Thank you everyone for the reviews this week! I am truly appreciative of every single one, even if I am a total social idiot and don't know how to respond to the majority of them.

Compliments + me = stuttering, blushing fool.

I apologize.

Thank you to Stratan for being such a kickass beta... But I still feel the need to say: to-may-toh, dude. That is all.

Thank you to my fabulous prereaders stephk0525, twilover76, and claireoth. Loves you girls!

Please make sure to have a Kleenex handy at some point. Just in case.

Chapter 29

Bella

A shout.

A cry.

A low groan.

The sounds echoed around the room, pulling me from sleep. Some sort of violent scene, a distressed character in a movie or... something. I couldn't put my finger on it.

I was so freaking tired.

Again it came, and I moaned a little and shifted, wishing Edward would turn the volume on the TV down.

Another groan, this one distinguishable. Agonized.

Edward's.

I nearly fell out of bed trying to get to him, and ran as fast as I could through the apartment to where he'd fallen asleep on the couch studying.

The textbook draped over his chest went flying onto the floor as he jerked in his sleep.

Another keening sound escaped his lips, and I was suddenly bent down beside him, shaking him, calling his name...

"Baby, wake up," I pleaded, watching his face scrunch up as he navigated through the nightmare. "Please, wake up."

His eyes snapped open; his hands clawed at the brown leather couch below him.

"Edward."

To mine now, full of terror and secrets and things no one should ever have to experience.

"Bella," he gasped. "Fuck."

"Are you okay?" I asked, trying to put my arms around him.

He shot up off the couch and shook his head. "Need to walk it off before I puke."

And walk it off he did.

Back and forth, over and over again, he paced the length of the room. He stared down at the floor, muttering something to himself and dragging his hands through his hair every so often.

His shirt was damp with sweat, and his eyes were heavy and swollen. I sat and wondered what I could do to help him. I hated how useless I was right now.

And then his journal caught my eye.

Frantic, I grabbed it off the table and rushed over to him, holding it out and testing his reaction.

He stopped his pacing and looked at it warily.

"Write it down. Write the dream down so you can talk to Dr. Banner about it later."

I could tell he didn't want to relive whatever it was that had come back to haunt him, but he yanked the journal out of my hands anyway and went to sit at the kitchen table.

Still feeling pretty useless, I went into the kitchen to make tea.

Because tea makes everything better, I thought stupidly.

I placed a full mug in front of him and waited for him to stop scribbling in the journal before pushing it further toward him.

He eyed the steaming liquid and blew out a breath.

"It's just Earl Gray. I don't really keep a lot of tea on hand."

He was silent but took the mug and put it to his lips, blowing for just a moment, and then taking a tentative sip.

"Thank fuck, you already put sugar in it."

I hated the sound of his voice, how exhausted and raspy it was. I swallowed around my tears and nodded.

It was all I could do.

"I scared you again."

"No," I said vehemently and leaned in closer to him. "I'm just worried."

Silence.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not this time, baby."

"Oh." I fumbled with something to do to hide my surprise. "Okay."

He heaved a sigh and put the mug back down. "You really want to know?"

"I only want to know what you're willing to tell me," I replied.

That seemed to be enough for him. "It wasn't that bad, really."

"Seemed pretty bad," I mumbled, mostly to myself.

"No, Bella, the bad ones are when I think of all that time spent on my own or when..." His words faded away before he steeled himself and continued. "When I was so fucking afraid of what Aro and the other fuckers in that house would do to me that I could barely move or sleep. When I was terrified of fucking up. Because then they'd make good on their promises."

My face crumpled with what he was telling me.

"But that doesn't really matter right now, does it?"

"Yes, it-."

The look he gave me shut me up.

"It was the day Elizabeth left me," he said, staring down at the counter. "The night afterward and all the shit that went on behind the walls of the little fucking closet Aro called my room."

I reached for his hand. Not because of what he was telling me.

Because of what he wouldn't.

His fingers intertwined with mine, gripping tightly. "She didn't say much of anything to me that day. Just told me we were leaving, and then left without a word once she'd dropped me off. I had no idea what was going on."

"Do you know why she did it?" I asked quietly.

"Some kind of debt she owed. For all the damn drugs, I'm sure. She needed money to get out of town for a while, and Aro wanted me. He saw my potential," he said with a snarl.

"Potential?" I questioned. "What does that even mean?"

"Bella, he was a fucking drug dealer. What do you think?"

