So... think FFn will cooperate this week? *snort*

Anyways, as always, thank you for the reviews and adds this last chapter. I feel a bit repetitive, but I can't tell you how appreciative I am for every last one of them.

Thanks to Stratan for being the badass beta he is, and thanks to twilover76, stephk0525, and claireoth for prereading. Loves you guys!

Oh, yeah. Feel free to follow me on Twitter. FYI, though, I tweet way too much to be healthy. (at)JT040708

Chapter 26

Edward

The car idled. The large, glass house loomed ahead. Everyone would be excited to see us... together.

Which was exactly why I couldn't move. I dreaded having to be the center of attention for the entire fucking weekend. Between Emmett's bullshit comments and Esme's fawning...

Son of a bitch.

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat down to speak, but my words came out in a croak. "Tell me something about Maggie."

Bella's head whipped in my direction, her eyes large. "What? Now?"

Surely she knew me well enough to know why I couldn't go inside just yet, why I needed to psych myself up for this.

"Something I don't know. Whatever I haven't read."

"Um..."

"Anything, Bella," I pleaded. "Trivial bullshit. I don't care."

"Let me think, okay?"

I nodded once.

"Her favorite color was pink. Wait, you already know that."

I kept silent, hoping she'd think of something else.

"She lived in California for a while."

Now there was something new.

"When?"

"Um..." Her brows furrowed as she thought back to the file. "For two years after her adoption. Mr. Carr had been transferred to an office in San Diego. I think... No, the Carrs gave me a picture of her in Balboa Park."

I vaguely remembered seeing it. She'd looked so happy in it. The complete opposite of where I was at that time.

I shoved the hurt that thought created aside.

"Edward, your dad just looked out the window. He knows you're here."

"Fuck."

"They're your family. What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid," I protested. "I'm... I don't want to be the center of attention all weekend long. I-"

"Okay, so we won't," she interrupted breezily.

I stared at her blankly. "And how do you think we'll manage that? You know how they are."

"Well, Jasper came home too," she reasoned. "We can put some of the attention off on him with the whole Alice thing."

"But they're not a thing."

"Yet."

I conceded that. As soon as he pulled his head out of his ass, it was guaranteed that he'd make some kind of move on Alice. I'd seen the way I felt about Bella reflected in him when Alice's name was brought up.

It was just a matter of time now.

"But that's not going to last for the entire trip."

"I need to see Charlie."

I broke out into a cold sweat. "Like a uh, family dinner with Charlie kind of thing?"

"It is Thanksgiving," she teased.

My grip tightened on the steering wheel to keep from freaking the hell out. I hadn't spoken to the chief in weeks. He'd want to make sure I followed his...

Shit.

I wrenched my phone out of my pocket and Googled the number for one of the Seattle license branches.

"Edward?"

I held up a finger for her to wait. It was rude, but I had no other options.

I'd put this off for too long already and was going to pay for it if I didn't watch it.

I had no doubt of Chief Swan's ability to retaliate.

And that put the fear of fucking God in me.

"I need to know how to get into a defensive driving class."

I listened to half of the girl's spiel, and then cut her off.

"No, it's not court mandated. I just want to sign up for the next available class."

She stammered, surprised by my harsh tone, and then read off another number for me to call. I hung up with a quick thanks and dialed the new number, registering myself for a Saturday defensive driving class in three weeks.

Right at finals. Fuck me.

I turned back to Bella and found her sitting against the door, her arms crossed over her chest.

She didn't look too pleased.

"Defensive driving?"

"Uh..." I pushed my hair back. "Yeah."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with my father, would it?"

"Um..."

"And what, you had to agree with to find out where I lived? Or the fact that you've been driving slower than my Grandma Marie did when she was alive?"

"Maybe?" I squeaked.

She blew out a long, agitated breath. Her eyes flicked to the house then back at me again.

"She sat on a pillow when she drove to see out the windshield," she said conversationally.

"Guess it's a good thing you took after your mother on that," I replied, a little confused. I expected a shouting match or something.

"Are we going inside or not?"

"That's... it?"

"You told me I wasn't supposed to know. What can I do?"

Nothing, I guessed. I hadn't a fucking clue.

