Ok, real quick: I'm going to clarify a couple things.

1) Edward never has remembered anything about Maggie, which is the reason he asked Dr. Banner why he thought he didn't. At this point, he wants any and every theory available to him.

2) Maggie died right before Bella's heart transplant, which was a little over a year ago. That would have made her 21 at the time. She was adopted, however, when she was 5 and Edward was 6.

As always, thanks for the reviews and adds last chapter. Thanks to Stratan for the beta work, and stephk0525 and claireoth for prereading. Loves you.

Chapter 19

Bella

3 years ago - Diagnosis Day

Late, I rushed out of my mother's tan stucco house and hitched my black messenger bag over my shoulder. I shouldn't have been running to Renee's SUV, because I knew I'd fall. I always fell. So it was no surprise when I lost my balance and went sprawling out onto the small, white rock of the driveway.

I connected with the ground; the jagged edges of the rocks tore through my jeans and into my flesh, causing pain to sear through my palms and knees. A small, involuntary whimper escaped my throat before I rolled over and groaned angrily, spitting the lock of hair that had worked its way into my mouth on the way down. I stared up at the Arizona morning sky and nearly screamed in frustration, the neighbors be damned. This morning was…

Ugh. No words.

So far, nothing had gone right. Not once. And this day, the day I had to stand up in front of my classmates and nervously stumble through an oral report, was the day that it had chosen to happen. My alarm hadn't gone off; the water heater had gone out so my shower had been cold. My gym uniform was lost in the bottom of the bathroom hamper, instead of clean like I'd anticipated, and the milk for my typical bowl of cereal had gone bad overnight.

And I'd awoken to the strangest sense of foreboding in the pit of my stomach.

I shook the feeling away and stared up at the clouds, trying to make little shapes out of them like I'd done every summer with Charlie in Forks. It was juvenile and ridiculous, but it was working to distract me from the throbbing in my legs and hands. I closed my eyes and reveled in the warmth of the sun. This was something I'd never had in all those summers with my father since Forks was so rainy, and it was the one thing—regardless of my miserable, teenage existence—I stayed here for, no matter how much I missed him.

I sat up and dusted my knees off, deciding with a frown that my favorite jeans were now ruined. I could hear footfalls coming from the porch, quickly getting closer as my stepfather hurried over to me. Soon, he was hovering over me, his bulky silhouette obstructing my view of the gorgeous, blue sky.

"What'd you do now?" he asked. From the way his lips twitched, I figured he already knew.

"Fell."

With the confirmation, he laughed, enhancing the lines around his deeply set muted green eyes. "Well, I kind of gathered that."

"Because I do it all the time," I muttered wryly.

"You'll grow out of it."

"You're so full of crap," I shot back playfully. "I'm sixteen. I'm not growing out of it, Phil."

He laughed again and held out a hand to help me up. I chewed on my lip as I debated it for a moment, and then reluctantly accepted it, wincing as his hand tightened around the scraped and bleeding skin of my own. As soon as I was on my feet, I pulled my hand from his and rolled my wrist, sighing heavily as I felt a dull ache starting to form.

He watched the movement with curiosity. "Bell?'

"I think I strained it."

"Need me to call the doc before Renee comes out?"

I shook my head. "Thanks, but no."

"You remember the game's been pushed up to four, right?" Phil asked as he picked my messenger bag off of the ground for me.

I nodded and started back toward the house so I could change. "I remember. Mom made me listen to the message on the machine."

He grinned and adjusted the cap back over his light brown hair. "She can be a little overbearing."

"You think?" I laughed. "I'm not even allowed to stay at home while she goes to all your games. I feel like this bears repeating around here: I'm sixteen, Phil."

"Yeah."

"I can take care of myself for a couple of hours."

Renee crashed through the door, and I immediately realized that she'd seen every second of that fall.

Just what I needed.

Phil simply put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

"Are you okay, baby?" Renee called out to me as she hurriedly closed the distance between us.

Maybe it was a little mean of me, but I knew my mother well enough to know that in her mind, I could never just fall. And so I let images of broken bones and gashes in need of sutures flicker through her mind for a while. I wanted her to panic a little. Served her right for being so damn-

"Bella's fine," Phil answered with a pointed look at me. "Aren't ya?"

