Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek Voyager, I do however own this plot and the original characters.
That weekend, and then the following week after, neither Naomi nor Icheb saw much of each other.
During that time, Icheb attended a few mandatory meetings to go over curriculum and the prospect so far of their class schedules, mechanics, students, and any academic issues that could crop up in that semester. Meanwhile, Naomi Wildman had spend most of her time either with Hannah and T'Chea at their dorm or at a gathering, or out exploring San Francisco with one of them. While Naomi tried to forget the... misunderstanding, she and Icheb had the that last Friday, his words and tenacity for answers from her continued to weigh heavily on her. No matter how much she tried to deny anything being wrong to her friends, her thoughts continued to turn to her Astrometrics instructor. As cliché and irritating as it was, she couldn't get him off her mind and worried over the implications.
Why did they always seem to always run into each other?
Why was it that it was always so awkward each time?
It had been so since the beginning of their reunion. Her mind replayed that weeks many 'incidents', beginning with their awkward first hug. It should have been a warning to her when she first felt how right it was to be in his arms. Then it just got 'worse' through the week, lingering looks, slow smiles, 'innocent' touches, bumping into each other often, awkward wet clothing accidents, falling asleep on him, and then most recently his flirting and their little fight. It was enough to drive a girl insane. Suffice it to say, Naomi resolved to stay away from the academy that weekend, hoping to avoid bumping into him as had become their thing. She hoped some time apart from him would clear her thoughts and help her focus.
She had gone ten years without thinking of him even close to this much, damn it!
Unfortunately, Hannah had noticed her mind contradictingly drifting off too many times already and her natural over stimulated curiosity was too much to ignore for her. "Naomi? Are you alright? You've been really distracted all weekend!" It wasn't just the distraction the older girl noticed, but that her friend had been... sullen, almost reserved. They had spent their Saturday out exploring the immediate area around the academy, finding a decent sized mall just a few miles away, and had decided to explore it the next day- to Kav'ain's dismay, who had agreed to go with them. The Bajoran was nowhere to be found at the moment though and the girls sat at the cafeteria with drinks, relaxing. It was in that pause that Hannah had noticed that when her friend wasn't being uncharacteristically overly interested in their outing, she was out of it.
Naomi looked over, snapping out of her thoughts and tried to smile reassuringly. "I'm just fine. There's a personal issue I'm dealing with, that's all, nothing to worry about."
"Well... if you're sure. You know you can talk to me if you need to, right?" Hannah reminded her gently.
Naomi smiled lightly and nodded. "I know, thank you. I'll tell you if it gets to that point, okay?"
Hannah seemed satisfied with this. "That's all I ask."
At the same time, Icheb sat at his desk in his apartment, his hair standing up slightly from the many times he ran his hand through it in agitation. He knew he should be focusing on the meetings, focusing on getting his plan for the next week of teaching ready, but all he could think about all weekend was how irrationally stupid he had been that week. Despite his good intentions, or so he believed, he had pushed too far! In his irrelevant, incessant need to get answers he had inadvertently forced a wedge between them. It didn't just go that far though, he had started it all, he had been so eager to get reacquainted with her, so fond of his memories of her, so willing to be as open as he could be, that he had shown more than he had intended.
He had been the one to send her signals first.
Yes, Icheb had expected that they would be like strangers at first. They hadn't kept in as close contact as they could have, hadn't seen each other in a very long time, so it was only natural that they would barely know each other now as adults. He had not however expected the amount of chemistry between them. He knew the description was apt, it was the only things between them that seemed to make sense. The way they interacted since meeting in class the first day was like normal strangers who suddenly met unintentionally and had an instant connection.
Yeah, he wasn't completely clueless.
