Here's the next chapter! Enjoy! I do not own Mockingjay any direct quotes will be in italics.

Ch. 26

It was pure chaos as I prepared myself to go. Not only was I having a mental breakdown, but Haymitch was screaming in my ear. On the other side Beetee was explaining to me how the Capitol was rigged. It was all too much for my tired broken brain, I wasn't sure why they were letting me go.

Haymitch said it was Coin that made the final decision even after seeing me crying on the ground from a simple video. He said that people tried to persuade her otherwise, but when they got news thatSquad 451 didn't have enough people anymore it was a done deal.

Haymitch told me her words were exactly this, "The propos are getting boring, people are losing the fire that Katniss ignited. Peeta is the log, the thing that keeps the fire burning, Katniss was the spark, it will die out quick if we don't get him in there. Besides they need another person."

Haymitch didn't seem happy about it, his words were rushed and quick and I couldn't help but feel he was sending me out into the games again. But were my motives the same? Was I still trying to keep Katniss alive?

"No matter what happens you have to stand firm. You are Peeta Mellark. You are a rebel. You want the Capitol to die." Over and over again he would yell at me these commands as if I could actually remember them whenever the monster decided to come out. I felt sick to my stomach as Beetee handed me a weapon and practically shoved me into a hovercraft.

"Peeta!" Haymitch called one last time, I looked up as the doors were about to close, "Remember who the enemy is." And then the door closes and I'm left to myself and the few others flying to the Capitol.

Was it only an hour ago that I was crying on the ground, feeling as if I were falling apart because of the conflicting sides of my brain? I feel so confused right now. Haymitch told me to remember who the enemy was, but I couldn't be sure. Was it Katniss or Snow? The Capitol or myself?

The flight to the Capitol would only be a couple hours and then what? What would happen to me? I'd be pushed into the battle field, forced to film propos and fight along side Katniss.

Katniss. I wasn't sure about her. So many memories I have of her could be fabricated lies. Did she really try to kill me before? Did she even really love me? I couldn't trust any of my memories really. Was my father really a baker? Did I ally with the Careers in my first games?

I know a soldier going into battle shouldn't really be this confused. I should be sure in what I believe in and what I want to happen, but I just can't be. Everything the Capitol did to me seemed to go away for a while, but the second I'm being sent back it's as if I'm becoming their mutt again.

I want to hide in myself like Annie does whenever something scary happens. I want to reside in my mind for the rest of my life. I'd rather be crazy than have to face these demons. I felt a war waging inside of me, each side asking for more and more attention and the monster always winning.

I let my eyes close and thankfully my body grants me sleep. I have no nightmares or any dreams and it's nice for once to have complete and utter silence.

When I wake up the pilot tells me we're close to the Capitol, I actually feel ready. The small rest worked wonders on my body and mind, even though there is still confusion, I feel a want, no a need, to beat the Capitol. I was ready to fight for all it was worth.

When get out of the hovercraft I see Katniss and Finnick and Gale all standing in their camp not looking very defeated or tired, just there, standing around the fire waiting for something, anything to happen.

I hear someone call out, "Look." I watch as they all turn my way. Their reactions are immediate, eyes wide, mouths dropped, some unintelligent words being spoken. I was almost used to a reaction like this, when I first started training a number of the others looked at me this way, but it was worse happening out here. I was supposed to fight along these people, but they didn't seem to want to fight with me.

I continue to walk with confidence so they know that I am not scared to fight. I have a feeling all this training and me being sent out here will be for nothing, that they'll just send me back, but then I remember what Coin said to Haymitch. If Coin ordered it, then it stayed that way. I was here to fight, and them complaining about it wasn't going to do anything.

One of the soldiers, Boggs I think, is the first to talk to me, "Soldier Mellark give me your weapon." He is the commander of Squad 451, the one to punch me unconscious when I was suffocating Katniss. I have a feeling he doesn't like me much.

I hand over the gun that is slung across my shoulder. I didn't need a fight in the first minute that I had arrived. I had decided to listen to what they told me to do because it was better that way.

"I have to go make a call." He says to the others and walks away from the group.

"Probably to Coin." Says Gale, looking at me uneasily. I had not forgotten his words in the dining hall those couple weeks back. He didn't trust me and I didn't expect him to.

"It won't matter. The president assigned me herself. She decided the propos needed some heating up." I tell them. They all stare at me wordlessly, shocked that Coin would assign someone as unstable as me.

Don't forget to REVIEW on the way out! Thanks! ~boywithbreadlover