
Think. Carefully. This is very, very important...
Thinking, the Auror came to realise, was something of a struggle when one had been plied with one drug or another. Recalling Poisons and Antidotes training from Merlin knew how many years ago at the Ministry was something else entirely.
Don't try and move, she told herself sluggishly as she stared blearily up at the pale tiled ceiling. It's not safe to move, not in a state like this...
And yet...
She had to move. She couldn't stay here, not like this, not when her limbs were growing heavy and she was beginning to struggle to think straight. She needed a clear mind to hold her morphing successfully, and if she couldn't do that then she had to get out of the...place...
Hospital. She was in the hospital. Obviously.
Don't drop the morph, don't drop the morph, whatever happens don't drop the morph...
For a brief moment she couldn't quite remember who it was she was supposed to look like, and for that split second she felt panicked.
Elijah. She was morphing Elijah. Thin, willowy Elijah with his knobbly knees and pointy elbows and brown...blonde...brownish-blonde straw-like hair. Hair that was greasy and stuck out at odd angles and eyes that were so very, very sad...
Focus, Dora.
And it was all she could do to lie still and stay morphed.
It'll wear off eventually, the feeling will pass and then you can...move...somewhere...
Thin. Willowy. Knobbly knees and pointed elbows...brownish-blonde hair like straw...sad eyes...
Thin. Willowy. Knobbly knees...
Teddy Lupin tried his best to look casual as he wandered down the corridors of St. Mungo's hospital in search of his missing mother.
His father had bundled him into transfigured robes of healer lime green and he had morphed himself taller, altered his face and given himself hair a conservative shade of brown. Remus had proceeded to apparate him just up the street from the hospital entrance and had told Teddy to get a move on before he thought better of getting the young wizard involved.
Having eyed the various signs around the place and located a likely floor upon which to locate his mother, Teddy had set off in search of her, panicked at the thought that if she was in as bad a state as Remus feared he had no easy way of escorting her to safety.
After all, it was illegal for him to use magic outside of school.
He'd have to panic about that when the time came, he supposed, and so he set about peering through doorways in search of an Elijah Benson look-alike.
He found her in a room off to the left near the end of the corridor, and had been about to push the door open when a voice behind him had stopped him in his tracks.
"Excuse me?" the voice said, causing Teddy's heart to begin to pound in his ears. "Can I help you?"
Willing himself to remain calm, Teddy slowly turned round to find himself looking at a passing witch who was clutching a stack of papers to her chest, eying him curiously.
"Oh..." Teddy mumbled, pausing to clear his throat. "I...I'm fine, thank you..."
"I don't recognise you, that's all." the witch explained, and Teddy almost winced when he automatically replied in a rush:
"I'm new! I...I'm new, it's...it's my first day." he tried to offer her a smile but ended up grimacing, and she frowned a little and said:
"Healer Pierce didn't say we had anyone new starting this week. What's your name?"
Teddy sucked in a deep breath and picked the first name that came to mind.
"Burton...Vic Burton!"
"Right," the healer said, offering him a slight frown, and with that she turned to bustle off down the corridor, calling: "Wait there a minute, Healer Burton. I'll let Healer Pierce know you're here."
"Great..." Teddy said, instantly panicked, and it was all he could do to stand still until she had disappeared around the corner.
He dashed into the room the moment she was out of sight, his heart racing as he skidded to a halt at the bedside, reaching to shake his mother by the shoulder.
"Mum!" he hissed urgently, instantly frustrated when she turned her head very slowly to regard him with Elijah's eyes. "It's me! It's Teddy!"
She stared at him for what felt like an eternity as she attempted to process what was happening, before she sucked in a deep breath and told him:
"Your dad's a dead man."
"Yes," Teddy agreed, glancing nervously over his shoulder, "he said you'd say that." Hurriedly shrugging off his lime green robes, he asked: "Can you...can you stand?"
"What?"
"Can you stand up, Mum?!"
"I...yes. Possibly."
"Drop the morph and get changed!" Teddy said, throwing the robes into her lap. "You'll have to be the healer and I'll be a patient!"
"Absolutely not, Theodore." his mother slurred, and as he pulled the shoes from his feet he told her:
"Yes, Dad said you'd say that too. Hurry up before somebody comes back!"
"'M not having you...you drugged up to your eyeballs on...on Merlin knows what!" Dora mumbled furiously, but nevertheless she reached to tug the hospital gown from around her shoulders.