I was fairly certain that if Bella didn't have my hand, I'd have spun around and fled the fucking city. It was like walking to the electric chair or some other equally horrifying metaphorical scene. And when Carlisle opened the front door, I thought I might puke.

Until my brain caught up with my eyes and registered his reaction.

He took a step out the door, stopping as he spotted Bella walking beside me. His gaze dropped down to our joined hands, and then he burst into a smile.

And holy shit, I was glad I'd chosen to tell them this way. Seeing it made me...

Fuck, I was kind of proud of myself for coming this far. I wasn't delusional; I knew how much further I had to go. But Bella was here, accepting of me and all my flaws. There was, finally, a bit of the normality that I'd craved for so long in my life with bringing Bella home to meet the parents.

I wasn't so stupid as to take it for granted; instead, I'd use it as some kind of motivator to just keep going.

"Bella," he greeted, the smile still stretched wide across his face.

"Carlisle." Her fingers flexed against mine.

"You're..." He let his eyes drift back to me. "Thank God."

I peeked over at Bella. She was blushing.

Goddamn it.

I shifted, hoping to hide the way that blush affected me. "Yeah, we uh... I guess I got over myself."

Carlisle laughed and focused on Bella again. "So how's school, the heart? I haven't heard from you since you left."

"You act like that's a bad thing."

Another laugh. "No, it's definitely good. It means your meds are working out for you."

"So far, so good."

I gave them an odd look.

"I um, I had a consult with your dad before I left for school," she said awkwardly.

"Okay?"

"What I was on before wasn't really... I mean, if sex came up..."

Something about that pissed me off; although, given my past indiscretions, I had no right to feel that way. But just the thought that she was planning to go to college and lose her virginity to some-

"It was in case you came back," she murmured, reading me perfectly. "There was a chance I'd see you, and I wanted... No, hoped you'd..."

My ire died. "Yeah?"

She nodded and smiled. "Ask your dad."

"HIPAA," he coughed, apparently trying to keep out of the discussion.

Not that there was anything to discuss, anyway. Her confession didn't make me want to talk at all. It made me want to take her to my bedroom and prove to her how right her decision was.

Later.

"Carlisle, honey, what are you doing leaving the door wide open in November?" Esme scolded loudly from the foyer.

The second she stepped outside, though, everything changed. Her mouth popped open, her body frozen as she stared at Bella. Then me.

Back to Bella again, her hand flew up to her heart. "Bella," she said with this gasp I'd never heard before.

She was happy. So fucking happy.

"Hi, Esme," Bella said warmly. "Hope you don't mind me crashing your holiday."

"Are you kidding?" she nearly squealed. I cringed at the pitch of her voice. "I just... I... I'm-"

"You've made your mother speechless," Carlisle laughed. "I can't believe it."

"Shut up, you old man," Esme snapped out, a playful smirk sliding over her face.

"Old?" he retorted. "I'll have you know the forties are the new thirties, love."

God, I'd missed them.

She bounded down the steps and over to us, needing to hug Bella. The second she pulled her close, a piece of me shifted. Warmed. Melted. I wasn't sure how to describe it. I just knew that there was something about the way Esme kissed Bella's cheek - accepted her as her own - that opened my eyes, changed me further.

This was what I'd wanted to deny myself?

I'd been such a fucking idiot.

Esme eventually released her after talking with her for a while. I didn't know what was said, but the tears in Bella's eyes had me panicked.

But then she smiled at me.

After greeting Esme and giving her just enough of the story of how Bella took my idiot ass back - no questions asked - to sate her curiosity, I hung back with Bella for a moment, needing to just fucking touch her for a second, feel how real it all was. That it wasn't some dream, a nightmare preying on my hopes instead of the past.

Because in each, I was terrified of what was at stake. My sanity, my future... the life I knew now.

"Your mom made me cry," she said with a small laugh, unaware of the turmoil inside me.

When my skin connected with hers, everything stabilized. Calmed.

"She's good at that," I mumbled.

"Are you okay?" she asked, somehow catching on.

"Yeah," I answered, ignoring how hoarse my voice sounded. I interlaced our fingers again and led her to the house.

The smells of Esme's cooking wafted around us, growing stronger with every step. My stomach growled, causing Bella to glance over with a frown.

"Mom's food. What do you expect?"

"I've never actually tasted your mom's food."

"How is that...?"

