Here's the next chapter! Enjoy! I do not own Mockingjay, any direct quotes will be in italics.

Ch. 13

The cake was nice to work on. They brought it too me, I could imagine them rolling it through the dark hallways and having the strange looks of everyone. I did a layer a day and it was completely freeing. Once I got started it was like I was back in District Twelve, in the bakery, my dad beside me, my mom helping customers, and the sun shining in the window.

For the few hours that the cake was in my room I could forget. I could forget where I was, what had happened to me. I even occasionally forgot Katniss, and Haymitch, and Delly. It was just me with my brush and a cake and my sanity.

The cake was finished and it was the day of the wedding and they told me I couldn't go to the wedding. Which I was sad about, I wanted to see the crowd's reaction. Most importantly I wanted to see Katniss's. I asked Haymitch if I could talk to her, he told me he'd think about it. It would just be a day of waiting.

I was hoping since the wedding was going on I wouldn't have people watching me, but every few minutes a person would check in on me. I never got any privacy, which I guess was for the best, but I wasn't going to become sane by them just looking at me.

"Peeta, Katniss is here." When they said it something ran through me. Not happiness or remorse, something I've never felt before. It's not that I was overjoyed to see her, part of me just had to see her. I could barely remember who she really was because they said that everything I remembered of her was a lie. I hadn't told them about the bread.

"Okay." I answer and wait for the door to open and her to walk in and part of me hopes my old self will come out. She seemed to be the only one that could do it. She couldn't really now though, I guess. I saw her in a new light; she was at the center of my pain. She caused all of this.

She comes in quickly and stops short. She looks at me hesitantly, fearfully. She was small, not the monster my mind had told me she would be. She looked scared, but not because she was here with me, she seemed to have looked scared all the time. She had no hope in her dull grey eyes. She wasn't the girl I remembered loving, she wasn't, couldn't be, the girl that broke my heart.

She finds it in her, somehow to walk closer to me. I wish we could have a normal conversation. A table between us, my body unrestrained, and just let her know what I really thought of her. Let her know that she broke me that she caused this that I didn't love her like the old me did.

"Hey." She mutters, entering into rough waters. The last time we met I nearly killed her. She was brave to come back. I could admire that, though not for long.

"Hey." I answer. She shifts uncomfortably at my voice, I wasn't the boy she used to see, or hear. I was new and it made her sad, I saw it in her eyes when I uttered that one word. If she had hope coming in today, she didn't anymore.

"Haymitch said you wanted to talk to me." She says.

"Look at you, for starters." That's just what I do. I let my eyes wander over her and wait for the old me to come out. For some memory to pop out, for some inkling of the love I had come back. But there's nothing.

She isn't pretty or outgoing and doesn't look at me, as a lover should. If she really did love me, where did that love go?

"You're not very big, are you? Or particularly pretty?" She wasn't mutt like at all; I can't believe I ever actually thought that. But she was dangerous, I knew that.

"Well, you've looked better." There, right there. Here I was lying on a hospital bed, restrained because no one actually trusted me, and completely broken. She finds it in her to put me down. I don't see what I ever saw in this girl, she wasn't nice at all.

"And not even remotely nice. To say that to me after all I've been through." Her face contorts with regret. Not because of what she said, no, for something else. I just can't quite put my finger on it.

"Yeah. We've all been through a lot. And you're the one who was known for being nice. Not me." She looks at me with sorrow. I wasn't that guy any more; I couldn't be head over heels for this girl that didn't even seem to care for me. She always leaned back on me. She trusted me to be the nice one, I wasn't supposed to insult her. I was supposed to love her and chase after her and only praise her, but that wasn't me. Not anymore.

And I wanted to scream, I wanted to jump out of this hospital bed and run away from here and everyone that told me who I used to be. I couldn't help that I was not that guy any more. It angered me more than anything, I wanted to be that guy, I wanted to be the old me, but I couldn't. I just couldn't.

I contain myself as she looks at the door. She couldn't handle this, neither of us could. But still part of me wanted her to stay. A little voice was screaming for her to just be there. I guess he still was alive; the monster had just given him an irreparable injury. I tell myself it's because I need to set things straight, because I remember things. Confusing things.

I remember the games, the tracker jackers, the cave, the train home. It was all contradictory. I wanted to know the truth. So when she mumbles some stupid excuse about not feeling well I have to call her back. I have to know what's real and what's not. I'm tired of wondering.

"Katniss," I say just as she's reached the door. She pauses, giving me one second, that's all I have, "I remember about the bread."

That makes her stop, makes her want to talk to the broken, not me, me. "They showed you the video of me talking abut it." She sounds betrayed as she says that, but they hadn't showed me the video. It just came to me.

"No. Is there a tape of you talking about it? Why didn't the Capitol use it against me?" I ask. That way my memories before the Games would be messed up to, and I would have no actual grip on my life that I used to live. I'm thankful they didn't have it.

"I made it the day you were rescued." Something inside of her breaks as I watch her slightly curve in, something was painful. I had a feeling it wasn't physical. "So what do you remember?" She asks, bringing the attention away from her broken mentality. I don't think she knows that I noticed it.

"You. In the rain. Digging through our trash bins. Burning the bread. My mother hitting me. Taking the bread out for the pigs but then giving it to you instead." She looks confused as I say these words. They must have told her I didn't remember anything, that might've made her feel better, but I did. I did remember, and still I did not love her.

"That's it. That's what happened. The next day, after school, I wanted to thank you. But I didn't know how." She says, a sorrowful edge coming into her voice. Maybe she did love me; she just showed it in different ways. I still couldn't respect her; after all she had done to me.

"We were outside at the end of the day. I tried to catch your eye. You looked away. And then…for some reason, I think you picked a dandelion." She nods. I go on. "I must've loved you a lot." I say, wanting to see her reaction more than anything.

I see her hold back the tears that start to pool up in her eyes as she says, "You did." With a broken voice. I might've felt sorry that I didn't feel that love anymore, if I hadn't seen her for what she really was.

"And did you love me?" I wanted a real whole answer.

"Everyone says I did. Everyone says that's why Snow had you tortured. To break me." In these moments I wanted complete honesty, but I'm starting to wonder if she even knew herself.

"That's not an answer. I don't know what to think when they show me some of the tapes. In that first arena, it looked like you tried to kill me with those tracker jackers." Part of my days were spent watching, reliving, my past games, to show me that Katniss really was no danger, but she kind of was.

"I was trying to kill all of you. You had me treed." She thought of herself in that moment, she was selfish. I could have died.

"Later, there's a lot of kissing. Didn't seem very genuine on your part. Did you like kissing me?" She shifts uncomfortably.

"Sometimes. You know people are watching now." She tries to change the subject. Of course I knew, they weren't very secretive about it.

"I know," then because I didn't want to change the subject. Because I wanted her to see what she had done to me, I go on, "What about Gale?"

"He's not a bad kisser either."

"And it was okay with both of us? You kissing the other?" I ask. I knew the answer all to well, but I wanted her to see why I couldn't love her anymore. It was virtually impossible.

"No. It wasn't okay with either of you. But I wasn't asking your permission."

I laugh. Did she see how cold of a person she was? "Well, you're a piece of work, aren't you?" I ask.

That's what makes her leave; with out another word she was out the door. I had shown her who she really was and she didn't like it. Not one bit.

Wowzer! That was the longest chapter yet! I guess it was to make up for the short one yesterday!

Don't forget to REVIEW on the way out! Thanks! ~boywithbreadlover