"Well that won't happen if we hurry up and get out of here! And Dad says we have to morph that way! He says you're the only one who can do magic and you can't do that dressed up as Elijah! And you can't stay as Elijah after they've given you whatever it is! One dose of that sort of potion is alright but if you risk much more than that you could end up with...with permanent brain damage! If you...if you morph yourself to your normal size, Dad says...Dad says potion dosage is based on weight for these sorts of things and if you're bigger it'll...the effects will take longer to..."
"Yes, yes! Dad's being a drama queen!"
"Is he?"
"Just...give me those robes!"
They fumbled around with clothes and hastily morphed their chosen characters, she now a healer and he a young patient with a mop of pale blonde hair. Elijah Benson, as planned, had entirely disappeared. Teddy fidgeting impatiently as his mother struggled to keep her straight black hair from abruptly twisting into curls.
"Give me your hands." Dora instructed as she slowly lowered her feet to the floor, and Teddy found himself holding his breath as she grasped hold of him so tightly that it made his hands throb.
"Slowly..." the witch told herself, squinting down towards the floor, and Teddy pointed out:
"We need to hurry..."
"Shh."
"But somebody's gone to get Healer somebody or other..."
"Just...shh..." Dora straightened up, feet planted carefully upon the floor. She shifted her weight from side to side in consideration before giving herself a shake. Then she reached to fumble amongst the sheets behind her until her fingers closed around her hidden wand and she sucked in a deep breath and decided:
"Let's go..."
They set off at an agonisingly slow pace, hand in hand, her progress distinctly staggering, and they had only reached a desk halfway down the corridor when they heard approaching footsteps.
"Look casual." Dora instructed, entirely failing to do so herself, and Teddy hastily reached to grab a stack of papers from the desk, shoving them into his mother's hand.
"Lean against the wall!" he hissed, "You look as if you're about to fall down!"
Dora hastily leaned back against the whitewashed wall and squinted down at the papers, managing to look remarkably engrossed. As a healer came striding down the corridor towards them, Teddy hissed:
"You're holding it upside down!"
Dora reached to toss the papers back onto the desk, straightening up a little with a wobble as the passing wizard glanced rather curiously at her.
"Morning!" Dora greeted cheerfully as Teddy coughed loudly into his sleeve, and no sooner had the healer offered the pair a nod and disappeared into one of the rooms they set off again down the corridor, their pace fast and in Dora's case stumbling.
"Your hair's got a...a streak of pink in it..."
"Just keep walking."
"And your...chin...!"
"Keep walking!"
They made it to a staircase atop which Dora reached to grasp the hand rail, swaying at the mere sight.
"Merlin...steps..."
"Come on, Mum!"
"Alright, alright!" Concentrating furiously Dora took a careful step forward...
Teddy lunged to grab her by the arm and missed, his gasp of panic catching in his throat as the Auror promptly lost her balance and went tumbling down the staircase. At every bump Teddy winced and Dora landed in a heap at the bottom, crumpled and muttering obscenities under hear breath.
"Everything alright up there?!" a voice called from somewhere several flights below, and Teddy rushed down the steps, shouting:
"Yes, thank you!" Seizing his mother by the arm and snatching up her fallen wand, the boy attempted to haul Dora back onto her feet and she was forced to stagger sideways to lean against the wall with a groan.
"Are you alright?!" Teddy hissed, and as she gingerly leant upon a foot and felt her now twisted ankle throb in protest, Dora automatically mumbled:
"Fine, love...perfectly fine..."
"Let's go!"
"Yes..."
She tried to take a step forwards, but her ankle very nearly gave way underneath her.
"Mum...!" Teddy whispered in panic as they heard approaching footsteps again, and Dora looked around frantically until her gaze came to rest upon the storage cupboard door behind them.
"Into the cupboard!" she decided wildly. "Quick!"
Teddy reached to yank the door open only to find it was locked. Turning awkwardly to examine it, Dora plucked the wand from Teddy's hand...
"Aloha..." she winced when an uncoordinated flick of the wrist very nearly sent the wand flying from her hand. She gritted her teeth and tried again. "Alohamora..."
The lock clicked open and Teddy had just enough time to throw the door open and drag his mother inside and out of sight when a slightly bewildered looking man appeared in search of the commotion he had heard mere moments earlier.
Inside the cupboard Dora sunk down upon a pile of neatly folded bed sheets before lighting her wand with a mutter that took her three attempts.
