So... Ok, I think I'll come out of hiding long enough to post. Thank you for the reviews, adds, and all the Thanksgiving Day wishes.

Thanks to Stratan for beta'ing, and thanks to stephk0525 and claireoth for prereading.

Oh, I almost forgot. To everyone who asked: Yes, this is HEA. I swear. :)

Chapter 14

Edward

I rubbed my thumb over my lighter, staring at the stack of shit Bella had given me sitting in the passenger's seat. No way was I looking at it. No way was I reliving the fucking nightmare that had been my life in Chicago. No way was I seeing how my sister managed to live a life after her escape, while I was forced into one that would forever change me.

Ruin me.

I grabbed a cigarette out of the pack I'd bought before heading over to the garage. It was such a simple thing, really, but it held more meaning than anyone could imagine. Did I light it, smoke it, and go back to the way I was before? Or did I stay this... this... human-esque man that Bella Swan had created.

Loved.

"Fuck," I mumbled, slipping the cigarette between my lips so that I could drag my hands through my hair in frustration.

She loved me. She did what no one else ever had. She saw me for who I was, even when my guard was standing strong against her. Her words wrecked me, completed me, and thrilled me all at once. They caused more emotion than I was able to bear, and I thought I might... Well, I thought my pussy ass might just cry with her admission.

Because never in my life did I think I'd hear it from someone outside my family.

But she was a liar, a fake, so the sentiment meant nothing now. The Bella Swan I knew was a myth, something I desperately sought out when my memories tormented me because she soothed the ache and provided a distraction. She'd fooled me into thinking that I could make something of myself, us. Except every word that had come from her mouth wasn't real. She wasn't real.

If only that were true.

The truth was that Bella wasn't the issue at all. It was me, and all my bullshit. As always, she'd seen me for what I really was, and known that there was so much more of my past that I wasn't letting go. She was never a liar. That descriptor was reserved for me and me alone. She was simply... Fuck, every strange interaction, every moment I questioned something she did or said, made perfect sense now. Every time she mentioned something about a someone else in the future, the next girl, made sense. She'd always known that I wouldn't be able to look at her the same way again.

And yet she'd gotten close to me anyway.

She was quite possibly the bravest girl I'd ever known.

Or the stupidest. I hadn't decided yet.

She was here because of a girl whose mere existence hurt me. The heart I'd once revered because it kept my amazing girl alive was now something I despised. I couldn't even think about it without feeling resentment and anger pounding through me. Maggie had a good life. Maggie was special.

Maggie was everything I had been denied.

Maggie was normal.

So that was that, then. I'd found someone who meant something to me, who - unbelievably - wanted me back, yet I couldn't stand to be with her anymore. Touch her.

Fate fucking hated me. So I decided to tell fate, and Bella, "fuck you" in my own, personal way...

I reached up to light the cigarette, unconcerned with the fact that this would be the first time I ever smoked in my car, and stopped when the back door of the garage was flung open.

Emmett came storming out, and if I had one guess as to why he was suddenly so pissed off at me, I'd guarantee it had something to do with Bella. Because my selfishness knew no bounds. I was putting Emmett in a bind by taking away one of his employees.

The guilt stung. But not enough to take back those words I'd said to her last night.

There was no way I could handle being trapped in the same building with her day after day. What I'd felt before, the anxiety and apprehension, couldn't compare to how I felt now. I knew how wonderful Bella Swan was. I'd shared a part of myself that I'd never shared with anyone else before with her... felt what it was like to have that connection with someone. I knew what it felt like to touch her, taste her... hold her.

And now I knew what it was like to have it all taken away.

He yanked my car door open forcefully, causing me to arch my brow and stare up at him in annoyance.

"Rip it off the hinges during this little hissy fit, and I'll kick your ass before I make you fix it," I said evenly, hiding all the turmoil inside me.

"What the fu-?" Emmett's blue eyes widened when he saw the cigarette between my lips. He crushed it as he jerked it out of my mouth and threw it on the ground. "What the fuck did you do?"

"Don't know what you mean."