"What was your potential, then?"

"Never got that far. Aro just started taking me on odd trips to show me the ropes, and I was too scared to ever ask him why I was being shown all of it." He shook his head. "But I figured it out after a while. I'd been taking care of myself since I could barely write my fucking name. I could charm my way out of pretty much every goddamned situation I found myself in. I'd have been an asset - a protégé - or some shit."

"Charming? Really? Abrasive would have been my word to describe you."

"I charmed my way into your pants didn't I?" he teased.

"We have two totally different definitions of that word, Edward."

He let out a brittle laugh, one I was thankful for.

"So what do you want to do now?"

"Not sleep," he said instantly.

"Want me to make us something to eat?"

"You're hungry?"

I nodded once. "You?"

He frowned momentarily. "Surprisingly, yeah."

Progress.

I went to the refrigerator, bending over to search the crisper drawer for something quick.

Hands on my hips stopped me from searching further.

I stood slowly and found Edward towering over me, an intense look on his face.

My stomach lurched. "Babe?"

"If I ever told you something about myself that made you look at me differently... I don't think- I couldn't-"

"But you won't. Not ever," I replied.

Abruptly, his mouth descended on mine, rough and needy, and his hands came up to frame my face before working their way back and tangling in my hair. He slammed us into the refrigerator as his hips sought me out, and a moan bubbled out of my chest as soon when I felt him hard against me.

A jar of pickles tipped and crashed to the floor.

He broke away from the kiss, but kept his hands on me, dropping them down to my waist as we both stood silent and worked to calm down. After a few seconds, he expelled a loud breath, and the tension inside him slowly unraveled with it. His gaze dropped to the mess on the floor, and a quiet laugh rumbled in his chest.

"I'd say I'm sorry but I'm not."

"I'll clean it up."

"Uh, no. I'll do it."

"Edward-"

"You cook; I clean," he said, pressing a finger to my lips. "That was always Esme's rule."

Knowing I wasn't going to win the argument, I ducked to the side and changed the subject. "Grilled cheese?"

"Do you have that shit you made it with the last time?"

"The provolone?"

"It was provolone?" he asked incredulously.

"With a couple of other things," I hedged. "But yeah, I've got it."

"Good."

"I didn't know you liked it so much."

"You couldn't tell by the three sandwiches I ate that night?" he asked, quirking his brow.

"Okay, so maybe I was being unobservant," I amended.

And was rewarded with that amazing off kilter grin of his.

I went to turn around to get everything I'd need out of the refrigerator, but Edward's hold tightened on me, keeping me in place.

"Um... Can't cook without the stuff, you know," I said playfully.

"Tell me what you need and I'll get it. I don't want you moving your feet while you're over here."

I sighed in exasperation. "You're kidding, right? It's glass, Edward. I can just step around it."

He shrugged a shoulder, and then reached for the butter. "What kind of cheese do you want besides the provolone?"

It wasn't long before we were hovered over our sandwiches at the table, eating quietly as the sun started to rise. I didn't have much to say, too lost in worry to really hold a conversation. It wasn't like I was worried about Edward per se, but every time something like this happened I wondered if maybe he was pushing too hard, if he'd have a setback.

He always surprised me with his strength, his bravery, though.

So I should learn how to take it all in stride.

My thoughts eventually veered from Edward and over to Alice, wondering why the hell she hadn't gotten up to complain when we'd made so much noise before. She was such a light sleeper; she bitched about the wind rustling the tree limbs outside our building some nights.

I straightened up slowly and cocked my head to the side, listening for some kind of sign of her presence, not that I really knew what I was searching for or anything.

But there was nothing except the sound of Edward's water glass coming back to rest on the table again.

"Edward?" I began, pausing to listen once more.

He glanced up at me, his brow lifting slightly. "Bella?"

"Where's Alice?"

"I'm dying," I whined into Edward's comforter. "Dying, I tell you."

"You're fine," he argued with a laugh.

I shook my head. Even that hurt. "I feel like shit."

The bed shifted as he sat down, and soon, the comforter was pulled back from my face so he could see me clearly. The grin slid right off his face. "What is it, baby?"

"A cold, I guess?" I answered.

"That'd better be all it is. Every single one of us got flu shots for you."

"You say that like I asked you to cut off a thumb," I returned.

He put his hand up to my forehead. "Fuck. You're burning up," he noted bitingly.

"You're mad?"

