Cas sat with his back to a thick oak, arms draped over knees drawn up to his chest, his eyes closed and his head resting back against the rough bark. Listening. In the absence of sounds from birds and bugs and animals—save for the souls of toothed and clawed creatures, which could be as deadly as their bipedal brethren and as much cause for fear—any rustling in the darkness meant only monsters. It was a mixed blessing, for in the stillness, the soft impacts of leviathans hitting the ground and taking shape could sound as loud as cannons, and Cas would know it was time to move—again.
Of course, that wasn't the only reason he waited and listened as the shadows lengthened every night. Sometimes Dean's prayers came early, and sometimes they came late, but they came without fail, loud in his mind because angel radio was as free of chatter as the forest was of birdsong. Please, Cas, if you can hear me…
They had changed over the months. At first, as Dean had learned to navigate Purgatory's treacherous paths, each prayer had been ragged and desperate and afraid. Please, Cas…don't know if I'll make it another day. I need you. As the days had turned into weeks, however, they'd grown more assured. Until one day, Dean's prayers had unexpectedly come through with the frenetic energy of hope. Cas, if you can hear me…there's a way out, and I'm not leaving here without you. Each night, Cas awaited the prayers with mixed trepidation and hope of his own. Dean's prayers meant that Dean was still alive. But they also meant that Dean was still in Purgatory.
He longed to answer. But he stayed away, not only because Dean was safer without him, but because he still needed to atone, and he could never do so in the human's presence. Dean had far too much faith in him and cared for him too much. Nor could he leave the drab forest behind, as Dean was so eager to do.
Tonight the prayers were late. Perhaps, Cas thought, taking in a deep breath and exhaling it slowly, the time had finally come. Dean had perished or escaped, and last night's prayer, which had been clipped and tense, though Cas did not know why, had been his last contact with his his closest (his only?) friend. The notion brought a sinking feeling in his gut and he allowed himself to indulge in the human motion of burying his face in his hands, his elbows resting on the knees of his dirty scrubs. That was when he heard his name.
It was Dean's voice, of course, and for several seconds it didn't register that the syllable had been shouted aloud, not broadcast into his mind. Rather, it had come from somewhere in the dark forest behind him.
"Cas!" Dean called again. "Cas, you here?"
"Dean," he murmured.
Cas could hear the footsteps now, crashing toward him through the undergrowth, more pairs of feet than he would have expected and slightly off course. He momentarily considered fleeing again—Dean had not seen him yet and if he left now, the human would never know how close he'd come—but as foolish as it was, he could not find the will to do so, no matter how much heartache it would likely cause both of them in the end. Cas could see Dean approaching now, flanked by two larger men, and stood with a sigh. As soon as he did Dean seemed to catch sight of him and bee-lined toward him, jogging the last several feet, one arm bracing his ribs. He looked as haggard and dirty as Cas himself, but as he closed the distance his face broke into a smile. His companions followed more slowly, and less happily.
"Cas." Slowing as he reached him, Dean looked him up and down before stepping forward, his arms rising at his sides. Cas stiffened, waiting to be pulled into an embrace he neither entirely wanted nor understood, but it never came. Instead, Dean stopped short and glanced back at the bearded, dark-haired man who was catching up to him, and let his arms fall back to his sides with a wince as the man took his place beside him.
"So this is an angel," the man said, folding his arms. Cas narrowed his eyes. There was something oddly familiar about him, but Cas was certain they had not met before.
"Cas," Dean said again, his smile fading. He shook his head as though he couldn't believe it. "Cas, finally. You feeling all right?" He made a vague gesture at Cas's head.
"I'm perfectly sane," Cas said. He supposed there was no reason Dean should take his word for it, but there were more pressing matters to address, such as how Dean had picked up two companions in Purgatory. "Who are these people?" he asked, glancing around. There were no leviathans here now but that didn't meant they weren't on their way, and if Dean had managed to track him here he was no doubt leaving more of a trail than he had meant to. "How did you find me?"
"Been looking a long time," Dean said, glancing again at the dark-haired man beside him, who was still regarding Cas with obvious skepticism. Dean took a deep breath before gesturing between Cas and the dark-haired man. "Cas, this is my father," he said. "Dad, this is Cas." He also nodded to the larger, fairer man beside him—clearly a vampire. "And this is my friend Benny."
"Hi there," Benny said.
Dean's father stared at him, eyes hard.