"The only time she cooked when I was around last summer was on your birthday. And I distinctly remember filling my plate up but being unable to eat anything."

Shit. I knew where this was headed.

"Someone was pissed off at me."

"Someone was being a fucking dumbass," I shot back. "And going through severe nicotine withdrawals, I might add."

"Nicotine withdrawals," she replied thoughtfully. "Nice excuse."

"I thought so."

We hovered just inside the door, talking with my parents until the timer went off on the oven. Esme wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulders, and - without so much as a glance to me or my father - led her to the kitchen, still rambling to Bella about the gossip she'd missed since going to Seattle.

I forgot sometimes how much people talked in small towns.

"She stole my girlfriend," I said in disbelief.

"Why are you surprised?" Carlisle asked me. "Bella knows how to cook, right?"

"Yeah."

"Rose doesn't. Now Esme has someone to keep her company in the kitchen every holiday."

"Son of a..."

He chuckled. "Might as well get used to it."

I glanced around the room, finally noticing my surroundings. "Mom painted."

"It's one whole shade darker," he muttered sarcastically.

I barked out a laugh. "How'd she convince you to do it?" Then I shook my head. "Never mind. I don't want to fucking know."

My dad gave me a toothy grin.

Goddamn, that was a disgusting thought.

But then it abruptly got serious. "How are you?"

"Better," I responded, trying hard not to fidget.

"You're going to have to give me more than that," he said. "Your mother will grill me later."

I sighed. "Okay, I'm still going to therapy, as you know."

He nodded.

"But Bella's been coming with me."

"Couples therapy?"

"Not exactly," I murmured. "It's mostly an extra session for me. On relationship stuff. Things Bella can listen to and get insight from. And when she has a concern, she voices it."

"Does she? Have concerns, I mean."

"Just one," I answered, walking over to my baby grand. Fuck, I felt like letting my fingers fly over the keys in some Liszt piece to work some of this anxiety out. "She's afraid of me leaving her again."

"Understandable."

"I don't know how I didn't fuck her up more. I was the first guy she let herself fall for and I just... left."

"Edward-"

I shrugged whatever he was about to say away. No use delving into that particular subject. "I've been helping out at one of the shelters downtown."

"Which one?"

I simply looked at him. No way was I giving him easy access to that. He'd check up on me.

He held a hand up in surrender. "What do you do there?"

"Mostly help out at dinner. They're remodeling, so occasionally, I go in a little early and help paint or fix... whatever. I... I should have gone to one."

"What?"

"In Chicago. There was a place a few blocks from where... I should have gone. I was stupid not to."

"You would have been tossed into the system. Then your mother and I..."

The silence that followed was deafening, the look on Carlisle's face painful.

"I think I'm going to play for a while." I lifted the lid and gingerly ran my hands over the ivory keys. "The upright in Seattle's just not the same."

xx

"Hi," Bella whispered as she sat down next to me on the piano bench.

"Hi." I stopped playing and glanced over at her. I hadn't even realized she'd come into the room until she'd spoken.

"What is that?"

"What I was working on the morning after we..."

"Wow. You turned it into that? It's beautiful."

I looked away.

"Please believe me." Her hand came up to cover mine. "It really is beautiful."

"It's not Maggie's," I countered.

"Maggie's was made to show off what she could do. This is... This is you."

"It's..." I shook my head, still denying her words. "How much longer till dinner?"

"Another hour."

I heard Emmett's boisterous laugh from the kitchen and scowled. He and Rosalie must have come in from the garage.

"Take a walk with me. I'm feeling a little claustrophobic."

"Emmett?" she asked. But she already knew the answer.

"Yeah."

She got up and moved toward the sliding door at the back deck, waiting for me just outside to let me choose our direction.

But I didn't want to walk aimlessly through the woods.

I took her down to the Sol Duc.

The sun peeked out from the clouds; a glint of light flashed off a piece of amber glass.

I laughed.

"What's so funny?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at me.

She was crouched down at the riverbank, her hand making patterns in the icy water.

Fuck, I wanted to take her back to Falls Creek.

No, what I really wanted to do was fuck her at Falls Creek.

Too bad the weather wouldn't allow it for another few months.

"Last time I was here, I was trying to figure out how to get rid of you," I answered.

"Really?"