"Bella just fucking quit!" he yelled. "No notice, nothing. She just quit! And you're out here smoking. So I repeat: What the fuck did you do?"

"Ah," I said bitterly. "It's not what I did, Em. It's what she did. Of course, she had us all fooled into thinking she was this wide-eyed, innocent girl. So I suppose I shouldn't blame you for taking her side over mine. If I didn't know the truth, I might have done the same."

I was surprised that the blasphemy flowed from my lips so easily.

Too bad Emmett didn't buy into it.

"Bullshit," he growled. "That's fucking bullshit and you know it."

"Is it?" I asked blandly. "You know her heart? The one she got oh... What was it? Ten months ago?"

"Yeah? What about it?"

"It was my sister's."

His mouth dropped in shock. "That's... impossible."

"She says it's not. And before you ask; yes, she knew the whole time."

His brows knit as he thought about that. "You don't know for sure, though?"

"Know what?" Jesus, I had way too much going on in my head. I couldn't even follow a simple conversation.

"That the um, the donor is your sister? Wouldn't Mom and Dad have all that kind of stuff and told you about it?"

"You'd think," I muttered. That was something else I was going to have to find out. If Carlisle and Esme hid this for me for any amount of time... I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to forgive them.

I stopped thinking about it because it only pissed me off, and made me want to destroy anything I could get my hands on. My Volvo was the closest thing to me, and even though I had no earlier qualms about smoking in it, I at least had the fucking wits not to ruin something that important... or expensive.

But all that anger was on the surface. I had no idea what this other feeling that lingered beneath it was, something that hadn't quite come to fruition since I didn't have all the facts yet.

"Supposedly, the paperwork's all there." I pointed to the stack of books and files with a snarl. "I just have to read it."

"So read it," he answered simply.

"No." I paused, a sudden thought crossing my mind. "In fact, I think I'll burn it. All of it."

He reached over me and snatched it all up before I could even think about grabbing it for myself. "The fuck you will. It's not your shit. If you're not going to give her enough credit to read it, then you're going to at least give it back to her."

I simply glared up at him. "Credit, Emmett? What the hell for?"

"For being Liberty," he answered. "For getting under your skin and changing you into someone we can all stand to be around now. Who cares about the reasons she had for coming here in the first place. You waited your whole life for her. And you're going to just let her walk away like this?"

I refused to listen to that. I didn't wait my whole life for Bella. I didn't need Bella. Not before she came to Forks, and certainly not now.

"We're done here," I said, getting up out of the car and pushing past him.

He grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back, throwing me up against the Volvo. I winced, but stared back at him defiantly.

"Why? Because it's true?"

"No, because..." I huffed and shoved him away from me. Surprisingly, he let me go, and silently watched me pace the asphalt beside him.

"What, Edward?" The way his voice wavered had my eyes darting up to meet his. "Talk to me. I'm so fucking tired of you shutting me out. We all are."

Shit, I'd never seen Emmett so... exposed before.

"All?" I croaked.

He nodded. I didn't have to ask him who "all" entailed. I already knew.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, hoping that by not looking at him, I could find the words to explain the way I felt.

"I... I don't know if I can do it, Em. Get over it, I mean. She fucking... I loved that scar on her chest. Loved it," I repeated. "It represented everything she'd gone through and how strong she was. And it was a... Fucking hell, it was a physical reminder of the fact that she needed me. No one's ever needed me like that before. Not even you and Jazz, with all your shit."

When he didn't speak, I took a chance and kept going. I wanted to climb back into the Volvo and retreat into myself again, but if Bella had taught me anything, it was to not shy away from things like I had before. Because saying the words out loud weren't really all that different from the knowledge to begin with.

I blinked with that, and wondered if maybe...

"She was the first person I thought really understood me," I told him, ignoring it, "other than Mom. And now... Now all I can think of when I see that scar is of how jealous I am. That Maggie might not be here anymore, but she was happy while she was. She got out. Our fucking bullshit parents kept me in that hell and gave her a life, and the fucked up state of Illinois just let them. So now I keep asking myself: why didn't I deserve the same thing?"

