Thanks so much for all the reviews and adds. I lol'd at some of them, like the ones requesting that Edward get his head out of his ass ;)
Thanks to Stratan for beta'ing and um, dealing with me in general. You know why. Hee.
Thanks to claireoth and stephk0525 for prereading. ILY guys!
Chapter 15
Bella
It seemed like time flew by those first few days Charlie was out of the hospital. Floral arrangements and gifts filled up every free surface in our home. I made sure each and every one of them were on display, comforted by the fact that Charlie was never really alone while I was in Phoenix. Nor would he be alone again when I left for college in August, now just a few short weeks away.
Life as I'd come to know it in Forks no longer existed. I barely left the house, only going outside long enough to run to Thriftway or the bank or... whatever errand I was helping my dad with that specific day. Teaching Charlie how to cook healthily and getting him to exercise again was my main priority, although, it wasn't like I had anything else to do. I was jobless, boyfriend-less - if that's what Edward had been- friendless, with the exception of Alice again...
Focusing on my dad, even if I'd have done it anyway, was pretty much the only thing that kept me going. I hadn't heard from Edward or anyone in his family, and the information on Maggie never found its way back to my hands. I had hoped that maybe, eventually, he'd still read it all. Then again, he could have destroyed it. As much as I hated the thought, I couldn't deny the possibility of it. Edward's temper had always tended to get the best of him. I'd known it from the beginning, so I was feeling somewhat resigned to never seeing my journal or, more importantly, Edward's smile again. Which was more than I'd expected of myself. Those first twenty-four hours of waiting and wondering had been brutal. I'd been almost sure that with as much as I hurt, I'd spend weeks lying in bed in a deep depression before Charlie would have to come kick some sense into me.
But I'd always prepared for this. While I'd wanted Edward to see me for who I was and that I meant no harm by coming here, my realist side wouldn't allow all of that optimism to actually take shape and form some sort of impossible pipe dream. Maybe that was the reason I was still sane, actually capable of being here for Charlie.
I spent the limited free time I had either searching for a new job or trying to replace some of the pictures I had of Maggie from my hard drive, simply because... There was no reason anymore, really; I just did it. I wasn't obsessed with the information I'd gotten on her now that it had found its way to its rightful owner. I was just...
Staying busy. Hoping. Trying to do her memory justice by respecting what her life had been. Still trying to meld what was lost in her life with what I'd found in mine.
The only part I hated about Charlie having so many friends in this town was that visitors filled our house constantly. Well, "visitors" wasn't really the best term to describe the people coming to the house. They were all mostly women. Concerned women, many of whom I didn't recognize. It seemed like my father was, unknowingly, a hot commodity in this town. Which, when I thought about it, made sense. He never remarried - or dated much, for that matter - after he and my mother divorced. He didn't go out drinking every night. He was quiet and charming, successful... decent looking.
Even I had to admit my dad was something of a catch.
I hated having my house invaded, but I kept quiet. It wasn't technically my house, so who was I to say anything? It was like a revolving door of women vying for a spot in Charlie's life, in and out, over and over again. I endured it all as quietly as possible, only giving Alice any idea of my frustration with it with vague and random texts as the days stretched on.
And then, Charlie finally spoke up.
"Get me out of here, Bella, before someone else shows up," he growled, slamming the door shut behind the woman who'd just gotten into her car. "And toss this, will you? I can't stand meatloaf."
I giggled at his surly mood, the first time I'd laughed about something since Edward had crawled out of my bedroom window after we'd reached our... stalemate. "It's not exactly the meatloaf you're thinking of, Dad. It's made with turkey. No beef yet, remember?"
He blanched.
"Oh, come on. She was being..." I debated on being facetious, but decided against it. Charlie probably wouldn't catch on if I did. "Thoughtful."
"They all are," he sighed, "but they act like I almost died."
My God, the man truly was oblivious to what was happening.
"Well, you kind of did."
He shook his head.
I put the meatloaf on the table to cool and took my father's arm, leading him back over to the door. "Let's take a walk. See how far you get today?"
"Yeah. Sure," he grunted.