"Any bandages, Ted?" she whispered wearily, her eyes drifting closed, and Teddy reached to take the wand from her, squinting at the various stacks of hospital supplies. He saw trays of bottles, more bed linen, healers' aprons, a mop and bucket...
"I don't think so, Mum..." he whispered back, turning to look down at his mother. "Mum...?"
Closer inspection informed the boy that she had fallen asleep. Her face had grown pale and a bruise was already beginning to blossom upon her forehead from her tumble. Returning the wand to her lap, Teddy reached for a neatly folded pillowcase and, teeth gritted in effort, he attempted to rip the case open into a longer length of material. Folding it clumsily in the dim, cramped space he crouched down to examine her ankle. When he set about wrapping his make-shift bandage tightly around the swelling joint in an attempt to keep it rigid, she stirred with a groan, reaching to press her hands to her eyes with a sigh.
"Can't you fix this, Mum?" Teddy asked, frowning down at his feeble attempts, and the witch gave a dark chuckle and told him:
"I can barely light my wand, Teddy. If I try fixing a twisted ankle we'll be downstairs booking an appointment to have my foot chopped off. This'll do me until we get out of here."
"How're we to get past reception?" Teddy wondered, "I can't possibly walk out dressed like this!" and Dora confessed:
"I have no idea, love."
They made it slowly down another two flights of stairs and along one last corridor, pausing before the double doors leading out into the reception area. Teddy stood fidgeting for a long moment as Dora peered through the glass panel at the crowded room beyond.
"What do we do?" Teddy breathed as Dora backed away from the door, and in response the Auror crossed the corridor to snatch up a paper cup from the stack beside a water fountain. Splashing some water into the cup, spilling a generous amount onto the tiled floor, the witch took a long moment to guzzle the liquid, before setting about refilling the cup.
"You wait here and don't move a muscle." she instructed, reaching to wipe a stray few droplets from her chin, and with that she held out the newly filled cup for the boy to take. Once Teddy had walked over and hesitantly accepted the cup, she promised: "I'll be back by the time you can drink that."
"I'm not sure you should..." Teddy began uncertainly as he watched her shuffling progression back towards the door, but she waved a vague hand at him over her shoulder which seemed to unbalance her a little, muttering:
"Start drinking, Sweetheart."
Teddy watched her take a moment to compose herself, straightening up, sucking in a loud yet calming breath before reaching to push the doors open, stepping out into the reception area with a surprise spring in her step.
Her instructions forgotten, Teddy abandoned the cup of water in the fountain and rushed to peer through the glass.
Dora was making her way purposefully across the room, successfully weaving in and out of the rows of chairs, heading towards the Welcome Witch's desk. She likely seemed, Teddy thought, to the casual onlooker as if she were midway through one task or another and knew precisely where she was going...
Where was she going?
Teddy watched, quite awed as his mother slipped behind the desk, shot the Welcome Witch on duty a bright smile, before heading to the cloak stand in the corner where a number of hospital staff members had abandoned their cloaks and coats. The Auror reached to pluck her garment of choice down from the stand and turned triumphantly upon her heel to brazenly walk off with the stolen garment before anybody noticed the item in question belonged to someone else entirely...
Teddy winced to watched her lurch sideways to grasp hold of a filing cabinet, the movement having no doubt made her head spin, and at the commotion the Welcome Witch paused in her duties to turn and offer the stranger a concerned look.
Stand up straight, Teddy silently begged as he watched his mother scramble to do just that. Laugh it off and pretend there's not a thing wrong with you, that you're not a fake healer or drugged up on Merlin knows what, that you're not stealing clothes so you can sneak me back out of...
"It won't do to go wandering off, you know!"
At the sound of a voice behind him, Teddy found himself spinning around and it made his head swim too to be confronted with a stern-faced healer with curly iron grey hair and an impressive squint.
"I...um..." the boy babbled, still panicked at the thought his mother might well be discovered and far too muddled to leap to his own defence.
"What ward are you, young man?" the old witch asked, peering at him searchingly, and Teddy couldn't help but confess:
"I...I don't know..."
The healer gave an impatient huff.
"You don't know?"
"No I...I um..."
"What's your name?"
"Um..."
"Come along now! I don't have all day, you know! Didn't spend all those years learning medicine so I could escort runaway boys back to their hospital beds, did I? Honestly! Wandering around like there's naught the matter with you! In my day if you wandered off like that you got sent home..."
Teddy was numbly aware of the doors behind him being flung open and then a breathless voice announced:
"Yes, quite right! Come on, Christopher! Back to bed!"
