A/N: Yes, okay, that last one was just filler. But more good stuff, coming. I promise. Let's see how we can get these two to fall in love or fall on their faces, hm?

2

"WHAT," I shrieked, "ON EARTH. WAS THAT?"
Loki surfed the channels nonplussed and briefly glanced at me.
"Paton, you look a mess," he remarked, settling for MTV again.
"NO!" I crossed the room and unplugged the television set, crossing my arms over my chest.
He held out his hands in irritation and was about to begin talking when I cut him off.
"Loki, there are-" How does one even say these things? "There are bloomin' aliens in my bloomin' backyard. There is a bloomin' Norse god sprawled on my sofa, and above all, there is no bloomin' money in my bank."
"I appreciate the effort you're putting into not swearing-"
"NO!" I said again, jabbing a finger at him. "Explain!"
"What?"
"Full disclosure agreement. Now, put with it!"
He let his head fall back onto the back of the couch and sighed, eyes closed, "I wish you would just calm down and trust me on this-"
"GOD OF LIES, OH-"
"Now there's no need to be ru-"
I quickly made a dodge for the sceptre that was lain on the coffee table, but Loki seemed to anticipate my intentions and sprung forward at the same moment. I tugged and heaved with all my might, half managing to drag him into the edge of the table and loosen his grip a little.
"Oh, yes, perfectly grown up way to handle the situation, Paton!" He growled, raising his palm to me.
Before I knew it, I could feel my body being pulled upward by an invisible force. I was floating. Floating.
"Let me down!"
"Why don't you apologize first?"
"Who's being grown up now?" I said angrily, still suspended in mid air. Then I found I could propel myself forward by thrashing my limbs about.
"Paton, stop it!" He warned, holding the sceptre away from me, but I had managed to grab onto the collar of his shirt. My intention was to put him in a headlock, but worry of all worries I found myself floating upside down in the air with my arms squeezed tightly around his neck in case I fell.
"This is the thanks I get?" I screamed, kicking at the ceiling, completely unperturbed by the novelty of the situation. It almost seemed like a normal, daily occurence.
"You should be thankful I let you live after you bulldozed over me with your car!"
"Why I oughta-"
"Release me!"
"Me first!"
"This is ridiculous," he decided.
"What are you waiting for?"
"For you to let go of course!"
"I demand an explanation as to why I have aliens in my back yard."
"If you let me go-"
"Let me down, first."
"Paton!" He cried in exasperation.
"Fine, on the count of three, I let go and you let me down."
"Rather trusting of you, isn't it?"
"One."
"Oh, for the love of-"
"Two."
"Alright!"
"Three."

I must admit this was a poorly thought out plan. As soon as I'd undone my vice grip around his neck, I felt the upward tug disappear from my body and I collapsed rather painfully onto Loki, sending us both crashing to the floor.

"Fool!" He spat.
"This is your fault," I moaned, rolling over on to one side, clutching my throbbing elbow. "No more magic in the house."
"I have never been so brutally insulted and treated so poorly in all my life!"
I glared at him and pulled myself to my feet, "Get on with it then!"
He narrowed his eyes at me and rolled his shoulders.

"They are called the Chitauri," he said sharply, massaging his neck. "An alien race with incredible power."
"What do they want with us?"
"Not you. Just me. You see I've struck a deal with them."
"Deal? What kind of deal?"
"They're looking for a lost relic, incidentally the very one I seek."
"The cube?"
He nodded, "Perhaps you clumsiness has been a boon all along."
I don't like your tone, mister. "What?"
"When you shot that beam up into space, the Chitauri traced it immediately. Convinced it was the hypercube, they sent down emissaries to retrieve it."
All this jazz over a cube?
"But we don't have it, we don't have the cube."
"How observant of you. Of course not, and they were going to vapourize us, but I doubt your boss would've taken that very properly."
I gasped just a little at the thought of being vapourized. There were so many things I hadn't done yet. Like skiing.
"Well, what do they want?"
"The hypercube, haven't you been listening?"
"But don't you need it to-"
"I have found better use for it," Loki folded his arms. "I will trade them the hypercube for full control of their army."
"Army?"
"And with it, I will march to Asgard and take what is mine."

I blinked at him a long moment. A choked splutter escaped my lips.
"What's the matter with you?" He asked, aghast as I began to gag, doubling over and panting.
"Nothing," I gasped, "I'm fine. Just blacking out is all, perhaps losing the function of my left kidney. It's all fine."
"Indeed?"
"Peachy, just peachy," I thumbed a fist into my chest and straightened up, taking support of the island. "So these uh, these Chitin - these, uh, these Chatter-"
"Chitauri."
"Are they dangerous?"
Loki shrugged, "Well, I suppose so, they're shapeshifters and they often assume the shapes of their kills after they're done with their innards."

I spent the next ten minutes retching into the toilet bowl. What the hell have you just gotten yourself into, old girl?