"Why is your father here?" Cas asked Dean, his eyes moving back and forth between the two Winchesters. Certainly, Cas could see the family resemblance, and to his angelic senses the man's true face appeared as human as Dean claimed. He wasn't even a human soul, but as alive as Dean, though Cas could not have begun to understand how or why. Still, there existed evil that even angels could not detect, and a human showing up in Purgatory where one did not belong was cause for concern in any case; few forces in the universe could drag a human across the barrier, especially when that human's soul had wasted in Hell apart from its body for a century or more. That it was John Winchester in particular—not only the original righteous man, but also the one being who had controlled Dean far better than any other before or since, better even than the forces of Heaven and Hell—well, that went far beyond concerning. "Why is he alive?"
Dean shrugged. "We don't know why." He looked at his father cautiously, as if there was something wrong between them. Cas narrowed his eyes further.
"Climbed out of Hell, started up to Heaven and got sucked back here," John said, noticing Cas's squint and raising his eyebrows as if challenging Cas to disbelieve his story.
"It doesn't matter why he's here," Dean decided, looking supplicatingly at Cas before glancing at the vampire. "We're getting out of here. Tell him, Benny."
Benny shrugged dismissively. "Portal to the other side. Good for humans, may or may not work for your high holy kind."
"It'll work," Dean said.
Cas didn't respond. He knew he would have to tell Dean, at some point, that he did not plan to come with him. But, as he had been unable to keep from revealing himself to Dean earlier, he found the words too hard to say. Dean looked too hopeful, too pleased to see him. And so, though he knew it was wrong, he kept his mouth shut.
"So why'd you bail on Dean?" Benny asked, his voice deceptively conversational.
Startled, Dean glanced at Cas, but immediately after his head turned toward his father.
A muscle moved in John's jaw. "You left him?" he snapped at Cas.
"No, Dad." Dean's eyes slid shut for a moment, though whether it was the possibility that Cas had abandoned him or the prospect of explaining it to his father that was painful, Cas was unsure. Dean swallowed and looked at his father. "We got jumped by some hairy freaks back there and got separated. That's all."
The inaccuracy of the assertion, combined with Dean's painfully unshakable faith in him, made something inside Cas twist uncomfortably. "That's not what happened," he admitted. "I ran away." His soft words made both Winchesters' heads snap toward him, and, almost imperceptibly, Benny bared his teeth.
Dean's face registered first disbelief, then hurt, then anger, while John's lips pressed together, his expression clouding.
"You did what?" Dean sounded entirely disbelieving, as though he expected Cas to reveal he had been joking, or at least that he had misspoken.
John just glared at him, hand tightening on his weapon.
"I ran away," Cas said again. "I've been tracked and hunted by leviathans since we arrived. You were safer without me." Of course, there was no way to explain his penance without admitting that he had no plans to leave Purgatory. That didn't mean, however, that he couldn't encourage them to do the right thing. "In fact, you were all safer. You should go."
"Should we now," John said threateningly.
"Yes," Cas said. As he watched John fix Dean with another shuttered stare, however, he found himself doubting his convictions for the first time in many months. When he had arrived he had believed himself past the point of doing good, and the Winchesters past the point of needing his help…but it was becoming more and more obvious not only that something strange going on, but that it was something that Dean might not be able to handle on his own. Whatever the reason John Winchester was here, Dean's feelings about his father were obviously still strong and, if the constant glances to see his father's reactions were any indication, he was still far too concerned about his father's opinion. There was no telling how compromised he would be if John was not what he said he was or if something else was using him to get at Dean.
"We're not leaving you," Dean said firmly.
"Plenty of things trying to kill us too," Benny pointed out.
Though, compared to Dean's desire for him to come and the mystery of John Winchester's presence the vampire mattered little to him, Cas disliked the way Benny seemed to hover protectively between him and Dean. There were many things about their situation that Benny didn't understand. "Things," Cas agreed. "Not leviathan."
Dean shook his head slightly, and his voice had a desperate edge. "And the difference is?"
"There is no damn difference," John said. When his harsh tone made Dean's eyes close briefly Cas had to push down another wave of uneasiness.
Dean had to understand that Cas had not left him because he did not care for him. He tried to make his voice soft, though it had been a while since he'd used it this much and the reflexive knowledge of how to relate to humans was always slow to return. "They would have killed you," he said. "I had to keep them away."
"You don't know that." Dean's voice was thick with emotion. "I prayed to you, Cas, every night."