The main part of town wasn't too far from Charlie's house. Within fifteen minutes, we'd rounded the corner and were headed toward the station. I was hoping to get him there before we had to turn around and head back home. That was today's goal, anyway. It seemed like Charlie was going to handle it all right until he stopped just outside of Newton's Outfitters.
"What's up?" I asked, lifting my chin to give him a questioning look.
He pointed to a sign in the door and smiled. "Look, they're hiring."
"Newton's?" For some reason, I hated this idea. "Yeah, but you-"
"I'm fine," he insisted. "Besides, it could do you some good to get out of the house."
"But I don't want to leave you there in case-"
"Heard anything from Edward?" he interrupted again, this time with a meaningful look.
I glanced away. "Uh... no."
"Then you need to get out of the house." He gave me a nudge toward the door, and I stumbled, surprised that he had so much strength back already.
"You've been faking all this time," I accused.
He shrugged. "So I wanted to make sure you were okay. Sue me."
I shook my head and tried to hide my grin.
"Go on. Don't make me go in there and get an application for you."
"Yes, because that's exactly what every nineteen-year-old girl looking for a job needs: her daddy going in and getting her job app for her."
"In case you've forgotten, I do have some pull in this town..."
I rolled my eyes and moved to open the door. "Trust me, Dad, sharing your last name will be pull enough."
He flashed a grin beneath his mustache. "Good."
As soon as I was inside, I made my way over to the checkout counter where the boy who'd delivered my boots was standing. He was reading an article in some kind of muscle magazine, unaware of everything going on around him. Including me. I had to clear my throat to get his attention.
His blue eyes shot up from the pages of the magazine, and he smiled warmly at me. I instantly wanted to cry with that smile. He was part of the reason I'd gotten close to Edward in the first place. If he hadn't listened to Esme and delivered those boots to me, I wouldn't have found myself sitting next to a creek with Edward, watching as he slowly let himself unravel before me.
Yet I couldn't even remember the guy's name.
My eyes darted down to his badge, and I blinked away tears as I read it.
Mike. Of course. The Newton's son.
I swallowed and tried to smile. "Hi, I'm not sure if you remember me, but-"
"You're Chief Swan's daughter, Bella," he said excitedly. "I remember who you are."
"Oh." I shifted on my feet awkwardly. "I need um... I saw the sign..." I pointed back toward the sign in hopes to visually show him what I wanted.
"You want to apply for the cashier's position?" he asked, his brow furrowing deeply. "I thought you worked at Cullen's..."
"I did," I answered, reining in the need to cry again. There was no way in hell this stranger was getting any detail into what happened and why I was no longer working at Emmett's. "But things changed. Can I have an application or not?"
"Uh... sure."
He produced the application and handed it to me, still looking confused as ever. I politely thanked him and hurried out the door to find Charlie, stopping just short of slamming into a person getting ready to walk into the store. He was tall, lean, and had long sleeves and jeans on despite the day's heat.
Jasper.
Cullen.
Oh, shit.
He let his gray eyes drift over me once before shaking his head. "You look like shit, Bella," he sighed unhappily.
Half laughing, half sobbing, I suddenly found myself in his arms pouring every ounce of my soul into a garbled apology at his chest. I wasn't sure what I said, but I knew I meant every word that came out of my mouth. I never wanted anyone to get hurt by this, and yet I'd let myself get close to each one of the Cullens before telling them the truth.
"I'm awful," I finally said coherently. "You all must hate me."
He chuckled and gave me a quick squeeze before forcing me back enough that he could see my face. "No one hates you. We're more... shocked, I guess you could say."
"Edward hates me," I muttered.
He didn't answer immediately, so I went to distract myself by adjusting my Zeppelin t-shirt, wiping my face, and sweeping my hair back up into a less messy version of the ponytail it'd been in before.
"You know what? It's okay. I get it. You can't talk to me about your brother."
"No, it's just..." He dragged his hands through his hair. "I don't know what Edward's feeling. He hasn't really talked about it."
More tears came, causing a stricken look to cross Jasper's face. "I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing," he mumbled. He quickly scanned the area, and then took my hand. "Come on, let's get something to eat. You look like you need to fucking eat, B."
"But my dad-" I glanced around and didn't see Charlie anywhere.
Weird.