He wasn't inexperienced either. Despite what he felt was Naomi's misguided interpretation of him being 'innocent' or 'naïve', Icheb had had 'experiences' in his time on Earth. He knew the signs, remembered the awkwardness of first times. The way they had met again was just like strangers having a connection. The problem was, they weren't exactly strangers and there had been a vestigial connection between them already, no matter how small and underdeveloped it had been. What they had before was anything but the kind of connection he was thinking about though, and to have such a switch was... disconcerting, to say the least. He had a feeling it was what Naomi had been struggling to understand since they reunited, and he had only heightened the confusion.
Icheb let his head drop in his hands, groaning in frustration. Leave it to him to overreact and blow an initially innocent and happy kinship with an old friend out of proportion. This was not the first time he had taken an obviously friendly intention and circumstance either completely out of context or over-dramatize it. It had happened many times on his stay on Voyager. He had hoped he had grown out of that since then, apparently that wasn't the case. Now the problem was, how would he fix it between them? How could they go back to being friends? Was it even possible or was he being delusional? And... did he even want to return to how they were on Voyager?
No, he realized, he honestly didn't.
That Monday, Naomi knew she was being reclusive and stubborn. She knew she was avoiding him now, but could she be blamed? After their confrontation Naomi was afraid that if they spoke again they would blow up at each other. She, of course, had no choice but to show up in his class, but pretended like she was entirely too busy taking notes and studying what he taught. Part of her really was, having to keep up with her studies even with her 'boy troubles'. Hah, imagine that, since her rocky start with boys since arriving on that planet, she hadn't had troubles per se, almost wondering why every other female seemed to. Now here she was, having her own 'troubles' just like the rest of them.
But it wasn't just like the rest of them, was it?
Naomi forcibly shoved her unproductive thoughts out of her mind, going back to her resolve to focus. She knew it was petty of her, but she didn't show up for breakfast the next morning, wondering if Icheb was even there, waiting for her. How long would he wait? Was he looking to repair what had happened that night or continue it? Naomi couldn't be sure and frankly didn't want to risk it. Hannah and T'Chea had noticed her attempts at being cheery, despite not feeling it entirely, but didn't say anything thankfully. As uneasily as their first few moments together had been, T'Chea and Hannah had very fortunately turned into friends Naomi could truly count on. They never pushed her and never demanded she tell them what was wrong. ...Unlike a certain someone she firmly pushed out of her mind. Again. Even so, Naomi only half heard them when her friends spoke to her those days, though she did agree to go shopping with Hannah more often and try new cultural experiences with T'Chea, as she had put it.
Naomi was subdued the next class, her strain with her old friend starting to get to both of them. Again, she knew it was petty and honestly below her, but she avoided his gaze, knowing full well he was trying to convey his feelings with his eyes. Since they were kids Icheb had a tendency to not be able to communicate what he felt with words very well at first, despite trying to and often times coming across as too mechanical, too blunt or somehow unreachable.
Naomi had noticed even as a child that he had very expressive eyes and learned to read what he was trying to say, including when he taught her through them. They had even made a game out of it! She would try to guess what he was thinking about by looking at his expressions, his dancing eyes, and it often times dissolved into him pulling and face and making her giggle. She always felt comforted by his gaze, which was probably why she had been caught by them in their initial reunion... but now... now it just served to make her close up tighter, do everything she could not to look at those hauntingly beautiful orbs, knowing her battle would be lost if she did.
The next day, as she had the previous, Naomi made her attempt to leave the class with everyone else. Icheb had called her, but Naomi refused to react to his call, knowing it had nothing to do with her academic progress. She was ahead of her class and doing well in her other classes, so she knew if he was trying to talk to her it was something to do with her avoiding him. "What's going on?" Kav'ain asked that day after classes. "You don't seem like yourself, Wildman. I know we don't really know each other that well yet, but I like to think I've spent enough time with you girls to know something is up?"
"Nah, you're imaging things, Kav'," the half Ktarian grinned, trying to dissuade her friend from questioning her further. "If anything is wrong, it's probably something girly you don't want to hear about anyway!" Kav'ain didn't look convinced and appeared to want to question her further, but Hannah once again came to the rescue and nudged him, shaking her head. Kav'ain wasn't dumb enough to intrude in what was obviously something private, so he yielded and kept quiet. Naomi sent her friends a grateful smile. She felt guilty, not conveying what was troubling her to her clearly concerned and supportive friends, but she needed to deal with this herself first.