"Yep. Just peachy, Mom," I agreed.

Are you su-?"

"I tripped," I interrupted. "You know, the usual."

But Renee wasn't satisfied with my answer and took it upon herself to examine me. I rolled my eyes and waited for it to be over.

"Mom," I tried again, tugging my hand away. "I'm fine."

Renee ignored me and started checking other body parts. I was honestly used to it after sixteen years, and normally, I was tolerant of the way my mother fretted over me. It was simply her way of showing me that she loved me. But lately, it wasn't comforting at all...

It drove me nuts.

"God, get off me," I snarled, startling Renee with my sudden anger. I felt bad, but still stepped out of her reach and headed into the house before she could start touching me again.

I rushed to my bedroom and changed, hoping like hell that I wasn't going to be late. History, and its god-awful report, was my first class. Today was not the day to be strolling in after the bell rang.

When I was dressed again, I threw my jeans in the trash and ran back down the stairs. I found both Renee and Phil waiting for me at the door, and I huffed as I caught the frown flicker across Renee's face, knowing that only an apology would wipe it away.

"Mom, I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Renee relented, fidgeting like she was going to start examining me again. "Good luck with your presentation, Bella. I'll see you at the game later."

She started to walk away, and I was compelled to yank her back and throw my arms around her tiny frame.

"I love you," I whispered against her ear.

Why I felt it was suddenly necessary to share the sentiment, I wasn't sure, but I couldn't leave for the day without saying it; without making sure she knew.

xxxxx

Present Day

The room was empty, the last box packed. The bed was stripped down to nothing but the mattress and was the only thing left standing in the bedroom. Soon it too would be broken down and hauled off, ready to see me through college and possibly after.

Looking around, I felt a sort of... closure on what had happened during my time in Forks. Edward was never truly mine when we were together, no matter how much I had wanted him to be.

And maybe he never would.

I wanted to phase him out with the rest of what my life had been, possibly use my time at UW as a way to start over again, become someone else.

Unfortunately for me, I wasn't sure I could ever really move on from him. He'd burrowed his way into my soul. He'd made me... me again. Better, actually. I liked the girl I was when I was with Edward.

Without the secrets, of course.

So what did that mean? That I was stuck wanting someone who wouldn't have me for the rest of my life? It wasn't as if I didn't function. I functioned just fine, but in the quiet moments, the moments I was able to sit and think of him, I felt it all come back to me. The pain, the guilt, the loss. Not as severe as it used to be. I could quell a sob before it ever had a chance to form tears now; at least, when he wasn't around I could. I was healed some, though not entirely. Because I still loved him. So much, that thinking of moving on was more for my sanity than from a desire to. And when I envisioned my life in the future, happy in the life I was making for myself, I was alone. The thought of any other man kissing me, sleeping where Edward once had beside me, was just-

Wrong.

Charlie cleared his throat from behind me, and I turned to give him a small smile.

"You okay, kiddo?"

I shrugged. "Can't decide."

He grunted, clearly displeased with my answer. "Just a head's up for when you leave: Alice is outside bouncing in her car."

"How many cups of coffee did she have?" I asked, cringing.

"Three, I think."

"Shit."

He chuckled and closed the distance between us. "So it's been said that Edward and Jasper are already in Seattle. Have been for a while now."

I gave a noncommittal hum.

"You wouldn't have anything to do with that, would you?"

"I haven't seen Edward in two weeks."

"Which, from what I hear, is right around the time he left town."

"You should check your sources," I joked.

He ran his fingers over his mustache and studied me for a moment. "Then I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you're not in here thinking about Edward Cullen, you're thinking about your old man. And how much you'll miss him."

I laughed a little and took the few steps over to hug him. "I was thinking about the day I was diagnosed."

He tensed, unprepared for that.

So I tried to lighten things up a bit. "And maybe a little about Edward. Everything but you. Sorry."

"So the truth comes out," he replied, finally squeezing me back.

"Yeah... Can you believe it's been a year already?"

"I'm thankful for it. It's a year I got to spend with you that I wouldn't have otherwise."

I didn't speak, too lost in memories of coming out of anesthesia confused, of hearing that stupid melody in my head and wondering if it had something to do with the heart I'd received.