"Send him a text," he said with a shrug, still dragging me to the coffee shop down the road. Although, I still wasn't sure why they called it a coffee shop in the first place. It had a full service menu.
I snorted loudly at the thought of sending my father a text. "He wouldn't even try to figure out how to read it."
He smiled with that. "You'd think the chief of police could work a smart phone. Lots of information on those suckers."
"Uh, no. He just has his deputies do it. He calls it 'delegating responsibility', but really, it's just him being a stubborn ass."
Jasper laughed.
I sent the text to Charlie anyway. He could have one of the deputies pull it up for him if needed. Or maybe, finally, he could start living in the twenty-first century with the rest of us.
Time would tell.
After that, Jasper and I were silent until we got in line to order. I glanced up at the menu board behind the counter and started chewing on my lip indecisively. Nothing sounded good.
"See anything that sounds good?" Jasper asked, voicing my thoughts for me.
"Not yet," I answered honestly.
His eyes roamed my backside, causing mine to hurriedly swing the other side of the room. No way was he checking me out. This was Jasper... Edward's brother...
I made myself look back at him and saw him staring at my ass, an indecipherable look on his face.
Traitorous blood immediately pooled in my cheeks.
I spun around so he couldn't see it anymore. "Um, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
"Edward is going to be pissed if he sees you like this," he murmured, gazing back up at the menu.
"Excuse me?"
"He likes your ass a lot," he answered. "And it's kind of...
I waited for him to finish that sentence, but he didn't.
"I think I know what I want," he said suddenly.
I blinked. "What the-?"
"Do you?"
"Just order... whatever," I mumbled.
He nodded, and then flashed the woman behind the counter his trademark perfect smile. "Two Cubans with fries and Coke."
"J- Jasper!" I sputtered in protest.
"Okay, make that one Coke and one Diet," he amended, catching the look I gave him. "What?"
"You know I can't eat that!"
"It's just one sandwich," he chuckled.
"But did you have to order the most fattening one they have?"
"I think the Reuben might be just as bad. I could order that instead," he joked.
"No," I snapped. "You will not."
He smirked, waiting for me to say something about nutrition and my heart.
So I went to surprise him.
"Cause I don't like sauerkraut," I finished.
He laughed once and handed the cashier a twenty. When he had his change, he motioned for me to follow him to a table. We stopped on the way to get napkins, ketchup, and straws then finally made our way to the corner table, where no one would bother us.
There was suddenly a knot in my stomach that hadn't been there before.
He put the little plastic sign with our order number down on the center of the table, and then ever the Southern gentleman, pulled out my chair for me.
As soon as we were seated, the interrogation began.
"Have you even been eating, Bella?" he asked, his brow arching.
"When I take my meds," I responded evasively. It was the truth... I had to eat with my meds, whether I felt like it or not.
He cursed under his breath.
"I've been busy with Charlie and people coming around all the time to see him. I haven't... I mean, it's not like..."
"You lost your appetite because you're pining over Edward?" he supplied.
I started to pout. "No."
He exhaled sharply and threw me a glare that showed me just how much he didn't buy my excuses, only keeping silent because the waitress chose to bring us our food at that exact moment.
"How did they press these things so fast?" I wondered aloud.
The smirk was back. "I'm a Cullen."
"That's not saying your guys are spoiled or anything."
"Blame my dad. I do."
I rolled my eyes and took a bite of my sandwich, moaning appreciatively as the grease hit my tongue. That was the only reason, though. Under normal circumstances, I'd have been in heaven. Today, my heaven on bread just tasted like cardboard.
"So I've got to ask... Why'd you do it?"
I put my sandwich down and wiped off my hands, trying to figure out how to answer him. I wasn't sure what his question meant, though. Did he mean my search for my donor's identity back in Phoenix, coming to find Edward, waiting to tell him, or just simply wanting to tell him?
"Christ, you're going to give yourself an aneurysm thinking over it so hard."
"The answer is that I don't know, smart ass. It started out being something that I thought might help me get over it."
"The girl dying in the first place?"
"Yeah. I'd hear a piano play and wonder what she was like, which I find extremely crazy now, because Maggie played piano. Like concert piano. She was planning to get a Masters in music. She was amazing."