She should have known that sooner or later Icheb's mastery of persistence would catch up to Naomi.
After yet again avoiding him that next morning, almost the entire week, and all but ignoring him during class, answering him in short precise responses when he called on her during class, it was very evident that Icheb had entirely enough of her behavior. She could see the tension in his jaw, the steely determination in his eyes and shuddered at the intensity. As alarming as it was, Naomi wasn't quite sure if her shiver from his intense gaze was bad or... good.
Before she could leave, Icheb very formally, and in front of the others, requested her to stay after class. Naomi was trapped, knowing she couldn't disregard his request in front of the other students, knew he had used her sense of duty and honor to his advantage, and hated him for it. Naomi stayed, nervously watching her classmates leave. "What can I do for you, professor Hansen?" Naomi asked formally, shifting uneasily where she stood at the front of the room. She watched him silently walk by her to shut the door and stood by it.
"You've been avoiding me," he accused simply and Naomi nearly winced visibly at the obvious hurt in his voice.
"Have I been?" Naomi queried idly, trying to remain calm.
"Yes, you have. Why?" He demanded, the frustration and annoyance obvious in his tone.
"Maybe I don't want to talk about it? Is that a crime?" Naomi pressed, turning away from him defensibly.
"I thought you said there was nothing to talk about?" Icheb pointed out, catching her slip. "I simply mentioned you avoiding me."
Naomi felt trapped at being caught. He was right, of course, he hadn't mentioned anything and she had been thinking about their previous misunderstanding. Turning back to him, she frowned deeply. "Drop it, Icheb," she warned him, trying to remain patient but quickly losing her temper. When he didn't budge, Naomi began to feel a little bit panicked. What did he want from her? "Are you going to let me leave? I have other classes I need to get to."
Icheb's jaw shifted and his brows furrowed, irritated by her behavior. "No." Was that how she wanted to do things? Fine. "You're behavior is almost bordering on insubordination."
"Insub- what?!" Naomi's mouth fell open in shock. "Just how is it insubordination?" she questioned incredulously.
"You're avoiding talking about something that is clearly becoming a problem, and avoiding me in general. You refuse to acknowledge that something is wrong and refuse to tell me what it is. On top of that you ignore me when I try to talk to you, you display a rebellious attitude, and you're often so distracted in class that you don't even realize I've asked you a question. You're acting like a child!" Icheb nearly growled out in frustration. He knew it was a bad idea to accuse her so harshly, the week was getting to him though and he was tired of running away from whatever was happening between them. As he should have known his accusations would cause, Naomi exploded with rage, though fortunately was tactful enough to not actually yell at him.
"If I'm being anything it's defensive!" Naomi bit back.
"Defensive over what!" Icheb threw his arms up in exasperation. "You're even refusing to tell me what is making you defensive!" Icheb shot at her, becoming more and more confused and angry by her aloofness.
"Maybe over your ridiculous need to question me!" She bit back. "Why are you being so invasive?"
"Why are you avoiding everything? You're being a brat," Icheb told her in a low tone. He didn't honestly believe that, but at the moment he was too upset to realize he was the pot calling the kettle black.
"Yeah? Well you're being an egotistical, obstinate asshole!" Naomi replied in a hissed whisper, in the back on her head aware that it was basically a breach in protocol to disrespect an instructor like that, but at the same time not caring. Besides, the door was closed, so she could tell him off all she wanted! "Frankly, I'm feeling almost harassed by you!" she growled back. Harassed might have been a strong word for it, but it certainly felt like it bordered on it at the moment.
This time, Icheb knew that Naomi's angry red face, exasperated by her silky strawberry blonde hair, was not caused by any pleasant emotions whatsoever, no matter her previous denial to them at his face. "I could pull rank," he began before he could stop his impulsive and frustrated words from escaping his mouth. It seemed his impulsiveness had not been weaned out of him with growth. "I could make you talk to me," he threatened seriously, though halfheartedly.
