Here's the next chapter! Enjoy! I do not own Mockingjay, any direct quotes will be in italics.

Ch. 32

My mind creates something of peace, almost happiness, as my body tries to rest. I feel back in that second before the bomb had exploded and surely Boggs had died, before I had become a monster again.

I feel a battle going on in my head behind the perfect dream of sunsets and mornings baking cakes and long afternoons painting for Katniss. There is a struggle. Memories telling me to love Katniss, memories telling me to hate her. She is beautiful, the way she smiles rarely, how bright her grays eyes are, how she's always so stubborn about everything. I want to hold her, somehow, I want her in my arms again. It's a vague memory of her and I together, our hearts beating as one, and it isn't shiny. It's real, I tell myself.

And I want it, I want it now, or soon. I want to forget about the war and the people fighting. I want to forget that I had ever tried to kill her. I want to forget that Snow wanted to take me away from her. I just want her again. I want the relationship I can't quite remember with a girl my heart aches for all day and night.

It's not long before I remember why I am in this state between consciousness and sleep. It comes to me in little bits and pieces, the laughter before, the long moment of silence while we all knew a bomb was coming, the loud boom, the black smoke, the monster coming back; all of that comes in between good memories. My father teaching me how to frost, the little girl singing the valley song, the man that came by everyday singing a tune so beautiful that the birds were silent, the long nights in a cave I could never forget. It was confusing and it scared me, the way my mind shuffled back and forth between good and bad.

It was a sign, I tell myself, the way my mind handled things. My family, they were long gone, maybe even happy where ever they were.

The loud boom, something scary, disorienting, I felt as if I was falling.

Katniss with her two braids and red dress, singing with so much joy, it was almost heartbreaking, but I wasn't in this picture. She didn't need me then or any time after that. Katniss, the girl that claims to loves me, but looks at me with hatred, is better off with out me in her life.

The black smoke, taking over my eyes, clouding my head, making me lose myself.

Katniss' dad, long gone, like my family, only his presence haunted the whole of District Twelve. With the birds no longer able to listen to something more beautiful than them, it was depressing. But we all got passed it, we got used to just listening to the birds. As will everyone that ever cared about me when I'm gone.

The monster coming back. That's what made me make my final decision. The thing that pushed me over the edge. Haymitch was right, I wasn't safe out here. I should've never been aloud to come, but maybe it was for the best. Because if I had stayed, I wouldn't come to this decision. I knew it all along, that I would have to die, one time or another. I was no longer needed, I was killing innocent people. I didn't need anyone to fight to keep me alive any longer, it was my time to go. Like it was for Mags when she ran into that fog. It was almost peaceful, this conclusion I came to.

The one last memory my mind gave me, the nights in the cave, were one last fighting call to stay alive. There was happiness somewhere, out there, far away in the back of my mind with memories I'm not even sure are true. The cave, such a happy time in a horrible enviroment, not even those memories could force me to stay alive.

"The Mockingjay, Katniss Everdeen, flies no more. This is the best for our country and what we must do to move on from this." My hearing comes back and I listen to a news broadcast. I hear Katniss, obviously they have wrong information. It takes me a while to realize that they think we are dead. I must've missed something while being unconscious.

There's is various comments from different people as they go through the news broadcast, mostly happy. I learn mostly about what happened. They escaped the apartment right before peacekeepers had blown it up. Boggs was dead, Katniss was leading us on a mission to kill Snow, and everyone was tired and confused. It was lucky that we were pronounced dead, we'll have a few hours Jackson murmurs to herself.

I have to remind myself that I will not be able to continue this mission with them. I'll never get to see if Snow is defeated. I know he will though, if Katniss has any say in it he will. The news cast ends, I can almost hear a smile in the Capitol man's voice. It was so exciting to hear that we were dead. They had loved us only a year ago, what had happened?

"So now that we're dead, what's our next move?" Gale asks, I open my eyes. No one is quite sure what to do, I see them searching their minds for something, anything.

"Isn't it obvious?" I say and everyone looks to me, I'm not sure how they seem so composed around me, I had just killed one of their own. Did they really forgive me so easily? Didn't they want me dead?

"Our next move...is to kill me." I say, so easy. I was ready for it, wasn't I?

Well would you look at that, it didn't take me a whole week to update! Woo!

Don't forget to REVIEW on the way out! Thanks! ~boywithbreadlover