"It's a well known phenomenon with transplant patients," he said, taking a sip of his Coke.
"See, I didn't remember hearing about it. Or maybe I just missed it in all the information thrown at me. I'm not sure."
"That's definitely possible," he agreed. "Funny about it being the piano, though; Edward's got a knack for it too."
"He really does, doesn't he?" I popped a fry in my mouth before continuing. "Anyway, I had Dad look her up. The more he found out about her, the more I... The more obsessed I was. I had this insane need to know everything about her."
"That shit Edward threw in his room has it all in there."
I forced myself to nod through the sudden surge of hope rushing through me. He hadn't destroyed it.
Jasper whistled softly. "Damn."
I smiled shakily. "When I found out that she was adopted, I wondered if she had any siblings. It wasn't like I was trying to search for Edward initially. I just thought that if one day, someone from her biological family came looking for her, they might want to know what happened to the organs donated. I don't know, maybe have the reassurance that it did some good or whatever. So I told the Carrs that."
"Her parents? You'd already met them?"
"Yeah. I kind of..." I laughed nervously. "I kind of showed up at their door one day."
His brows shot up.
"I know. I figured I'd be arrested, only Siobhan, her mom, already knew who I was. I... I remember thinking when I left how everything in my life after the transplant had led me to that point. And if I was supposed to go that far with it then maybe getting Maggie's biological information was important too."
"Maggie's mom had it?" I gave him a funny look, and he elaborated. "Edward's biological information. Sorry. This is kind of... bizarre, Bella."
Nothing I didn't already know there, Jas.
"Yeah, they had it," I breathed. "She said Maggie knew of a brother, but that only had been found out recently when Maggie got on some kind of genealogy kick."
"Fuck," Jasper said lowly. "No way."
"She was planning to try to get in contact with that brother once she found out who he was. She hadn't gotten his name yet. With his adoption, she had to try to get access to a bunch of sealed records, and from my understanding, wasn't having much luck."
He didn't move a muscle as he processed that.
"Our parents made sure our identities and location after our adoptions were hidden," he muttered after a few minutes. "They didn't want anyone from our old lives coming and wrecking the new, you know?"
I nodded.
"Plus with the trash Edward's mom dealt with..." He stopped and changed gears. "It would have taken... Well, it would have taken someone either with a badge or a lot of cash to track us down, thanks to my parent's lawyer."
"Your parents are some of the most incredible people I've ever met," I said emphatically.
"Thanks, Bella. We got lucky."
Jasper took a couple bites before speaking again. I, on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking of Edward long enough to focus on anything in front of me. Which made me realize just how right Jasper was. I'd lost my appetite recently, thanks to my incessant worry over the situation. I simply hadn't noticed it with as busy as I'd been with Charlie and his recovery.
I was going to have to take better care of myself.
"So back to Maggie. She died before she knew her brother was our Edward," he said, his eyes finding mine for confirmation.
"Yep. So you see why I had to come? My father lives in Forks, the very same place Maggie's brother lives. I couldn't-" I took a deep breath. "I couldn't seem to get here fast enough."
"Edward should have let you explain," he said in return.
I shook my head. "I never thought he would. Hoped, maybe, but never actually believed it."
"Still."
"Jasper, come on. You know how he is. He wouldn't have listened if I'd said something the day we met, so I waited, and... I held back just a little too long. I should have told him the day I blurted out her name."
"You what?"
"That night we went to Port Angeles? I blurted out her name in the car when we got there. And then he asked me about her later, and I... I didn't know how to tell him. No, that's not exactly right. It was more like I chickened out."
"He got to you." Just that simple statement sent me reeling.
So I came clean.
"I love him."
He nodded, trying to keep his smile from growing too large. Something was up. "Would you care if I snuck in his room and read up on Maggie?"
"Uh... and read my journal too?"
His face scrunched up. "No. Fuck, no. Just the stuff on his sister."
"Oh, sure, I guess-"
"Well, all right," he drawled. "Let me see what Em and I can do."
"I'm sorry?"
"Emmett. You know, the other brother."
"I know who you're talking about," I snapped. "I'm trying to figure out what the hell you're doing."
For the second time today.