Naomi went ridged, her lips pursing and her glare intensifying. "Only you would be persistent enough to go so far, get so low," she spat angrily, unable to believe him. "You're being selfish and absurd. How could you try to force us to talk about something? I told you I didn't feel ready to tell you anything! What makes you think you have the right to force me to tell you anything? Putting aside how we may or may not have been able to tell each other everything as children, whatever may or may not be wrong it is still in my right to keep to myself!" She raged, nearly losing the fight in her volume control. "What makes you think you know me?! You don't know me!"
Icheb remained silent after her speech. He placed his hands behind his back customarily, looking away from her then, staring out the classroom window pensively. "You're right. Maybe we don't know each other as much as we assumed we did, after all."
His tone was reserved, hurt, but Naomi would not let that get to her. "I'm glad we can at least agree on something. I guess we really are strangers," she replied demoralized, mirroring him, not able to look at him anymore. "Maybe it's a good idea that we stop trying to act like we've always been friends." Icheb turned to her sharply, his heart grinding to a halt in protest at what she was suggesting. "Maybe it's a good idea if we... didn't try to see so much of each other. No more breakfasts. No more after school running into each other. We avoid each other. We keep things professional and distant," she suggested in a defeated tone, quiet and having lost its fire.
"Perhaps... that is best," Icheb agreed just as quietly, looking away when Naomi shut her eyes painfully. He let her go shortly after, stepping aside and not giving her another look as she brushed by him. They parted bitterly, moving on with their day and doing everything they could to push the awful fight out of their minds.
After class, Icheb avoided all contact with his colleagues who normally stopped him to chat, making the excuse that he had work to get to and couldn't give them his time. He went directly to his apartment, resolved to do just as he told his colleagues and pour himself into his work. It was a surprise then, when he noticed someone waiting for him at his door. "Seven! What are you doing here?" Icheb felt marginally better seeing his adopted mother and mentor at his door, smiling affectionately with a shadow of his normal enthusiasm. They hugged each other briefly before pulling away and appraising each other fondly.
"I was in the system and thought it would be agreeable to visit my son," Seven's smile widened at the warmth that pooled in Icheb's eyes at being addressed as such. She knew it meant a lot to him to have a family that cared for him, and it meant a lot to her to receiving similar affection and love from someone that might as well have been her birth son, for everything they've been through together.
"I'm... I'm glad you're here," Icheb said solemnly.
Seven frowned, noting in his tone the weariness and... sadness? "Icheb, what is the matter?" she asked in concern. Since the Doctor had unlocked her ability to access the full range of her emotions with many meticulous procedures, Seven had been striving to practice, expressing what she inwardly thought and felt as much as the circumstance would allow her. Now was one such time that she valued the ability to express them properly.
"I may have ruined a very important friendship," he explained, motioning for her to enter his apartment. They walked in and Icheb offered her tea, knowing she had grown fond of it in recent times. Seven brushed his irrelevant need to make small talk away in favor of addressing the issue, wanting to get to the bottom of what was bothering him quickly. Huh, maybe his fixating need for answers were influenced by her? Maybe it was just a Borg trait? Either way, Icheb would not deny her and sat with her, beginning his tale. He explained how he reunited with Naomi Wildman, how he had been caught completely off guard when he realized how grown up she was. At that point Seven lifted a knowing brow, but said nothing, letting him carry on with his story. He told her how since his meeting with her he managed to startle her, make her uncomfortable, hurt her, and then finally alienate her from him.
"Hurt her? Clarify," Seven demanded, feeling the niggling beginnings of disapproval poke through her increasingly maternal personality. It was then she noticed again the look in his eyes and was able to identify it properly. It wasn't just simple sadness, it was an intense regret and Seven felt her heart clench with worry, wondering just what had happened.
