Here's the next chapter! Enjoy! I do not own Mockingjay.

Ch. 14

I wake up to the doctors checking my vitals. My dream was strange and it was more memories than anything. In it I felt like my old self. I loved Katniss; I saw somehow, how she loved me. I didn't care that she had broken me because I realized that love is seeing those flaws and accepting them. But mostly I remember being ready to die for her.

When I woke up, I did not love her anymore, I did not care for her anymore, I was not ready to die anymore, but I do remember the feelings. So when the doctor asks, "Remember anything, Peeta?"

I answer, "Yeah." And he sits down and pulls out a notebook and I prepare myself to talk. It's not that I want to, it's that I need to, because I know that if I want to come anywhere close to my old self I will have to try and remember.

"What is it Peeta?" The doctor asks. I still did not know his name and he didn't tell me anymore, I never really had to call for him anyway. If I were having an attack he would just run in. I know he was trying to help me, but it's hard to trust people you don't know after being tortured by strangers for such a long time.

"I remember wanting to die for her." I say. He looks up surprisingly and scribbles down in his notebook. He holds up his finger for me to stop and leaves the room. I know he'll be back soon, but in those moments that he was gone I almost felt abandoned.

He walks back in with Haymitch behind him. They take their seats and stare at me expectantly except I'm frozen for words. I don't know what to say; now that Haymitch is here I've lost my thoughts.

"Peeta?" He asks and I just look at him. "You said you remembered." Haymitch says. His voice is almost soothing, like a caretaker, nothing I'd ever expect from Haymitch. I've realized, lately, that the old me never really saw my loved ones for what they really were. I never really gave Haymitch a chance. If I could make it through with out liquor then why couldn't he? It's came to me that his pain cuts deeper than mine, that Haymitch was a gentle soul forced to kill, the two parts of him constantly fighting for attention and the alcohol drowning them both out.

Thinking this through I remember the words I wanted to say and come to my senses. "I remember wanting to die for her." I say again. I want to choose my words wisely. "I remember making the promise to myself on the train. I remember being in love with her before I even knew her. I remember wanting to die for her." I say again, only for emphasis. My doctor scribbles furiously on his notepad and Haymitch stares straight ahead.

I want them to say something because I don't want to feel like I'm talking to nothingness. For all I know Haymitch could be in a totally different time right now and the doctor could be scribbling something up for another patient. I wanted some acknowledgement.

Haymitch comes out of his daze when I don't say anything else for a while and he looks at me. Almost as if he recognized me, as if I were back to my old self. "I remember too, Peeta." He sighs and gestures for me to go on.

"Sometimes I think I still am." I let it out, because part of me did. It's not really that I wanted to die for her. It's that I wanted to die so that everyone else could go on with his or her lives. I saw the way she looked at me yesterday, with such loss and pain. And I was the cause of all of it. With Haymitch too, he was so detached when he came in here. I felt that if I died, everything might be okay with them.

"It's not what you think. It's just I feel like a problem not a solution and I know bringing me here, rescuing me, was supposed to be a solution. If I die, you'll have your solution. You won't have to deal with anymore." The doctor has stopped writing and he stares directly at me and Haymitch has come completely out of his daze.

"Over my dead body." Says Haymitch. I wonder why he was still so protective of me, and even in my memories he wasn't this protective.

"All I do is cause problems! And no one wants to talk to me because I might go crazy! And I'm not him! I'm not! And everyone wants me to be, but I'm not! I'm not! And I just want to die because if I don't I'll just keep disappointing you. I don't want to live in this hospital bed for the rest of my life." I felt like crying, but the tears wouldn't come.

"Peeta, you're not a problem." The doctor says in his calming voice that never really calms me.

Haymitch takes a different approach. "Yes, Peeta you were supposed to be the solution. We were supposed to rescue you and the night you came back you were supposed to fall in love with Katniss all over again. And through you two maybe we could see that there is hope. But no. You know why? Because Snow calls the shots. He. Always. Calls. The. Shots. And he didn't want us to have hope. And if you die, he'd still be calling the shots because Katniss would die right along with you." I flinch at the last sentence.

"Think she doesn't care anymore?" He let's out a low laugh and leaves with that question hanging in the air and it's just me and my doctor and the words that were just shared between Haymitch and I.

The doctor goes on, "Peeta, we're thinking about starting to move you out of here…" I stop thinking about his words and try to think about Haymitch's

She would die right along with me. What did he mean? That question would stick with me for the rest of the week, maybe even months. The girl I saw yesterday, didn't seem to car, but maybe, maybe she did. Maybe she just didn't show it the way I needed her to.

Oh my goodness! I'm sorry guys! I didn't mean to not write this whole week, but I've been busy! So sorry. This chapter was emotional for me to write because it shows how Peeta reacts to the way people act around him. Not gonna lie, I was almost crying while writing it, maybe I'm just a bit emotional tonight...

Don't forget to REVIEW on the way out! Thanks! ~boywithbreadlover