And with that Dora stumbled forward to seize Teddy by the elbow, stolen cloak tucked neatly over the crook of her arm, and before he knew it Teddy had been half-dragged up the corridor and round the corner...
...and into a ladies bathroom.
As he gasped in a series of deep breaths in an attempt to calm his suddenly pounding heart, leaning back against the door, Teddy watched his mother stagger over to the sinks, dropping to her knees as she grasped hold of a basin with a groan.
"What was he bloody thinking?!" she snapped furiously, forehead coming to press against the cool surface of the sink. "When I...when I get hold of him I'm going to...to bloody hex him!"
Teddy suspected she was referring once again to his father, and at the uncharacteristic venom in her voice he felt compelled to mumble:
"Sorry, Mum..."
"I'd rather he'd left me here for my brain to rot!" Dora spat, grip upon the basin tightening furiously, and Teddy sucked in a breath to mumble a response when he paused with a wince at her sniffing miserably.
"Don't...don't cry, Mum. I'm fine, I...I've been in way worse scrapes than this! And we're almost out! We'll be out of here before you know it, we've only got to walk through reception..."
"Oh Ted!" Dora moaned, eyes squeezed shut as to the boy's alarm tears began to seep down her cheeks. "I wish! I wish, I wish! 'S gonna...gonna go on for weeks! Months! F...forever!"
Teddy felt a lump forming in his throat.
He'd rather thought things were better. He'd thought his father had made things better, that his parents were back on the straight and narrow, that they'd made up or at least come to some sort of understanding...
It didn't seem that way now, watching his mother mumble miserably to herself, slumped over a bathroom sink, and Teddy felt rather as if his parents had let him down...
"You're...you're not thinking straight, Mum." he reminded the pitiful heap of a witch hopefully. "Dad says you...you might be a bit...I mean...Dad says you might not be feeling yourself..."
Dora drew in a deep, shuddering breath and turned stiffly to look round at him, expression bleak.
"No, love." she whispered, shaking her head in a distinctly uncoordinated manner. "I...I feel faint and sick and the world's all fuzzy...I...I feel a lot of things, love, but I know what it feels like to be myself. I know what if feels like to...to be married to a man who can barely...barely look me straight in the eye let alone...let alone hold me or...or so much as hold my hand for more than a moment! And I know what it feels like to be given a second chance! And I know I won't get a third one! Now...now Dad and I...Dad and I are alright, I promise we are. We aren't arguing, we aren't going to split up and we...we had a lovely time together yesterday. But...I don't suppose you could understand, Teddy, because you're young and you aren't married..."
"I'd like to try." Teddy insisted, taking a step forward, and the witch sighed heavily, frowning deeply. She seemed to struggle with whatever concept she was attempting to explain for a long moment before telling him:
"When you marry somebody you are in love with, Teddy, it isn't the same as...as just being friends. It's a lot more...complicated than that. There are a lot of different sides to love that...that make up a whole. And...and sometimes you can exist if...if one of those sides gets taken away. You can exist but it...it isn't the same. It leaves a...a hole. And that can be very...very painful, you see. And if it stays that way long enough it'll...it'll destroy a marriage, no matter what else you do. Now I've been very stupid and I've...I've created a...a hole. I lost Dad's trust and that's one of the most important things in a marriage. But we're working on that, you know? We're working to fix that. I can tell it's getting better, I can see it is. But there's...there's another hole, Teddy. There's a hole I can't seem to fix. Because Dad just...Dad just won't let me. And it's frightening, you see. I'm frightened he won't ever let me fix it and we'll never be quite the way we were before. That's very frustrating, Teddy. It's my fault, I know it is, but it makes me feel mad with Dad all the same. Because it's the sort of hole that...that won't stop dragging me down..."
"What hole, Mum?" Teddy asked, feeling his stomach tie into knots, and Dora gave a choked almost-laugh and complained:
"Merlin, what've they poured down my throat?! What am I thinking?! Telling my...my own son...!" she slumped further towards the floor, one hand reaching to clutch her head, but despite herself she found herself saying: "Imagine for a moment, Teddy, if school were over tomorrow. Imagine getting off the train to meet me and I didn't give you a big hug and a kiss like I do every time I see you. And when I walk with you back through the barrier I don't put my arm around you whilst I tell you what we're going to have for tea. And when we get home I don't...I don't ruffle your hair and tell you to make sure you put your shoes away in the cupboard. We have a good joke over tea but I don't swat you on the arm when you're cheeky, or...or when you tell me you lost at Quidditch I don't pat you on the arm when I tell you there's always next time. Then imagine we all go and sit in the living room and listen to the wireless and you fall asleep with your head on my shoulder...but I don't put my arm around you, instead I get a...a cushion for your head so I can...can go and start the washing up. And when I send you to bed I don't give you a kiss goodnight. Imagine if it were like that day in and...and day out. How d'you suppose you'd feel after a week or a...a month?"