"I heard you," Cas told him.
Dean's mouth opened but he appeared too shocked and hurt to respond.
John glared at Cas. The lines of his body were tense and the anger on his bearded face was plain, but Cas met his stare easily while Dean continued to study the ground. "I want an explanation for all of this. We've been looking for you for more than a week now. Dean's been trying for months. And your only excuse for leaving my son is that there were a few leviathans on your tail?"
"There are many leviathans on my tail," Cas corrected him. Dean stared at the ground.
"So?" John's voice was scathing. "He could have gone home. He stayed and risked his life for you."
"Yes," Cas acknowledged.
"I want to know what you have to say for yourself."
"Dad," Dean finally cut in. "Don't. Please."
John turned on him, bristling, his anger at Cas transferring seamlessly to his son. Dean seemed to shrink under the attention. "I'm not done with you either," John snapped.
The anguish twisting Dean's face was plain. "I know," he said, and Cas wondered what he meant. It only made him more concerned about leaving Dean with his father, penance be damned. "But Cas is coming with us. He has to."
"No he doesn't," Benny cut in.
John's glance at the vampire was irritated. "No, he doesn't," he agreed.
Cas kept his expression guarded and said nothing. Though he might have insisted upon staying, a part of him was growing ever more certain that this situation needed his attention. And he wanted to see how Dean handled his father's anger.
"I'd trust him with my life, any day," Dean said, his eyes meeting Cas's fleetingly. However, his next words were supplicating. "Look, Dad, if Cas says he was trying to keep me safe, then he was trying to keep me safe. End of story."
"You don't 'keep someone safe' by leaving them alone in a world full of monsters," John scoffed.
There was a long pause. Finally, Dean swallowed. "You did."
John's eyebrows shot up. "I did what?"
"You left me," Dean said, his voice hard. He took a breath and his hand traveled protectively back to his ribs, but his face lost none of the grim determination that had come with the simple words. "You didn't tell me where you were going, you wouldn't answer my calls for weeks and when Sam and I found you-almost a year later-you told us to get lost. For our safety."
For a moment, John looked angry, and ready to snap out a response, but then his mouth shut. After a moment he blinked, looking stricken. "...You're right."
Dean looked like he couldn't believe his ears. "I'm what?"
"You're right. I left you alone, because I wanted you safe." His expression hardened. "But I stand by it. I'm your father. This angel is..." he shook his head and shrugged, not comprehending.
"He's family," Dean said, voice breaking slightly.
Cas blinked, trying not to show how the words had touched him. After all he'd done, after all the harm he'd caused, the heartbreak and the betrayal, he did not deserve such kindness. He certainly didn't deserve such loyalty.
"He's family to you?" John echoed, clearly struggling with the weight of the simple statement. Cas knew that Winchesters did not throw that word around lightly.
John folded his arms and cast a searing look over Cas, his eyes lingering on Cas's as if he could somehow see into Cas's intentions that way.
Cas returned the gaze, wishing he could do the same. John certainly seemed to want to be a father to Dean, but that didn't mean he was. But what he had seen in the exchange had been that Dean truly believed that he was. Perhaps even John-or the creature masquerading as John-believed it too.
"Yes," Dean said roughly. "He's family."
After a long pause, John nodded slightly. Then they all looked at Cas. And Cas realized, for all he needed to atone, he needed more to be by Dean's side until they could be sure that John was, in fact, John.
"I am coming with you," he said. "It is my decision."
It seemed to take a moment for the words to sink in.
"Good," Dean said shortly, then offered him a small smile. "Good. Glad to have you with us."
It took a few more seconds for John to react. "Of all the things. Never did believe in angels," he drawled. Still, his expression had softened slightly, and Cas recognized that he was, if not accepting him, then at least allowing that there was no other alternative that would not involve tearing Dean apart.
Cas nodded, accepting the truce, however temporary. If this was in fact John, they could go from here. If not...well, he would be ready to act at the first sign. Perhaps, he thought, protecting Dean could be a new kind of penance.
John smirked, and added, "And I wouldn't've pictured you."
Before Cas could respond, however, he heard a noise he recognized in an instant. Plunkplunklunkplunk. So instead of reminding John that what he saw was, in fact, a human vessel and not an angel's true form, he turned toward the noise and squinted into the forest. "We have to move," he said.
"What?" Dean said. "Why?"
"Leviathans," Cas answered. "Run."