He thrust Bella's journal at me. "You don't know if any of that is true because you won't look at this."

"Emmett-"

"What are you afraid of?" he asked. "You just said that she was happy and had the life you didn't. That she was adopted... When?"

"When she was five," I mumbled, glancing over at the pack of cigarettes in my car. Christ, I needed one just to have something to do with myself.

"Ok, so she was adopted when she was five, and got all the perks that came with it. Before you. So what's the difference between knowing it and reading it? Are the specifics really going to change the way you feel about it?"

"I-"

"Furthermore," he said, flashing his dimples with my dumbfounded expression.

"Furthermore?" I interrupted. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"I am. It sounds good, though, yeah?"

I almost laughed. Almost.

"So anyway, as I was saying, the only thing that could really change is your opinion of Bella."

"How... Why's that?"

"Because if you read this, you will see every waking thought Bella has ever had about this situation. You'll see her for who she really is. But I think you already do..." He trailed off with a shrug.

As much as I wanted to punch him for being Bella Swan's advocate, he was, unfortunately, also being the voice of reason. When it came to Bella, my emotions were all over the place, distorted and confusing. Magnified. They blinded me, and I was never really going to know what Bella's true intentions were unless I spoke to her - which was highly fucking unlikely since I couldn't even stand the sight of her right now - or read all the information she'd given me.

But no matter how hard I stared at what sat in Emmett's hands, I couldn't force myself to reach over and take anything from him.

"Do you know how much I hate you sometimes?" I finally sighed. I bent over and grabbed the pack of cigarettes, pitching it toward the trashcan by the door. There was no way I could light up a smoke, thanks to Bella. And that... that pissed me off even more, because before her, it had been my one vice; the one thing I let myself do in the midst of all the anxiety over my family's history. Because who really cared if I had a measly nicotine addiction when I was able to avoid wanting anything else?

And yet even through this betrayal - because I'd finally recognized that feeling brewing inside me - I still wanted to be good. Good enough. For her.

"Why, because I'm hot as fuck and have a badass IQ to boot?"

I snorted. "Keep dreaming, jackass."

He tossed all that information past me and back into the car. "Don't be a moron. That's all I'm saying."

"Fine," I huffed. "I'll... I'll try."

"Okay, then." He turned back toward the door. "Hey, Eddie?"

It was all I could do not to roll my eyes at him. "What?"

"Go home. You're not welcome in my garage for a while."

I drove to the Third Beach trailhead and pulled over to the side of the road. I sat in my Volvo until the sun started to rise. I couldn't sleep. Not because of all the nightmares I dreaded like usual, but because of everything else. Or more simply put, someone else.

The air was thick with morning fog as I walked those seven miles to Falls Creek. This was where Carlisle and I came those first few months after I'd been adopted. He'd tried to let me adjust to my new life while simultaneously forcing me to exercise my weakened body. And I'd hated him for it. Then again, I'd have hated him for anything. I was scared as hell. Scared of the new life they'd given me. Scared of Elizabeth coming to her senses and taking me away from the... good I'd found in the Cullens. Scared of healing. Of high school. Of my adopted brothers. Of everything.

But it wasn't fear I let them see. I pretended to be angry while I adjusted. I distanced myself from everyone new around me wielding my anger as a weapon. I was good at pretending. It'd saved me from being thrown in some disease-infested home back in Chicago. And back then, that had been the most important thing - staying out of the system. No matter how shitty my life had become, I had my independence. That independence was what kept me going after I'd freed myself from Aro. A home would have taken that, and nearly everything else, away from me, and then... I'd have surely died in that hospital, no longer having anything to my name at all.

Carlisle and Esme knew that I needed that independence when they found me, promising to give it to me in ways I never thought possible. Eventually, I saw how cheated I'd been, and I became bitter and resentful toward Elizabeth, my absent fucking father... Toward Aro and every social worker who'd come to my mother's shithole apartment building to check on some other kid and still, somehow, didn't see my life for what it really was.