"Nothin'," he replied, a grin eating up his face.
"No. No, don't get involved. He's your brother, and you should-"
"Shut up already, would ya? We all know how good you are." He complemented his words by drawing an imaginary halo over his head with his finger.
I scowled.
"There's a game tonight, and it's been hell trying to play without you. So... I want you to come play like you were originally supposed to. You in?"
"Am I what?" I asked incredulously. "Are you fucking around with me?"
"Nope. We want you there. Well, Rosie wants to kick your ass, but we'll work on her."
"I can't-"
He moved to stand, cutting me off. "I'm gonna get a box for this. I'll pick you up at six. Be ready."
"Jasper!"
He threw me that perfect smile again. "Make sure you eat that."
And then he walked off, leaving me no room to argue.
I obeyed and tried to eat as much of that stupid sandwich as possible before finally giving up and making a quick phone call to Charlie as I walked out the door. I turned and headed toward the station as I waited for my father's gruff voice to come across the line. When I'd verified that he was, in fact, at the station, I shoved my phone in my pocket and picked up my pace, not wanting to run into any one else while I was alone today.
The second I was at my father's office door, I pounced. "So what was with the disappearing act? I didn't take but five minutes inside Newton's."
"I uh..." He coughed nervously and glanced over at one of his deputies. He must've been new, because I didn't recognize him.
"Dad," I warned.
"I saw Jasper coming and thought you two could use some time to talk about his brother."
"Why would I need to talk to him about Edward? He made his choice. He doesn't want to have anything to do with me, not that I blame him."
Now he was warning me. "Bella..."
"Fine. You people are going to have to stop meddling in my business with Edward, though. This is ridiculous."
"Who else is meddling?" he asked curiously. "Was Jasper meddling?"
I opened my mouth a couple of times before managing a meek, "No."
"Interesting."
I sighed. "I'll be outside waiting."
It didn't take Charlie long to join me. We walked back home in silence, not because I didn't have anything to say to my father, but because I needed to figure out how I was going to handle being around Edward later. If I was going to be around later. I was giving serious consideration to locking myself up in my room and pretending to be sick just to get out of it.
I cleaned when I got home, having nothing better to do to pass the time. I transferred some of the food Charlie'd been given from the refrigerator to the freezer and folded a load of laundry before deciding my sheets needed to be washed and going upstairs to rip them off the bed.
When I was done, I still had an hour to kill.
So I took a shower and proceeded to put make up on and flat iron my hair. For a softball game, where I was likely to sweat.
I was pathetic. And nervous. And scared...
"Bad idea," I mumbled, adjusting my white tank top and trying not to shake as I did so. "Bad, bad idea."
Charlie walked back into the living room, an apple in hand. "What is?"
"This." Being around the Cullens. Seeing Edward after he'd specifically told me to stay away. Having the top portion of my scar in plain sight.
Good Lord, I was dumber than I realized.
His brow knit, but I didn't explain any more since the doorbell was ringing.
Jasper was early.
And now, I was near panic.
I took a deep breath and managed to cross the room to answer the door. Instead of playing hookie, I was ready to admit to Jasper that I couldn't make it, couldn't see Edward. But then I realized that I had to get the first sight out of the way eventually. If not now, it'd be later. And at least tonight, I could try to psych myself up for it, plan things I wanted to say as we drove to the diamond. It'd be better this way. Not... unexpected like it would be if we'd met up in town somewhere.
I almost had myself convinced of that when I put my hand on the door handle.
Almost, but not quite. There was a niggling part of me that knew I'd never be able to see Edward without an attempted second breakdown.
Brushing that aside, I swung open the door and tried to seem normal. A joke might help with that, I thought, so I tried it.
"You said six," I complained. "I still have five more minutes to freak out. And Jasper, I'm definitely freaking out."
"Yeah, I'm not Jasper," Rosalie bit out.
My hand flew up to my mouth, my eyes wide. I had to resist shrinking back from the weight of her violet gaze as she stood at the other side of the door. She looked so... cold. Not at all like the girl I'd become friends with.
God help Emmett when he pissed her off.
Then she huffed, and it was like the ice suddenly melted.
"You look like shit," she murmured.