"I think I've..." Icheb trailed off, realization suddenly dawning on him. "I think I've fallen in love with her," he told her abruptly, his tone leaning toward shell-shocked. Icheb had known he had been developing feelings for the girl, he just hadn't realized they would be this strong so quickly. Maybe... maybe she was right... maybe they did need this time apart? To figure out exactly how deeply the emotions ran?
Seven didn't know what to feel first, confusion, sympathy, happiness that he finally found someone worthy of his love and she his, or intense annoyance at him for what he might have done to the precious girl Seven had always viewed as a surrogate daughter. "Elaborate," Seven prompted firmly. Seven knew Icheb did not have it in him to physically hurt anyone, especially after his troublesome memories as a Borg, and more so with people he cared about. She was concerned at the emotional level of pain he may have caused her, remembering how sensitive the girl could get, and how impulsive and childish Icheb could get.
"In my... attempts to find out how she felt for me in return, I pushed her too far, 'scared her away' as is the apt term... and I don't know how to handle it," his shoulders completely sagged. "She hates me now," he presumed grimly, his face contorting into pain. Seven could only assume that the way he spoke about this, they had had a fight and he assumed that with the mean words said during the heat of the argument she had adverse feelings to him now. Icheb still had a bit to learn, after all. Being a male, Seven knew he would not want to show her the 'weakness' of crying in front of her, but she could sense that he was very alarmingly on the verge of doing just that.
Feeling an overwhelming need to comfort the young man she had raised for eleven years, Seven pulled the 'boy' into her arms, his now much larger body curling against her as she hugged him tightly and caressed his hair soothingly. Icheb shook in her embrace, but bravely held himself together. "Icheb," she began softly. "If it is meant to be, you'll find that things will eventually find a way of rectifying themselves," she told him gently, feeling him nod against her. Was coddling him a good idea now? Should she be all but encouraging him to continue to mess up with Naomi? Seven knew better than most people that mistakes of the past should be forgiven though, she just hoped he would learn from them.
Even so, in an attempt to calm him, Seven spoke to him some more, deciding it would merit to speak of happier things as a distraction. She told him of her research into the transwarp conduit, seeing if it were possible to reopen it, to discover if it was possible to find a wormhole on the other side, link it to the Alpha Quadrant and try to establish contact with their allies. She told him that they had managed to initiate a very fleeting and very small wormhole. Things looked promising. There didn't seem to be any... adverse conflict with the conduit, all traces of potential threats absent. Neelix had told them through the monthly contact that he and his family might even be amendable to visiting them if they got a wormhole stable enough for proper use.
Throughout her talk, Icheb had yet to comment, yet to move from his mostly immobile state, though he would nod ever so slightly every now and then. Icheb was aware of his attitude, knew he was perhaps overreacting, but the regret and guilt he felt was almost overpowering. "You must be patient, Icheb," she told him finally, and once more felt him nod in agreement. It was all she could do for him now. It was up to him to carry on from then on.
At the same time, Naomi all but collapsed on her dorm door, swiping at the door to open it with her card quickly. She willed her breathing to return to normal, fearing she was about to hyperventilate. She had to get herself under control! She had done her best throughout the day to forget her fight with Icheb, forget that they probably weren't friends anymore, and succeeded for the most part. She focused on her classes and put in all her effort to engaging in them. When they were over though, her merciless mind flung every hurtful things they had said back at her. Prying her door open she didn't know which illusive God to thank first that neither of her roommates were there at the moment.
She threw her bag on her bed and carefully sat down on the couch, pulling a PADD out and trying to find a comforting novel to distract her. She knew studying right now would be futile, and flinched at her choice of words. However, her fingers were not cooperating on the device and her vision was beginning to blur wetly. She angrily scrubbed at her face and tossed the PADD aside. Burying her face in her hands, Naomi struggled to keep herself together, her body shaking with the effort. The first week of her stay at the academy had started out so well! And now it was crumbling all around her. Yeah, somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she was exaggerating. Her grades were, as usual, stellar, she had caring friends and a bright future. But...