So the anger became real, and I worked to barricade everyone out, my new family included. Because if I never let them in to begin with, they couldn't hurt me like everyone else had.

Only they'd managed to weasel their way into my bruised heart at some point. And to this day, I couldn't honestly figure out when it'd happened.

It'd taken weeks before that skinny kid was finally healed enough to be able to make it to the falls. I'd instantly loved it, though I was too fucked up and lost in my own head to truly realize it. By the time my vision cleared, I was too used to the green of this environment to really appreciate it for what it was. And I'd never really gotten a chance to see it the way an inexperienced, fourteen year old kid should.

Until Bella.

I shook my head in an effort to stop rehashing the past again, instead focusing on... Well, on not fucking falling and twisting an ankle or some shit on my way up the trail. It didn't take me as long to get to my destination as the last time I'd hiked these woods; I was missing a vital piece of what had made the falls finally come alive for me. Bella was nowhere in sight, likely curled up in bed like everyone else in this town. She would never walk this trail with me again. I'd never see her admire the plants, stumble over a rock. I'd never see her smile as she looked at the falls... Never feel her against me as we climbed to the top.

I came closer to the falls and abruptly stopped, dragging in a loud breath as I gazed around. I shouldn't have come here. It was such a bad fucking idea to come back to where it all really started. I wasn't sure why I thought I could stand next to the creek and not see Bella in every part of these woods, not ache. I wanted to go back and feel her lying against me again, kiss her...

Then I remembered whose heart she had and why I wasn't currently on speaking terms with her, and all that want - that joy - faded away, and I was left feeling much like I had before she'd come into my life: angry and bitter, a shell of the man she'd made me, once more.

I dropped down and put my hands in the creek, cringing as the cold water drifted over them. Ever the one for endured suffering, I splashed the water on my face and shivered convulsively as the chill from it ran through my body. Then repeated the process all over again.

"This place is just as nice as I remembered it. It's a shame I don't get to come here with your father more often."

Startled at my mother's voice, I lost my balance and nearly fell into the creek. I managed to right myself just before I tumbled into the icy water and stood up quickly, glaring back at her.

"Jesus Christ, Mom," I grumbled. "What are you doing here?"

"Emmett called," she explained.

"Fuck," I cursed, dragging my wet hands through my hair.

"Edward," she admonished gently. But I knew she expected no less from me.

"What did he tell you?"

"Just that something was going on with you. But I had already figured that out."

"How? I've hardly seen you guys in the last couple of days."

"Exactly."

I blinked wordlessly.

Then she smiled at me and the delusion of secrecy shattered.

"I'm fine," I growled.

Her brows shot up but she let me step onto a boulder at the edge of the creek without a word, waiting for me to... Hell, I didn't know what she was waiting for, and I was too disoriented to try to figure it out.

My hands fidgeted nervously at my side as I stared down at the water below me and tried to figure out where to begin. We were alone, so I decided now was the time to talk to her about it. Only, I didn't know how to broach the subject of Bella's donor with either of my parents without becoming completely and irrationally enraged, and that was something I was quickly realizing that I didn't want to do anymore. While they were used to my inability to communicate and the sudden outbursts, it didn't change the fact that I was now seeing them for what they truly were. Absurd. Useless. The rantings of a boy who'd bottled up his thoughts and emotions until they spewed out of him like an erupting volcano. Being with Bella had forced me to talk, share, because - unbelievably - I'd wanted her to know me. And even though I was no longer with her, I couldn't deny the fact that I'd been happier in the days since telling her a part of my history.

Or it could've just been from the girl herself. A deep seated part of me seemed to long for her, obvious by all the times I'd lamented over not being able to touch her already.

Christ, I was screwed. No matter how angry I was at the situation, I fucking missed her, and it'd only been a couple of days. I wasn't sure how I'd make it my whole life without her.

And then I reminded myself that I hadn't given myself enough time to even attempt it, much less live it. But I still I hated having that knee-jerk reaction. To have it meant that I was undecided, that my feelings were clouding my reasoning; that my fucking heart still wanted to be with her, no matter how much my brain refused it.