I pointed to the broken bottle. "Yeah."

"With beer? That surprises me."

I shrugged. "I wanted to stop thinking - feeling - again. But the more I drank, the more I did just that. I thought about you, Chicago, what the beer in my hand would do to me..."

"But you know you're not an addict."

"Before, I was afraid those few beers would turn into a case. The case would turn into two. And so on and so on until I was like... them."

She simply watched me as I closed the distance between us.

"I didn't want that for you, but I had no idea how to stay away from you. I can't... I can't even begin to tell you how afraid I was to touch you."

I crouched beside her and placed my hand over her heart. Touching her made everything feel right, like the broken pieces of my soul came together to form me, when I'd been such a chaotic mess before.

"Seems so fucking ridiculous now," I murmured.

The atmosphere shifted between us as Bella and I stared at each other. Fuck, it was nice to sit here without anything but the sound of the river between us, and I realized how drained I was. Med school was hard as hell. And I'd added all of those therapy sessions, Maggie, on top of it. I knew I needed to slow down, but I couldn't, too afraid to revert to what I was before. Become stuck again.

Reluctantly, I stood. Cleared my throat. "Come on. Can't avoid my asshole brother forever."

Bella and I sat in the armchair together, stuffed full from dinner and wrapped in a blanket while Rosalie tried to find a movie we'd all agree on. Bella had seen every movie we owned, citing that Charlie would come to the hospital in Phoenix with a bundle of DVDs in his arms each visit. They'd watch them together, from morning to night, until visiting hours were over. Until his stay in Phoenix was over and he was forced to go back to Forks, to his job. His life.

She said it so matter-of-factly. Like it wasn't her past she was commenting on, but someone else's. Like she hadn't been fighting to live and was just down with something common like the flu.

Her strength astounded me sometimes.

Surprisingly, Emmett kept his comments under control. When we'd come back up to the house, he'd simply given us that huge, dimpled grin and said "About fucking time" before he nearly tossed Bella in the air trying to hug her. Then, he'd slapped my shoulder and walked out of the room to answer a phone call.

I had a feeling Esme had something to do with it.

Not that I was complaining.

Rosalie jerked a DVD out of the cabinet in exasperation. "We're watching this. If you don't like it, get out of the room."

She opened up a DVD case and popped the disc into the player before any of us could argue.

Breakfast at Tiffany's.

My brothers and I collectively groaned.

"Bite me," Rose snapped.

"No, thanks. That's Emmett's job," Jasper shot back.

Bella tipped her head up to whisper, "Have you even seen this?"

"No."

"Have you read the book?"

"There's a fucking book?"

She laughed quietly. "Capote wrote it. Holly Golightly is actually a bisexual prostitute."

"And they made this out of it?" I asked incredulously. "Don't they kiss in the rain or some shit at the end?"

She shrugged.

I watched the title sequence and tried not to beat my head against the wall.

"I'd rather watch the bisexual prostitute version," Emmett muttered.

"I told you to leave if you didn't want to see it," Rosalie huffed.

Emmett glanced over at me pleadingly.

Bella snuggled closer to me.

"I'm good," I told him.

"Son of a..." Emmett griped. "Bella, I swear if I didn't like you so much..."

She blinked at him. "What did I do?"

I glowered at my brother. "Nothing."

He grumbled a little, but shut up.

Thank fuck.

Not long after the movie started, Bella sagged against me, almost like she was drifting off to sleep. Each time I thought she'd finally passed out, she'd move and yawn, forcing herself to stay awake.

Eventually, I glanced at the clock, noticed that it was almost eleven, and said to hell with the rest of the movie.

I didn't give a shit to see if I was right about the ending, anyway.

"Bed?" I murmured.

She nodded.

We got up and started out of the room, only to be stopped by Esme.

"Bella, sweetie, your stuff is in the guest room if you need it."

Emmett snickered from the couch.

"You have got to be kidding me," I said under my breath.

Bella gave Esme a sleepy smile. "Okay, thanks."

After a quick goodnight to everyone, we made it upstairs. Bella kept going toward the guest room, bypassing my bedroom completely, but I grabbed her up and brought her to me.

"I don't think so."

"Edward, your mom put my stuff in there for a reason."

"And?"

She rolled her eyes and pulled my face down for a kiss. "I'll miss you."