"Is that what has you thinking about the day you were diagnosed?" Charlie asked.

I nodded. "I was just remembering that morning. How nothing went right. Should have been my first clue to stay in bed, huh?"

"How were you supposed to know."

"That I'd play volleyball in gym, blackout and collapse? I guess I wasn't supposed to."

"You weren't," he reiterated.

"And you know, with all the thinking about my heart, it's only natural that I think about Edward too, right?"

"Yes."

"Good. Okay. Because I keep trying to convince myself that all it ever was, was first love. But I can't get over it. I don't know if I ever will. So then I ask myself if it was really something more? I'm just... No matter how hard I try not to be, I'm miserable."

"I know, baby," he sighed. "I want to say it's something more and that you two - Edward, mainly - weren't ready, because you... Well, let's just say those first couple of weeks I was out of the hospital were rough for both of us. And not because I'm a horrible patient."

"Which you are," I giggled.

"Hey, watch it. I might just take back that money I deposited in your account today."

I took a step back and stared up at my father with wide eyes. "What?"

"Your mother and I... We've been working for a while to make sure that you have all you need when you go to college. It was kind of a... I don't know. It kept us from having to be committed every time you had to go back into the hospital for some test or surgery or..." He scrubbed at his face. "We kept thinking that you'd get through it all, because it was waiting for you. And our Bella would never let it go to waste."

Tears sprung to my eyes, and I was wrapped in his arms again. "Thank you."

Another grunt, one of discomfort this time. "It might not get everything you and Alice need, but-"

"Alice might not even let me pay for any of it."

He smiled down at me. "I wouldn't put it past her."

"Neither would I."

A horn blared in the driveway.

"I'm going to want to shoot her before we get there, aren't I?"

"You can always take your truck," he returned.

I shook my head and moved away from him again. "I think it'd just sit, Dad. Besides, I can always come back and get it if I need to."

"I'm going to miss you," he sighed. "You were here just long enough for me to get used to it."

I didn't bother telling him how much I'd miss him too, because I knew I'd just end up crying. And I'd done well so far today. I was depressed, but not a single tear had been shed.

I wanted to keep it that way.

I hurried out to Alice's Porsche, opening the passenger's side door, throwing my bag inside, and then turning around to face Charlie.

"I'll see you in the morning?"

"Yep. I've got a whole crew ready to move you two in." He glanced out and the road and shifted on his feet a little. "Sure you don't want to wait till tomorrow?"

I shook my head, feeling horrible that I was saying no. But I was afraid that if I didn't go now, I'd never leave him at all. Which was incredibly ridiculous; Charlie had lived for years alone without me. He didn't need me now, any more than he did then.

Plus, there were all those girls waiting for him to open his eyes and finally see them.

I snorted with the thought, earning an odd look from him.

"Care to let me in on the joke?"

"Just... Date or something."

He blinked, and then let out a loud laugh. "What?"

"You heard me." I leaned in and kissed his cheek. "There are a ton of women around here who are interested in the Chief of Police. Trust me."

He seemed flabbergasted.

I giggled. "I'll see you in the morning. Love you."

"I love you. Drive safe," he shouted at Alice through the windshield. "I don't want to hear about some high speed chase with a yellow Porsche later."

She acted offended. "Who? Me? I would never."

He rolled his eyes, waving us off. "Drive safe," he repeated, this time a little sterner.

"I'll call you when we get there."

The sound of something scraping over the wood floor, followed by my father's strained groan, had me racing out of my bedroom and into the tiny living room of my new apartment.

"Put it down!" I yelled. "Put it down now!"

Charlie sat the end of the futon down and gave me a dirty look. "It's fine, Bella."

"No, it's not. You're not supposed to be doing stuff like that!"

"Well, what am I supposed to do then? Watch you?"

"Let Jacob do it. Please. It's why he offered to help."

Charlie grumbled something incoherent, and then straightened up when Jacob came through the door with a piece of my bed. The headboard, to be specific.

"Where to, Bella?"

"Second door on the right. Um, put it against the far wall?"

He flashed a grin. "Got it. Leah's bringing up the footboard."

I gaped. Leah Clearwater, a girl who was no older and not much bigger than me was carrying part of my bed?

"Seriously? I can't even..."

"It's not heavy. Just awkward for little people like you."