And I was so goddamned sick of being torn up about life.

Esme's fingers wrapped around my arm, stopping my ridiculous movements. I held my breath, bracing for the panic that always came from an outsider's touch. But it didn't come, of course. This was Esme; she was one of the two people in this world who knew it wouldn't bother me at that moment.

And so my thoughts drifted to Bella again.

"Honey," she said softly, "you seem... off."

I nodded. It was all I could come up with as a response. Although, off was definitely not the right word to describe me.

Miserable, maybe, did what I felt more justice.

"Because of Bella," she deduced.

I merely nodded again.

"Did you two break up?"

I scoffed. "We weren't exactly dating in the first place."

"Weren't you?"

"I-" I snapped my mouth shut, deciding not to answer that. I'd never really considered what we looked like on the outside. We'd never labeled ourselves or promised each other anything. We simply were. Saying that aloud seemed... stupid, though.

"Can I... Can I ask you something?" I said instead.

"You can ask me anything. You know that."

I nodded. Fuck, I was like a bobblehead today or something. "Did you... Did you ever see that journal Bella wrote in?"

"No," Esme said slowly. I glanced up at her just in time to see her give me a quick, wary look.

At that second, I was betting she hated her ability to read me so well.

"I have it."

Silence.

"In the car," I continued. "With a bunch of other stuff she gave me. I'm not sure what it all is, really."

She still didn't speak, waiting patiently for me to be the one to talk.

So I forced myself to. It didn't escape me that I was getting better at it, but I saved the analysis for later. I could figure it out some other day. Maybe discuss it with Dr. Banner or something.

Because I was still going to therapy, apparently.

"Bella wants me to... She wants me to read it."

"That's something awfully personal for her to share," she baited.

A bitter sound rose out of me. "No shit."

She gave me a sharp look, silently reprimanding me. Seemed I only got one pass when it came to my language today.

"Sorry." I inhaled sharply. "I don't know why I'm even asking. It's not like you're going to tell me-"

"Don't presume to know what I would and wouldn't tell you," Esme interrupted harshly. My eyes shot up to hers, and I instantly realized how annoyed she was with my behavior. Not that I could blame her. Getting better at talking didn't really mean much. I still had trouble finding the words.

Old habits die hard and all that shit.

"You're my son," she said emphatically. "I'll tell you anything. Always. Same with your father."

I nearly laughed. "Right. Because Carlisle can definitely disregard HIPAA laws."

Large, confused brown eyes stared back at me. But as pretty as my mother's eyes were, they didn't have the same effect that Bella's eyes did.

No one's would, of that I was sure.

Fuck.

"What is this about?" Esme finally demanded. "Why would your father need to give you any kind of information about his patients?"

I didn't answer, and Esme's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Or should I be asking what it is that your father could tell you about Bella?"

"Because..." I dragged my hands through my hair and gazed over at the waterfall. "Ah, fuck. Bella's heart donor is my biological sister. Maggie... something. I don't know what her last name is; I didn't bother looking."

"What?" she gasped. "How would Bella know something like that?"

"She made the chief look her up because... God, I don't even know why. I guess... I guess I just need to know if you two knew."

She seemed speechless, so I repeated myself.

"If ever, at any time in my life, did you or Dad know I had a sister?" I asked, locking my eyes with hers.

And it was then that I knew. She'd had no idea about any of it. Neither of them did.

"How the fuck did this happen then?" I demanded. "How did Bella find this out if I didn't know...? If I don't have any...?"

Shit, I couldn't breathe. I stumbled back to the shore and collapsed on the ground, staring up at the canopy of trees above us and pushing myself back into the past. Surely, I could remember a blonde haired little sister tagging along behind me just once. Or maybe she'd been older...

Only I couldn't remember anyone other than me living in that apartment with Elizabeth. Nor could I ever remember Elizabeth having photos of Maggie anywhere in the little black lacquered box that held those of my father.

It was like her life as a Masen never fucking existed.

"You know you're going to have to just talk to her," she said, reading me perfectly. "It's on your record somewhere, because Charlie Swan found it."

