Here's the next chapter! Enjoy! I do not own Mockingjay.
Ch. 7
"Peeta, I need you to listen to me." The voice was familiar to me and some part of it made me feel safe. It was rough and weighed down by years of heartache and trauma, but I knew that whoever it belonged to I could trust. In the small moments of sanity that I have I get frustrated from not being able to remember anything. Maybe the feelings I get from this voice are a reassurance that I will get better.
"They did something to you, but at one point you were a different person." I knew that way deep down when I took the time to think about I was changed. It bothered me, I felt as if I was made into a monster and I couldn't control what I did. "We're doing everything in our power to get you back to normal."
The monster in me didn't want normal. I feel my eyes begin to gloss over, my muscles begin to tense. The moment that I could be close to my normal self was passing. I'm turning into their creation again.
"I know you hate her." These words trigger something in me. I feel an anger arising in my chest and a passion exploding out of my mouth.
"She's a mutt! I don't care what they tell you! She's a mutt!" I try and fight my way out, but I'm tied down by restraints that I swear get tighter and tighter as I fight against them.
I try to tear out the water that is constantly pumped into my body to at least accomplish something and go against some kind of thing they have forced on me, but I can't even do that.
"Peeta! Peeta! You…" The man searches for words and I had a feeling that he didn't have to do that often. I had left him speechless, I've been doing that to a lot of people lately. It gave me some sort of accomplishment; if they wouldn't let me kill Katniss at least I intimidated them.
It is quiet what he says next and low like he doesn't want anyone, but me to hear it. I have a feeling he wasn't good with touchy feely. "You loved her." Then something fizzles out and the sounds of the loud speaker were gone.
I settle down and laugh, how I could ever love a monster like her was so unthinkable. She wasn't even pretty and she acted as she were better than most. She annoyed me, and I knew I could never give my heart to an evil creature like her. It was completely unthinkable.
"Peeta," It's another voice now, the one of the doctor that had been coming into check me every hour of every day I had been here. I didn't like him. He was always reassuring me that everything was fine. But in reality he had no idea. It was a constant battle in my head. If even the mere idea of Katniss is brought up a frenzy happens in my head. Even if someone just says 'she'. My sane moments, which in all honesty weren't that sane were spent with me searching for any memory I could grab onto.
So, no, everything was not okay. I was battling with myself, I had forgotten who I was, and honestly all I really wanted was my family, who I did, miraculously, remember. Every time I asked about them the doctors pushed it off. I had a feeling they didn't care for me anymore. I was too crazy for them.
I did know some things. Like how I was in the Hunger Games twice, that outside this room that I'm in, a revolution is taking place. That I wasn't liked by a lot of people now. Something I had done or said had changed people's minds on me. I knew I was crazy, and it took some sort of strength in me to come to terms with that.
But it is no fun feeling like a ticking time bomb.
"Peeta?" My doctor said again. He had told me his name multiple times, but honestly I hadn't found the need to remember it if I couldn't even remember who I am. "Is it okay if I come to check your vitals?"
He sounds nervous, which the sane part of me understands, there is a double mirror that they watch me through, he just saw my whole freak-out. But the insane part of me jumps with excitement, scaring people was a good thing.
"Sure." I call out in to thin air knowing that they are taking each and every word I say and analyzing it to see if there is any special meaning behind it. I know in their doctor minds, me saying 'sure' is me realizing that I need to be helped though I am reluctant to it. I heard them say something close to that under hushed whispers while in my room. Really me saying 'sure' was me trying to contain the inner-monster. If I had allowed my mouth to say what ever it pleased it would not have been that nice.
The short doctor walks in a couple of his tools in hand.
"Peeta, were sorry that Haymitch…umm." They put a name to the voice that was speaking to me. I remembered him, what he looked like anyways, and why I knew him. He was my mentor in the Games; wait, no, our mentor. I had gone into the games with that monster?
"She's a mutt!" I yell over and over again until the doctor hurries out of the room.
I think it's about an hour later when I calm down completely; when I finally slouch in my restraints and rest my head against the harsh pillow. My breaths are shallow and my throat is scratchy from screaming for so long.
What in Haymitch's voice made me feel so safe? I will myself to think her name and hope I do not go crazy again. I am tired, but my mind does not care. I had to get my point across. Katniss wasn't safe. It makes me react a little, but not much.
If Haymitch was both our mentors then he probably trusted her as well which meant I could not trust him, unless he proves that I have his full and complete trust. I resolve that if his voice ever comes into my room again I will try not to listen.
For I did not want to listen to the devil's advocate.
Sorry about the rant yesterday, I really should not let one person's words get to me, but it does. Mostly because I would never do something like that to put people down. So, thank you for reading it and giving me those wonderfully amazing reviews because they really made my day. And don't worry, that one person is not going to get me to stop, I've got plenty of people encouraging me to go on! Thank you so much! Don't forget to REVIEW on the way out! Thanks! ~boywithbreadlover
P.S. I'm deleting the rant, I wanted to get it out there, but I don't want it on there forever. Thanks once again!