Teddy chewed worriedly upon a nail, a deep frown creasing his forehead.
"I don't know..." he mumbled uncertainly. "Strange, I suppose..."
"That's because it's natural for me to show affection to you. It's natural for a mother to be affectionate towards her son. Just like it's...it's meant to be natural for...for husbands and wives to show affection towards one another. But your Dad won't allow it, Ted. He won't kiss me, won't hold me...he can barely bring himself to touch me! And that's...that's not right. That's not...that's not the way it's supposed to be. And if my husband can barely stand to touch me, well that doesn't make me much of a wife! And that's a frustrating thing, Ted. Because we're married. Because I don't want to just be a wife in...in name only! And if things don't get better that's...that's all I'll ever be!"
Teddy felt at a complete loss, then. He found he had absolutely no idea what to say and felt quite wretched to wonder:
"Can't we just...can't we just go home and...and you and Dad can talk about it? You're really not looking very well and I...I really think we should just...just hurry up and get out of here. What if somebody comes in and finds you all...you know!"
Dora was silent for a long moment, swiping furiously at the tears in her eyes, before she reached up to fumble with a tap, narrowly avoiding soaking her robes as she turned it on, sending a gush of cold water into the basin.
"Yes," she decided at last, scrambling back to her feet, "let's get out of here so I can...can give that bloody thoughtless dad of yours a...a piece of my mind!"
Teddy wasn't entirely sure he liked this plan, but as she splashed her face liberally with the icy water he found he didn't really want to argue with her. Once suitably revived by the shock of the cold upon her face, Dora snatched up the cloak she had dropped to the floor and came to throw it around Teddy's shoulders.
"There," she decided rather unenthusiastically. "That'll have to do you. At least it hides your hospital gown. Let's go!"
Their triumphant yet stumbling march through the hospital reception and out into the freedom of the street beyond was a distinctly muted end to their troubles which all seemed irrelevant now given the bigger picture, and as they headed silently down the road and round the corner to where Remus was waiting Teddy felt very little relief. Upon finding Remus pacing up and down the pavement, Dora's clumsy pace quickened and for a moment Teddy allowed himself the hopeful imagining that in his relief to find his wife unharmed Remus might throw his arms around her and bury his face in her shoulder and hold her tightly, as if none of Dora's complaints were in the least bit true...
Instead, the child was taken aback when his mother stopped just in front of the werewolf and proceeded to land a heavy slap against his cheek which almost made Remus stumble.
"What were you THINKING?!" Dora shouted, stumbling herself at such a forceful movement, and as he reached to press a hand to his stinging cheek, Remus simply stared at her. "How could you smuggle him out of school and send him after me?! WERE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!"
Remus examined his shoes in consideration for a moment before confessing:
"Yes."
His honesty seemed to drive her to further fury and she let out a furious shriek, aiming a fresh blow at his chest.
Teddy winced in anticipation, only to stop in his tracks when Remus caught her by the wrist. The two adults stared at one another challengingly for a moment before he informed her:
"Yes I was out of my mind with worry for you. I apologise for caring..."
"No...don't...don't be..." she mumbled, fire abruptly extinguished, and Teddy watched her gaze drop to the werewolf's hand upon her wrist.
Remus too looked down and after an uncertain pause he slowly released her wrist. Tentatively she reached to slide her fingers between his, a slow, hopeful movement as if her anger with him was entirely gone, so focused was she upon the careful touch of skin upon skin, and despite his confusion at her behaviour Teddy felt tempted to smile when their fingers finally locked together.
Staring down at their entwined fingers, Dora let out a sigh and whispered:
"I'm sorry, love. It's just I...I..."
"I shouldn't have sent him."
"No, you shouldn't. But I shouldn't have hit you...I...I can't entirely help it, I can't seem to think straight or keep my emotions in check, I'm...I'm high as a broom!" And with that Teddy's mouth went abruptly dry at the desperation in her voice as she pushed their clasped hands up until her knuckles were mere inches from the werewolf's face and asked: "F...forgive me?"