"Everyone keeps saying that," I said with a little, annoyed huff of my own, and tucked a stray piece of hair back behind my ear self-consciously. "Is it really that bad?"
"I didn't believe Jasper until you opened the door just now," she answered with a shrug. "If that tells you anything."
"Great."
Awkward silence filled the air, only interrupted by the sound of the tree frogs and cicadas in the woods behind the house. I needed to come up with an apology of some sort, but I had a feeling nothing I said would really make a difference.
I tried anyway.
Seemed to be my motto for the last few days.
"Rose-"
"He's my family, Bella," she started, her gorgeous face contorting in pain. I hated myself a little more with seeing it. Shocking, because I didn't think it was possible. "And you-"
"I know," I whispered. "Believe me, I know."
I stared down at our feet, unable to look at her. Or breathe, for that matter. I felt nauseated. I was quickly learning that fear - and anxiety - would do that to you.
"But I miss you."
My eyes shot up to hers, wide and disbelieving. "What? How?"
"I don't know. It's always just been the boys and me until you moved in with Charlie. It was nice having another girl around. Someone to go shopping with if that's what I wanted. And I like you, Bella. We all do. Our little group... The garage... It feels weird without you there."
"Even though all I did was sit in the office all day?"
"Even though," she agreed.
More silence between us. Except this time, it wasn't so awkward. I simply didn't know where to begin. But I wanted to make this better. Needed to. Because I missed Rosalie too.
"How's Edward?" I chanced, immediately regretting it when I saw her eyes flash angrily.
Another huff followed by a reluctant answer, "Pissed off."
"Oh," I mouthed.
"Hurt. Confused... Those are just what he's let us see. He's been holed up in his room a lot lately, doesn't talk."
Funny, I'd just considered the same thing.
My vision blurred. "Rose, I swear I never-"
"I know," she said, a small smile gracing her lips. "I really do. I promise. It's just..."
"He's family," I finished.
"Yeah." She cleared her throat and glanced over my shoulder. "Hey, Chief. Ticker doing all right?"
"Hi, Rosalie. It's good, thanks," Charlie answered carefully. "Bells, what's going on?"
"I'm going to play softball," I answered weakly.
"Emmett's team?"
I nodded.
"Well, you'd better get going if you don't want to be late."
I expelled the air from my lungs loudly. "I'll be home after dinner. There's chicken-"
"I've got it. Have fun," he said, pushing me out the door. "It'll be good for you."
But meddling father or not, his eyes were full of worry.
I thought I'd have some kind of idea of what I'd say to Edward when I saw him, but by the time Rosalie parked in a spot just to the left of the baseball diamond, it had all flown out the window and into the thousands of acres of woods we'd passed on our way. With each mile, every second I grew closer to him, I shook harder and harder, until I was trembling so severely that Rosalie had to come around and open the passenger's side door for me. I couldn't get my fingers to cooperate long enough to do it myself.
"Hey," she said, her eyes roaming over me in confusion. "What is going on with you?"
"I can't. I just can't," I nearly sobbed. "It's not fair for him to have to do this. He doesn't want to be near me, and we're... we're forcing him-"
"Took you that long to catch on?"
"Wh- What?" I stuttered, caught off guard. "But Jasper said he-"
"He said what?" she prompted, her lips twitching slightly.
"He said if you push Edward too hard, he'll... he'll blow up," I said hotly, my anxiety slowly giving way to anger. "Why would you do that to him?"
"We think you might be the exception to that rule," she said calmly.
My jaw dropped. "So we're like some kind of experiment?"
"No," she said, the iciness slowly creeping back into her voice. "You love him, right? Jasper's not bullshitting us?"
"Yes." Her eyes flashed. "Damn it, Rose. I mean, yes, I love him. No, I'm not bullshitting you."
"Then I don't see the problem. We all get what we want this way."
What the hell would they all want?
I shook my head adamantly. I didn't care, because I wasn't doing it. "No. Take me back home before he sees me. I've done enough damage to the man to last a lifetime. I'm not doing any more."
"Bella, I can take you home, but it's not going to matter."
"Why?"
She sighed and pointed to something in the outfield, too far away for my peripheral vision to catch.
"Because he's already seen you."