"Why didn't you find it?"

"Because Elizabeth never said anything. And we weren't looking. We just wanted you, Edward," she said softly, "before you were released from hospital care and without a home again."

"It doesn't matter."

"Are you saying that you wouldn't have wanted to know about her?"

I shook my head.

"You still don't want to know about her?" she pressed.

I honestly didn't know anymore. I shied away from the thought of anything to do with Maggie, but at the same time...

Something drew me to her. Maybe that had been part of the reason I could never stay away from Bella. Because of-

Shit, I didn't like that theory one bit. So I immediately discounted it. Bella was Bella. I didn't like her because of some creepy connection with a dead sister.

It was innate curiosity. Anyone would feel it.

Except, it still wasn't enough to go back to the chief's and take her in my arms again.

"I can't talk to Bella about it. I can't even..." I trailed off, hearing how my voice cracked and scowled.

"Edward, I love you. But you're entirely too stubborn for your own good. At least I know how to choose my battles."

I glowered over at her, and then squeezed my eyes closed. She was so fucking right. It was pride that kept me from looking at Bella's journal. Pride that kept me from pushing everything aside, taking her in my arms, and striving to make something of myself with her. Curious or not, I didn't have to know anything about Maggie. Ever. If requested, Bella would never utter her name in my presence. She'd do anything I asked of her...

Because she loved me.

And still, I couldn't swallow it down.

"God damn it," I nearly shouted, feeling a sudden urge to pound at the ground with my fists.

Esme was at my side in an instant, staying just far away from me that she didn't physically touch me. "Come on. We need to get back. I invited your brother and Rosalie over for dinner. We could use a family dinner, I think."

I huffed and went to stand, careful not to knock her down in the process. Dinner with my brother was probably not the best idea given his request for me to stay away for a while, but I kept that to myself. It wasn't like it would do any good; you couldn't expect to argue with my mother and win. She was right. She chose her battles well.

Besides, I was a shit, like I'd said a thousand times before. I'd take whatever abuse he gave out.

"So why'd you let me come all the way out here in the first place?"

She shrugged. "You looked like you needed to unwind."

Fuck if that wasn't an understatement.

As soon as we got off the trail, I headed over to my Volvo, my heart pounding harder with every step I took. Esme's white Mercedes was parked just behind it, so I hurried and opened the passenger's side door and grabbed what Bella had given me before she reached her own car.

Before I lost my nerve.

"Take it and tell me what you think," I rushed. "Please."

Esme gingerly took the items from my hand, shuffling them around, and then handing me back the leather bound journal.

"Um... Mom?"

"I want nothing to do with that," she answered, opening the file folder. "I have a feeling there are things in there that would embarrass Bella. And as much as you might hate her right now, I still like her."

I growled, "The fuck? Isn't your loyalty supposed to be to your son?"

"Don't be so dramatic," she said, pinning me with a level stare. "She's a sweet girl, and she makes you smile. Anyone capable of that kind of miracle deserves... Gosh, I don't know. Nothing I can think of seems sufficient."

"Was I really that fucking bad?" I asked, completely disgusted by this conversation.

Esme buried her nose in the file, choosing not to answer me.

But it was answer enough.

Silence stretched on as she studied up on Maggie. Her lips moved with the occasional sentence she read, and she smiled at what looked like pictures stuck to a page. I moved back some so I couldn't accidentally-on-purpose see any of it, and started rocking on my heels anxiously.

She took fucking forever.

"Carr," she eventually stated, holding everything back out to me. "Maggie's last name was Carr."

I reluctantly took the file and photo album from her, biting down on the inside of my cheek as I stared down at it.

"Her whole life's in there," Esme continued. "She was really... something. You should be proud."

Maggie's information abruptly slipped from my fingers.

I didn't bother picking it up. Because how in the hell did Esme expect me to be proud of her?

Esme sighed and bent over to retrieve it for me. "Take your time with this, Edward. Make sure what you decide is right for you."

I blinked once, and then let my eyes slide back up to hers.

"And no matter what that decision is, we'll all understand. Even Bella."