Her gaze upon him was almost unbearably pleading and yet after a brief hesitation Remus failed to entirely give in to the gesture. Rather than press a kiss to her hand he instead shot her a smile, pulling his hand free as he assured her:
"There's nothing to forgive."
And with that Teddy watched numbly as his father beckoned to him and they set off slowly up the street to an appropriate apparation point.
It took his mother almost twenty-four hours to sleep off the dizzying effects of the potion, Teddy was informed by his father once he had been safely smuggled back into school and had gone on with life as if nothing remarkable had happened that day at all. Indeed it seemed to Teddy in the coming weeks, as the press began to report the sensational story of Elijah Benson's disappearance from St. Mungo's, that life did seem to go back to normal. His mother's letters to him each week at school were perfectly cheerful and normal and as time went on the boy found it more and more easy to try and forget her breakdown in the hospital bathroom or his father's behaviour in the street afterwards. He tried to put it down to his mother's muddled mind, or indeed his own muddled mind because really the whole sequence of events had made his head spin.
And things had to be getting back to normal anyway. Because after a couple of weeks his father cleared out his quarters at Hogwarts and returned to sleeping at home. That, Teddy had thought happily, was definite progress.
Remus felt it was progress too.
Slow progress.
He'd spent his free weekends meeting Dora for drinks or going for walks and then he'd gone home for dinner and, feeling reassuringly normal and comfortable sat sipping butterbeer and eating a bowl of pasta, he had finally suggested in what he hoped was a casual manner that wouldn't cause a scene, that perhaps he might collect his things from Hogwarts the following day and come home for good.
He left a set of robes and pyjamas at the school with a wash bag. Just in case.
He'd nearly had to use it.
The first night back home, despite Dora's attempts not to make a big deal out of it, made him feel rather nervous and, having stood in the doorway of the bedroom for a long while, watching Dora change out of her work robes into a worryingly alluring night dress he was certain was a new addition to her wardrobe, Remus had felt rather as if things were dangerously close to spiralling out of control.
So he'd elected to sleep in Teddy's room.
Dora had pretended not to mind. But he'd stood on the landing some minutes later waiting for a turn in the bathroom and listened to her crying whilst attempting to brush her teeth.
He'd been sleeping in Teddy's room for a week and they had settled into a rather comfortable routine when he managed to slip up and make things take a turn for the worst. Dora hadn't been home when he had arrived back from Hogwarts for the night, she'd been out at some work related function or another, and whilst he waited for dinner to finish simmering on the stove Remus had wandered up into the master bedroom to do some absentminded tidying. Her rushed preparations for the evening had left the room a mess and he thought he'd clear away the discarded garments and various other items so that she had a tidy room to come home to at Merlin knew what hour of the morning. He'd found a pile of dresses on the bed, no doubt she had taken some time to contemplate what to wear for the evening, and as he had carefully hung each piece of clothing back in the wardrobe Remus had found himself examining each one, recalling the last time he'd seen her wear it, how he'd particularly liked the silky cream dress she'd worn last Valentine's Day because she'd looked unusually elegant in it, how she'd not worn the short black number for several years and how he'd not been able to stop staring at her the first time he'd seen her in it because it had been a bit too short to stop his imagination running wild. She'd worn the blue one covered in spots to Harry's birthday party a few years back and there was a photograph of her and Teddy sat in the Potters' back garden and she'd looked so lovely with that big smile of hers and her twinkling eyes...
The red dress was missing. The one she'd had for years that was an old favourite she wore time and time again. The one that made him a bit weak at the knees because it was tight in all the right places and had a ribbon lacing up the back that he knew how to undo at remarkable speed. It was bright and striking, just like she was, and he'd stood gazing blankly into the wardrobe feeling a deep sense of longing...
And over a solitary dinner he'd decided to move back to the master bedroom.
Looking back on it, he'd known it was a bad idea from the start. Because he'd not really been ready. He'd just had too much time on his hands to sit and think about her in that red dress and the ribbon and how despite his persistent uncertainty he missed her sliding into bed next to him and kissing him...
She'd appeared in the bedroom doorway at nearly two o'clock in the morning and though he had been dosing Remus had found himself suddenly wide awake.
Dora had leant against the doorframe, handbag hugged to her chest as she'd taken in the sight of her husband lying in the bed he had shunned for many weeks, and then she'd drew in a deep breath and said:
"Hi."
"Hello." he'd said, offering her a smile, and she shuffled into the room to drop the bag upon the dressing table before kicking off a pair of high heels and heading for the chest of drawers in the corner. "Did you have a nice time?"