Boys.
They were always the same, no matter what species or age, weren't they? ...No, that wasn't right either, Icheb was never just some boy, was he? Naomi held herself tightly, trying to physically keep herself in check, trying to ignore the pain she felt deep inside. Her attempts were useless, control weak, and soon she found herself unable to stop a sob from escaping her lips. Quickly pulling herself up, she went over to the phone, needing to hear her mother's voice, see the smile that always made her feel safe. She nearly lost control again when her mother's face went on the screen, happy to see her daughter as usual.
"Naomi! What's wrong, sweetheart?" Samantha's eyes widened at the despairing look in her daughter's tear-stained face.
"Mommy, I... I made a mistake!" Naomi covered her mouth, regressing back to the age of a child, feeling her lips tremble behind her hand as she desperately tried to stop herself from bawling like one in front of her mom.
"Sweetheart, what happened? What mistake?" Samantha felt her own eyes threaten to break out in tears as the clear distraught coming from her daughter.
"You... remember Icheb, right?" Naomi asked in a tremulous voice, stressing his name to force it past of her stubborn lips.
"Sure, you and that boy seemed thick as thieves on Voyager." Naomi tried not to react to that statement, tried not to show the pain she felt and longing for those times. "I thought you had a crush on him at one point, for the amount of time you seemed to spend together," Samantha tried to joke, but was surprised when Naomi looked away. Maybe it wasn't so much of a joke?
"I did have a crush on him," Naomi said very softly, realizing it now, though knowing it could be too late anyway. "He's an instructor here at the academy." Naomi went on to explain it to her mother very much how Icheb had with Seven, though from her point of view. "Why... why are men so stubborn? So confusing?" She asked woefully.
"Oh honey, men are boys at every age. They're stubborn, always think they know more, and always try to assert their dominance, prove that they're strong enough to take care of us 'weaker females', despite how strong we may be. It's in their nature," she explained softly. Now was not the time to point out to her how stubborn and confusing girls could be as well. Men and women were just wired differently, and no matter the species, destined to misunderstand each other. Samantha set out to tell her the story of how she met Naomi's father, how unbelievably thick he was, stubborn and pushy, just like Naomi had described Icheb as being.
"But he was only that way because he cared so much for me," Samantha explained gently. "Eventually we understood each other and our love conquered our frustrations toward each other. It will happen to you too, sweetie." Samantha then went on to tell her that sometimes a little distancing wasn't a bad thing, it was a natural way to evaluate how one felt for the other, see if the emotions were a passing infatuation, or something deeper.
"Maybe you're right," Naomi ventured a tearful smile, wishing desperately for her mother's comforting arms. Hearing about her father made her yearn for his arms just as strongly, having had made a strong bond with him since reuniting with him. Right now though, being comforted by her mother but unable to feel her soothing caress, smell her familiar perfume, or hear her strong heartbeat, was enough to send fresh tears sliding down her cheeks.
"Just give it some time, you'll see whether what you feel for this boy is worth your effort, and you heart." Naomi agreed reluctantly and decided that she would see this through. If she and Icheb were meant to be, they would find each other eventually.
TBC...
End A/N: Believe it or not, this was one of my favorite chapters to write out so far, so much intensity and development. I used to hate angst, but somehow I've gotten good at writing it... apparently. I'm aware some of you don't like Seven, but she is an important part of Icheb's life, so please try to deal with it, she's not really a main character. By the way, is "contradictingly" even a word? I feel like it should be. My writing program refused it as a proper word though. You tell me!
Also, as you may or may not have noticed, I tend to listen to music when I write, and sometimes certain music will influence what I write. I'll be putting down what I was influenced by so you can get a glimpse of how my mind works when I write. This chapter was influenced by the songs "Milk" and "Drive You Home" by Garbage. The songs hit the theme of the chapter, the melody, sad tune, and most of the lyrics match pretty well too, especially for the ending of the chapter.