He huffed. "A little, yeah."

"Why?"

"I don't like seeing you so sick." He ran a hand through his hair. "Three fucking days before finals too."

"Don't let me inconvenience you," I grumbled.

His expression softened, and he skimmed his fingers along my face. "That's not what I meant."

I blinked up at him.

"I just meant you were almost in the clear. We'll be home for two weeks at break. It was plenty of time for some of this shit going around to die out."

Well, now I felt stupid. "Oh."

"Yes, 'oh'," he chuckled. "Come here."

I did as instructed and sat up so he could pull me against him. I could feel his heart beat against my cheek, and I sighed, feeling better in his arms than I had all day.

"You know it's always going to be like this, right?" I asked him. "I'm always going to be the one to pick up whatever random bug is going around because of my meds."

"Yeah, I know," he sighed. "I fucking hate it, too."

"Why? It's part of it."

He was quiet for a second, and then he changed topics. "Have you called Carlisle yet?"

"No. I've been asleep."

He shifted under me and dug his phone out of his pocket. I closed my eyes again and listened to his end of the conversation.

"Bella, Dad wants a rundown of your symptoms."

"Stuffy nose, headache, body aches, sore throat..."

"She's got a fever too," he said into the phone.

He murmured a few more things to his father.

"Sounds like strep, I know."

I stopped listening, not really caring about the diagnosis. I just wanted to feel better.

"Yeah, give me a second."

He put the phone down and moved out from under me. His hands reached up and felt under my jaw, and I winced at how tender my lymph nodes were.

"I'm your guinea pig, huh?"

"Got a problem with that?"

I managed a smirk. "Maybe."

One side of his lips lifted. "Now open that pretty fucking mouth for me," he said suggestively.

"Oh, my God, your dad can hear every word we're saying," I groaned.

"He's on hold, Bella," he responded seriously.

I exhaled in relief. No need for Carlisle Cullen to get any kind of ideas about our sex life.

Ew.

"He's bypassing a strep test and calling in a prescription for you," he said when he'd finally hung up.

Relaxed in his arms again, I simply hummed in response.

"What kind of soup do you want?"

That caught me off guard. "What?"

"Soup. What kind?" he repeated. "I bet you've not eaten shit all day."

My stomach rumbled with the thought of food. "You don't need to get me soup," I protested.

"Since you can't take a lot of meds I figure it'd be good for your throat," he answered rationally.

"Yeah, but I can grab whatever you and Jas have on hand."

"Bella," he murmured, putting his fingers under my chin and tipping my head up so he could see me. Lips found my forehead, and then skimmed over my flushed skin to my cheek... down to my chin...

"You'll get sick," I warned meekly.

To my nose now, a quick kiss before moving to my lips. It all seemed so sweet, but there was more... a swelling of something beneath the surface.

Fear.

"Let me take care of you," he whispered just as his lips brushed over mine.

"I'll be okay," I said, pressing my forehead against his.

"I know, I just..." He squeezed his eyes shut and struggled for words.

"Clichéd chicken noodle is fine," I told him softly.

He let out a sigh and nodded against me, making no move to get up.

Eventually, he did, though.

Edward set me up with a bath and a dose of Tylenol before he got ready to go. I could tell he was having a hard time leaving me alone, but with a few choice words and me threatening to drag him to the door, dripping soapy water all over the apartment as I went, he finally did.

And I thought I might have fallen in love with him all over again because of it.

I rolled a hand towel up and put it under my neck, sinking further into the water and closed my eyes...

The sound of the door opening roused me, and I sat up a little to gauge the time. The water was still warm, bubbles still high around me, so I hadn't been soaking for long. Just long enough so that I was beginning to feeling the magic of Tylenol.

There was the low pitched sound of a man talking - Jasper - followed by a girlish giggle, one that had my eyes practically coming out of my head.

Alice.

"Holy shit," I breathed.

I scrambled up out of the tub and found a towel, wrapping it around me and walking toward the door. I didn't drain the water, too afraid that the sound would alert them to my presence.

Their voices grew louder as they walked down the hall together. I stood quietly behind the door, wondering if one of them would try to come in as they passed. And I'd be caught sneaking around.

Well, not exactly. I was half naked in a room with a tub full of water. I had a legitimate excuse to be in here.

I'd simply started sneaking around.

But then there was the sound of Jasper's door closing, followed by...

Nothing. No arguing, no shouting.

They were getting along.