"No," she'd confessed with a snigger as she'd pull a pair of pyjamas out of one drawer, a rather old and baggy pair that made him suspect she felt she had made a mistake last time round. "Nicholas from security made me dance with him for three whole songs!"
They'd both had a good snigger and he'd watched her reach to tug at the ribbon at the back of the dress, fingers fumbling, and he'd swallowed a lump in his throat and told her:
"Come here..."
"What?"
"I said...come here. Let me..."
"Oh..."
Dora came to perch upon the edge of the bed and as he'd reached carefully to unlace the dress, Remus had felt like smiling.
Because it all felt very natural, very right...
He wanted to put his arms around her and just hold her, wanted to draw her under the duvet and hold her until she fell asleep. He thought he'd wait for her to change first, it was rather chilly after all, but then she'd stood up and stepped out of the dress and it had all done something rather awful to him and he'd not been able to stop staring when she'd ignored the pyjamas atop the dresser and instead turned around to look at him.
He wanted to screw his eyes shut and tell her to go and put her pyjamas on or at least get into bed because stood there in just a pair of knickers and her skin, smiling at him rather shyly she seemed so breathtaking that he was overwhelmed by her. Because Merlin, he'd missed her and he wanted her no matter how unbearable she was...
And then she'd sat back down again and, reaching to slide a tentative hand around his neck, she'd told him she loved him and he'd come undone. Before he'd quite known what he'd done he'd drawn her under the covers and she'd been lying snug atop him and he'd been kissing her and stroking her hair and running a hand down her back...
And then all of a sudden she'd been fiddling with the buttons of his pyjamas and it was all becoming a bit too rushed and he'd realised that it didn't matter how much he wanted her, she simply was unbearable and that was a fact.
And he'd panicked and pushed her hands away, pushed her away and before he'd known it she'd been sobbing into her pillow and he'd fled back into Teddy's room.
He lay awake for hours trying to decide precisely why he had panicked. Because by now he felt rather as if he did at least trust her, as if that damage had been undone. He hadn't thought of her kissing Artemis or lying with him on the sofa as had happened so often in the past. In the end he had simply concluded that he had panicked for no other reason than that was now what was normal. Intimacy just didn't happen these days, it had gained such a stigma that despite his changing feelings he couldn't shake it, couldn't help but worry the images would all come rushing back into his mind. He felt so nervous that he might relapse into resenting or mistrusting her that intimacy was simply a trauma.
He felt quite pathetic, thinking of it like that. But he wouldn't allow himself to blame her for it because really they were past that now. She had made a series of foolish decisions and she was undeniably sorry about them and so he wouldn't blame her for his fresh inadequacies. At the same time he couldn't quite decide how to blame himself, so instead he simply told himself it would all get better in time.
Time ran out.
Term ended and Teddy was due back home from school that afternoon. No doubt he'd want his bedroom back. Indeed, Remus had no intention of allowing the boy to realise it had ever been commandeered in the first place.
He'd been contemplating the coming evening as he put fresh sheets upon Teddy's bed when he'd realised he was being watched.
Dora, fresh back from the Ministry in time to head to Kings Cross, offered him a smile and, clearing her throat a little awkwardly, told him:
"There's um...they've got night shifts going at work this week. I thought I might take some."
Remus frowned down at the pillowcase he was midway through stuffing a pillow into. Once he had finished he threw the pillow down upon the bed before looking round at her.
"We're doing night raids in Liverpool." she explained, examining her boots with interest as he slowly crossed the room to stand in front of her. "There were three casualties last night. They say Watson might not make it..." she trailed off with a sigh and he felt a stab of anxiety at the notion that she'd rather go and throw herself into what seemed to be a dangerous set of raids at work than stay at home and risk sharing a bed with him.
Merlin, he thought despairingly, and he felt suddenly compelled to lean forward to brush a kiss to her lips.
"Whatever you think best, darling." he told her as her eyes instantly drifted closed despite the briefness of the gesture. She didn't kiss him back. She never did these days. It always ended in tears when she did.
As he headed downstairs to get his coat on Remus wondered if they might at last manage to get back to normal in time for Teddy not to notice. It seemed so doubtful. After all how were they to achieve what they had failed to do in weeks when there were just a few short hours?
But he was determined. For Teddy's sake. He was determined to be normal and not awkward and entirely comfortable and happy...
And he found himself turning to face his wife as she eyed her hair briefly in the mirror in the hallway, and asking:
"Will you kiss me?"