I considered a retort, but decided against it with my father there.

"When is your mom's flight supposed to get here?" Alice asked. She sat a small box down in the corner and made a face. "That looks stupid there. I know we're college kids, but a futon in the living room screams... Ugh, never mind."

I giggled. "Fix it how you want. I don't care which way the coffee table sits or which wall the TV hangs on."

"That one," she said pointing to the wall opposite me. "There's a cable line already there."

"See, you've got this all figured out. At this point, I'd just get in the way. Anyway, flight. She's supposed to be here around five."

"Okay, I want to make dinner for everyone."

"Alice, no one expects-"

She cut me off. "Don't even suggest pizza. This is our first night in our own place and all of the important people will be here. It may never happen again, so I'm cooking."

I held up my hands in surrender, exchanging a look with my father. I'd be supervising Alice's time in the kitchen later, especially if I wanted to actually have an apartment and not a smoldering pile of ash when she was through.

"How about we put the futon in the spare bedroom? You know, in case someone crashes here or whatever," I suggested.

Charlie arched a brow.

"What? Study sessions run late," I defended before getting back to the original topic. "We can buy a couch instead."

"You'll let me buy a couch?"

"Uh, no. I believe I said 'we'." I glanced over at Jacob, now standing silently against the wall. "I said 'we', right?"

He smirked. "Yeah. Pipsqueak there misheard you."

She flipped him the bird.

"We," I repeated, staring at her levelly. "No funny ideas."

She opened her mouth to protest, and then snapped it shut with a glare aimed at us all. "Fine."

My bed was nearly assembled when I'd finished unpacking the few things we'd bought for the kitchen and went back into my bedroom. I sat down the bedding Charlie had given me to the side and started unpacking the box that held my clothes to waste time.

Didn't waste much. I still didn't have a lot to my name, but thanks to Charlie's surprise announcement before I left yesterday, I could remedy that.

"Holy shit," I breathed in awe. The problems I'd pictured when I first decided to come to college in Seattle no longer applied. I didn't have to eat Ramen. I could buy a coat and a few sweaters. Rain boots like Alice's - the cheap version, anyway.

"You look like someone who just found buried treasure," Jacob laughed.

I blinked a few times. "Yeah. I guess I kind of do."

His brows knit with my answer, but he didn't pry into it. Instead, he started looking at the stack of paperwork sitting on my dresser. Admission information, to be exact.

"Did you know that I'm here because of a grant?" I asked lightly.

His head snapped in my direction, but his eyes stayed glued to the financial aid statement. "Oh?"

"Yep. It's not much, but it helps."

"I think the counselor said I qualify for something like that."

"I'm sure you do."

"How would I come up with the rest?" he wondered.

"Ah... Well, there's scholarship money, financial aid..."

He snorted. "Forget it. I don't even know why I'm considering it. I can't leave my dad."

"Jacob," I chewed on my lip for a moment, unsure if I should say what I was thinking. "Okay, don't get mad."

"Mad?" He chuckled. "Why would I get mad?"

I stared at him expectantly.

"I won't get mad," he finally said, grinning widely. "Happy?"

"Marginally," I mumbled before taking a steadying breath. "It's not my place to say anything, but... what the fuck are you doing?"

The smile dropped off his face. "Uh..."

"I think you're amazing for not wanting to leave your father to deal with his disability on his own. Really, I do. But come on! I just... I don't understand why you think you can't do both!"

"Both," he said slowly.

"Go to school. Stay with your dad during weekends and summers. You can do both, Jake. You're not abandoning him by going to college."

"Like my sisters," he said on a scowl.

"They had an opportunity and they took it. I'm not saying they went about it the right way, but it's not necessarily wrong, either. I think if Billy knew how much you wanted to go to school, but simply didn't because of him, he'd be..." I couldn't believe I was getting ready to say this. I was going to sound just like Charlie. "Disappointed."

His eyes darted to mine.

"Do the research, Jake. Apply. See where you stand financially. Then go from there to see if it's even feasible. But don't give up before you've even started."

"What would I even major in?"

"Does it matter? You could get your mechanic certification and stay on the reservation, for all I care. Just do something," I begged him.

"I don't know..."