I let out a string of curses. Esme and her need for propriety. "Fine. I'll see you in the morning."

I waited until Bella had disappeared behind the door before stepping into my room. I changed and brushed my teeth, and then yanked back the covers and crawled into bed.

One hour.

Two.

Three.

I kept tossing and turning, staring at the ceiling and puffing out agitated breaths of air. The room was fucking dark and quiet, and I was used to having Bella's body curled up against me to sleep. Not only that, but as much as I hated to admit it, I was afraid to close my eyes. The last time I'd fallen asleep in this room I'd had nightmare after nightmare, panic attack after-

The door creaked open, and Bella shuffled inside.

I instantly jerked the covers off of me.

"You couldn't sleep either?"

"Nope. Apparently, I'm dependent on this little brunette for sleep."

She climbed in next to me and put her arm over my chest. Shit, she was in my bed. The bed I'd fantasized about taking her in for months. It was enough to make me hard as hell and vacillate between going against what my mother wanted and taking Bella as I wanted.

She curled up beside me, her hips pushing into my thigh.

I chose what I wanted.

"Fuck it," I said lowly, rolling over so that I could kiss her.

Her mouth met mine, moving as if she'd been thinking of this very thing for hours now. Her fingers dug into the muscles at my back, bringing me closer to her. Her hips surged against me as she grappled with my t-shirt, tugging it over my head and tossing it to the wayside.

"Slow down, baby. God," I groaned when her fingers skimmed under the waistline of my boxers, when she took them and shoved them past my hips, taking me into her hand, "slow down."

"Edward," she gasped when my lips found a particularly sensitive spot on her neck.

"And be quiet. The last thing I need is one of my fucking parents coming in here when I'm balls deep inside you."

She bit back a moan.

Satisfied that she wasn't going to draw attention to us, I started undressing her. Taking my time with removing every article of clothing until she was laid bare beneath me. Moonlight spilled into the room, highlighting Bella's curves, the way her chest heaved when I stroked her. Damn, how I wanted her. I wanted her in my arms, enveloping me, slick and hot and needy. With nothing between us, separating us.

My heart raced.

Holy shit.

"You're fucking beautiful, Bella," I murmured. "So fucking..."

Her dark eyes flared, watching me as I started loving her with my mouth. Slow. Gentle. Exactly how it should be after today, after fitting in so perfectly with my family, putting up with my bullshit, anxious quirks.

I kissed her calf, tasted the back of her knee, where it grew salty with sweat as I worked her up. She writhed the closer I got to her sex, hips flexing, seeking, needing... She grabbed at the pillow and muffled her moan in it the second I licked her.

"God, you're so good at that," she ground out, her legs instinctively trying to close against my head as my tongue flicked at her clit.

I hummed against her, and she made a little squeak above me, her hips jerking up as pleasure shot through her.

"Coming… coming," she panted.

Not what I'd had in mind. So I turned my head and kissed at the juncture of her thighs, bringing her down before I put my mouth on her again.

"Oh," she moaned, curling her toes up when I put my fingers inside her.

It was a slow form of torture to feel her reactions to my movements, taste them. Heaven and hell, all rolled into one. By the time I was done, my body was fucking wound tight with how much I needed her.

I shook above her, the warm comfort of her smile doing me in.

"You've taken all your meds, right?" I asked, quaking more. "Your birth control?"

Her brow knit. "Yeah?"

That was all I needed to know. I lined us up, nervous as fuck. "I want to try something, okay? Just don't move."

If I was going to follow through with this, I needed her to be still. Absolutely fucking still.

"Edward-?"

"Please," I begged. Even my voice trembled now. "Please. Don't fucking move."

"Wha-?

I sank into her, cutting her words off. I clenched my jaw to keep from groaning too loud at the feel of her around me. I stayed like that for a moment, breathing harder than I wanted to fucking admit I was. By the time I thought I could move again without coming immediately, she arched up against me with a moan, and I had to bring my hand up to cover her mouth.

"Shh," I said, my lips curling at the shocked expression on her face. "Carlisle sleeps like the dead, but Esme doesn't."

She made a garbled sound against my hand.

"You feel fucking insane, baby." I pulled my hips back and slowly pushed into her again. Repeated the movement. Her heels dug into my ass, urging me faster.