Dora looked startled.
"Only if you want me to." she told him, sounding doubtful that he ever would do, and he decided:
"I do."
"Do you?"
"Yes. I do, I just..." he trailed off, unsure of how to explain himself because he knew explaining might make her feel awful, which he couldn't quite bear.
"Well then," she said, closing the gap between them and reaching to rest her hands against his chest, "If that's what you want..."
It felt like being kissed for the very first time. It made his heart thump in his chest and he felt like soaring and yet she kissed him languidly and there wasn't the rush and urgency that had befallen them at any other time they'd tried to be normal, which made him feel perfectly at ease and the panic simply didn't come.
After a moment she drew back from him with a relieved smile and he'd reached to pull her into his arms, hugging her tightly as her head came to rest against his shoulder. They stood for a minute in silence, holding one another until she drew in a deep, serious sounding breath that made him squeeze his eyes shut.
"Remus?"
"Dora."
He felt her shift in his arms until her lips brushed his earlobe and she confessed:
"I want to be your wife again. I want to be truly yours."
His grip upon her tightened but he couldn't decide what to say.
"Do you want that too?" she finally whispered when the silence became too much for her, and he'd realised he had no hesitation in telling her:
"Yes. With all my heart. I just..."
"Sh." she interrupted, burying her face contentedly in the crook of his neck. "You don't have to say anything else. Just as long as I know that, just as long as you're sure then nothing else matters. I don't care how long it takes for you to feel comfortable. I don't care how long it takes for you to feel we're mended. Just as long as I know we will be some day." And then she'd kissed him carefully upon the lips and said: "Come on, we'll miss the train coming in..."
When he got off the train, dragging his hefty school trunk behind him, Teddy found his parents stood upon Platform 9 ¾ awaiting his arrival hand in hand. The boy had never found such a simple gesture so overwhelmingly reassuring in all his life and he was quite convinced everything bad was well and truly in the past. His mother gave him a big hug and a kiss and his father had taken the trunk and they'd headed for home with talk of bangers and mash for dinner.
It was easier being normal when Teddy was around, Remus found that evening. There was no wincing when they brushed hands at the dinner table reaching for the salt, no awkward shifting when they sat down upon the sofa together and in her weariness Dora's head had come to rest upon his shoulder. In fact he'd even felt relieved to hear she had given the night shifts to other volunteers and whilst telling him this she had reached to pluck a stray piece of fluff from the knee of his trousers and he hadn't felt at all uneasy at the gesture.
But then they had sent Teddy to bed and elected to go to bed themselves. Remus felt a sense of dread as he changed for bed that night, remembering what had happened last time he'd dared climb between those sheets and feeling guilty that he'd managed to drive her to such worry over their relationship that she'd seen fit to throw herself at him in the first place.
Tonight however she changed for bed in the bathroom and got into bed with barely a glance at him, waited for him to choose to kiss her goodnight upon the cheek before turning her back to him and falling asleep.
It was...oddly disappointing.
But no doubt for the best, Remus decided as he had turned his back on her too and drifted off to sleep himself. Even if he did feel a little lost and cold lying there without her in his arms when she was just there beside him...
He awoke feeling warm and fuzzy and perfectly content the next morning when the door to the bedroom was flung open, and Remus wondered quite what had changed over the course of the night as Teddy bounded into the room.
"There's been an owl!" Teddy announced excitedly, thrusting the letter in question under his father's nose. "It's from Germany!"
Remus was just reaching to accept the envelope when he realised that in order to do so he needed to untangle his hand from around the witch lying snugly in his arms. He gazed down at his sleeping wife for a long moment, taking in their tangled legs under the duvet, his arms tightly around her and his arm hugged tightly to her chest before blinking heavily and telling his son:
"Perhaps I'll read it over breakfast, Ted."
"Right!" Teddy said, positively grinning at the pair of them in a way that Remus thought he probably should find unnerving. "I'm going to make tea!" And with that he turned and rushed back out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.
At the sudden noise, Dora stirred, shifting against his chest as she wondered:
"Wuzzat?"
"Nothing." Remus told her, leaning to bury his face in her hair, and the witch yawned widely and asked:
"What time is it?"
"I neither know nor care, my darling." the werewolf murmured, voice muffled by her strikingly pink locks.
"Hm." the witch said, grip upon his arm tightening with a sigh as he whispered:
"Just promise me you won't move a muscle..."
Finish.
(Thank goodness!)