Chapter 1- It Was Autism
Hello everyone! These are a couple of oneshots based on the song "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" by Brian Hyland. I was inspired to write this after hearing the song, my mind wandering to its (admittedly strange) places, and deciding to listen to it on my own! Because I never settle for face value- that is, I refuse to believe that the meaning behind things is what it looks like on the surface- I thought a little more deeply into what the song could be about… and realized that it could be about the consequences of concealing your identity! I have three chapters in mind- one about autism, one about sexuality, and the other about gender identity. Exactly who is what is based on my headcanons.
Now, just as a word of caution- I understand that this could be seen by some as very controversial, and maybe even outright offensive. Please comment/DM me if you see something that you want changed (I will NOT change any headcanons though, although I may change a representation if you think it's more accurate), but, in general, don't like, don't read.
As always, I do not own Hetalia or the song. All rights belong to their respective owners (see end of chapter for citations). I only own the headcanons. Enjoy!
Liechtenstein was afraid to take off her mask; as nervous as a country could be! She was afraid to take off her mask, as she was afraid of someone finding out what she was hiding.
What was she hiding?
It was an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis that she had just obtained today! She had always known that she was different, and felt that it was necessary to hide it, which is known as "masking". Her entire life, Liechtenstein tried to conceal her differences in order to blend in and "pass" as neurotypical, and for the most part, she succeeded! She never thought she acted "autistic"- for instance, she never flapped her hands or had meltdowns in public, and she forced herself to make eye contact. In those ways, she thought she "passed" as neurotypical. Because she was terrified of someone discovering her neurotype, as society has taught her that the dominant neurotype is what is superior and that anything else must be hidden, Liechtenstein decided that she wanted to keep her mask on.
What happened next?
After that fateful appointment, Switzerland (who took her) really needed to go grocery shopping, and he didn't want to drop her off at home before he went, so he felt that he had no choice but to bring her. However, Liechtenstein was afraid to go into the store. She was so scared that she initially refused to enter; at first, she just wanted to stay in the car. Switzerland could see that Liechtenstein was shaking; however, he still made her go into the store with him. Realizing that her big brother was overriding her, Liechtenstein decided that she would offer it up to God, but still masked and clung to Big Brother.
Why was she so scared?
It was her autism! For the first time, Liechtenstein was entering a public space (not counting the waiting room at the psychologist's office) with the knowledge that she is autistic. Because of her knowledge of being autistic, and knowing that there is a reason why she thinks and acts the way she does, she now viewed that as being a bad thing (the way the psychologist explained it to her and Switzerland certainly didn't help her attitude), and she became extremely worried that she would act "weird" and people would have "thoughts" about her for it, so she REALLY wanted to stay in the car, where she believed herself to be safe from judgment.
What happened next?
Now, Liechtenstein's afraid to come out of her room, and Switzerland wonders what she's doing. What she's actually doing- crying, because she felt like she had to keep something hidden that just couldn't hide behind a mask forever.
What did Liechtenstein feel pressured to keep hidden?
It was her autism! That day, for the first time in her life, Liechtenstein had a label for her difference, and she knew it was not one that people generally look upon positively. She tried to cover it up, but eventually, not only was she worried about people having "thoughts" about her, but she also had problems with the noises and lights in the store… eventually it all became too much for her, and she needed to leave. However, she also didn't think that Switzerland would understand why she needed to leave; in her mind, he probably thought that she was lazy, that she just didn't want to help him! So she just offered it up to God and endured it for masking's sake, but really suffered through it; so much, in fact, that by the time she and Switzerland got back into the car, she had just shut down. She couldn't even talk to Big Brother, the person who she adored the most! Switzerland kind of let that go; he's not much of a conversationalist either, and a huge, sudden accident on the highway forced him to take a detour, so he had to focus on finding an alternative route home. Once they got home, Liechtenstein did have the energy to help Switzerland put the groceries away, but after that she NEEDED alone time in her room, and once she got up there she just laid down on her bed and sobbed.
Between the psychologist's office, the car, the store, the car again, and her room, it was a long, energy-sapping day. Liechtenstein had to admit, it felt good to let out those tears that she'd been holding in for what felt like the longest two hours of her life. As frustrated as she was, she had come to the realization that she can't mask forever; she would have to show at least a little bit of her autism in order to function. Sure, the psychologist did say that, if professionals were still using this label, she'd be classified as "high-functioning", but all that really means is that she's better able to mask than other autistic people. The psychologist also voiced some concerns about social anxiety, and said that her masking is an outcome not just of autism, but also of anxiety. In other words, she was so worried about the "thoughts" people might have about her that she couldn't comfortably be herself in public. However, it was because of the masking that Liechtenstein didn't tell Switzerland about her sensory overload, and she ended up leaving the store feeling even worse than when she came in! After that incident, Liechtenstein realized that she could start unmasking simply by advocating for herself.
She and Switzerland would have a chat about this during dinner.
Happy Autism Acceptance Day/Month, everyone! Note that I use the term "acceptance" rather than "awareness"- what autistic people need more than anything else is to be accepted- more on that later. About this chapter- the moral of the story is that forcing autistic people to mask doesn't help them in the long run. It's better to foster a nurturing environment where autistic people feel free to be themselves, and are not embarrassed to ask for what they need (such as escaping an overstimulating environment). Unfortunately, the world is not as accepting as it needs to be. Liechtenstein is aware of this, and has adopted the common strategy of masking (pretending to be neurotypical); however, it has really taken a toll on her mental health, so she realizes that she needs to use different strategies. Although she was upset to find out that she isn't "typical", by the end of this chapter, Liechtenstein has started to accept that, and has begun to think of ways to survive that involve acknowledging her autism.