I complied. She rolled her hips in time with my thrusts, faster, harder with each pass, causing me to grunt.

"So goddamned good."

I wasn't going to last long. And I knew if I was on top, there would be no stopping me from pulling out of her before I came. Before I-

Without warning, I flipped us over. Bella let out a surprised squeal and settled down on my hips again. I gave her ass a light tap of chastisement.

"Ride me."

Her hips rocked against mine once, and then stopped. Her brow arched in challenge.

"Bella," I said sharply. "Stop being a tease and fuck me."

"Why should I?"

"Because it's my favorite position. Not only do I have easy access to your ass, I get to do this..."

I brought my hand to where we were joined and pressed the heel of it against her.

"No fair," she breathed.

"But you like it."

Again I did it, this time twisting my hand so that my thumb found her, wet and swollen. She stuttered out a breath and started moving with me.

Up and down, back and forth. She leaned forward and used the headboard to gain leverage. Her hair fanned down around us, her tits right where I could reach them.

"Oh, shit," she hissed when I wrapped my mouth around one, thrusting up as she came down.

I glanced up at her, flicked my tongue over her nipple, and jokingly muttered, "Shut up, Swan."

"Like... they can't hear... your bed squeak."

She had me there.

I wanted it to stay like that. Playful and light. But as always, my shit got in the way, darkened it... ruined it. I could feel my orgasm building, feel hers as her body tightened around me. I kept trying to focus on her, make it so she came so hard she went limp, but panic gripped me, clawing its way out, forcing me to start to break contact with her, pull back.

Her hands fell from the headboard and found my face. "Edward, no," she said firmly. "You can't do anything to me."

"Bella-"

"I want it. You. All of you," she continued. "Please."

She was so earnest in her declaration; I needed to be closer to her. I wrapped my arms around her and brought her against me, kissing her, feeling her soft, slick skin slide over mine with each pass. Each murmur broken and lost in ecstasy.

Until I couldn't hold it in any longer.

I groaned her name into her chest, into that spot where her heart hammered at her ribs. I clung to her tighter and tighter as I came inside her, vaguely aware that the grip I had on her was likely hurting her. But I couldn't let go until my body had calmed down, my breathing steady again.

My muscles were sore as I released her, and I checked her over, seeing red marks pop up instantly as the blood flowed back to her limbs.

"Oh, fuck, baby." I shuddered and pushed her off of me, suddenly terrified to get anywhere near her. "I'm sorry. I-"

She watched me put distance between us with a little tilt of her head.

"What are you sorry for?"

"Are you fucking-? Bella, there are red welts all over your arms from me grabbing at you."

She picked up her arm and regarded it in the moonlight. "I bruise easily," she finally said with a shrug.

I let out a bitter laugh. "Jesus Christ."

She put one leg out in front of her. "See that?" She pointed to a dark spot on her shin. "I barely grazed the coffee table yesterday and got that out of it. I've got a bump on my elbow, too, from knocking it on a chair in class last week."

I huffed. "Where are you going with this?"

"Don't you think if you actually hurt me, I'd make some kind of noise?" she returned.

"I... I guess," I admitted.

"And did I?"

"Fuck, I - No."

"Then stop freaking out. I know this was a big step, but do you..." She trailed off and tried to bite her lip in an effort to hide her smile.

"What?" I asked, inching closer to her.

"Do you have any idea how good that was for me?"

My heart halted its beat.

"It was so..." She glanced away.

Ten bucks said she was blushing.

And here I was trying to fuck up that feeling for her.

I should be muzzled.

After we were dressed again, Bella made a move to return to the guest room.

"Stay," I said, reaching out for her.

"But your mom..."

"I need you to stay," I said quietly. I fucking hated feeling this way, like the bottom was going to drop out on me again. But it was inevitable. Every time I did something so extreme, went against every instinct I had to rebuild my walls, I got leery.

Because progress could only last so long. Each new step forward made me wonder when I'd backtrack again.

She picked my phone up off of the nightstand and set the alarm on it. "Just for a few hours. Your parents are important to me already, Edward. I don't want to mess it up."

"Really?"

She nodded. "They have been from the day I met them. They all have."

Because you were meant to be a Cullen, I though with sudden clarity.

You were meant to be mine.