In his bedroom.

"Holy shit," I said again.

I eased the door open, grimacing as it creaked a little and rushed across the hall to Edward's room before I could be seen, where I immediately searched out my cell phone.

"I'm leaving the pharmacy now. Fucking morons took forever," Edward grumbled in answer.

"That's okay," I whispered. "But um... I think we need to go back to my place tonight."

"What?" He paused. "Bella, why are you whispering?"

"Because," I hissed out, "I just... I'll tell you about it when you get here."

"Bella-"

I hung up on him.

I felt bad. I really did. But God, I needed to get out of here quick.

I got dressed and gathered my things, trying really hard not to listen to Alice's cute little squeals or Jasper's laughter as it all bled through the walls, and then hurried down to the parking lot, locking up behind me on my way out the door.

Edward was already parked and waiting for me.

I hopped in the car and glanced over at him. He wordlessly handed me the white paper bag my prescription was in and a bottle of water. I fumbled with the bag as I opened it, scanned the label on the prescription bottle, and then popped the appropriate dosage in my mouth and swallowed.

"Explain," Edward said as I recapped the water bottle.

"Jasper came home while I was in the tub. Oh, that reminds me, I forgot to go back and drain the water," I said distractedly.

"Jesus," Edward muttered. "Are you sure the Tylenol's working and you're not delirious?"

I rolled my eyes when he pressed his hand to my forehead. "No, see, Jasper wasn't alone."

Edward was still. And then his hand suddenly dropped. "I'm sorry; what did you just say?"

"He wasn't alone. Edward, he was with Alice. In his room."

Edward's head whipped back forward, his eyes trained on the front window of his apartment. "Wh- I mean, it wasn't the third fucking World War in there?"

"They were laughing. They seemed happy, baby. Really happy."

"Holy fucking shit," he said, stunned.

"My thoughts exactly!"

"So now what?"

"Nothing. We... God, as much as it's going to kill me, we leave them alone."

"Seriously? You don't want to know what happened?"

"Oh, I want to know probably more than you do. But there's a reason they're being secretive. I just... I don't know. I feel like it's got something to do with your brother, and I know how you Cullens operate. I don't want to mess this up for Alice."

"Fuck," he dragged his hands through his hair, "how long do you think he'll make us wait?"

"Until he's sure. Until he's... comfortable," I guessed.

Edward slouched back against the door, looking as though he were thinking of exactly what I was.

How long it took him to be comfortable with me.

"Hey, B, you guys headed out soon?"

"Long time no see, Jas," I replied, refolding a t-shirt of Edward's and shoving it back into his suitcase.

"You've been sick," Jasper said with a smirk. "I've been avoiding you."

"Ah. Can't blame you there..." I murmured, not fooled at all.

"Edward says you're coming to Forks?" he asked, coming to sit on the bed. "I thought you were headed to Phoenix for Christmas."

"We are. We have a few things to take care of back home before school starts back up, though. So we're making a pit stop after we spend some time with my mom."

"Like what?"

I glanced at him. "I can't tell you that. It's a secret."

He balked. "Please. You can't keep a secret to save your life. Just look at how you told Edward about Maggie."

I turned around to face him, my expression cocky. "Is that so?'

"Yep."

"Oh, Jasper, if you only knew."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I tilted my head and watched him closely, seeing how he fidgeted under my stare.

I was going to play with him a little.

Served him right.

"Do you remember how happy you were when you saw me walk through the door with Edward?"

He blinked. "You mean when you were trying to strip him naked in the hall?"

"Yes, that."

"Well, yeah, of course I do. I'd been trying to get you two back together for months. All my effort finally paid off."

"Is that the only reason?" I pressed.

"No..." He gave me a strange look. "Fuck, B. I love you. You're like the little sister I never had. Not even Rosalie can make me laugh like you can."

I blushed a little. "Thanks."

"I wanted you to be happy just as much as I wanted my fucking dumbass brother to be."

And there it was. "You know we feel the same way, right?"

"Same way about what?"

"We want you to be happy," I replied. "Like we are."

He raked a hand through his mop of hair nervously.

"Jeez, you really need a haircut."

He shrugged nonchalantly, but I could see something flash in his steel eyes. "Thought I'd try something different."

"I see." I closed the suitcase with a huff. Edward was horrible at packing. "Well, don't let me stop you. I'm sure there's a certain girl out there who loves to put her hands in it."