"Take it from someone who felt exactly like you at one point. Before I got this heart, I wasn't expected to live to see today. So what business did I have planning for a future that wasn't a possibility? But the thing I figured out real quick, Jacob, is that the future is always changing. So you have to live without regrets. You'll regret this if you don't do it. Because you don't know what the situation will be in two, three years. And then you'll have wasted all that time doing nothing."

"You make it hard to argue, Swan," he said after a while.

"Thanks, I think."

"You sure about your major?

"What, why?"

"Because you'd make an excellent lawyer," he replied.

I blushed hotly. "Oh, uh, no. I don't want to be a lawyer."

I had something infinitely closer to my heart in mind.

"What'cha studying?" Alice asked, bounding into my bedroom.

She was far, far too excited to be asking that question.

My eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why?"

"Why can't I carry on a simple conversation?" she returned.

"You never carry on a simple conversation. So tell me what's up."

She sighed, "Fine. Jesus, I can never get anything past you."

"Nope."

She ignored the way I smiled saying that. "There's a party tonight."

"Nope," I repeated.

"Come on," she whined. "They invited you."

"They did not."

"Well, they invited me and said I could bring whoever I wanted. So you're invited by extension," she reasoned, "because I picked you."

"I can't. Have to study."

"Study what?"

"Doing research for an essay."

"You have an essay already?" Alice asked in disbelief.

"My professor's an ass," I explained.

"But, Bella..."

"Go. Have fun, Ali."

"Well, I'm not going without you," she said quickly.

"And why is that?"

"It's um... a frat party," she mumbled, no doubt hoping I didn't catch the last part.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "No way. Find someone else."

She growled and flopped onto the bed beside me. "I guess we'll stay in again."

"I didn't say you had to stay with me."

"Let me rephrase that: I don't want to go without you," she said hotly. "I want you to have the full college experience you came here for. And I want to be able to see it."

She was mad.

Which made me feel awful, because she was right. I'd done nothing but hide in my apartment since we'd gotten here, too afraid that I'd run into Edward and have a repeat crying session on his chest. Or worse, have to start healing all over again because of it.

"When's this party start?"

"Ten," she answered, gazing over at my hopefully.

"Go get ready," I groaned. "I'm sure you want to change and everything."

She squealed and popped up off the bed. "Thank you, thank you!"

"You owe me!" I shouted at her.

"I'll help you find everything you need in the databases later, okay?"

That was sufficient enough repayment for me.

The party was already loud; the music seeped through the walls of the frat house and out onto the lawn when we arrived. People milled around, red, plastic Solo cups in hand, laughing and talking with one another. Anxiety burst inside me when we stepped through the door - a part of me wondered if Edward would be here - but it was ruthlessly shoved down by my more logical self before it could ever fully take root and cause me to spin around and run in the opposite direction.

Edward Cullen would never be trapped inside a house full of people like this. His self-preservation wouldn't allow it.

I wormed my way through the crowd and over to the couch, finding a spot on the armrest while Alice searched out the boy who'd invited her. I gnawed on my lip nervously as I glanced around. I knew no one here, didn't even recognize any of the faces around me. I felt as if I stuck out in my jeans and t-shirt, the Forks High School shirt I'd worn home from Edward's and refused to give back. I grabbed at the hem of the shirt self-consciously. The other girls were dressed in heels, tight fitting shirts that showed their cleavage, short, miniscule dresses...

"You look really uncomfortable," a deep voice said from beside me.

My eyes fell down to the blonde guy smiling at me, a line forming between my brows. "What makes you think that?"

He pointed to where I had the shirt bunched up in my hands. I dropped it immediately and scanned the room for Alice.

"Forks?"

"My um, my dad lives there."

"But that's not your dad's shirt," he said slowly.

"No." And that was all the response he was getting. No way was I talking about Edward with him.

"Are you here with anyone?" he chanced.

"My roommate," I said evasively. "You?"

"I'm a Fiji," he said, beaming proudly.

"Of course you are," I muttered.

"Aw, come on," he laughed. "We're not all bad."

"I didn't say you were," I objected.

"No, but your tone suggested it." He smiled at me again, a quick flash of perfect teeth.

"I guess it did."

"I'm Garrett Matthews," he said, holding up a hand. "And you are...?"

