Chapter Twenty Five

Jasper

As I walked slowly up the stairs I thought about what I'd said to Char, I did want them in my life, more than that I wanted to be in their lives, if Bella would have me. The bedroom door was slightly open and I could see Bella sitting on Grace's bed stroking her hair and I listened as she spoke to our sleeping daughter.

"Well you met your daddy, handsome isn't he? I know you love him Grace but I'm not sure its enough. Why should he want us? There are beautiful women in his own world who would be happy to become his, we aren't in the same league Grace, well you are I guess, but me, I'm just a clumsy human who couldn't even make a go of it with a vampire who was drawn by my blood. Your daddy had a very pretty, very lively, and wonderful mate before mummy ruined it all for him. Maybe he can find her and make things right, she'd be crazy to refuse him...I wouldn't. Maybe he'll stay in touch with you darling, I know you'd like that. As soon as mummy is well we'll be going. I'll find a way of providing for you. maybe even introduce you to your granddad, that should make for an entertaining meeting. How do I explain you away my little angel?"

I knocked softly on the door and waited to be invited in.

"Oh Jasper, come in I was just tucking Grace in. I know she's asleep but it soothes me, crazy I know"

"I don't think so, sometimes its easier to talk to someone when you think they can't hear you"

"True. Was there something you wanted? It must be awkward us being in your room"

"No, its fine, I don't need anything I wanted to...talk I guess...I wanted to see Grace again too if that's OK."

"Sure I was going to get a quick wash and clean my teeth, take as long as you need."

I watched as she hobbled out then knelt beside my daughter's bed and put a finger to her cheek soaking in the peace that she radiated, the peace of an innocent child. I heard the water running and leaned over to kiss her silky skin,

"Grace you are beautiful, the only good thing I've ever helped to produce. Innocence from evil, its hard to believe. I wonder if you'll still want to know me when you find out what I am? Will you want a father whose a killer or will you be better off forgetting all about me and letting your mother find a good man willing to take you to his heart. Who could resist you my angel? Oh Grace, if only I could tell your mother how I feel, how scared I am of you and her, of failing you both, of not being strong enough to keep you both safe and loved, scared of what your mummy will say if I ask her to give me a chance. Allow me into her life, forget what's happened and start again. If only you had the answers."

"Why don't you try me?"

I spun round, I'd been so wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself and the wonder of my baby that I hadn't heard the water turned off. Bella stood in the bathroom doorway her hair shining in the light, a dressing gown wrapped around her and her face slightly pink from the hot water.

"I didn't realize you could hear me, I'm sorry Bella"

"For what?"

"For making a fool of myself, for embarrassing you, for everything that's happened as a direct result of my actions at your party. I can never repay the debt I owe you."

"Jasper you don't owe me anything. The party was my fault, as for making a fool of yourself, I haven't seen that. I did hear what you said to Grace though, some of it anyway. Jasper, I know its difficult when you get presented with a baby you had no idea about and I appreciate how you must feel but both Grace and I would like to have you in our lives, as much as you feel able to offer"

"I'd like to help you with a place for you and Grace and money to see you through"

"Jasper stop, I don't want your money, I don't want anything material from you. I meant your time, as much time as you could give us. I know you have things to do, friends to see, maybe even find Alice, I'm happy to help you with that"

"Bella, the place and the money come with a proviso"

"Oh...what's that?"

Bella

Jasper looked so uncomfortable and tongue-tied it was almost funny, almost, but the subject was too important to me.

"Will you let me in? Let me try to be a partner in bringing Grace up?"

"Of course, you can have as much input as you feel comfortable with."

"No you don't understand and I'm making a really bad job of this"

The door was flung open and Peter stood there looking frustrated,

"For fuck sake Major spit out what you're trying to say before we all get fucking bored."

I glared at him but he smiled,

"Bella my friend there isn't good with words and you're both shit scared so just tell each other in ten words or less how you feel. You first Bella"

I went crimson and bent to pick up Shadow before I could answer.

"I'd like to make a try of things if you would"

"Thank fuck for that, now you Major, spit it out before I throw you out for being a complete ass hole,"

"Bella will you allow me to take you out?"

"What the fuck was that?"

"All you are getting Peter, so go, now"

Peter mumbled as he ran back down the stairs,

"Well I got them a bit further along."

I smiled at Jasper,

"I think I'd like that if Char will babysit"

"Of course we will, get your clothes on and fuck off"

Jasper left me to dress, where were we going? I was as nervous as on my very first date when I was fifteen and went with a boy from school to a basketball game in the school gym. I was all fingers and thumbs and shaking fingers and that was a total disaster. I hoped this evening would be more of a success than that had been. Slipping into a white shirt and loose pants to hide my grazes and bandaged ankle I went downstairs slowly to see him waiting at the bottom, looking like a male model leaning against the wall with a jacket slung over his shoulder.

As I stepped off the last stair he offered me his arm and I took it with a shy smile. Peter was making a real effort to keep silent but I could see it was a struggle, only Chars glare keeping his mouth shut. Jasper walked me to the car and opened the door for me before walking slowly to the driver's side. How unlike Edward who had always moved at vampire speed when we were alone.

"Where are we going?"

"I thought as we are going to talk you wouldn't want any ears so I'm picking up a picnic and I thought we could drive to a spot I know not very far away, by the creek."

"Sounds very nice."

"I hope you'll like it, its my favourite spot."