He made a choking sound behind me as I left the room.

"Could you have been any more fucking obvious?" Edward laughed as he closed the bedroom door behind him.

"Pretty sure I could. I could have said that it was Alice who loves to put her hands in it."

He laughed again.

"What's all this?" I asked, pointing to the plastic bag in his hands.

He silently passed it over.

New multi-vitamins, packets of Vitamin C, Echinacea...

"What, no face mask?" I asked dryly.

"You wouldn't wear it."

Well, at least he had that part right.

"Listen, we'll be in the air for two fucking hours with a bunch of people who are sneezing and hacking the whole time. I'm not taking any chances with you."

"Edward, this over protective thing you've got going on was cute at first. But now... Now it's just getting old," I said, glowering up at him. "You can't save me from all the germs in the world."

"I'm not trying to," he replied defensively.

"Oh, really?"

"I-" He let out a sound of frustration and moved past me to sit on the bed.

Flop on the bed, actually, was more like it.

"The thought of something happening to you... I... I knew all of this was part of it. But seeing it firsthand last week, I just... God damn, it was like my brain could think of nothing but all the shit that can go wrong."

I went to sit beside him, putting my hand on his chest. "What's got you so freaked out? Me being sick in general?" I probed.

He shook his head. "Rejection, mostly."

I opened my mouth to argue about it, but then stopped myself and snuggled up against him. This was the reality. I couldn't argue it away.

"It scares me too," I admitted.

"What?"

"Yeah. It's..." I chewed on my lip as I tried to figure out how to explain it all to him. "I have the potential to survive with this heart for years. So long as things go right. But if they don't, it's like it will all have been for nothing. I'd meet you, fall in love, work on having the future I didn't think existed, just to have it ripped away."

"Baby-"

"I could go crazy thinking like that, though. So I don't."

"You don't," he repeated flatly.

"No. I know the risks and complications that came with this procedure. I'm not deluded enough to think that it'll all be sunshine and roses for the next ten or twenty years. But I refuse to let that fear keep me from living my life how I want to. I don't know, maybe it's naive of me, but I have to believe that if I were to reject Maggie's heart, it'd be for a reason. Even if it's just to sit and wait on the transplant list for a year before I get a new heart. Or..."

"Don't fucking say it," he snarled.

"Okay, I won't. But the possibility is there."

His arm came around me, his eyes sad. "I know it is," he breathed out. "But I wouldn't survive it. I'm... Everything I fucking am is because of you."

Tears filled my eyes, and I suddenly found myself lost in a kiss with him. I pulled at the fabric of his shirt to bring him closer to me, needing to feel his weight over me, body moving with mine.

"Baby," he groaned, his hand moving up under my shirt under its own volition. "We're going to miss our flight."

I didn't answer him verbally. Instead, I rolled my hips against his and whimpered when he pushed back against me, making everything inside me tingle and demand more.

He yanked my bra aside and palmed my breasts as his mouth drifted over my neck. The shirt came off, and he flattened his hand and moved downward, trailing kisses along my skin with it until he was at the fly of my jeans. His movements were slow and measured, torturous. He paid attention to the way my stomach quivered with every touch, how I writhed under him when he nibbled at my ribs, almost as if he was relearning everything about me.

And when he was finally seated inside me, the way he stared down at me made me want to cry all over again.

His muscles trembled beneath my fingertips as they worked to hold him steady; his heart hammered against mine, but it wasn't from his fear or any kind of self-degrading thought he typically had when we were together like this. Something was happening between us, the effect of it tethering us to one another in a way we weren't before, and I wondered - for what seemed like the hundredth time - if maybe I'd made a mistake by coming to Forks. He'd changed so much of himself to be with me, and if something were to happen...

I wasn't the one who'd be left behind to work through the aftermath.

But then he kissed me, driving into me a little harder than he had before, and I knew that nothing would have saved me from falling for him, from being with him like this.

He was my destiny, for however amount of time I was allowed to live it.

He drew back, pausing, and then slowly slid into me again, his breath coming out sharp and quick.

"Bella... I love you," he gritted out. "So fucking much I can't..."

"I know. I love you too."

His eyes flicked to my mouth, narrowed. He pushed into me again, his hips flexing into mine.

I moaned.

"Do you?"

I gazed up at him, trying to convey everything I didn't have words to express in the way we moved together. My back arched up off the bed as I tumbled, and I was only able to get one thing out in the midst of it all.

"Always."