The reason why I prefer "acceptance" over "awareness" is partially because it seems like awareness is already present! In other words, people know that autism exists, although they might not know as much about it. However, to accept something means to be more than just aware that it exists; it means to treat it as though it belongs in the world, which autism certainly does!
If you are wondering how best to support autistic people, first I'll tell you what NOT to do. First of all, do NOT support Autism Speaks! I understand that they are probably the best-known autism-related organization; however, they don't actually help autistic people. Instead, their mission seems to be to try to cure autism, and, even worse, prevent it, specifically to try to develop a prenatal test so that autistic babies can be aborted. (My feelings on abortion in general may be discussed another time- this is specifically about what Autism Speaks is doing). Now, not everyone whose unborn child "tests positive" for autism will choose abortion, but it definitely increases the chances. Furthermore, I won't get into my feelings on ABA- that's a rant in of itself- but I will say that ABA does not align with my values on neurodiversity. Finally, some time ago, Autism Speaks released an ad (I think that's what it was?) entitled "I Am Autism", and it basically portrays autism as a bad guy who's going to destroy your marriage and cause all kinds of other problems. That is about as ableist as ableist gets… moral of the story, Autism Speaks is bad news! Don't support them! I'll discuss who you should support later.
Also, do NOT use the puzzle piece symbol. (Side note- if you like doing puzzles, then puzzle pieces aren't bad; just don't use them in relation to autism awareness.) The puzzle piece implies that autistic people are broken, that we're "missing" something. However, as an autistic person myself, I will tell you that I am NOT broken, nothing from me is missing. Therefore, implying that I am broken is a microinsult (a type of microaggression in which one receives the message that they are bad because of an identity that they hold). Furthermore, the puzzle piece was endorsed by Autism Speaks (which they got from the Autism Society), and, if you read the previous paragraph, you know how they are! I'll let you know what symbol you SHOULD use later.
Finally, do NOT "light it up blue". Blue itself is not a bad color, but it is if you use it specifically with regards to autism awareness, it's bad. The reason why blue was used to mean autism awareness is because autism was originally thought to only occur in males; however, we now know that is not true, so not only is it ableist, it is also inaccurate and sexist. Furthermore, blue was endorsed as an autism color by… you guessed it, Autism Speaks! Later, I'll tell you what colors you SHOULD use with regards to autism.
So, first of all, who should you support? If I could recommend any organization, it would be the Autism Self-Advocacy Network. Their mission is for autistic people to be included in decisions that affect them, as, in the past, those decisions were typically made by non-autistic people. However, if you do not feel as though you are in a position to donate financially, you don't have to! Instead, you can support individual autistic people simply by letting them be who they are! One good way to do that is by avoiding person-first language ("person with autism" instead of "autistic"). In general, it is better to refer to someone as "autistic" than as a "person with autism", as that helps affirm their identity, and "person with autism" implies that their autism is a disease that must be removed. However, autism is only a disability because society is not set up for us; furthermore, it cannot be removed, as it is part of who we are. (Side note- although most autistic people identify as "autistic", and that is the term that should generally be used when referring to this population, there are some who identify as a "person with autism" or "on the spectrum". In those situations, I would say respect that, and refer to the individual however they prefer.) Also, I would encourage you to educate yourself on autism so you can be better able to support autistic individuals; of course, we are all very different. It's a spectrum! It may be helpful to learn about autism in general, but it's also important to learn what an individual's autism is like, so you can better support those individuals. For example, if you have an autistic significant other who gets really triggered by loud noises, of course, you should always ask for their input, but if it's your turn to suggest a date activity (depending on relationship dynamics, that's different for every couple), maybe suggest something that doesn't involve loud noises? Some obvious examples include concerts and parties, but there may be other things that you might not have even considered, such as stores (it was in a store that Liechtenstein got overstimulated, remember?) or even having the radio on too loud in a car.
If you're wondering what symbol to endorse, I would encourage you to use that neurodiversity infinity sign (you might know what I'm talking about, but if you don't, Google it). This sign acknowledges that our neurological makeups are simply differences in human expression, and that autism/ADHD/what have you are just parts of who we are.
As for a color (remember, colors in of themselves aren't good or bad, it depends on how they're used), use either red (which as chosen by autistic people, not neurotypicals- another problem with blue is that it was chosen by neurotypicals on behalf of autistic people) or yellow (which shows support specifically for autistic girls, women, and non-binary people). Today, I'm wearing a red scrunchie around my wrist, and tomorrow I'll try to wear yellow (depending on what I can find). If at any time in April I wear blue, it is NOT for autism awareness; most of the time, what I choose to wear for the day depends on what I can find, since I'm not exactly the best at keeping my stuff organized.
Yes, I know that was a lot; however, social justice is a very important topic, and neurodiversity is no exception. Therefore, all this NEEDED to be said. I'll aim to have the next two chapters published sometime during Pride Month, since they are about sexuality and gender identity.
References:
Himaruya, Hidekaz. "Hetalia: Axis Powers". 2009. Studio Deen: Dubbed by Funimation. I watch it on 9Anime.
Hyland, Brian. "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini." YouTube.
This idea of "thoughts" came from Social Thinking, which was created by Michelle Garcia Winner. It's a method of teaching autistic people social skills involving having them think about the thoughts of others. Liechtenstein did not receive it, but she is aware that people judge each other all the time (also known as "having thoughts" about them).