"Bella Swan." I stared at his hand, unmoving.

"I don't bite."

Was it wrong that I wanted to stomp my foot and whine?

"Nice to meet you," I finally sighed, putting my hand in his.

He didn't let go.

"Ah, listen," I said, continuing my search for Alice, "if you're trying to get laid, you're focusing on the wrong girl."

He laughed again. "Are you always so defensive?"

"No. Just here," I said with a small grin.

"With me."

"With you," I agreed.

He raised his cup to his lips to take a drink and finally let go of my hand. "I need a refill. Want one?"

"No, thanks. I don't drink."

He froze, half standing. "Really?"

"Really."

"Can I ask why?"

"I'm underage."

He didn't buy it. "No, really. Why? I don't see that much around here."

"My God, you're nosey," I complained. It was annoying, yet flattering all at once. I wasn't entirely sure what to do with myself.

Which was exactly why I needed Alice.

"Only with pretty girls," he replied playfully.

I rolled my eyes, but found myself laughing anyway. "I have a heart condition. I can't."

His brows shot up. "Is that so? How bad is it?"

"Uh... Bad enough that I had a transplant," I admitted, and then wanted to slap myself. Why was I telling this boy something so personal? All I wanted was to get the hell out of here, not pick up a date.

His brown eyes widened in shock, and then darted down to my chest before coming back up to meet mine again.

"Huh," was all he said. "How 'bout some water?"

I blinked a few times, stunned that I didn't have to answer the usual barrage of questions. "Uh, right. Um... Yeah, water is good," I stammered.

"Take my seat," he instructed. "I'll be back in a minute."

I scrambled off the armrest, poised to follow him. "I'll come with you."

"You'll lose our spots."

"I'll take my chances if it means I don't get drugged," I shot back, smiling to soften the blow.

"Wow. I should be offended, shouldn't I?"

"Cop's daughter," I said by way of explanation. "Chief of Police, to be exact."

"Cop's daughter. Transplant patient. All around gorgeous girl. Intriguing start, Bella Swan."

I leaned in conspiratorially. "Is this the part where I go all giggly and melt at your feet?"

He chuckled. "It would have been nice, yeah."

"Sorry to disappoint."

He held out his hand again. This time, I didn't hesitate taking it. "Come on. Apparently, I have a bottle of water to open in front of you."

Garrett was great; everything a girl could want in a guy. Smart, levelheaded, funny, good-looking. I wanted to be attracted to him, feel something for him other than emptiness when he smiled at me. But I couldn't shake off the sense of guilt, the heaviness in my heart, with every time I laughed at him.

I felt like I was encouraging him. Leading him on.

And after a couple hours of it, I couldn't take any more. I had to go.

He followed me to the door, offering to take me home.

"No, thanks, though."

"Bella, I-" He searched the dark street for something unknown. "I would feel better if you'd let me take you home."

Which was so not happening.

"It's not far. I'll be fine. Cop's daughter, remember?"

"You don't want to wait for your friend?"

"I don't think she's coming home tonight." Not with the way she was all over the guy - Riley, if I remembered it right - who'd invited her to the party in the first place. "Do you?"

"Probably not." He let out a breath. "So can I get your number before you go? Maybe we could-"

"I don't think so," I said quickly.

"Friend, Bella," he laughed. "Something tells me you're not ready to let Mr. Forks go."

"I may never be able to let him go," I answered honestly.

"So then I'll wait."

"You'll what?" I asked incredulously.

"Wait. You know, stand on the sidelines until you get over him? I like you a lot."

"I like you too, Garrett, just not like that," I said softly.

"We'll see." He grinned impishly and handed me my phone. I hadn't even noticed he'd taken it, the thief. "I called myself from your phone. Look to hear from me soon."

"I-"

He turned around and went back inside before I could finish the sentence. What was with people doing that to me all the time?

I stomped off toward my apartment, more than a little annoyed. My phone vibrated in my hand, indicating a text from Garrett already.

I was to let him know when I got home.

And that made me realize something...

This guy wasn't going to be easily shaken.

Chapter 20 may or may not be posted next week. I'm not sure yet. I'm moving soon, and things are really hectic. If I get time to write, I'll update. If not, I won't. I'll keep ya posted on Twitter. (at) JT040708